Category Archives: self-control

Not ‘what if..?’ , but ‘what is!’

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The one whose walk is blameless, who does what is righteous, who speaks the truth from their heart; whose tongue utters no slander, who does no wrong to a neighbour, and casts no slur on others…. Whoever does these things will never be shaken.

(Ps 15.2,3&5)

“It is reported among the nations… that you are plotting..” I sent [Sanballat] this reply: “Nothing like what you are saying is happening; you are just making it up out of your head.” They were all trying to frighten us…. Also, in those days the nobles of Judah were sending many letters to Tobiah, and they kept reporting to me his good deeds and then telling me what he said. And Tobiah sent letters to intimidate me.

(Neh 6.5&8,17&19)

You, my brothers and sisters were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh; rather, serve one another humbly in love. For the entire law is fulfilled in keeping this one command: “Love your neighbour as yourself.” If you bite and devour each other, watch out or you will be destroyed by each other.

(Gal 5.13-15)

Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

(1 Cor 13.6&7)

Those who consider themselves religious and yet do not keep a tight rein on their tongues deceive themselves and their religion is worthless..

(Jas 1.26)

As a follower of Jesus Christ, one called to live for and with him in a fallen world, I am not given a set of rules to follow for daily living, but rather a person – a holy, pure and loving person whose perfections are both an inspiration and a challenge to me. By the power of the Holy Spirit within me, I believe that I am being made more like Jesus, that each hour and day of my life is seeing his likeness formed more clearly within me and – I pray – that means that I am fulfilling my purpose within his kingdom.

This transformation is not some airy-fairy thing of feelings, or transcendental experience, but totally grounded in practical things – it affects every aspect of my life, all my interactions with other people, both within and outwith my christian family and community. My actions, my use of my time and money, the priorities which direct my decision making and lifestyle, and my words…. friends, our words are part of what God wants to bring into conformity with Jesus too, so that we use them well!

I am reading the gritty and messy story of the return to Jerusalem and the rebuilding of the temple and the city after 70 years of exile, under the leadership of Ezra and Nehemiah, and sadly God’s people were not doing terribly well at using their words for the good of the whole community. The social structures, the power and influence wielded by the enemies of God’s people, were having a very dangerous impact on morale. Rumours were spreading, half-truths were being proclaimed, and the godly leaders were being slandered… and the people of God were part of this messy, malicious and potentially catastrophic movement.. shame on them for letting themselves be sucked in to such trouble-making!

But, before we judge them for their actions, we need to take a look at ourselves, and recognise just how insidiously attractive such gossip can be, how delicious it is to speculate on what we do not know, and how easily we fall into this same dangerous pattern of behaviour. We forget that to love our neighbour, means to love truth enough to reject gossip; to refuse to speculate; to hope for the best in a bad situation and always to seek good.

In an age where false information is rife, it is even more necessary for the people of God to love truth; to despise gossip and to refuse to take part in speculation based on half-truth or ignorance. We must learn to hold our tongues and to love others well enough to speak only truth about them. Discretion, confidentiality and a continual discipline of holding fast to truth, are all marks of a faithful and useful servant of God, one who can be trusted with responsibility in the kingdom.. in this way, we can serve the body of the church and not harm it, strengthening instead of undermining it.

Heavenly Father, renew in me a love for you and for my neighbour which will make me also love truth. Let my speech be courteous, considered, and let me learn discretion so that I can be silent and keep the troubles of others private. Deliver me from the slippery path of gossip and speculation, and help me to stand and speak firmly from what is true, instead of being tossed on the waves of ‘what if?’  Thus may I serve and glorify you, and be a blessing to your people. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

A ready and generous affection

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..but love your neighbour as yourself. I am the Lord…. the alien living with you must be treated as one of your native-born. Love him as yourself, for you were aliens in Egypt. I am the Lord your God.

(Lev 19.18&34)

“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.

(Jn 13.34&35)

Let no debt remain outstanding, except the continuing  debt to love one another, for he who loves his fellow-man has fulfilled the law…. Love does no harm to its neighbour. Therefore love is the fulfilment of the law.

(Rom 13. 8&10)

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails…

(1 Cor 13.4-8)

Love is not proud, and how often pride is at the root of all our disobediences.. love is ready to leap to greet another, ready with a smile, a kind word, a hug. Love is not afraid to show emotion, to be vulnerable and allow others to show love; love is generous, not stingy and mean in measuring out affection. Jesus calls us to love, AS HE LOVES. We can’t say there is no model, but we can choose to justify our deviation from it – and what does that say about our hearts and our sense of how much we are freely, undeservedly, loved?

Last week, as I walked in a big city, I met an old friend who took one look at me, opened his arms and embraced me in the biggest hug. It was such comfort to my hurting heart – he didn’t know that, but our Lord knew that was what I needed, and so he sent me that generous, eager loving heart to greet me as Jesus greets all his children – ” My dear, it is so good to see you!”

That little miraculous moment left me wondering how often we manage to take our opportunities to love generously, to love like Jesus, with no thought of reward, or of what others are thinking?

We all respond differently to different expressions of love, and part of the wisdom of being like Jesus is learning how to say “I love you” to some who don’t like physical displays of affection – what can I do or say to let them know the divine love today? For me and for many of us perhaps, words are a powerful way to both build up and to undermine love. So today I want to think particularly about how Jesus used words and to challenge us all to be more aware of what damage we may be doing by careless talk…

Jesus does not make himself significant by putting others down, by using sarcasm or being patronizing, by mocking those weaker than himself. Jesus infallibly spoke to the women he encountered with an unheard of respect, honesty and as equally beloved to God – an attitude which led them to seek him out, to follow him with devotion and serve sacrificially. This man didn’t belittle or send them back to the kitchen or the nursery, he listened, reasoned and made them know their worth in God’s eyes… Sadly, his church has failed to effectively follow his example very well, but the principle and model are there for us to follow.

Jesus welcomed the children, those suffering from obnoxious diseases and disabilities, and spoke to them as the object of God’s – not patronizing pity- but transforming and empowering love. Jesus took care that his words fitted his hearers, and his divine love and wisdom shine through clearly to show us that it is entirely possible to live as those who choose never to destroy, but always to build up the body of Christ, always persevering and meeting harshness with love and respect.

What will you and I do with our words this week? Will we make excuses and hide behind our busy-schedules, behind particular health/family or employment stresses? I don’t think Jesus leaves us any room for taking out our troubles in our words on those whom we are called to love – He didn’t do it! Will we use the acid-biting sarcasm, the bewildering cryptic comments that leave our hearers feeling utterly stupid, the patronising comments that treat them like less than God’s dearly beloved image bearers?

Will we use words to say instead: “Hello my precious friend, loved and unique, how can I serve you today, how can I encourage you to know the utter security of God’s hold upon you and to have joy in knowing that love, and sharing it?”

I know which one I want to be, and to that end, I share these verses from an old hymn which beautifully expresses that desire to love in the Lord’s name.

I ask Thee for a thoughtful love, through constant watching wise, to meet the glad with joyful smiles, and wipe the weeping eyes, and a heart, at leisure from itself, to soothe and sympathise.

Wherever in this world I am, in whatso’er estate, I have a fellowship with hearts to keep and cultivate, and a work of lowly love to do the Lord on whom I wait.

(Anna L Waring, 1823-1910)

Out of a full heart…

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Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Saviour and my God. My soul is downcast within me; therefore I will remember you from the land of the Jordan, the heights of Hermon – from Mount Mizar. Deep calls to deep in the roar of your waterfall; all your waves and breakers have swept over me. By day the Lord directs his love, at night his song is with me – a prayer to the God of my life.

(Ps 42.5-8)

For though we walk in the flesh, we are not waging war according to the flesh… We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God and take every thought captive to obey Christ…

(2 Cor 10.3&5)

But since we belong to the day, let us be self-controlled, putting on faith and love as a breastplate, and the hope of salvation as a helmet. For God did not appoint us to suffer wrath but to receive salvation through our Lord Jesus Christ. He died for us so that, whether we are awake or asleep, we may live together with him. Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing…. Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.

(1 Thess 5.8-11,16-18)

In these summer days, my heart is full:-

Joy in the beauty of creation builds in my spirit as I bask in sunshine, swim in crystal clear waters over white sands, watch the growing and maturing plants in my garden and hear the birds calling from every thicket. I see the mountains across the waters, and the trees that cling to the hills like thick green fur; I see the moon rising full and palest yellow as the sun dips briefly below the horizon and the summer night begins.

Praise for the maker of creation rises in my heart as I delight in his power and artistry, and experience the blessing of beauty, light and growing things in satisfying my soul.

Heaviness at the prospect of leaving this place drags at my heart, threatening to drain the joy from each moment of pleasure and to cause the days to fly past.

Love for the friends who have been given to me here fills my heart, all their generosity, their kindness to me and their beauty as God’s children – whether they know and acknowledge him or not.

Grief for my friends here who follow Jesus and feel bereft at our departure; and deeper grief for those who do not know him, and who have not chosen to trust him for their eternity, yet. These griefs well up in my heart, continually pressing on me and clamouring for my attention.

There is a deep longing to be obedient, fruitful, and God-glorifying in all I do, which in these days of uncertainty is quickened to urgency as I seek to find the path, as I have to wait on his direction and perfect timing.

In the midst of all this, I am called to be thankful in everything, in order to fulfil his will for me. How can I do this when I am subject to such a mixture of emotions all the time and every day? Paul gives me instructions, and the means to fulfil them as well, by reminding me that as the Holy Spirit dwells in me, and I follow day by day, I will bear fruit, in Christ-likeness. Part of that fruit is self-control, not a very popular notion, but central to our maturing as believers. By the Spirit, I can choose to recognise, acknowledge and then step away from those emotions which threaten to overwhelm and distract me from obedience and to silence my thanksgiving. Because Christ died for me, and lives in me by his Spirit, I can choose to exercise my will in order to trust. My emotions do not have mastery over my will, my thoughts can and shall be directed by the truth of the gospel which has saved me.

Therefore I will choose thankfulness for God’s compassion for me, his own child and creation. All that is welling up in me, conflicting and disturbing; all the mixture of pain and joy which is the human condition, this is known to him and completely understood. My reactions are not a surprise to him, because he knows how I am made. I can therefore pour it all out before him, full of thankfulness for his acceptance and love, and confident that he can guide and keep me through this season of upheaval and uncertainty.