Category Archives: honesty

Let my thanks be unconditional!

Leave a reply

Speak to one another with psalms, hymns and spiritual songs. Sing and make music in your heart to the Lord, always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.

(Eph 5.19&20)

Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

(Phil 4.4-7)

Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.

(Jas 1.17)

How great is your goodness, which you have stored up for those who fear you, which you bestow in the sight of men on those who take refuge in you….. Love the Lord, all his saints!… Be strong and take heart, all you who hope in the Lord.

(Ps 31.19,23&24)

“I only deepen the wound of a hurting world when I neglect to give thanks.”

(Anne Voskamp: One Thousand Gifts, 2010, Zondervan)

Do you ever catch yourself quietly nit-picking God’s ways with you? That little internal conversation that looks at all the abundance of daily grace and says, ‘yes, that’s all very well but what about….?’

I realised recently that this regrettable and rebellious attitude had become strongly established in my own heart, and I am praying for discernment to recognise, and strength to repent and turn away from it. Faith does not pick holes in God’s goodness – for if what God reveals about himself, in his word and especially in Jesus, is true then there are no holes to be picked! Faith rather acknowledges the struggle and chooses to affirm in the face of doubt that God’s goodness is measureless, and that I will always have reason to give thanks. In  my own griefs and sorrows, I can trust the God who went to the cross for me in order to do me good – such love will never fail to do the right thing, and my lack of understanding can be overcome and quietened when I recall how clearly and completely that costly love is shown.

This inability to be unconditionally grateful goes way back to the beginning – remember that Eve was tempted to believe that God was holding back something really good? The same old story still works doesn’t it? We become determined that unless God gives us what we want – what we think is good – on our own terms, and timings, then we aren’t going to trust him, and all our thankfulness becomes polluted and qualified by criticism and a lack of true faith in his goodness. Who do I think I am to question the ways of the Almighty? – Job would certainly point out to me the folly of thinking along those lines!

Yes, there is a time and a place to bring to my Father all the burdens and questions of my heart – but in an attitude of expectation, not judgment and criticism. There is a time and a place for lamentation when my experience is bitter, when pain persists and there is no healing of the wounds and no resolution to the conflicts. And the psalmists have shown us how those laments are healthily handled – in the presence of the Almighty, in an attitude of openness to hearing his voice and a willingness to be reminded of his faithfulness and also his magnitude, his entire ‘otherness’, his transcendence.

He is God… and I am not. I am the creature of his loving hand, his adopted child, the object of his cosmic saving work, a precious jewel in his heart – can I not learn to trust his ways with greater constancy? I live in a world of wonders – from the intricacy of my own anatomy, to the measureless depths of the universes and galaxies beyond my world; I daily rise to breathe, move, give and receive love, experience beauty, and know joy. I have so much to give thanks for, and when I choose to reject the voice of criticism, to see it for sin and choose instead the loving, exulting acceptance which is proper to a cherished child, then I honour God aright.

Almighty and Loving Father, I confess as sin the ways that I resent and criticise your handling of my life, and of this world. I repent of my rebellion and recognise that you are God and I am not.

I ask the aid of your Spirit to soften my heart and change my thinking, so that my response to all your goodness becomes unconditional and unqualified. Let me choose to believe good of you always, and to trust you more fully when your ways are so far beyond me that I cannot see good in them. Let me remember that I can always give thanks, for I am forever your child, and you are forever faithful, true and good.

I can always rest in the loving presence of my Saviour, who showed me just how much I am loved, and how your power is always at work for good. Thank you that I pray in his name, and am heard for his sake, and for his glory I pray these things, Amen.

Rock solid… I fall, it holds me.

Leave a reply

Hail to the Lord’s anointed; great David’s greater Son!
Hail, in the time appointed, His reign on earth begun!
He comes to break oppression, to set the captive free,
To take away transgressions, and rule in equity.

He comes, with succour* speedy, to those who suffer wrong:
To help the poor and needy, and bid the weak be strong:
To give them songs for sighing, their darkness turned to light,
Whose souls, condemned and dying, were precious in His sight.

O’er every foe victorious, He on His throne shall rest;
From age to age more glorious, all blessing and all-blest.
The tide of time shall never His covenant remove;
His name shall stand for ever His changeless name of love.

(J Montgomery, 1771-1854, * denotes comfort and help)

Hear my cry, O God: listen to my prayer.

From the ends of the earth I call to you, I call as my heart grows faint; lead me to the rock that is higher than I. For you have been my refuge, a strong tower against the foe.

I long to dwell in your tent for ever and take refuge in the shelter of your wings. For you have heard my vows, O God; you have given me the heritage of those who fear your name.

(Ps 61.1-5)

Faith.. is the art of holding on to things your reason has once accepted, in spite of your changing moods…. This rebellion of your moods against your real self is going to come anyway. That is why faith is such a necessary virtue; unless you teach your moods “Where they get off”, you can never be either a sound Christian or even a sound atheist, but just a creature dithering to and fro, with its beliefs really dependent on the weather and the state of its digestion. Consequently one must train the habit of faith.

(CS Lewis, Mere Christianity, Ch 12, 1952: Geoffrey Bles)

I have written before about the challenge of dealing with the gulf between the truth of our state as God’s beloved, rescued and adopted children, and our daily life with all its challenges and the deafening noise of our physical world continually drowning out everything else. Well, these past few days have brought a renewed sense of that divide, to the point where I feel almost like two different people!

On the one hand, there is the person I am when I sit quietly with my bible, or manage to take time to walk and pray, sharing my thoughts and life, my concerns and joys with my Father; then there is the other person, whose self-centred thoughts and preoccupations are entirely fixated on personal matters, as if this life were all there is. The former knows in some small measure, that she matters and that she is loved, and that there is hope and peace in Jesus. The latter knows only that she is continually failing to be the person she ought to be – in relationships and in responsibilities – and every day begins with the dread recitation of what must be done, and the knowledge of her impending failure to do the right things as well as they should and could be done.

As Lewis would observe, I have not mastered the art of mastering my moods!! Instead, they master me, and especially the dominant torment of self-doubt, which takes the truth of my indwelling imperfection and sin, and magnifies it to a crippling burden.

In these painful days, my only sure refuge is the towering shadow of the cross, the sacrificial loving of my Saviour, and his promise to come again and make all things new. I must preach the gospel to myself, and beg for the aid of Christ by his Spirit, to deliver me from this nauseating self-centredness, to see and love others and above all to see and love Jesus more. For this reason, I was recently encouraged as I sang the great hymn which I have quoted in part above – it has nothing to do with my moods, and everything to do with truth, with the unchanging nature of God the Father of our Lord Jesus, and his purposes to make all things new, unifying and perfecting creation and the church. I am a small part of that purpose, and no matter how I may perceive what I do, the reality of what God IS doing does not change. I desperately need to get that truth in the front of my mind day-by-day, in order to master the moods which would otherwise master me.

Almighty God, Father of my Lord Jesus, have mercy on your children as we struggle to hold faithfully to the truth of what you are doing, and have made us. Help us to resist the enemy of our souls and to detect his lies even when they are clothed in piety and dusted with grains of truth. Deliver us and protect us from the evil one, who longs to bind us, powerless and fruitless, in our own dark thoughts and self-pity. Make us more worthy of your name, and more full of Jesus, for His name’s sake and for our blessing, Amen.

Honestly…?

Leave a reply

I love the Lord, for he heard my voice; he heard my cry for mercy. Because he turned his ear to me, I will call on him as long as I live. The cords of death entangled me, the anguish of the grave came over me; I was overcome by distress and sorrow. Then I called on the name of the Lord; “Lord, save me!”

The Lord is gracious and righteous; our God is full of compassion. The Lord protects the unwary; when I was brought low, he saved me. Return to your rest, my soul, for the Lord has been good to you.

(Ps 116.1-7)

One of [the Pharisees], an expert in the law, tested him with this question: “Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?”

Jesus replied: “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.” This is the first and greatest commandment.

(Matt 22.36-38)

The aim of our charge is love that issues from a pure heart and a good conscience and a sincere faith.

(1Tim 1:5)

I believe that we are called to be honest with one another as fellow pilgrims, and that by doing so, we actually support one another in our journey of faith through a life which will bring many challenges as well and joys. I know for myself that I desperately need to be honest in my relationships, and that where I feel I cannot share, I also feel I cannot truly love.

In this season, where I am floundering and failing, and unable to make a true judgement of my own thoughts, motives and actions, the opportunity to share, and to receive the loving acceptance and true observation of others is an anchor and a blessed comfort to me. Only my heavenly Father sees my heart, mind and deepest motivations, but my fellow pilgrims can tell me if they see obvious sin, rebellion and can also reassure me as to goodness. If others whom I know to be godly, mature and loving believers are able to recognise something of worth in me, then I may be comforted!

I am therefore so thankful for the blessed acceptance and kindness which I received recently from the fellowship of my bible study group – women who don’t really know me, but whose hearts are full of the love of Christ and who seek him.

I am profoundly thankful that I have the example of the psalmists in praying with complete honesty, in casting themselves completely and consistently upon the care of God – taking him at his word and claiming his love, compassion, provision, protection and all other good and necessary things. My Father knows, absolutely knows me, and longs for my honest surrender and offering up of all my confusion, distress and uncertainty.

I am profoundly relieved to know that I am secure upon the foundation which is Jesus Christ, my Lord and Saviour whose complete saving work for me is the only grounds of my security and hope. I could, and do, wish that after all the years of God’s investment in my life, I were a more worthy testament to his goodness.. instead of a building fit for a king, I remain a mere collection of rubble and bricks, with the faintest outline of a structure and no glory to speak of! But my foundation is Christ, and he will not fail me; I am his precious charge and will never be abandoned.

Oh Father, I don’t know what I need; I can’t trust my own understanding or discern the reality of my heart and motivation. I don’t want to stay stuck in this fruitless, stunted condition, a rebuke to the gospel and cause for shame. But I don’t know what to do. In your mercy, be my help and send me the aid that you know I need – let me recognise and embrace it, finding comfort, courage and growing in godliness.

It is only in being filled with love for you that I have any hope for meaning and purpose and joy in the life which remains to me. My zeal is so feeble, and my love so faint – it seems to have little power to hold me in the darkness, and I seem fruitless. I am afraid to ask to love you more, afraid that you might answer through more trials, through pain and suffering. I am ashamed of this fear, but it is very real.

Have mercy on your fearful child, she trembles to ask great things of you, fearing the cost. Forgive her fear, her doubt, and make her love you more – for Jesus’ sake, Amen.

A sinner.. living with sinners

Leave a reply

As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, my God. My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. Where can I go and meet with God? My tears have been my food day and night, while people say to me all day long, “Where is your God?” These things I remember as I pour out my soul; how I used to go to the house of God under the protection of the Mighty One with shouts of joy and praise among the festive throng.

Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God for I will yet praise him, my Saviour and my God.

My soul is downcast within me; therefore I will remember you from the land of the Jordan, the heights of Hermon – from Mount Mizar. Deep calls to deep in the roar of your waterfalls; all your waves and breakers have swept over me.

By day the Lord directs his love, at night his song is with me – a prayer to the God of my life. 

I say to God my Rock, “Why have you forgotten me? Why must I go about mourning, oppressed by the enemy? My bones suffer mortal agony as my foes taunt me, saying to me all day long, “Where is your God?”

Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Saviour and my God.

(Ps 42)

Do you ever get overwhelmed by the sheer painfulness of living as a sinner among sinners? Of receiving within your own heart and life the impact of the sin of others, and living with the consequences of your own sin? I do, and right now, I am acutely aware of it.

Sometimes, it seems that I am being carried along and can bear with what others do to me, graciously trusting God for good to come from suffering, as the bible teaches it will. But not now, not today. Today I am frantic, desperate, battering myself as a wave against the cliffs, against what feel like unfulfilled promises, and with little appetite for persevering in hope. Although I have no obvious mortal enemies, yet I can fully identify with the psalmist who is crying to God for a clear sense of His presence and protection against all that is assaulting him.

How can I know God’s presence when I am only acutely aware of the ways that I am being hurt by others, not deliberately, only as a result of their own brokenness which should call forth my best forgiving love and compassion – even as my failures call forth the love and forgiveness of my Saviour? My despair and pain feel like a betrayal of God’s goodness, the voice of my accuser whispers, “If you were really mature as a believer, you wouldn’t collapse like this when others hurt you.”

What does the believer do in these circumstances? How may I ask for prayer for myself, and pray for my brothers and sisters as they also may experience this pain?

I take note of the psalmist’s wisdom in pouring the whole sorry mess out before God, who knows all the details and has an more intimate and profound understanding of His child’s reactions, both the healthy and the unhealthy ones. I take note of the wisdom which speaks directly to the frantic and despairing soul, exhorting a holding on, stubborn hope – that same stubbornness with which Jacob wrestled with the angelic visitor, determined not to let go until he had received a blessing. What blessing do I need in the midst of my own midnight wrestling? I need to know the presence of my God, the one whose song over me is of His love and eternal faithfulness

Perhaps it is ok to wrestle with wounds, with weakness and weariness; perhaps this fight itself is a means of blessing, since it drives me straight to the throne of grace for mercy and help in my time of acute need. My beloved Father knows me, and His love will not fail to minister to my wounds – and because He understands exactly how I am made, He alone can touch the places that most need comfort and healing.

Dear Father, your daughter is in a sorry state today, and she cries to you in her distress. Thank you for the relief of tears, for the kindness of friends and their prayers, and thank you above all for your goodness to her in ministering to her deepest need – which is to know your presence and lovingkindness that never fail. Surely, goodness and mercy will follow her and all your children down the days and years until the time of sorrows is forgotten. 

 

When the heart yearns..

Leave a reply

You don’t want to hear Him – but He is calling your name.

You don’t want to follow Him – but your life is in His hands.

Your choices are taking you further and further from the fold – but His love is as strong as ever, and you are precious in His sight.

May you be gifted with restlessness; with hunger for more; with the ability to respond and to recognise your emptiness without Him.

May you be brought home before it is too late.

May you be confronted by Christ, even as you turn away from Him, and have no peace until you make peace with Him.

O, child of my heart, come home!

Who is it that you know for whom this blessing is your prayer? A sibling, a parent, a spouse? A friend, or a beloved child? This grief, borne by so many in the world, is a small echo of the heart of our Father, who yearns over all his children, and desires that none should perish apart from His love. It is a grief which we shy away from, preferring to think about other things, praying about other issues, but actually, the salvation of each and every person is God’s desire – and therefore should also matter to us, should touch us deeply. But how much pain lies in this – as yet- unanswered prayer..

The gift of salvation is one which cannot be inherited from our parents, nor caught by proximity and long exposure to other believers. Each person must come to a living and direct relationship with God, by faith in Jesus, if they are to be assured of eternal life and hope. There is no other way, and so this one greatest gift, which we long to see all our dear ones share, remains one which we cannot give them. 

The bible teaches how God offers his love and grace to all who will respond in repentance and faith; and time and again through the Old Testament, the prophets give voice to God’s lament over the stubborn hearts of his people. Beloved children, who turn away from him and who – knowing the truth – seem immune to the love and saving power of the God who woos them so passionately. Did God fail in his love and care? Is that why the people drifted away from him? Merely writing those words jolts me into recognising that the problem does not lie with God, but with the heart of humankind, which so readily settles for less than God’s best for us, and chooses to believe that in some way we can benefit from God’s care without actually caring about him.

As human parents, friends and family members, we have all had opportunities to share the good news with our dear ones; and we know that we have also failed many times to do so – whether in word or deed. To berate ourselves over lost opportunities is fruitless, and also denies God’s grace and forgiveness. But where does that leave us, as believers grieving over lost sheep? Are we responsible for their absence from the fold? In the parable of the lost sheep, Jesus makes no mention of why one animal had gone so far astray, focussing instead on the loving determination of the shepherd to find and rescue it. That comforts me, because it puts the onus on the rescuer, the divine shepherd, to do for the sheep what only he can do, and what he has done in dying to save them. I am only one of the sheep, not the shepherd! 

I am the good shepherd; I know my sheep and my sheep know me – just as the Father knows me and I know the Father – and I lay down my life for the sheep.

(Jn 10.14&15)

What do you think? If a man owns a hundred sheep, and one of them wanders away, will he not leave the ninety-nine on the hills and go to look for the one that wandered off? And if he finds it, I tell you the truth, he is happier about that one sheep than about the ninety-nine that did not wander off. In the same way your Father in heaven is not willing that any of these little ones should be lost.

(Matt 18.12-14)

I have no ready answers to the question of why those raised in the faith should stray from it, hardening their hearts and seeming deaf to the loving call of their shepherd and saviour. I have no glib assurance that our prayers for their salvation will be readily answered. But I do know that my grief over the straying lamb is something that God wants me to feel fully, to carry willingly and prayerfully day by day. This grief – like other pains which we are called to bear – is a spur to prayerful dependence on my Father, for the fulfilment of his will and the display of his glory. 

Dear Father, your heart knows the grief which comes from watching beloved children straying and living without you at the centre of their lives. Thank you that this grief which I am called to carry is not strange to you, and that even as I ache, your love for me is strong and sure, and you call me to bring this burden too and lay it at your feet. Let me love, and pray and trust you for my straying sheep, for my Lord Jesus died for them, and in his name, I pray for them, Amen.

Praying in a broken world

Leave a reply

“Lord, the great and awesome God, who keeps his covenant of love with those who love him and keep his commandments, we have sinned and done wrong. We have been wicked and have rebelled; we have turned away from your commands and laws. We have not listened to your servants the prophets.. Lord, you are righteous, but this day we are covered with shame.. the Lord our God is righteous in everything he does; yet we have not obeyed him.

Now, our God, hear the prayers and petitions of your servant. For your sake, Lord, look with favour on your desolate sanctuary. Give ear, our God, and hear; open your eyes and see.. We do not make requests of you because we are righteous, but because of your great mercy. Lord, listen! Lord, forgive! Lord, hear and act! For your sake, my God, do not delay, because your city and your people bear your Name.”

(Dan 9.4-7,14,17-19)

I was left alone, gazing at this great vision; I had no strength left, my face turned deathly pale and I was helpless. Then I heard him speaking, and as I listened to him, I fell into a deep sleep, my face to the ground. A hand touched me and set me trembling on my hands and knees. He said, “Daniel, you who are highly esteemed, consider carefully the words I am about to speak to you, and stand up, for I have now been sent to you.” And when he said this to me, I stood up trembling.
Then he continued, “Do not be afraid, Daniel. Since the first day that you set your mind to gain understanding and to humble yourself before your God, your words were heard.. While he was saying this to me, I bowed with my face toward the ground and was speechless. Then the one who looked like a man touched my lips, and I opened my mouth.. “I am overcome with anguish because of the vision my lord, and I feel very weak. How can I, your servant talk with you, my lord? My strength is gone and I can hardly breathe.”

Again the one who looked like a man touched me and gave me strength. “Do not be afraid, you who are highly esteemed,” he said. “Peace! Be strong now; be strong.” When he spoke to me, I was strengthened and said, “Speak, my lord, since you have given me strength.”

(Dan 10.8-12, 15-19)

I have greatly appreciated recent studies in the book of Daniel, the faithful-in-exile, who served pagan rulers with integrity and always maintained an intimate and obedient relationship with the Almighty God, the Lord of his people Israel. Daniel models so much for us in our own day and age, and even though in the later chapters the book is full of strange visions, yet we can still learn much from them. Above all, we learn that the books of history are open before our God, and nothing takes him by surprise. It is made clear that while this broken world endures, there will be human conflict, evil will continue to manifest itself in many ways and suffering will be widespread. And yet, over and over again, Daniel is shown the final unveiling and prevailing of the eternal kingdom of which he – and we as followers of Jesus – is a member. God wins, and as his precious children, we are already secure in that victory.

Daniel also models how we should be praying for ourselves and others according to God’s word and will; how in the midst of turmoil, we bring our concerns to the Almighty and ask him to do what he has promised – to reveal himself, to extend mercy to sinners through Jesus, to make a people for himself, and ultimately, to reveal his eternal glory. God’s people are called to pray God’s word; recognising God’s sovereignty and submitting with grace and trust to his will but also claiming his promises. We pray not out of our own righteousness, but because God IS always righteous, and can be depended upon in every situation to be good, holy, and true.

It is easy for us to enter into Daniel’s experience of overwhelming distress as we contemplate the mess of our world, and the judgement which humanity is bringing upon itself. Daniel’s visions often shattered him for prolonged periods of time, and it is wonderful to read of the compassion and strength which is extended by the divine messenger to this faithful but traumatised servant. Three times, words of encouragement, tenderness and compassion are spoken over him; three times, he is touched by the divine hand. This speaks deeply to me of my heavenly Father’s concern that the cosmic scale of this battle should not be something which I seek to enter or understand in my own strength. It is the Lord who is waging war against his enemy, a defeated but vengeful, vicious and utterly unscrupulous foe. I can be honest in sharing my fear, helplessness, confusion and distress – God’s compassionate response never fails, and I find peace as I recognise that the Almighty has all in his hand, including me!

Heavenly Father, thank you that you meet my distress with compassion and raise me up to stand in your presence as you speak words of encouragement, wisdom and direction. Thank you that the future of this world is in your hands, and that my task is to follow Daniel’s example: Let me go my way, with your help, until the end of my days – the way you have alloted to me. Let me rest in your faithfulness, not my own understanding or strength. Thank you that, at the end of the days, I will rise with all your saints to receive the inheritance you have prepared for us. Thank you for Jesus, through whom alone all this is done, and to his name be glory, Amen.

On being reminded of one’s weakness..

Leave a reply

“You’re kingdom subjects. Now live like it. Live out your God-created identity. Live generously and graciously toward others, the way God lives toward you. Be especially careful when you are trying to be good so that you don’t make a performance out of it. It might be good theatre, but the God who made you won’t be applauding. When you do something for someone else, don’t call attention to it..”

(Matt 5.48-6.2)

Something relatively trivial happened today, a long-awaited plan to meet a friend fell through due to an error on my part in naming the date. She had arranged her diary to accommodate me on one day, but I was hoping to see her the next day… Two disappointed people, and one with every good reason to be irritated at the other! And my reaction to the discovery that it was my error gave me pause to reflect… Why was I so upset? My friend has (I think) forgiven me and we will manage a short meeting, but I am left with a rather sick feeling and discomfort. I realised that it is because I am rather proud of myself as a friend – as the one who keeps appointments, makes a lot of effort to maintain relationships – and this episode has undermined that good opinion! I have been gently and clearly reminded that I am mortal, frail and as prone to error as my neighbour – there are no grounds for pride here, only gratitude for the kindness and friendship of others who are willing to forgive me.

This small event has also served as a reminder of the larger and more important relationship in my life – with Jesus my Lord, and my Heavenly Father, with whom I live by the Spirit at work in me. I need to guard against the temptation to think well of myself as a believer, to remember that of myself, I could do nothing towards my salvation and that I am utterly dependent on my Father’s love and the Son’s atoning death in order to receive the kindness and forgiveness which I need. I will never deserve God’s goodness, in the same way that I do not deserve the kindness of my friends. But I am so grateful for both!

Some of Jesus’ harshest words were for those who were proud of their spiritual habits, performance and status, whose self-worth derived in large part from being known for their public piety, generosity and diligent attendance at synagogue or temple. Believers are just as vulnerable to this trap, whereby the devil twists what are actually good habits into becoming a source of false pride. When we like to be thought of by others as somehow extra-specially holy, biblically knowledgeable, or prayerful, then we are trapped into performance and base our worth on actions instead of on Christ’s sacrificial death for us.

I am brought back over and over again to the truth that it is only in God’s naming of us as his beloved, redeemed children that we find our significance and self-worth. When I begin to value the opinion of others (and my own opinion of myself), then I am drifting away from my only security, which is in Christ. I want to be kept prayerfully aware of my own weakness in this regard; to keep asking to be cleansed by the Spirit from all false pride in myself and filled instead with gratitude for what I have been made by Christ, and am being enabled daily to do by the Spirit. If there is any pride, then it should be in my Saviour, by whose blood I am bought, and whose life in me is the source of all that is good.

This reliance upon Christ alone also releases me from excessive reaction to my own ongoing weakness. My friend knows my heart and has forgiven me – I am not less in her eyes because of my error. How much more does Jesus know my heart, and forgive my errors! I need not spiral down into self-condemnation after making mistakes, but instead rejoice that my value as a person in God’s sight is unchanged! His hold on me is as firm and tenderly secure as it will ever be, and my experiences of failure or error simply make his love and faithfulness to me even more precious and life-giving. I truly rest in him, I give over the burdens and accept in return the weighty gift of grace.

Hope…

Leave a reply

Those of us who are strong and able in the faith need to step in and lend a hand to those who falter, and not just do what is most convenient for us. Strength is for service, not status. Each one of us needs to look after the good of the people around us, asking ourselves, “How can I help?”

That’s exactly what Jesus did. He didn’t make it easy for himself by avoiding people’s troubles, but waded right in and helped out. “I took on the troubles of the troubled,” is the way Scripture puts it. Even if it was written in Scripture long ago, you can be sure it’s written for us. God wants the combination of his steady, constant calling and warm, personal counsel in Scripture to come to characterise us, keeping us alert for whatever he will do next….. Just think of all the Scriptures that will come true in what we do!…. Isaiah’s word: ‘There’s the root of our ancestor Jesse, breaking through the earth and growing tree-tall, tall enough for everyone everywhere to see and take hope!’ 

Oh! May the God of green hope fill you up with joy, fill you up with peace, so that your believing lives, filled with the life-giving energy of the Holy Spirit, will brim over with hope!

(Rom 15.1-13 – selection: The Message)

Who is going to harm you if you are eager to do good? But even if you should suffer for what is right, you are blessed. “Do not fear what they fear; do not be frightened.” But in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have.  But do this with gentleness and respect, keeping a clear conscience so that those who speak maliciously against your good behaviour in Christ may be ashamed of their slander.

(1Pet 3.13-16)

Jesus commissioned his disciples – and thus all those who would follow him – to go and make disciples, to proclaim that God’s kingdom was near and to call people to saving faith. Do you do that often? I don’t. I am scared of causing offence by speaking about Jesus and his unique position, his claim to be the only means by which we must be saved. I don’t know how to present the need for salvation to people who don’t have any concept of sin. I am scared of getting into arguments and of upsetting those whom I wish to love in Jesus name… I avoid the challenge to be a witness. I am in very real danger of succumbing to the temptation to abandon what God has revealed in scripture about himself and humanity, in order to make the gospel acceptable and attractive.

When it is written down like this, it is clear that this is disobedience to Jesus’ Great Commission; it is to fail in our calling as the Church. And yet, don’t we see it all around us? The pressure to abandon the culturally uncomfortable bits of the bible’s teaching is enormous; the argument that if we just ditch certain doctrines, then the gospel will become madly attractive is insidious… We must resist it, and yet the temptation persists.

In this context, I am encouraged by Paul’s prayer for the believers in Rome – quoted above – and by the picture of human lives so filled to overflowing with divine joy and hope that they shine like lights in the darkness and draw people like moths to a flame. I want that kind of life! I want to be so bright for Jesus that people will ask for a reason for the hope that is within me – not least because if they have asked, then I have full permission to share my own experience of Jesus, my own faith-story, no matter how weird it may sound to their ears! Who knows what God may then do with that story…

This is the hope that drives loving mission, compassionate service, and sustains believers in every trial of life. This is hope in Christ, not in human abilities or innate goodness; it is not arrogant, but humble because it is all Christ’s work which has achieved the solid ground of security we have as believers. It is not mere human optimism, or resilience, but an otherworldly certainty which informs all our choices and values.

O Father God, thank you that you know my weakness and fear; thank you that in Christ, I am strong and when you call me to serve, to witness, to live for you, I can be sure you will enable me in each situation. I pray that you will indeed so fill me with a fire-bright hope that I might shine for Christ my Lord; may I be a channel through which you draw people to consider the claims of Jesus to be the Saviour of the world. In humility, with honesty and also with childlike trust in you, may I live to glorify my Lord and to bear faithful witness to him. Amen.

Living with brokenness

Leave a reply

… I was given a thorn in my flesh… Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”

Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

(2Cor 12.7-10)

… I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength.

(Phil 4.12&13)

 When I am very weary with hard thought,
And yet the question burns and is not quenched,
My heart grows cool when to remembrance wrought
That thou who know’st the light-born answer sought
Know’st too the dark where the doubt lies entrenched –
Know’st with what seemings I am sore perplexed,
And that with thee I wait, nor needs my soul be vexed.
(George MacDonald: The Diary of an Old Soul, 1905)

Where does it come from, the dangerous and deeply ingrained fallacy which tells us that we are somehow entitled to a life free from pain, disability, mental ill health, relationship stress or breakdown? Any gospel message which tries to convince believers that God intends to make their lives and bodies better in every way on this side of glory, is a lie, and should be robustly challenged. I find the apostle Paul’s experience in this regard extremely encouraging! The great man experienced a very challenging health problem, one which he was convinced God could remove, but instead, God asked Paul to accept this weakness, even to embrace it. And, even as Jesus had done in Gethsemane, Paul said, “not my will, but yours be done”. He models for me what it looks like to come to terms with the particular limitations – of whatever kind – I am called to accept in my life. He accepts, and then chooses to rejoice in the very weakness which he has deplored, because now he sees how God is being glorified through it.

To accept our weaknesses, whatever they are, as God’s appointed calling and then to expect to see him at work through them, is not in any way to deny God’s power to miraculously heal, transform and change any situation. But, it is to come to the proper attitude of submission to a sovereign and almighty God. I am in no position to dictate to God just what is right and best for my life. God is good, all the time and He can deliver his children. When He chooses not to, He is still God and still good, and I am called to trust that he can and will use my weakness, my open wound, for his glory.

I am coming to terms with what I might describe as a faith-wound, a profound weakness which often causes me to stumble and suffer. I have long prayed for deliverance and healing, and what happens is that over and over again, my God strengthens me, and displays his power in my weakness, so that I continue in faith and perseverance, but still wounded.

I want to live with my wounds in humility and acceptance – since God is in NO WAY limited in His work in and through my life by the burdens which He calls me to bear. I am no less equipped for my calling by illness, incapacity, any kind of brokenness, than others who do not share my own particular issues. The glory is all His, because in my weakness, He is strong! If I truly long to exalt God, and to do his will, then I must accept the place and method which he appoints.

Heavenly Father, I praise you because you are good, eternally good, and your love for me is trustworthy. Thank you for helping me to accept the weakness which you call me to bear for your glory. Thank you for all the soul-medicines which you provide to enable me to live with this ailment, and for your faithful keeping of me through pain and turmoil. Thank you that I can offer up my struggles and grief as my sacrifice of praise, and that you use these according to your will and for your glory.

Thank you most of all that I can bear witness that you never leave me alone in my suffering, I am never abandoned to the darkness or imprisoned in silence. In Jesus, I am always in your presence; always gently held; always deeply loved; always completely forgiven. Thank you. Amen

 

 

 

 

When it’s rough…

Leave a reply

Those who trust in the Lord are like Mount Zion, which cannot be shaken but endures for ever. As the mountains surround Jerusalem, so the Lord surrounds his people both now and forevermore… Lord, do good to those who are good, to those who are upright in heart..

(Ps 125.1,2&4)

Restore our fortunes, Lord, like streams in the Negev. Those who sow with tears will reap with songs of joy; those who go out weeping, carrying seed to sow, will return with songs of joy, carrying sheaves with them.

(Ps 126.4-6)

Unless the Lord builds the house, the builders labour in vain.. In vain you rise early and stay up late, toiling for food to eat – for while they sleep he provides for those he loves.

(Ps 127.1-2)

May the Lord bless you from Zion; may you see the prosperity of Jerusalem all the days of your life. May you live to see your children’s children – peace be on Israel.

(Ps 128.5&6)

“A voice is heard in Ramah, mourning and great weeping. Rachel weeping for her children and refusing to be comforted, because they are no more…”

(Jer 31.15& Matt 2.18)

As God’s creation, a woman, I know that I am made in his image – I reflect his nature and character in spite of the many ways in which sin has blighted and contorted that image. My experiences as a woman, as a mother, sister, and daughter are places where I gain insight into the nature of God. Many of my emotions are prompts, by which I am moved to pray according to God’s will for the situations around me. My mother-heart is a pale reflection of the passionate, powerful love which God has for his children – and as such, I believe that my pain is also an insight into what it costs for the Almighty to watch his children suffer, to be rejected by them, to know that their choices will cost them dearly. A father will know the pain perhaps in a different way, and that too is a reflection of our great God in his unfathomable richness and depth. I speak only for myself..

And sometimes, I am Rachel… weeping and lamenting for losses which seem unbearable. I have believing friends whose children are astray from the faith in which they were raised, seemingly immune to the love of Christ and resolute in resisting the Spirit. I have believing friends who have lost adult children and young grandchildren to illness and death, who daily have to choose to keep going in the face of unimaginable grief. I have believing friends whose believing children are facing huge challenges and who are struggling to find courage to persevere.

What do God’s believing people do when their lives are assaulted by such storms – when their lives become the storm and there is no hope of relief or abatement? In these circumstances, the blessings which the psalms call down on the heads of God’s faithful people ring hollow, and we resent their apparently easy assumption that faith brings prosperity in health, family and inheritance. In these circumstances, we return to Job on his ash heap; we sit with him and silently acknowledge that God is sovereign, his ways beyond finding out and that we are but dust before him. We follow the psalmist in lamentation for the very real grief and pain, threat and danger which we are seeing and experiencing. And then we follow the psalmist in preaching to himself, in deliberately choosing to consider the God who has revealed himself to us.

We see a covenant-keeping, self-sacrificing, patient, gracious, merciful, generous, powerful and all-knowing Lord. We see Love written large in the words of the prophets, in the ministry of Jesus and ultimately across the Cross itself. We see reason to hope, when the darkest and bleakest day in history becomes the moment when light triumphs completely and for ever over death, sin and evil. If we cannot find a refuge here, then we are truly astray without any guide in a cold and hostile wilderness, and life has no more purpose or reason to be prolonged.

So let us cling on my friends, because the Cross happened, the Resurrection is true. We have a saviour who knows what it is to be human, and what grief and despair can do to us. We have a God who knows that we are frail, and who invites – no, who begs – that we continue to come to him in all our troubles, for ourselves and for others. He promises, not that it will all suddenly become easy, but that He will NEVER leave us to bear it alone.

O Lord, the mystery of your divine purposes mean that we often fall bewildered and grieving in your presence, unable to understand or bear the pain of life, and struggling to hold on to your promises. When those we love are oppressed – by pain, bereavement, unemployment, illness, and despair – we pray for your deliverance and are disappointed if those prayers appear unanswered. It is not simple.. in so many grievous situations where your believing children suffer, we are overwhelmed by the pain and your ways seem utterly obscured. O Lord, you know our frame and what we can bear – spare us, strengthen us, protect our faith and keep us clinging to you when the waves mount high. Truly, we have no hope apart from you! In Jesus’ precious name, we cry to you.. 

  • Image courtesy of Neil Urquhart – with sincere thanks!