Category Archives: acceptance & rest

Grey hair and laughter lines..

Show me, O Lord, my life’s end and the number of my days; let me know how fleeting is my life. You have made my days a mere handbreadth; the span of my years is as nothing before you.

(Ps 39.4&5)

Lord, you have been our dwelling-place throughout all generations. Before the mountains were born or you brought forth the earth and the world, from everlasting to everlasting you are God…for a thousand years in your sight are like a day that has just gone by, or like a watch in the night. You sweep men away in the sleep of death; they are like the new grass of the morning – though in the morning it springs up new, by evening it is dry and withered.

(Ps 90.1,2,4-6)

The righteous will flourish like a palm tree..planted in the house of the Lord, they will flourish…they will still bear fruit in old age, they will stay fresh and green, proclaiming, “The Lord is upright; he is my Rock, and there is no wickedness in him.”

(Ps 92.12-15)

Grey hair is a crown of splendour; it is attained by a righteous life.

(Prov. 16.31)

The glory of young men is their strength, grey hair the splendour of the old.

(Prov 20.29)

Listen to me, O house of Jacob, all you who remain of the house of Israel, you whom I have upheld since you were conceived, and have carried since your birth. Even to your old age and grey hairs I am he, I am he who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you;  I will sustain you and I will rescue you.

(Isa 46.3&4)

“I am not what I ought to be, I am not what I want to be, I am not what I hope to be in another world; but still I am not what I once used to be, and by the grace of God I am what I am.”

(John Newton)

One of the temptations to which I most readily succumb is to be disappointed in the apparent lack of difference which my life has made in the world and lives of people around me. When I put it down like this, I can laugh at such arrogance, at the pride which looks for validation on the basis of a list of achievements…and yet the underlying discontent remains.

It is perhaps more pathetic than ridiculous for a middle-aged woman to look back on her life and feel she has somehow missed out on her big mission. I have stopped reading the blogs and magazines which portray others who have ‘found’ themselves and their purpose in life, who are doing big things and giving off an aura of accomplishment and fulfilment – because it only feed my discontent. Is this right thinking for a follower of the Lord Jesus, whose mission was to give his life to serve, to pour himself out in love according to the Father’s will?

I have seen discontent in the lives of others; it is ugly, distorting everything good and beautiful, and destroying peace. I am afraid of growing ugly in that way, instead of beautiful with the crown which belongs to God’s ageing children – the increasing serenity of one who has learnt that she can trust God to meet her needs and has nothing to prove or regret. I want to remain – as the psalmist puts it – green and fruitful in my remaining years, perhaps more fruitful than before since I see so little yet…

The key to this will be accepting the place and role which I have been given; trusting that if God has something new and different for me to do then he can and will make it plain; and above all conquering the shameful pride which in so many ways still seeks to make a name, to make an impact and do something big for God.

I am fully accepted by the Father, delighted in and cherished. I have his assurance that he will carry me into the years ahead – no matter what they may hold – and the promise of eternal life with him. I am free from caring what others think of me, because the only opinion that matters is that of my Father and he calls me his beloved, holy child.

Oh Lord God, I am not what I should be, not what your love spurs me on to desire to be. But what I am, is all by your grace and in itself is cause for great thanksgiving. Let my restless desire to glorify and serve you be channelled increasingly and effectively into those areas of life and service which are mine now, instead of wasted on wondering where I ought to be. Let me be content dear Lord, for the sake of your glory, the blessing of my family and  community and my own peace of spirit, with the life you have given me, and the small things which are my portion. Let the days and years which you have left for me be marked by growing contentment and delight in you, and in doing whatever you give me – regardless of its apparent significance. Let me have the privilege of bearing fruit yet for you, of using all you have given me to the best of my ability in the place you have appointed. And above all let me be content to let you be the judge of the value of my life – not the world’s standards, nor my own, but only you.

 

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When words fail us..

When Job’s three friends..heard about all the troubles that had come upon him, they set out…. to comfort him. Then they sat on the ground with him for seven days and seven nights. No one said a word to him, because they saw how great his suffering was.

(Job 2.11&13)

You have put me in the lowest pit, in the darkest depths. Your wrath lies heavily on me; you have overwhelmed me with all your waves. You have taken from me my closest friends and have made me repulsive to them. I am confined and cannot escape; my eyes are dim with grief…You have taken from me friend and neighbour – darkness is my closest friend.

(Ps 88.6-9&18)

For those who are led by the Spirit of God are the children of God. The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship. And by him we cry, “Abba, Father.” The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God’s children…..In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God.

(Rom 8. 14-17, 26&27)

What grace is ours; that we should be called beloved sons and daughters of the Living God, that his Spirit within us should burn with our spirits and prompt us to cry out in love, hope and joy to our heavenly Father!

What security is ours; that no matter how black the darkness around us, or bleak the prospect before us, his Spirit within is continually speaking to God for us, we are never forgotten or forsaken by the Almighty!

It is tremendously reassuring to know that we are on the Lord’s side, together with him against the forces of evil, and the brokenness which blights our world and the lives within in. It is all because He has called us, saved and transformed us, and it is our dependence upon his power which keeps us safe – not our own strength. Indeed, our greatest strength is the speed with which we run to his arms and cry for help and shelter and for his deliverance on our behalf.

But sometimes, in our darkness of spirit, in the anguish we feel for loved ones who are suffering; or in bewilderment at the fresh expressions of evil which are presented to us daily in the media, we are unable to find expression for our prayers. We may be stunned into silence of spirit, plunged into an unforseen pit of despair and trouble, ambushed by pain…but the Spirit of God within us is never disarmed, silenced or confused about the Lord’s will. What comfort, to know that even in our silence, we are prayed for, lifted upon the heart of God, and our foundational desire for his will to be done, and his kingdom to come is being interpreted by the Holy Spirit before the throne of the Almighty.

We can pray with passion and in every situation which challenges, bewilders and hurts us, knowing that as we submit our requests – whatever they may be – and ask for God’s will to be done, we recognise that only He can work all things together for good. We are not to be afraid to pray in case we get it wrong, but rather beseech God to be at work in the ways He knows are needful, and in bringing our requests to him we recognise that our discernment will be faulty. That’s ok, let us never allow our limitations to become an excuse for withholding our prayers!

The Spirit interceding for us is not a reason for us to neglect to pray, but rather an encouragement to persevere. As God’ beloved children, it is natural and right that we should want to talk with him, to share our joys and sorrows, and to be blessed by thinking about him and being with him. This is like the conversations we have – or had – around the table with our own families, everyone sharing without fear, knowing they are loved and their concerns matter. But there are also times when we just need to hold someone, or be held – when there are no words and we need comfort and reassurance – that is what I imagine Paul is talking about when he speaks of the Spirit interceding for us. Our intense need is interpreted by the Spirit’s groans, and our Father’s arms are around us, secure and strong to save.

Praise God, for the free access we have to his loving presence at all times; for the assurance that all our prayers – spoken and silent, articulate or inexpressible – are interpreted according to his will for his glory and our blessing. Let us come without fear, come trusting His power and will to bless us, and be glad in having such a God upon whom to cast all our cares.

To do lists…

Oh, how I love your law! I meditate on it all day long. Your commands are always with me and make me wiser than my enemies. I have more insight than all my teachers, for I meditate on your statutes.

(Ps 119.97-99)

Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God – this is your true and proper worship.

(Rom 12.1)

Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers.

(Gal 6.9&10)

And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people..

(Eph 6.18)

Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving.

(Col.3.23&24)

And we urge you, brothers and sisters, warn those who are idle and disruptive, encourage the disheartened, help the weak, be patient with everyone. ..always strive to do what is good for each other and for everyone else. Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.

(1Thess.5.14-18)

Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves….whoever looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues in it – not forgetting what they have heard, but doing it – they will be blessed in what they do.

(Jm 1.22&25)

One of the most insidious weapons which the devil uses against me – and very possibly against many other believers – is to play on my desire to glorify God in my life, my desire to become more like Jesus.

Does that sound like a contradiction? I can assure you it is not. This very good and proper thing – like so many other good things – can be manipulated and twisted into a weapon which disables the believer and causes them endless trouble. I know, because it happens to me so often.

The great love of God for me, his grace in forgiving and making me a child in his family, call forth a response of love, of a hunger to please him and show how much I value all that I have been given, and also how amazing he is. This is very right and proper…but then with a very clever twist, the devil gets me to begin thinking about just what that right response should look like in my life – what is the “right” thing to do here and now? For an over-thinker, a perfectionist, and one who hates to upset anyone, that question is a lethal, paralysing power that goes straight to my heart and destroys my peace.

Firstly, the list of things which we are called to ‘do’ in response to our calling as redeemed children of God is quite daunting – so much to be prayed(continually?!) for, so much scripture to be meditated on (day and night!); so many people in physical and spiritual need to be reached out and ministered to. How does anyone manage to hold down a full-time job, run a family, pursue their God-given talents and skills in recreation, as well as doing these things which are commanded? How can I hold conversations with people at the same time as praying continually? How can I study and write essays, or take part in meetings and make business decisions at the same time as meditating on scripture?

When I put it that way, you can see it is nonsense, and since God has called us to interact with people, to serve him in our labours, to be godly parents, spouses, siblings, then these things also must be right. But just how does it work in practice? Perhaps now you see why I described it as a ‘paralysing’ question?!

Secondly, when I begin to think about prayer and scripture meditation, about serving others and sharing the gospel, I am invariably overwhelmed by the awareness that I do none of these things ‘as well as other people’. That is a dangerous phrase – when you hear it in your thoughts, take warning and realise that the devil is needling at your peace of mind, at your acceptance as a child of God and perfect in his sight.

I do not have answers to this challenge, I live with the questions; what does God desire that I should do with the limited time, talents and opportunities he has given me?

But I take great comfort from the word given to the Colossians – “Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord…” – and from the sure knowledge that God sees my heart, and understands my weaknesses. Let me learn to trust his grace to be sufficient – I can never be ‘right’ in what I do, and that is ok with him, because his strength is made perfect, seen most clearly, in all the ways that he does things ‘right’, weaving all my best efforts into his beautiful whole.

They don’t have to be perfect…

Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the faith God has distributed to each of you. For just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, so in Christ we, though many, form one body, and each member belongs to all the others. We have different gifts, according to the grace given to each of us.

(Romans 12.3-6)

Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving.

(Col.3.23&24)

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing in Christ. For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love, he predestined us for adoption to sonship through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will – to the praise of his glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One he loves. In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God’s grace that he lavished on us with all wisdom and understanding.

(Eph. 1.3-8)

Some of you may know that over the last year, I have undertaken some further study – returning to academic labours after nearly 30 years – and have found the process more than a little challenging. It has been very illuminating to discover just how much latent pride in my own achievements continues to lurk – and there is no other explanation for the way I react to a less than excellent grade in my assignments. Classmates and lecturers assure me that I am doing extremely well, but for some reason, I cannot rest in “good enough” and instead fall prey to disappointment that I have failed to excel. Deep in my spirit, there is some seat of judgement which holds everything I do up to a standard of perfection, and then condemns me to the bitterness of failure when – of course – I do not reach it.

I am ashamed at this behaviour, and hope that as I progress with the course so I will also find that this inner judge is dethroned, and replaced instead by the only one whose opinion of me really matters – my heavenly father. I believe that as a follower of Jesus, it is not right for me to be so unreasonably severe on myself – to fail to show to myself the grace, acceptance and forgiveness which is so freely offered by God, the perfect one, himself. If he does not condemn me for less than perfect grades, then I must not do it for myself!! I have spent years telling my children that I love them not for how well they do, but for who they are – and does my heavenly father not love me in this way too?!

I have my own gifts, character, strengths and weaknesses; I also have my own work to do in the place to which God has called me – and I am utterly secure in his love, forgiven for all my sins and failures, everything taken carefully into account in God’s perfect plan for me, so that I am free to work hard, sin and fail, strive and achieve, all with a peaceful and cheerful heart! I DO NOT HAVE TO BE PERFECT, and I am praying that I might learn more fully what that means for daily life, so that I can be free from the bitterness of inappropriate disappointment with myself.

May God in his mercy be at work powerfully to transform my understanding, so that I might show in my life the freedom which is mine through Christ – the freedom of a daughter of the King of kings, who may hold her head high knowing that no matter how strong the feelings of being unloved, unworthy and inadequate might be, they are only feelings. The fact of my status in Christ remains, and on this I stand, amazed, overjoyed, and free…

 

Celebrating the ordinary

Then I realised that it is good and proper for a man to eat and drink, and to find satisfaction in his toilsome labour under the sun during the few days of life God has given him – for this is his lot. Moreover, when God gives any man wealth and possessions, and enables him to enjoy them, to accept his lot and be happy in his work – this is a gift of God..

(Ecclesiastes 5.18&19)

Praise the Lord, O my soul. O Lord my God, you are very great; you are clothed with splendour and majesty. (The Lord) waters the mountains from his upper chambers; the earth is satisfied by the fruit of his work. He makes grass grow for the cattle, and plants for man to cultivate – bringing forth food from the earth: wine that gladdens the heart of man, oil to make his face shine, and bread that sustains his heart.

(Psalm 104. 1,13-15)

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

(Philippians 4.6&7)

What does it take to make you realise how many gifts you receive daily from the hand of God? I know that I sit far too lightly to the bounty which is bestowed upon me constantly, and am guilty of a perverse and persistent discontent, recklessly discounting so many good things.

Perhaps you have suffered periods of illness, been confined to your bed, or to the house, even unable to move independently. Is it not the case that in the early days of your restoration to health and freedom of movement, you rejoiced in every step, every breath of fresh air? I know that has been my experience, and there is some faint memory of the depth of my gratitude for the gift of health and physical strength. But it quickly fades, and we become impatient of lingering weaknesses, or inexplicable aches and pains, choosing to focus on the negatives instead of rejoicing in the good things we have.

Perhaps you have been deprived of the company of those you love for a long period of time – due to work commitments, study arrangements, or even just the natural process by which children grow up to leave home.. How sweet it is to be reunited, to see their faces, feel their hands in ours, have their physical presence once again. And how long before their habits, their opinions, all those little things that are not quite to our liking begin to irritate us, and we long for their absence?

What fickle creatures we are, how much in this regard we fall short of the image of God in us! Our God never tires of his people – think of that for a moment…NEVER! In our most irritating moments, when we have chosen for the umpteenth time to disregard his loving care and to resent his directing of our lives – even then, he is waiting patiently for us to turn again in repentance and glad desire for a fresh start in his company along the road which he knows is best for us. We have so much to learn from him in the ways that we receive and celebrate one another – may we grow in this accepting and affirming love, willing always to see the good, and to build up our brothers and sisters in Christ.

Not every one of God’s children has enough to eat and drink, not all have the shelter and peace they need to thrive. But if those of us who do have these things fail to give thanks and appreciate them, does that help anyone? Of course not! In fact, the more grateful we are for what we have, the more aware we are of those who do not, and the more generously we will seek ways in which we may meet those needs. The gift of contented gratitude for all we receive is not one which should anaesthatise, but rather galvanise us, into reaching out to others.

Let us give thanks for simple food, seeking to restrain our greed so that we may provide for those who hunger and thirst.

Let us give thanks for health and strength, seeking to resist self-indulgence so that we may serve others whose bodies are not so vigorous.

Let us give thanks for our gifts, no matter how insignificant they may seem, so that we recognise we too have things which our God desires to use to bless his people.

Let us give thanks for the gift of contentment, recognising that God has freed us from the prison of envy and  that our personal worth is not determined by our possessions, looks, career or anything except the priceless sacrifice of Jesus for us.

Contented people are able to serve others gladly, selflessly, sacrificially and joyfully because their worth is in Christ; their peace comes from knowing him and trusting him to do all things well.

God grant us this gift of grateful content, that we may freely give…

 

 

Try resting..

It is good to praise the Lord and make music to your name, O Most High, to proclaim your love in the morning and your faithfulness at night..For you make me glad by your deeds, O Lord; I sing for joy at the work of your hands…The righteous will flourish like a palm tree, they will grow like a cedar of Lebanon; planted in the house of the Lord, they will flourish in the courts of our God. They will still bear fruit in old age, they will stay fresh and green, proclaiming, “The Lord is upright; he is my Rock and there is no wickedness in him.”

(Psalm 92.1,2,3,4&12-15)

He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.”

(Psalm 91.1&2)

Twenty four years ago this week, my husband and I arrived in the little village in this picture to spend the first days of our married life, and we attended the church during our visit. We had no particular reason for choosing this place, other than that we thought no one would recognise either of us! This village is now one of three centres of worship in our parish, and I come here every Sunday evening to meet with fellow believers (in a different building), to worship the God whose ways are truly beyond our understanding! This is a place where I now delight to be at home, to be known and recognised.

It is marvellous to me to look back, and to acknowledge that my Heavenly Father knows so much better than I do what is right and good, so that all the ways he has led us over the years have brought us to this place at the right time. Two city born folk, finding themselves utterly at home in this remote seaside parish; adjusted completely to the intricately connected community way of living, and thankful for the slower pace of life. Truly, our God is wise in all his ways, and his works are a source of gladness to his grateful children.

It is good for us, when in times of uncertainty and adjustment, or seeking God’s way for our lives, to look back and consider all the paths he has led us down to reach this current resting place. It is good to catch the racing thoughts, the anxious internal conversations, and to bring them still into the moment, the present, and turn them into thankful prayer to God for his untiring, unfailing goodness.

As I consider the pattern of my life here, and continue to seek God’s guidance as to how my time is best spent, I am tempted to worry and fret – and that achieves nothing, while making me at the same time very unhappy and unpleasant to live with. When I give in to this temptation, the devil wins and peace is lost.

Thanks be to God, that he uses many things to catch our attention and draw us back to himself, unflagging in his determination to bless us and help us to grow in resilient, obedient faith. So today, as I laboured in my garden, I was able to silence the relentless internal complaint, and to rest in the moment that the Lord was giving me; sunshine on my back, strength in my arms and legs, soil to dig and plants to nourish and enjoy. I can even rejoice that I have leisure in which to become anxious – not for the anxiety but for the luxury of unhurried days, and the growing sense that I can enjoy my Lord’s company without rushing from one good work to another!

May I learn to rest more peacefully in his shadow; may I be deaf to voices that drive me to compare myself to others, and hear only his voice saying ” Darling child, I love you so much, spend time with me, tell me your thoughts, tell me how you love what I give you.”

I want to trust him for everything, and he sees my heart and knows this. If there are things that he wants me to do, is he not able to show me? If I see no clear signs, and have asked and looked and waited, then for the moment I can perhaps rest more deliberately in his presence, allowing his love to refresh me, and trusting that when the time comes, the God who has been the author of all my life story will reveal the next chapter and lead me gently into it..

 

 

Are we nearly home yet?

Don’t let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God, and trust also in me.

There is more than enough room in my Father’s home. If this were not so, would I have told you that I am going to prepare a place for you? When everything is ready, I will come and get you, so that you will always be with me where I am .

(John 14.1-3)

And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Now the dwelling of God is with men, and he will live with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain for the old order of things has passed away.”

(Rev 21.3&4)

For as long as I can remember, I have been conscious of a longing for another place, a place of which our world is only a pale imitation. CS Lewis puts it beautifully in ‘The Last Battle’, when one of the characters cries out in delight as he gazes around his new home:

“I have come home at last! This is my real country! I belong here. This is the land I have been looking for all my life, though I never knew it till now. The reason we loved the old Narnia is that it sometimes looked a little like this..”

I love the world in which I live, and have always responded deeply to the power and beauty of creation, delighting in the grandest and the tiniest details, rejoicing in my own powers of appreciation, the senses I have to receive and respond to my Father’s artistry. I love knowing to whom I owe an unpayable debt of gratitude for the joy which beauty brings to my life – the great original himself, from whom all our human creativity is derived and to whose glory it should be exercised.

And yet..I still find myself looking beyond, longing for more: a deeper, richer experience and also some sense of home-coming, of final and utter belonging. I believe that when God in his good time finally ushers in his new creation, then I will find that ultimate fulfillment, because the thing lacking – his glorious presence with me, undimmed by my sin – will be abundantly and eternally mine. I will enter into beauty, and be satisfied, lost to myself and found by him.

There is another reason that I long for the home which is promised by my Lord so tenderly in his words to his apostles, reassuring them as they were fearful and unsure and would face severe trials for his sake in the days to come.. I am just plain tired of myself and of the struggle to make a decent attempt at living for Jesus in this fallen world. I know it is not so that we will give up striving in this world that Jesus shows us a glimpse of the Father’s house, but it is so good to know it is there.

When I am weary, stricken by disappointment – with myself and with others – conscious of persistent sin and convinced that there is much about myself of which to be deeply ashamed, it is sweet relief to remember that my place in that final home is not dependent on my perfect life here! I think my Father is more compassionate and tender with me than I am with myself, but I also know that all his love is directed towards encouraging me not to give up, but to persevere.

Yes, I am not what I should be – given all the blessings and privileges of faith I have enjoyed. But, I am a daughter of the King of Kings, and my citizenship in his eternal kingdom is assured. God looks not at my weakness, doubting and pathetic track-record in his service; but he looks at Jesus, my Lord, my Saviour, my Champion, who has fought the fight for me and won it, for me! In him, I am entitled to claim a place in my Father’s house and to know that even I am eagerly awaited.

Is it not enough to make us long for the day when all will be made new, and our faults and failings will be forgotten? When we will stand with heads held high and no more trace of sin to stain our vision; no dragging grief or disappointment to embitter our joys, only complete freedom to forget ourselves in joyful service and worship of our Lord.

No, we are not home yet, but each day I live brings me nearer..May God give me patience and courage to live the time that is allotted for me, allowing that glorious promised future to inspire me with hope for each day, and an urgent desire to share the riches I have with those who do not know Jesus!