Category Archives: frailty

Honestly…?

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I love the Lord, for he heard my voice; he heard my cry for mercy. Because he turned his ear to me, I will call on him as long as I live. The cords of death entangled me, the anguish of the grave came over me; I was overcome by distress and sorrow. Then I called on the name of the Lord; “Lord, save me!”

The Lord is gracious and righteous; our God is full of compassion. The Lord protects the unwary; when I was brought low, he saved me. Return to your rest, my soul, for the Lord has been good to you.

(Ps 116.1-7)

One of [the Pharisees], an expert in the law, tested him with this question: “Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?”

Jesus replied: “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.” This is the first and greatest commandment.

(Matt 22.36-38)

The aim of our charge is love that issues from a pure heart and a good conscience and a sincere faith.

(1Tim 1:5)

I believe that we are called to be honest with one another as fellow pilgrims, and that by doing so, we actually support one another in our journey of faith through a life which will bring many challenges as well and joys. I know for myself that I desperately need to be honest in my relationships, and that where I feel I cannot share, I also feel I cannot truly love.

In this season, where I am floundering and failing, and unable to make a true judgement of my own thoughts, motives and actions, the opportunity to share, and to receive the loving acceptance and true observation of others is an anchor and a blessed comfort to me. Only my heavenly Father sees my heart, mind and deepest motivations, but my fellow pilgrims can tell me if they see obvious sin, rebellion and can also reassure me as to goodness. If others whom I know to be godly, mature and loving believers are able to recognise something of worth in me, then I may be comforted!

I am therefore so thankful for the blessed acceptance and kindness which I received recently from the fellowship of my bible study group – women who don’t really know me, but whose hearts are full of the love of Christ and who seek him.

I am profoundly thankful that I have the example of the psalmists in praying with complete honesty, in casting themselves completely and consistently upon the care of God – taking him at his word and claiming his love, compassion, provision, protection and all other good and necessary things. My Father knows, absolutely knows me, and longs for my honest surrender and offering up of all my confusion, distress and uncertainty.

I am profoundly relieved to know that I am secure upon the foundation which is Jesus Christ, my Lord and Saviour whose complete saving work for me is the only grounds of my security and hope. I could, and do, wish that after all the years of God’s investment in my life, I were a more worthy testament to his goodness.. instead of a building fit for a king, I remain a mere collection of rubble and bricks, with the faintest outline of a structure and no glory to speak of! But my foundation is Christ, and he will not fail me; I am his precious charge and will never be abandoned.

Oh Father, I don’t know what I need; I can’t trust my own understanding or discern the reality of my heart and motivation. I don’t want to stay stuck in this fruitless, stunted condition, a rebuke to the gospel and cause for shame. But I don’t know what to do. In your mercy, be my help and send me the aid that you know I need – let me recognise and embrace it, finding comfort, courage and growing in godliness.

It is only in being filled with love for you that I have any hope for meaning and purpose and joy in the life which remains to me. My zeal is so feeble, and my love so faint – it seems to have little power to hold me in the darkness, and I seem fruitless. I am afraid to ask to love you more, afraid that you might answer through more trials, through pain and suffering. I am ashamed of this fear, but it is very real.

Have mercy on your fearful child, she trembles to ask great things of you, fearing the cost. Forgive her fear, her doubt, and make her love you more – for Jesus’ sake, Amen.

Staying soft-hearted…

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It is good to praise the Lord and make music to your name, O Most High, to proclaim your love in the morning and your faithfulness at night… For you make me glad by your deeds, O Lord: I sing for joy at the work of your hands.

The righteous will flourish like a palm tree, they will grow like a cedar of Lebanon; planted in the house of the Lord, they will flourish in the courts of our God. They will still bear fruit in old age, they will stay fresh and green, proclaiming, “The Lord is upright; he is my Rock and there is no wickedness in him.”

(Ps 92.1&2,4&5,12-15)

Anna, the daughter of Phanuel.. was very old; she had lived with her husband seven years after her marriage, and then was a widow until she was eighty-four. She never left the temple, but worshipped night and day, fasting and praying. Coming up to [Mary and Joseph, with Jesus] at that very moment, she gave thanks to God and spoke about the child to all who were looking forward to the redemption of Jerusalem.

(Lk 2.36-38)

I, John, your brother and companion in the suffering and kingdom and patient endurance that are ours in Jesus, was on the island of Patmos because of the word of God and the testimony of Jesus. On the Lord’s Day I was in the Spirit, and I heard behind me a loud voice like a trumpet, which said: ”Write….”

(Rev 1.9-11)

What kind of older person am I going to be? I don’t have much control over my future health – beyond the sensible stewardship of my physical body which is my responsibility. I don’t have any control over the circumstances which will unfold around me in the coming years. But I do have the gift of God’s spirit within me, and that enables me to ask for wisdom and strength to make good choices about my mind and attitudes. I was deeply challenged recently by a message at church where the preacher warned against cynicism and caution – the natural fruits of long experience of living in a sin-sick world where we are hurt by those we love and trust; where we are disappointed and frustrated, and seem to be baffled in all our good endeavours. It is understandable that we become reluctant to enthuse, to expect, to hope – we find ourselves saying those faithless words, “we tried that before, it doesn’t work”. We become characterised by a bitter, world-weary quality and have the effect of quashing joy and enthusiasm in others. It is not good, not healthy for the body of the church, and also I believe, not necessarily the inevitable outcome of growing old in the Christian life.

Consider the apostle John, called as a teenager by Jesus, and living on into old age in exile on Patmos. Consider John’s letters, which breathe the love of God so eloquently and tenderly; consider this brief phrase – ‘on the Lord’s day I was in the Spirit..’ : in spite of his years, his long experience of persecution, John continued to walk in hope and faith, to expect great things of God. He was always available, and so God used him to speak to the church.

Consider Anna, long widowed and in that culture, that meant long past her usefulness and significance. Consider her faithfulness and hope, as she remained attentive in worship and devoted in prayer to God. In spite of her plight, she loved and trusted the Lord, and so when the infant Messiah was brought to the temple, she was there – there to praise and worship and to spread the word.

These two saints show us what it looks like to remain free from bitterness and cynicism; to bear fruit and remain green in old age. That is what I want to be like, and I know that means I need to pay attention to the roots of caution and cynicism which are so readily established in my mind and heart.

I think that pride is at the root of our cynical thoughts – we don’t want to get our hopes up again only to see them dashed when God fails to do what we want or expect. But who am I to dictate to the Almighty?! We cloak our cynical disbelief under the cover of ‘wise experience’, but actually it is faithlessness. Who am I to say that God is not at work in a particular place, or through a particular ministry? I may not see it, but that has nothing to do with what I am called to do!

Almighty and merciful Father, thank you for your patience with me and your compassion for my weakness. I confess today my ready recourse to cynical self-protection, and recognise it as sin. I confess that I fear to encounter dashed hopes, to see expectations unfulfilled. But I also confess again that you are sovereign, all-powerful to achieve your purposes, and that I am merely mortal, limited in vision and comprehension and as dust before you, my God.

Cleanse me from the roots of cynicism, soften my heart to remain fresh and hopeful in you, because your promises never fail and you will establish your kingdom. May I age with grace and growing confidence in you, being a blessing and not a hindrance to your people in their walk with you. All this I ask for the sake of my saviour, Jesus, that he might be glorified in me, Amen.

Lost in translation…

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Do you think anyone is going to be able to drive a wedge between us and Christ’s love for us? There is no way! Not trouble, not hard times, not hatred, not hunger, not homelessness, not bullying threats, not backstabbing …. None of this fazes us because Jesus loves us. I’m absolutely convinced that nothing – nothing living or dead, angelic or demonic, today or tomorrow, high or low, thinkable or unthinkable – absolutely nothing can get between us and God’s love because of the way that Jesus our master has embraced us.

(Rom 8 38-39; the Message)

O my soul, bless God. From head to toe, I’ll bless his holy name! O my soul, bless God, don’t forget a single blessing!…..

God is sheer mercy and grace; not easily angered, he’s rich in love. He doesn’t endlessly nag and scold, nor hold grudges for ever. He doesn’t treat us as our sins deserve, nor pay us back in full for our wrongs. As high as heaven is over the earth, so strong is his love to those who fear him. And as far as sunrise is from sunset, he has separated us from our sins.

As parents feel for their children, God feels for those who fear him. He knows us inside and out, keeps in mind that we’re made of mud. Men and women don’t live very long; like wildflowers they spring up and blossom, but a storm snuffs them out just as quickly, leaving nothing to show they were here. God’s love, though, is ever and always, eternally present to all who fear him …God has set his throne in heaven; he rules over us all. He’s the king!

(Ps 103, extracts; the Message)

A few weeks ago, I woke in the early hours of the morning and found myself unable to get back to sleep. My mind was full of questions, fretting over issues – none of them actually urgent, and all quite reasonable – and getting into a real state of anxiety and self-condemnation as a result. I decided to get up rather than lie and fight with my rebel-thoughts, and as a result, I heard a  blackbird singing in the darkness, singing because he knew the dawn-light was coming.

O Lord, my compassionate Father, I want to be like this bird, confident in your love in spite of the darkness of grief, sin and evil in this world; at peace and able to surrender the illusion that I have control over my life. Let my mind and heart be gripped by your love so that I grow in wisdom and hope, resilience and usefulness. Let me not fail to know your love even when circumstances seem to conspire against it, and when my spirit quails. Lord , you know that it is hard to believe in your personal love when my life hurts and I am filled with fear, or when I see loved ones suffer and walk away from you.

I read and believe in the truth of the gospel, it is my foundation for life and all my hope is in Jesus. Yet I can’t seem to translate the great truth of that love down into my daily struggles, the need for decisions and action, the continual distracting effect of the pressure of other lives upon mine. I have to be present with people, with my own body in its roles and responsibilities – and when I am present, I seem to have forgotten about You; I just can’t hold the big stuff and the small stuff together in my mind, and it is a bit discouraging. 

How does the reality of my Father’s eternal and secure loving grasp on me get translated into life as a sinner among sinners? How does it make a difference? Perhaps simply asking this question on a regular basis is a good thing, because it forces me to recognise my need for God, and my own inability to do what I desire apart from him!

O Lord, have mercy on me and teach me, make it real for me. I need you to make a difference in all my life – in how I live and deal with an ageing body; in how I live within my marriage and family; in how I resolve tension and make decisions (small and large) about all the practical details and patterns of life. The big picture is so beautiful, but Lord, I can’t just sit and look at it all day every day!! By your spirit, please enable me to be ever more conscious of your presence even as I am immersed in the busy-ness of my life.

So be content with who you are.. God’s strong hand is on you.. Live carefree before God; he is most careful with you. 

(1 Pet 5.6&7; the Message)

Thank you Father that you provide for the gritty realities of our lives, and that your grace never fails. Each new day brings us new opportunities to prove your love, receive your grace and grow in trust. Thank you that it isn’t a one-off thing, but a continual process; help me to go on casting my cares on you, make it my constant practice, a liberating discipline which gradually becomes instinctive, so that your loving care for me is the foundation from which I face each day’s messy reality. Let the great gospel truth so completely permeate my thinking that there is no longer a disconnect between my knowledge of your love in Christ, and my attitude to the smallest challenge. Unify all that I am in godly obedience and joyful trust, for Jesus’ sake, Amen

Reacting to fear…

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The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul.

He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name’s sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.

You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever.

(Ps 23)

“For I am the Lord, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you. Do not be afraid, O worm Jacob, O little Israel, for I myself will help you”, declares the Lord, your redeemer, the Holy One of Israel.

(Isa 41.13&14)

This is love; not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins…If anyone acknowledges that Jesus is the son of God, God lives in him and he in God. And so we know and rely on the love God has for us… There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear…

(1 Jn 4.10,15&18)

The valley of the shadow is the natural home of fear, the habitat of malice and evil. In shadowy places, we feel vulnerable and cannot see what might be pressing close around to threaten us. Fear comes when I feel unsafe, when I or those I love am threatened in any way. Fear is defeated when the threat is revealed to be weaker than I thought, or when something stronger than the threat is discovered which will act to overcome it on my behalf.

In this world of broken beauty, where sin continues to exist, we are all vulnerable and will suffer in many ways. But the gospel teaches me that for all who are safely hidden with Christ, nothing can actually deprive them of that which matters most for eternity – the love of God and our inheritance in glory. The testimony of God’s saints down the generations is that no matter what else it touches, evil cannot touch my salvation. In this overarching view of our lives, it is clear that God’s perfect love for us has the power to drive out all that causes us to fear. But on a day-to-day basis, I know that I continue to be afraid – what am I to do with that fear?

I was recently deeply encouraged to realise that I don’t need to feel guilty about feeling fear.. that may sound foolish, but am I the only one who gets cross with themselves because my knowledge of God’s perfect love somehow doesn’t stop me getting fearful? Surely our faith is in the ongoing work of God in our lives, and like everything else, our fearfulness – a legitimate response to real threats – is actually part of how we are made, a useful tool if we know how to use it, in navigating life with our Lord’s power and presence. It doesn’t mean that I don’t believe in God’s perfect love for me! It is in the very perfection of that love that my hope lies – for my fears as well as for every other aspect of my life until I go home to glory and am fully perfected myself. My God is patient, and knows how I am formed. My Lord knows what it is to be human, to grieve, to fear, to hurt, to hunger, to agonise over the trials of loved ones – all the deepest travails of humankind are held continually up for the compassionate and unfailing love of the Father to be met.

Since then I AM loved perfectly, my ‘fear-reaction’ becomes a spur by which I am driven to meditate on the love and trustworthiness of God, to remember that Christ meets me in my troubles and has known human suffering. IN all the muddly mess of my reactions to threats and grievous wrongs, I am met by God’s loving kindness, patience and understanding. Is this not good news for fearful souls like me?! Fear becomes a means of blessing to me, so its power is stripped away and I am released to walk on in faith. Throughout scripture we find exhortations to God’s people not to be afraid – our frail humanity is met with such gentleness, and never condemnation, only the encouragement to step out in faith and prove God!

Great Shepherd, I do believe your powerful presence is with your people in all their daily walk, and in the darkest valleys which they may walk. I want to walk fearlessly, but I know all too well that my fear erupts spontaneously and can be so hard to combat.. Let me not give up hope of learning to cling to you in my troubles, in such faith and dependence on your love that the fear is drained of its poison and blinding power, and I can indeed walk on, in your strength and your victory over evil. You will deliver me through all my dark valleys – whether I walk, or crawl, or am carried in your strong arms!

Losing it.. or gaining it?

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And God spoke all these words: “I am the Lord your God, who brought you out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery. You shall have no other gods before me.”

(Ex 20.1-3)

Yet I am always with you; you hold me by my right hand. you guide me with your counsel, and afterwards you will take me into glory. 

Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion for ever.

(Ps 73.23-26)

Then Jesus said to his disciples, “If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself an take up his cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it. What good will it be for a man if he gains the whole world, yet forfeits his soul? Or what can a man give in exchange for his soul?”

(Matt 16.24-26)

“The man who loves his life will lose it, while the man who hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life. Whoever serves me must follow me.. My Father will honour the one who serves me”

(Jn 12.25&26)

I have always loved the words of psalm 73, where the author speaks so passionately about his hope in God, and boldly asserts that nothing else really matters to him compared to knowing that this almighty and eternal being is also the One who cares for and keeps hold of the psalmist. When life is calm and comfortable, it can be easy to speak these words, and to believe that I mean them, since my heart’s desire truly is to honour and love God above all other things or beings. But God takes us at our word, and through the circumstances of our lives, He will give us opportunities to put this claim into practice, to learn what it really means to desire God more, and to hold everything else lightly.

As I grow older, and my friends also age, I am watching life become more and more challenging. I see bereavement, chronic illness and pain, the persistent straying of children from their faith, the natural effect of ageing which diminishes strength and capacity, and can even rob us of our identity as our minds succumb to disease. I see people being steadily stripped of all that defined them – their relationships, their hobbies and activities, their service in the church community, their fitness, their cognitive abilities, every semblance of control and agency. What remains? What is the believer being called to do in this season of loss?

The gospel tells us that of ourselves, we have nothing which can win salvation, no merit except what we are offered by God’s grace in Christ Jesus. We are perhaps used to that idea – of having nothing to offer – but how do we react when God chooses to give us the opportunity to live it? This stripping away of all that we naturally hold dear – so many of God’s good gifts, by which He has blessed us and enriched our lives, and enabled us to live and serve him joyfully down the years – what is this season offering me? What am I being invited into?

All that ultimately belongs to me is my identity as God’s child; only His claiming and redeeming of me gives me any significance. But that significance – by His grace in Jesus – is eternal and is the source of life, the life that is real, the divine life which equips me to share in my destiny as God’s child with him in the new earth and heavens. This cannot be stripped away, not even by the loss of cognitive ability which may come to me. This cannot be lost through bereavement or physical degeneration and the limitations of age-related illness and weakness. I AM and always will be, beloved and secure and at home with my Lord, and one day will know the fullness of that life where sorrow, pain and loss are unknown, and all that seems to be lost to me now, is more than restored.

I believe that as I age, and experience all the stripping away of cherished roles, gifts, experiences, I am being offered the opportunity to depend in a wholly new way on the faithfulness of my Heavenly Father, and to rejoice in my identity in Him. As I face loss, I am invited to gain in intimacy with God, in peaceful acceptance of His providence, in mature faith which sees the ever-brightening future glory and trusts for the daily gifts of strength and endurance, joy and hope to reach it.

Dear Father, thank you that you know how much your children shrink from suffering of all kinds, and in your mercy, I pray that we will find help and grace in our time of need. Let our ageing, and all that it brings, work your will in our lives. As we lose, so also may we gain. You have promised that those who follow you will be with you, and that promise is our hope.

Give us daily courage and strength to trust you; in our grief over loss, may we keep on turning to you for aid, to keep us faithful and hopeful, obedient and surrendered to your will. May we prove your faithfulness as we enter this season, and find that although it may look like a wilderness, yet you bring springs of living water to our lips and songs of joy to our hearts as we taste and see how good You are. May we have the honour of witnessing to your faithfulness, and saying with the psalmist that although our heart and flesh have failed, yet you are our all-sufficient portion, for ever. In Jesus’ precious name, Amen.

Accepting that I am responsible..

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Don’t hoard treasure down here where it gets eaten by moths and corroded by rust or – worse – stolen by burglars. Stockpile treasure in heaven, where it’s safe from moth and rust and burglars. It’s obvious, isn’t it? The place where your treasure is, is the place you will most want to be, and end up being.

(Matt 6.19-21)

Celebrate God all day, every day. I mean, revel in him! Make it as clear as you can to all you meet that you’re on their side, working with them and not against them. Help them see that the Master is about to arrive. He could show up any minute!

Don’t fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God’s wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It’s wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the the centre of your life.

Summing it all up, friends. I’d say you’ll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious – the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse. Put into practice what you learned from me, what you heard and saw and realised. Do that, and God, who makes everything work together, will work you into his most excellent harmonies.

(Phil 4.4-9)

Let me start by making one thing quite clear.. I am NOT in any way advocating salvation by works! I believe that saving faith in Jesus Christ as Lord is the only means by which God has ordained that people should come into his family and kingdom. So what do I mean by the acceptance of responsibility?

Well, I was challenged recently by words spoken in a YouTube video by the author and teacher, Beth Moore, who was exhorting us as believers to take responsibility for ourselves. And by this she referred to the daily realities which we face, of choices about how we spend our time, what our priorities are, and whether or not we choose to continually reorientate ourselves towards our heavenly Father. As a beloved daughter of the King of Kings, forgiven and cherished, I can come with shameless boldness into the throne room, a boldness arising out of the security which Christ’s death has won for me. How shameful it would be if I disregarded the sacrifice of Jesus, and hung back as though something more were needed to make me welcome in my Father’s house!

Taking responsibility for myself then means to recognise that I still have a choice every day, and in every situation. Will I melt into a puddle of self-pity, making myself the victim of circumstances? Or will I recognise that as someone made alive in Christ, released from slavery to sin, I have access to the eternal power of God to transform me and to sustain me in every situation? I stand in a direct and intimate relation to this powerful and loving God, and it is to Him alone that I look for aid – not to any friend, spouse, family member or faith leader. What will I choose to do? I pray for courage and faith to stand on my own feet, putting myself over and over again into God’s hands, and affirming my surrender to His will and purposes.

He is my rescuer, and my master and I am called to be his faithful labourer – neither a spectator nor a passive unthinking slave.  As I discipline myself to live intimately with God – through prayer and growing absorption of the truth revealed to us in the bible – then I am responsibly doing what I can do, in order for God to do what only He can! I make it my business to be in the place where I am surrendered to his work, hearing his voice, and allowing nothing to prevent his word from changing my whole being.

Heavenly Father, thank you for reminding me that I am invited by you into a loving relationship, and that as your daughter, I am at home with you always. I pray that your Spirit would work in me to cleanse me from a readiness toward self-pity, towards blaming others and expecting them to fix me!

Help me to recognise that in you, I am offered transforming power, saving love, and eternal hope – and as I learn the daily habits which keep me turning towards and not away from you, this power is at work. Let me be mature in faith, that maturity which recognises how completely dependent I am on you, and chooses to seek and trust you first in every situation.

Thank you for the sufficiency of the saving work of my Lord Jesus, in whose name I pray, Amen.

Discipline – the blessings of duty

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“Do the next thing”… Many a questioning, many a fear, many a doubt hath its quieting here. Moment by moment, let down from heaven, time opportunity, guidance are given. Fear not tomorrows, child of the King, trust them with Jesus, “Do the next thing.”

Do it immediately; do it with prayer; do it reliantly, casting all care; do it with reverence, tracing his hand who placed it before thee with earnest command. Stayed on Omnipotence, safe’neath his wing, leave all resultings, “Do the next thing.”

(author unknown)

Don’t fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God’s wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It’s wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the centre of your life.. Summing it all up, friends, I’d say you’ll do best by filling your ids and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious – the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse…

(Phil 4.6-8; the Message)

Instead of looking at the fashions, walk out into the fields and look at the wildflowers. They never primp or shop, but have you ever seen colour and design quite like it?.. If God gives such attention to the appearance of wildflowers – most of which are never even seen – don’t you think he’ll attend to you, take pride in you, do his best for you? What I’m trying to do here is to get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God’s giving…. Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don’t worry about missing out.

(Matt 5.28-33; the Message)

What do you do when the background noise of your mind becomes overwhelmingly negative? Where do you go with the distressing feelings, and the sense of failing God that accompanies awareness of our sin and weakness? Well, perhaps the apostle Paul would class such things under the heading of ‘worries’, and thus we can look to his advice to shape those worries into prayer, to take the reality of our feelings and bring them into the presence of our loving Father for his comfort and reassurance.

If, like me, you find those ‘worries’ remarkably persistent in spite of prayer, it is good to cultivate the discipline of reminding ourselves that our feelings do not control us. They are strong, sometimes to an overwhelming degree. BUT, God tells us that they are lying if they deny our salvation; if they suggest that somehow Jesus’ sacrifice is not enough for one as hopeless as ourselves. The Cross is truly sufficient for every sinner, even for the feeblest saint who spends rather too much of their time lying face down in the dust, wanting to just die and get it all over with because they are so ashamed and fed up of their own weakness.

Alongside that discipline – which can be extremely hard to practice – comes the blessing of routine chores and the duties which we owe to those around us. I call them blessings because it is as we continue to fulfil our responsibilities – choosing to be faithful, practical, thoughtful for the care of others – that God often brings us relief, not least by distracting us from our own unhappiness! Those duties and responsibilities are what the unknown author of the quoted verses is referring to as ‘the next thing’ – covering every possible task and requirement which we have to face each day. I am so grateful for a home to care for, a garden to tend (there are always a great many ‘next things’ to be done there!); an extended family with whom to communicate and to support; a christian family to join in worship and service; and the never ending task of intercession for a world whose essential beauty and goodness is marred so deeply by the consequences of human sin.

Almighty and Loving Father in heaven, how I thank you for the duties and opportunities of each new day, for the blessing of having many ‘next things’ to keep me from dwelling on my own unhelpful thoughts and feelings. Thank you that the ultimate reality of my place as your beloved child is not threatened by those feelings. Thank you that your Spirit is at work to make me ever more steady and secure in my identity as your precious new-made daughter. Thank you that the well of your grace never runs dry; and even the feeblest, slowest and most easily distracted of your children will one day come home to sweetest rest in glory with you. Help us not to give up, help us to keep on doing ‘the next thing’ until there truly is no more to be done and you call us to yourself. In Jesus’ name and for his glory we pray, Amen.

How to bridge the gap

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O Thou in whom all my fathers trusted and were not put to confusion, rid my heart now of all vain anxieties and paralysing fears. Give me a cheerful and buoyant spirit, and peace in doing Thy will; for Christ’s sake, Amen

(Jn Baillie, A Diary of Private Prayer, OUP 1936)

Good friend, don’t forget all I’ve taught you; take to heart my commands…. Don’t lose your grip on love and loyalty. tie them around your neck; carve their initials on your heart.. Trust God from the bottom of your heart; don’t try to figure out everything on your own. Listen for God’s voice in everything you do, everywhere you go; he’s the one who will keep you on track. Don’t assume that you know it all. Run to God! Run from evil!

(Prov 3.1-7: the Message)

While Jews clamour for miraculous demonstrations and Greeks go in for philosophical wisdom, we go right on proclaiming Christ, the Crucified. Jews treat this like an anti-miracle – and Greeks pass it off as absurd. But to us who are personally called by God himself – both Jews and Greeks – Christ is God’s ultimate miracle and wisdom all wrapped up in one. Human wisdom is so tinny, so impotent, next to the seeming absurdity of God. Human strength can’t begin to compete with God’s weakness….. Everything we have – right thinking and right living, a clean slate and a fresh start – comes from God by way of Jesus Christ.

(1 Cor 1.22-30: the Message)

In the beginning, when God made humankind, the bible tells us that He was pleased with his handiwork. Adam and Eve were called to be stewards of creation, to act as God’s regents, reigning in their place as his people and exercising a benevolent and fruitful care for all that is made. We were made well, and although we rebelled and have rejected God’s authority over us, that truth remains. Humanity is called to be great, because we are made by a great God who has great purposes for us in His eternal story.

As a saved sinner, one who has accepted Jesus as Lord, I have to remember that I too am made well, made to serve my God and to flourish for Him in this world. While sin remains, and until the new creation is unveiled, I will struggle with my own weakness and the sin of others as these impact our world – but the truth remains, I am made well and in Jesus, I give glory to my maker.

To be wise – as the bible would define it – is to know how to live well in this world, with myself and those around me and ultimately with God. And that wisdom is fully and perfectly expressed in Jesus, who not only points the Way to God, but IS the Way; who not only shares and reveals truth about God, but IS Truth and truly God; who offers us life not by some rules and regulations, but in himself, who IS the Life everlasting, the life which belongs to God’s divine nature. To be wise then, is to have Jesus as Saviour and Lord, reigning in our lives and transforming us day by day into his wise-likeness.

As we accept that calling, to find life in Jesus, receiving him as God’s wisdom for our needs, we are equipped to live well in the world – peacefully, fruitfully, hopefully and attractively – shining the light of Christ for others to see and join us in God’s family. Jesus told his followers that as they held fast to him and practiced his teaching, they would know the truth and be set free from the power of sin to bind, distort, torment, and lay waste all their potential. They would know that great richness of life which comes from being in right relationship to God, with sin forgiven and a Spirit-led hunger to know and please our Maker.

This is where we find the bridge, the path from where we were in our sin, to where God has called and made us to be – fully alive, delighting in him, eager to share his love and to enjoy all his good gifts. This is the kind of life to which I aspire, and so I continue to pray for wisdom to grow in me, continue to strive to learn each day what it means to reject the bonds of sin, fear, and guilt.

Oh Father God, have mercy on your daughter in her awareness of failure, her disappointment with herself, and grief over failing you. Forgive and restore her to joy in salvation, in hope in your transforming power, and confidence in Jesus. Bridge that gap between her understanding of the truth, and her lived experience of it, so that her faith becomes buoyant, and she is set free from fear. In Jesus’ powerful name, Amen.

It’s not a performance, it’s a gift…

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Still the night, holy the night! Sleeps the world; hid from sight, Mary and Joseph in stable bare watch o’er the child beloved and fair, sleeping in heavenly rest…..

Still the night, holy the night! Shepherds first saw the light, heard resounding clear and long, far and near, the angel-song, ‘Christ the Redeemer is here!’….

Still the night, holy the night! Son of God, O how bright love is smiling from thy face! Strikes for us now the hour of grace, Saviour since thou art born!’

( Mohr, 1792-1848, translated by S.A. Brooke, 1832-1916)

But now that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves to God, the benefit you reap leads to holiness, and the result is eternal life. For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.

(Rom 6.22-23)

But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions – it is by grace you have been saved… For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith – and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God – not by works, so that no-one can boast. 

(2Cor 2.4,5,8&9)

As a Jesus-believer, I look forward to celebrating his birth into our world, remembering with awe and thankfulness the magnitude of that step from unimagineable glory, to the tiny compass, and total helplessness of a human infant. I am grateful that our culture provides time to focus on the story, pondering what it meant, and means, for all humanity that God became one who lived and lives among us.

BUT…. I am aware that for many believers, there is an expectation, a pressure that every year they should achieve a state of heightened spiritual awareness, a transcendent calm and detachment from the busy-ness and daily uncertainties which comprise our lives. Perhaps some people do manage, every year, to reach this condition of super-spirituality, and to pass the season in serene contemplation and worship. Personally, I do not.. and I believe it can be a dangerous expectation to entertain, a foothold by which the enemy of our souls will undermine and condemn us as lacking true faith and spirituality, when we just plod on with the challenges of each day, not feeling very joyful, or serene.

Did God say that we must achieve this super-spiritual state every Christmas and Easter season? Does it say anywhere in our scriptures that we are to generate a particular group of feelings? No! The glorious and grounding reality is not in any way related to our feelings, but is based in facts, in truths which are as immutable as God himself, and as different from human fallibility and fickleness as can be imagined! If we let ourselves believe the lie that somehow every real Christian ‘gets’ Christmas in some transcendent ways, then we are letting ourselves in for serious trouble – as lies usually do. But it is not necessary to screw ourselves up to some heightened emotions in order to properly give thanks, to worship and sit for a little in awed silence before Mary’s infant son.

If our lives in any given advent season do lend themselves to giving extra time to meditating on the truth, soaking up the music and letting God speak to our hearts in an unhurried way, that’s marvellous! But it is also quite acceptable for believers to sincerely celebrate and worship without that luxury, to experience no particularly intense joys, and yet still be blessed and nourished as they share when they can in singing and retelling the story. We are not being judged on our ‘performance’ as believers in that sense, and our best response to the gift of God in Jesus is humble, quiet and relieved acceptance. We can add nothing to what he has done for us, and the grace poured out in Christ by God covers all our needs.

Father, loving and tender-hearted refuge of my aching soul, hear your daughter this night. She is weary, shot through with bitter griefs and the beauty of Christmas music brings floods of tears. She is not serene, or calm but often sad and uncertain. Thank you that her salvation is still secure because it is not dependent on her feeling the right sensations, or striving to enter a particular state of mental tranquility!

The hour of grace has struck for her, for all the weary ones for whom the season brings such mixed feelings of gladness and sadness, hope and grief. Grace is ours now because Christ is born, and there is our true peace, one which lies deep beneath the stormy waves and cannot be taken from us. Thank you..

We are family…

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While Jesus was still talking to the crowd, his mother and brothers stood outside, wanting to speak to him. Someone told him “Your mother and brothers are standing outside, wanting to speak to you.” He replied to him, “Who is my mother, and who are my brothers?” Pointing to his disciples, he said, “Here are my mother and my brothers. For whoever does the will of my Father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother.”

(Matt 12.46-50)

The elder [John], to the lady chosen by God and to her children, whom I love in the truth – and not I only, but also all who know the truth – because of the truth, which lives in us and will be with us forever. Grace, mercy and peace from God the Father and from Jesus Christ, the Father’s Son, will be with us in truth and love. It has given me great joy to find some of your children walking in the truth, just as the Father commanded us. And now, dear lady, I am not writing you a new command but one we have had from the beginning. I ask that we love one another. And this is love, that we walk in obedience to his commands. As you have heard from the beginning, his command is that you walk in love…. the children of your sister, who is chosen by God, send their greetings.

(2 Jn 1-6&13)

As I reflect on the week which is passing, I am aware of three very different situations where I have been deeply blessed by and aware of my faith family. I have written before about the riches which we have as believers, belonging to the family of God, where all find love, acceptance and significance – and I rejoice today in these recent reminders of what I have been given – and can give – within that family.

I was in a sore state of mind, bewildered and troubled, and shared my need with trusted sisters. One spoke with me, others sent messages, songs and assurance of prayer.. and the storm passed, I was eased and comforted, and give thanks for these women, with whom I share so deeply and to such effect. Their wisdom, love and kindness is God’s care for me in troubled days – what a blessing!

I attended a local mission prayer meeting for the first time, and met a dear and venerable saint of 94 years, a frail widower, but inspiring in his faith and perseverance; in his desire to love the Lord and to witness to his community and pray for the growth of the kingdom worldwide. This man knew my parents and my home church, I attended university with his daughter, and our meeting brought a rich feast of memories, connections, reasons for rejoicing. I was full of thanksgiving for the privilege of being known by him, of mattering to him for the sake of my parents whom he loved. These fathers and mothers in our faith family, these darling elders who are already more than halfway to glory are such a blessing to us, like the heroes and heroines of faith named in the book of Hebrews. And his gentleness and love brought me almost to tears… what an example of how to grow old in Christ!

And last night, we were able for the first time to offer hospitality in our home to members of our new congregation.. people who six months ago were strangers are now friends, people who have a right to share our joys and sorrows, even as we know theirs… because we are family, we belong together. This is what it means to love, to belong to the house of God, being the children whom his Son saved and gladly owns as his brothers and sisters.

Today then, I give thanks for the heritage of faith – for family connections down the years through my parent’s faithfulness and hospitality in their church; for the riches of growing up in a praying, mission minded family of faith, surrounded by  parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles, cousins, siblings, children and grandchildren of faith. I give thanks for the kids and young adults who once camped with us, and are now believing parents in turn sending their children to camp. I love and cherish these elders, contemporaries of my parents now modelling faithful ageing and trust in the Lord in face of death. What a shared wealth of memories of fellowship and teaching, what an incredible family we belong to! These bonds which transcend time create a family tie which nothing can break, and establish each and every believer in a world wide, generation-crossing love, a foretaste of glory and the life to come, when age and death will no longer divide us.