Category Archives: frailty

The joy of simple things

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Lord, you have been our dwelling-place throughout all generations. Before the mountains were born or you brought forth the earth and the world, from everlasting to everlasting you are God…. For a thousand years in your sight are like a day that has just gone by, or like a watch in the night. You sweep men away in the sleep of death; they are like the new grass of the morning- though in the morning it springs up new, by evening it is dry and withered….

Teach us to number our days aright, that we may gain a heart of wisdom… Satisfy us in the morning with your unfailing love, that we may sing for joy and be glad all our days..

May your deeds be shown to your servants, your splendour to their children. May the favour of the Lord our God rest upon us; establish the work of our hands for us – yes, establish the work of our hands.

(Ps 90.1&2,4-6,12,14,16&17)

What sweet relief comes to a struggling believer when they are gently reminded of the absolute and unshakeable goodness of God; of his power and eternal being. While we may founder amid doubt, weariness and even despair both over our own condition and the grievous state of our world, yet when we turn to the Almighty, we find a mighty, unruffled serenity and a resolute peace. Here is no agonised doubting, no indecisiveness, no fickleness. Here is pure light, justice, fathomless grace and committed and faithful love. Here is a safe place – THE safe place- where we may cast ourselves down in utter trust and surrender, and know that all shall be well, because our God is on the throne and nothing can prevent the fulfilment of his purposes and the full realisation of his glorious plans.

In this place of total security, I sit with my grief and loss; I share with my Father the burdens of my heart and am  comforted to know that I am heard and tenderly enveloped in his love. In this place of safety, I share my small joys, and know that they are a gift of his love to me, and I give thanks  – I know that when I take pleasure in what He gives, then I am honouring His love for me. In this place, where his eternal nature is revealed and my own smallness made so clear, I rest in his adoption of me as his child, and surrender to that keeping.

As I recognise that I am grieving, with all the weariness and confusion which that brings, I am glad to find peace and pleasure in small tasks – the baking of bread; the sharing of hospitality; and today, the preparation of some pots of colour to grace our garden as the autumn approaches. To handle soil, to gently embed the tiny plants, to let my eye feast on the variety of textures and colours, to anticipate in my imagination how they will flourish – these are gifts which soothe my spirit and I give thanks tonight for the opportunity and means to enjoy them. To be in the open air, with the sunshine on my back and the sound of the birds having a lively discussion in the neighbour’s thickets – these are gifts which refresh me and I give thanks tonight for my senses by which to appreciate them.

The Lord IS my dwelling place, and there I find both nurture and peace, and therefore I praise and let another day pass..

O Lord, I am as nothing in the face of your eternal glory and light, a passing shadow and a fleeting thought. Yet you have declared yourself to be my God, my Maker, my Sovereign. It is your naming which gives me value, and your promise which gives me hope. So few days are given to me, Lord let me be wise to use them well in your service; let your love be the foundation of my hope, my source of joy and pride and my satisfaction.

Have compassion on your servant, that she may see your hand at work and rejoice; let your glory be her motivation in living. By your grace and power, let her labours be fruitful in your kingdom, the only place where lasting value can be found. And Lord, let her children receive and walk in your covenant love; let them grow in faith and joy to glorify and serve you; may they see your works and worship you, together with all your saints. In Jesus’ precious name and for your glory, Amen.

The gap….

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When my heart was grieved and my spirit embittered, I was senseless and ignorant; I was a brute beast before you. Yet I am always with you; you hold me by my right hand. You guide me with your counsel, and afterwards you will take me into glory. Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion for ever.. But as for me, it is good to be near God.

(Ps 73.21-28)

There is a gulf between the truth that I know, and my daily experience of living. There is a gap between what the bible teaches is true about me as a beloved child of God, with every reason to rejoice daily and to live in confident freedom; and the actual lived failure to find hope, to experience joy, to break out of a pessimistic and apathetic attitude to life. I can completely identify with the psalmist, describing a grieving and bitter heart…

I feel shame that the truth cannot banish the feelings, cannot move my perception of reality from my mind to my heart and emotions. I feel shame that I can’t seem to live in joy and peace and freedom, but am as one removed, behind a shield which hems me in with weariness and hopelessness, so that I long to be away from this body of death and sphere of failure. How can I as a believer even think this way? The truth exists to set me free, so how can I be in such bondage? There is a struggle, a desperate fight to regain courage, to find hope, to connect again with joy. And I am so tired of fighting every day…

Is it a passing phase? I hope so, but nonetheless intense and real while it lasts, so how do I deal with it as a believer? What is my witness while I endure? I cannot lie, I must speak truth and this is the reality today – the gap between what my faith tells me is true, and how I feel seems so deep and so wide, I cannot cross it.

I have been here before, and hold on to the assurance that it has passed and will pass again. But meantime, I am struggling each day to find motivation, to want to serve, to want to do anything at all – the weariness is real. I know I should preach truth to myself, should exhort and encourage but it feels pointless, as though I am cut off from God’s power. His strength does not fail, nor does his loving kindness. And yet.. my heart is failing, my spirit is so weary of trying and so ashamed of failing again, and again, and again..

Grant me grace, God grant me grace, for in you I have taken shelter, and in your wing’s shadow do I shelter until disasters pass.

I call out to God the most high, to [him] who requites me. He will send from the heavens and rescue me.. God will send his steadfast kindness…

My heart is firm, O God, my heart is firm. Let me sing and hymn. Awake, O lyre, awake, O lute and lyre. I would awaken the dawn. Let me acclaim you among the peoples, Master. Let me hymn you among the nations.

For your kindness is great to the heavens, and to the skies your steadfast truth.

(Ps 57, R Alter translation)

Father, consider your daughter today in her distress, shame and weariness. Have mercy on her, and come in tender reassurance. You know her heart is troubled by this season of apathy and weariness; troubled by the lack of joy and motivation; so deeply disappointed in her failures. 

Send from your throne my Father, send your Spirit in power to set me free to walk in peace again, to know joy and an appetite for living in spite of all my failures and shortcomings. O Father, help me to believe in grace and forgiveness in such a way that they make a difference to my life and I can live confident in you, witnessing to your goodness, love and transforming power.

In the name of my beloved Lord Jesus, who died so that I might be set free from bondage, might live to know and love and be loved, Amen.

Outlook.. changeable!

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He does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us.

As a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him; for he knows how we are formed, he remembers that we are dust.

As for man, his days are like grass, he flourishes like a flower of the field; the wind blows over it and it is gone, and its place remembers it no more.

But from everlasting to everlasting the Lord’s love is with those who fear him, and his righteousness with their children’s children – with those who keep his covenant and remember to obey his precepts.

The Lord has established his throne in heaven, and his kingdom rules over all. Praise the Lord, you his angels, you mighty ones who do his bidding, who obey his word. Praise the Lord, all his heavenly hosts, you servants who do his will. Praise the Lord, all his works everywhere in his dominion. Praise the Lord, O my soul.

(Ps 103. 10-22)

There is a child in my heart; a child who fears to grieve those she loves, who is deeply ashamed to cause trouble or hurt, who longs to see those around her happy and untroubled. The child often apologises for things that may not be her fault, in an attempt to smooth over discomfort. The child is terrified to express desires, or make choices which may cause discomfort or inconvenience to others. The child is often tired of her failings, and of not managing to grow out of them. The child struggles to see any difference between her failings, and herself – often wishing that she herself were out of the way, so that the lives of those she loves could run without the continual irritant of her faults. The child sees little value in her own contribution to life, except as far as she can please others and make their lives better.

The adult in my heart knows that she is made by God for a purpose; made to know and be known by him; made to serve and delight in him; made to delight in the world, in other people, and all the good gifts which he gives day by day. The adult knows that she is loved, saved, guarded by eternal arms and assured of an inheritance in the world to come. The adult knows that she is forgiven, and forgiven again; and that the love that matters will never fail her and knows her heart’s desire is to be made pure.

The voices of the child and the adult are vying for my attention; first one, and then the other speaks loudest, and as a result I am in a pitiable state of turmoil, at the mercy of some deep, destabilising emotions. The outlook changes not only from day-to-day, but almost minute to minute, and it is very tiring. In such a condition, I do my utmost to cling to the rock which is my Saviour’s love and saving power; his settled disposition for my eternal good. I seek the discipline to recall and meditate on God’s promises to me, promises to forgive, and to transform. I seek ways to lift my head up out of my own mess to look at the great big story of His-story – of God making His kingdom come, and His will be done. In that gloriously wide perspective there lies the possibility of renewed confidence, of peace and the conviction that the battle is won, and I walk under the victor’s flag. The struggles which beset me are put into their place and revealed as skirmishes with the enemy of God’s children, who is using my weakness to draw me away from my Saviour, and bind me in a dungeon of self-pity and despair.

I WILL NOT be bound; I WILL claim the victory which Christ has won over all the powers of evil in this world. And this I do because by the Spirit, God will do it for me! He does not change, when I do. He does not weaken or get distracted. Let my soul praise the Lord!

Heavenly Father, Almighty and Everlasting, whose faithful love never fails, and whose purposes are sure of being fulfilled, I praise and thank you for your steadfastness. You know that I am struggling in these days, fighting a wall of noise which accuses me of failure, stirring up every old shameful act, and every memory of a good deed not done. Have mercy on me, you know that I am but dust. In your fathomless compassion, restore in me by your Spirit, the faith, hope and upwelling gratitude which should be the heartbeat and rhythm of my life as your child. In Jesus’ name, I pray, Amen.

Can these dry bones live?

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The hand of the Lord was on me, and he brought me out by the Spirit of the Lord and set me in the middle of a valley; it was full of bones… bones that were very dry. He asked me, “Son of man, can these bones live?” I said, “Sovereign Lord, you alone know.”

Then he said to me, “Prophecy to these bones and say to them, ‘Dry bones, hear the word of the Lord! This is what the Sovereign Lord says to these bones: I will make breath enter you and you will come to life….. Then you will know that I am the Lord… I will put my Spirit in you and you will live…”

(Ezek 37.1-6&14)

“So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened… If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children how much more will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!”

(Lk 11.9,10&13)

For Christ’s love compels us, because we are convinced that one died for all, and therefore all died…. that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again… All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and … he has committed to us the message of reconciliation. We are therefore Christ’s ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us. We implore you on Christ’s behalf: Be reconciled to God.

(2 Cor 5.14&15, 18-20)

Do you, like me, respond to this command by Jesus to ask, seek and knock by saying… ‘yes Lord, but what about……?’. Perhaps it is just me, with my tendency to see the negative instead of the positive, to focus on the ways that I am not seeing the answers that I want instead of discerning what God is doing.

I am enthralled by the vision of the dry bones coming to life as the word of the Lord is preached to them, and the breath of God, his very Spirit, brings them back from death. I believe that this is a picture of what God does every time a person accepts Christ as their Saviour – they pass from the dry, dusty death which is exile from God and slavery to the ruling powers of this world, into the vivid, spirit-filled and joyous life which is knowing the love of God and fulfilling our place in his plan. The power of the vision is compelling, and motivating – as Paul testifies in his entreaty to the Corinthians not to reject the hope of life which is offered in Christ.

BUT, how many of us have been privileged to witness such transformation? How many of us have prayed for it to happen in the lives of family, friends, work colleagues, members of our community… and seen no change at all? Is this because God’s power is somehow limited? Is it lack of faith on our part, do we fail in perseverance? Surely God is not like some automated vending machine where sufficient input of determined prayer will guarantee the results! But where then does Jesus’ exhortation to persevere in prayer take me?

I have no easy answers to this question, and in honesty I have to confess that at the moment, I am almost apathetic about prayer – the kind of prayer that believes in and hopes for great things to be done; the prayer that keeps on asking, seeking, knocking; the prayer that wrestles with God and will not let go. How can I find the courage and faith to pray like that when I see so many reasons to be hopeless, to lower my expectations as much as possible, to accept the power of sin over so many lives and stop fighting against it?

And so it seems that the dry bones are my own… it is my spirit which is dust-dry and lifeless; my faith which is bowed down into the ground, blind and deaf to God’s work and word. And so I must start with my own heart as I come to God in prayer – prayer as an act of will, a discipline in the teeth of discouragement and weariness, a cry from the heart for renewal and a work of the Spirit in my life so that I may not fail my Saviour. Only God can do this, do I have the strength and faith to keep asking for it?

Lord, have mercy on your child; restore her courage to believe, and strength to live in that faith. May her stumbling efforts at obedience, her dogged attempts to listen and to pray, all these poor rags of discipleship, be objects of your love and compassion. You know how to give good gifts to your children, and you alone know how needy I am. Make these dry bones live, that I might serve you in this place and time, for your glory and in the name of Jesus my Lord, Amen.

On being a faithful workman..

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.. Ezra came up from Babylon. He was a teacher well versed in the Law of Moses.. [Ezra] had devoted himself to the study and observance of the Law of the Lord, and to teaching its decrees and laws in Israel.

(Ez 7.6&10)

Here is a trustworthy saying: If we died with him, we will also live with him; if we endure, we will also reign with him. If we disown him, he will also disown us; if we are faithless, he remains faithful, for he cannot disown himself.

Keep reminding God’s people of these things. Warn them before God against quarrelling about words; it is of no value and only ruins those who listen. Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a worker who does not need to be ashamed and who correctly handles the word of truth.. don’t have anything to do with foolish and stupid arguments, because you know they produce quarrels. And the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but must be kind to everyone, able to teach, not resentful. Opponents must be gently instructed, in the hope that God will grant them repentance leading to a knowledge of the truth.

In the presence of God and of Christ Jesus, who will judge the living and the dead, and in view of his appearing and his kingdom, I give you this charge: Preach the word; be prepared in season and out of season; correct, rebuke and encourage – with great patience and careful instruction. For the time will come when people will not put up with sound doctrine. Instead, to suit their own desires, they will gather around them a great number of teachers to say what their itching ears want to hear.. But you, keep your head in all situations, endure hardship, do the work of an evangelist, discharge all the duties of your ministry.

(2 Tim 2.11-15,23-26: 4.1-5)

A few days before this piece is published, my husband will have formally taken up his new post as minister for a congregation within the Church of Scotland. The occasion will have included an avowal of a personal desire to glorify and serve Jesus Christ as the primary motivation for his willingness to undertake the task.  In a way, it is the same kind of message which Paul is giving to Timothy in this letter – to a young pastor who is facing the (humanly speaking) terrifying task of leading a church, many of whose members will be older and therefore consider themselves to have more authority and wisdom than he does!!

The calling to serve by entering into Christian ministry, the work of preaching, caring, leading and – where necessary – exercising some discipline – should never be embraced without a great deal of careful thought, prayer and humble, honest soul-searching. It is not a position to be sought for anything other than the conviction that as a believer, one can do nothing else – a strong constraint and sense of identification with the work. If you read carefully through Paul’s charge to Timothy, it is clear that there will be no end to the labour, and that it will be a constant challenge to his temper, his energy, his wisdom, and above all his reliance on God to work through his own personal weaknesses and flaws. Because the best human leaders of God’s people are those who are most acutely aware of their own temptations; who refuse to ‘go it alone’ in the job but make themselves accountable to others; who can apologise where needed, and who will never forget that the work is God’s work, not dependent on their own human wisdom, ingenuity or energetic and constant activity.

As I prepare to support and work alongside my husband in our new place of ministry, may I encourage you to pray for us and for your own leaders, in light of the particular responsibilities and challenges which God has called them to accept?

Almighty God, Father of our Lord Jesus Christ in whose name we pray today, be glorified in the lives and ministries of your servants in the gospel, those called to public ministry and leadership of your people. May each one be like Ezra – knowing your word, living your word and teaching your word faithfully in every situation.

Heavenly Father, these servants are known and loved by you; each one delights you as they serve to the best of their ability, but each is also burdened by a sense of their own limitations, flaws and persistent sins. May they know the joy of being forgiven; may they walk gladly in the light of your love and acceptance of them; may they never forget that your approval matters more than anything else, and their worth doesn’t depend on what happens – for good or ill – in their ministries.

When their energies are lowest; when the human frustrations are deepest; when there seems no hope for change, no fruit for their labours… then, O Lord, have mercy on your servants and visit them with your tender mercies of refreshment and renewal by your Spirit. When there are signs of life, lives being transformed, a liveliness and energy of your power at work… then, O Lord, have mercy on your servants and remind them that this is your work, not theirs and protect them from pride, self-sufficiency and boastfulness.

We commend your servants to you today O Lord, may we love and support them faithfully; may we be honest if we are concerned about them and willing to forgive them, as we ourselves seek to be forgiven. Build your church Lord, for your glory and our blessing we pray, in Jesus’ name, Amen.

Tongue-tied.. but why?

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Jesus [said], “I am the way, the truth and the life. No-one comes to the Father except through me.”

(Jn 14.6)

“Salvation is found in no-one else, for there is no other name under heaven given to men by which we must be saved”

(Acts 4.12)

But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. He chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things – and the things that are not – to nullify the things that are, so that no-one may boast before him. It is because of him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God – that is our righteousness, holiness and redemption Therefore, as it is written :”Let him who boasts boast in the Lord.”

When I came to you, brothers and sisters, I did not come with eloquence or superior wisdom as I proclaimed to you the testimony about God. For I resolved to know nothing while I was with you except Jesus Christ and him crucified.. My message and my preaching were not with wise and persuasive words, but with a demonstration of the Spirit’s power, so that your faith might not rest on human wisdom, but on God’s power.

(1Cor 1.26-2.5)

But in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect..

(1Pet 3.15)

What is it that keeps me silent when I could speak? Why do I revert to vague generalisations about church, when I have opportunity to speak of Jesus? These questions have been troubling me recently, as I was in that very situation and utterly failed to make proper use of it. I am ashamed and deeply unsettled to realise that I find it so much easier to talk about ‘my faith’, than about the person in whom I have faith.

It has been said that Christianity is not so much a religion, as a relationship, and if that is the case, then I am sadly disengaged from the other party to the relationship! Would a loving wife, when asked about her life, refer continually to her marriage as the best thing in it? Surely she would rather talk about her husband!! In the same way, I realise that my love for Jesus falls short, and is not at the forefront of my thinking. The reality of my salvation, of my eternal hope and the daily help and transforming power of the spirit are what come to mind first, not the person through whom alone I have received them.

This means that my witness, when I have opportunity to speak, is not first of Jesus, but only of how good it is to have faith.. this may have a place, but surely it is not what Paul meant when he shared with the Corinthians, preaching not human wisdom (and much human wisdom relates to the need for faith of some kind!), but the life, death and resurrection of Jesus Christ. I do not aspire to be another apostle, but I am aware that the name of Jesus could be on my lips so much more often than it is. I could boast in my Lord so much more than I do, and with gentleness, I could proclaim his unique glory as my saviour and the coming king.

It is pointless to speculate on the whys and wherefores of my reticence, and I don’t want to waste time there, but rather to bring this peculiar reluctance to the Lord himself and ask forgiveness and transformation..

Almighty God, and loving Father, I confess today my lack of love and loyalty to my Lord and Saviour, your son Jesus Christ. I confess that my mind and heart are distracted and often struggle to see him clearly – retreating so readily to consider myself and the blessings I receive from him, instead of recognising and delighting in him as Lord.

I desire to honour you, Father, Son and Spirit; to confess Jesus as my Lord in word and deed, and to proclaim the good news of his salvation to all. I pray you will direct my thoughts, stir up my love, lead my reading and understanding so that the glory, sufficiency, power and unique majesty of Christ might be ever more present in my mind.

Release my tongue to speak of Jesus, in season and out of season; to gently and persistently draw attention to him, and to boast only and always of him. Ignite a fire within my heart, so that all my head knowledge burns with a living flame of love and becomes a place where others may see the light of Christ and meet his love. Let me learn to tell his story and give him glory, in his precious name I pray, Amen.

When I feel so useless..

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Declare what is to be, present it – let them take counsel together. Who foretold this long ago, who declared it from the distant past? Was it not I, the Lord? And there is no God apart from me, a righteous God and a Saviour; there is none but me…

“Listen to me, O house of Jacob, all you who remain of the house of Israel, you whom I have upheld since you were conceived, and  carried since your birth. Even to your old age and grey hairs I am he, I am he who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you. 

I am God, and there is no other; I am God and there is none like me. I make known the end from the beginning, from ancient times, what is still to come. I say: My purpose will stand, and I will do all that I please… What I have said, that will I bring about; what I have planned, that will I do… I will grant salvation to Zion, my splendour to Israel.

(Is 45.21; 46.3&4,9&10,13)

“When [our plans] are interrupted, his are not. His plans are proceeding exactly as scheduled, moving us always (including those minutes or hours or years which seem most useless, or wasted, or unendurable).” (Elisabeth Elliot; 1926-2015)

The sun is splitting the skies, the birds are singing and there is a tangible excitement as spring dances on the edge of our days, with so much light and colour and the promise of more to come.

And I am unwell; confined to the house; moving stiff and carefully; sleeping badly and feeling as though my world has contracted to a tiny space. What will I do with this challenge? Last week, I wrote that our speech and actions should not be determined by our circumstances… and now I am labouring to prove the strength of the Lord in pursuing patience, gentleness and acceptance of his plan for these days.

Such situations are always a good exercise in recognising how our ego likes to continually add up ‘worth-points’, totting up every activity on some invisible register which somehow makes me significant or valued by God. It is humbling when – as now – there is nothing to add up! Will I accept that for the moment, my Lord asks me to embrace inactivity, weakness and discomfort, and in and through those things, to find ways to praise him? There is so much to be thankful for; will I poison those good things by resenting what God has chosen to withhold? And surely that would show clearly that I value the gifts much more than their giver..

So often in these situations, I go to Elisabeth Elliot’s strong spiritual sense – she never pretended to anyone that being a Christian would be a bed of roses, and her uncompromising words brace me, showing me the truth – that my furious rejection of this season of illness is simply a tantrum of self, and a refusal to trust that God is good, and has a right to do as he pleases with his creation. I am not indispensable, and I am loved, saved and accepted not because of what I do, but because of Jesus’ love and death for me.

I have been brought into relationship with the God of creation, the Almighty and eternal One in order that I might share in his great purposes for the kingdom of Jesus. Do I believe that He will complete what He has begun? If I do, then my own part – anything which I can do is a privilege and not a means of earning my place – is entirely up to God to direct, and certainly not up to me to dictate! Pride and self-importance have no place in this relationship, all comes to me as God’s free and loving gift. The challenging and austere words of William Law show me how I can truly glorify the Lord in the trials of this time.. and also show me how very far I am from that state of highest faith and deepest trust.. may the Lord have mercy and sustain me to glorify him in whatever he may decree should lie ahead.

“Receive every inward and outward trouble, every disappointment, pain, uneasiness, temptation, darkness and desolation, with both thy hands, as a true opportunity and a blessed occasion of dying to self, and entering into a fuller relationship with thy self-denying and suffering saviour.

Look at no inward or outward trouble in any other view, reject every other thought about it: and then every kind of trial and distress will become the blessed day of thy prosperity. That state is best, which exerciseth the highest faith in, and fullest resignation to God.” (William Law; 1686-1761)

when looking down….

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He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young.. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord renew their strength. They will soar like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not faint.

“For I am the Lord, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you. Do not be afraid, O worm Jacob, O little Israel, for I myself will help you,” declares the Lord, your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel.

” Here is my servant, who I uphold, my chosen one in whom I delight.. A bruised reed he will not break, and a smouldering wick he will not snuff out.”

(Isa 40.11, 29-31; 41.13&14; 42.1&3)

Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my saviour and my God. My soul is downcast within me; therefore I will remember you… By day the Lord directs his love, at night his song is with me – a prayer to the God of my life..

(Ps 42.5-8)

Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take [the thorn in the flesh] away from me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses…. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

(2Cor 12.8-10)

Sometimes, we find ourselves walking as if in the shadow of a great hill which is hiding the light from our path, and we are weary of stumbling in the dark, of hurting ourselves on things we cannot see, of straining for the way ahead. The hill could be difficult problems posed by health issues for ourselves, or our loved ones; challenges in our work or church communities which are making everyone tense and unhappy; difficult relationships with those who are close to us, where we seem unable to resolve issues, and consequently our lives are overshadowed, everything is muted and joy seems fled for good.

In such seasons, I take great comfort in going to the words of the psalmists, of Job and the many prophets who spoke truth and suffered for it at the hands of God’s people. There I find a depth of lament which gives relief to my burdened spirit, and helps me to bring all to the Lord as my ‘sacrifice’ of prayer. If all I have seems to be hard and sore, then let me bring it in faith and say, “Lord, this is my offering, use it as you choose for your glory!”

There too, I find the precious encouragement to keep on hoping, to go on believing that God is good, that I am beloved, redeemed and accepted, no matter how difficult my circumstances and the ways that others may make me feel. To know myself held in my shepherd’s arms; to picture myself as the guttering candle which he shields with his hands so that it may burn on; to remember that he knows why I feel like a worm, and understands all that has gone to make it so. This is to know a deep and strengthening comfort and a reviving tenderness indeed!

Often when I am looking down, watching my feet to avoid falling, I see something beautiful which comes like a call from my Lord – ‘Look! here is a gift to remind you that I am present, and I know, utterly understand, your sorrow.’ It helps me to lift my head and find renewed faith, believing that as I come to him in weakness, not trusting myself or anyone else, then I am enabled to go on.

Beloved Father, whose tenderness and kindness melts my heart again and again, I praise and thank you for understanding all that is overshadowing me today. I rest in your love, and rejoice to know that you hold me fast.

Saving Lord, precious Jesus, whose life and death has secured eternal life for me, I thank you that you have known sorrow, weariness, and the deep shadows which are cast over human lives. I rest in your love, and rejoice to know that you will never forsake me.

Reviving Spirit, divine in-dweller of my being, I worship and thank you today because by your power and presence, I am kept safe and secure as a child of God, and you will not abandon the work which has begun in me.

Today, even as I walk in shadow, let me be renewed in hope, courage and faithfulness. Let me not be silenced by the shadows, but rather enabled to praise you in them – for your glory, and my blessing. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

Travelling light?

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Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my saviour. The sovereign Lord is my strength..

(Hab 3.17-19)

Then Jesus came to them and said;”… And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”

(Matt 28.18&20)

I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings…. Not that I have already obtained all this, or have been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me… But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining towards what is ahead, I press on towards the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenwards in Christ Jesus… 

Rejoice in the Lord always.. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus…. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, … I can do everything through him who gives me strength.

(Phil 3.10,12-14; 4.4-7, 12&13)

How good it is, as a child of God, to know that when He says, “Go, let this place and these people become your past”, that I can trust him for the unknown future. I am so thankful for the people and experiences which have made up my life, but also aware that they are fleeting things, and cannot be carried with me into the next chapter.

I have memories, and a few physical reminders, but am aware of the gift of God in allowing me to let the past go, and not to cart its baggage into tomorrow. I can rest in the relinquishment because it is my loving Father who asks it of me, and he holds so many good things for me to enjoy and thank him for in the future. Ultimately, I have nothing to take with me in the face of advancing years and death, but the assurance that I belong to Jesus and he will keep me safe through all that is permitted. No treasured memories, no relationships, no material belongings, nothing at all can carry me through what lies ahead except Jesus.

When the past threatens to ambush my present, bringing bitterness, regret, an overwhelming sense of loss, I have a choice to make. Will I allow myself to be disabled by the tide, swept into a storm of grief and complaint against God? Or will I choose to pray… to rejoice that I have known so many good gifts from God; that I can trust his wisdom in giving and withdrawing those gifts; that through the experience of his gifts, I have learnt more about God and his faithfulness and love for me?

Paul had learnt to make that choice well, to go for thanksgiving and the prayer which trusts the loving heart of the listener. The Father who made us knows what wrings our hearts and what would weigh us down; he gives us the opportunity to cast that burden back on him, by giving thanks for what is now lost to us, and trusting that in his providence, we are no less loved and cared for than when we enjoyed those most painfully lost gifts – of people, of health, of material prosperity, whatever they are…

Dear friends, your grief and my grief are known to our father, and he waits to see what we will do with it. His spirit moves us towards his loving heart in faith, and invites us to choose trust, to choose not to try to carry all that is past with us into the future but to believe that in our God, in Father, Son and Spirit, we will know all that really matters and be gifted with contentment. May we learn to let the past with all its joys and sorrows be something that is in God’s keeping, and not fret over carrying it ourselves.. may we travel lightly and hopefully towards the glory which is our future with him.

Where are you?

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Then the man and his wife heard the sound of the Lord God as he was walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and they hid from the Lord God among the trees of the garden. But the Lord God called to the man, “Where are you?” He answered, “I heard you in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid.”

(Gen 3.8-10)

The angel of the Lord found Hagar near a spring in the desert…. And he said, “Hagar, servant of Sarai, where have you come from, and where are you going?”  “I’m running away from my mistress Sarai,” She answered. then the angel of the Lord told her, “Go back… I will so increase your descendants that they will be too numerous to count.”… She gave this name to the Lord who spoke to her: “You are the God who sees me,”

(Gen 15.7-10&13)

Then a voice said to him: “What are you doing here Elijah?” He replied, “I have been very zealous for the Lord God Almighty. The Israelites have rejected your covenant, broken down your altars, and put your prophets to death with the sword I am the only one left, and now they are trying to kill me too.”… The Lord said to him, “Go back the way you came…. I reserve seven thousand in Israel – all whose knees have not bowed down to Baal”…

(1 Kgs 19.13-15&18)

O Lord, you have searched me and you now me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways..

If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,” even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you.

(Ps 139 1-3,11&12)

Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from the will of your Father. And even the very hairs of your head are numbered. so don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows. 

(Matt 10.29-31)

Does God ever lose people? Have you ever wondered just why, in the story of the garden after Adam and Eve have eaten the forbidden fruit and are hiding, did God ask where they were? Surely He knew?!

One of the most comforting – and challenging – things that we find about God as revealed in the scriptures is his omniscience, or all-knowingness. We are told that there is absolutely nothing – in any realm of creation, and inside our own minds and hearts – which escapes God’s eye and comprehension. There is nowhere, literally in anything that exists, which is not open to God. Think about that for a moment or two.. it means that when we shut up our shame over sin, or harbour grudges for the hurt done to us by another – we are wasting our efforts because God sees it all. It means that when evil, or good, are being conceived and carried out anywhere, by anyone, God sees it and can perfectly judge the true justice of every situation. Thus we can be both reassured – we are never lost to God – and challenged – since He clearly sees all our actions, thoughts and motivations.

So, I return to my question.. why does God ask where Adam and Eve have got to? Is it to gave them the opportunity to respond with the truth, to tell it like it is and acknowledge that they have messed up and are in big trouble? I think we can all agree that if a person is plainly in trouble, but refusing to accept that reality, then they cannot be helped. A person needs to acknowledge – to confess or call by its true name – their situation in order to be delivered from it.

When God says to you, or to me today, “Where are you?” what will be the answer? Am I at sea, amid great rolling breakers of pain or suffering which are like to swamp me? Then the Lord reminds me that he is greater than all that assails me, and his power is able to hold me until the stilling of the storm.

Am I part of a happy family party, celebrating connection, anniversaries, shared life and varied experiences? Then the Lord reminds me that all good things come from him, the Father of all, and that as I celebrate and give thanks, I give glory to him.

Am I astray amid doubts and weariness, or in a far country spending my life’s riches on those things which my culture and popular wisdom tell me will bring happiness? Then the Lord, when he calls, invites me to recognise the barrenness of my real situation, and to confess that I am hungry and thirsty the water of life, for the bread and wine of the covenant, for the only thing which will truly satisfy me – Jesus.

As I hear my Lord’s voice today, calling to ask where I am, let me be honest and by the help of the Holy Spirit, confess the truth and share my need, no matter how ashamed of it I may be. Jesus has made sure that my home is with him, and when he says that I matter to my heavenly Father, I can believe it. There is no need for any of God’s children to face life alone, He knows where they are all the time and is waiting to be invited to join them.