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Honestly…?

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I love the Lord, for he heard my voice; he heard my cry for mercy. Because he turned his ear to me, I will call on him as long as I live. The cords of death entangled me, the anguish of the grave came over me; I was overcome by distress and sorrow. Then I called on the name of the Lord; “Lord, save me!”

The Lord is gracious and righteous; our God is full of compassion. The Lord protects the unwary; when I was brought low, he saved me. Return to your rest, my soul, for the Lord has been good to you.

(Ps 116.1-7)

One of [the Pharisees], an expert in the law, tested him with this question: “Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?”

Jesus replied: “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.” This is the first and greatest commandment.

(Matt 22.36-38)

The aim of our charge is love that issues from a pure heart and a good conscience and a sincere faith.

(1Tim 1:5)

I believe that we are called to be honest with one another as fellow pilgrims, and that by doing so, we actually support one another in our journey of faith through a life which will bring many challenges as well and joys. I know for myself that I desperately need to be honest in my relationships, and that where I feel I cannot share, I also feel I cannot truly love.

In this season, where I am floundering and failing, and unable to make a true judgement of my own thoughts, motives and actions, the opportunity to share, and to receive the loving acceptance and true observation of others is an anchor and a blessed comfort to me. Only my heavenly Father sees my heart, mind and deepest motivations, but my fellow pilgrims can tell me if they see obvious sin, rebellion and can also reassure me as to goodness. If others whom I know to be godly, mature and loving believers are able to recognise something of worth in me, then I may be comforted!

I am therefore so thankful for the blessed acceptance and kindness which I received recently from the fellowship of my bible study group – women who don’t really know me, but whose hearts are full of the love of Christ and who seek him.

I am profoundly thankful that I have the example of the psalmists in praying with complete honesty, in casting themselves completely and consistently upon the care of God – taking him at his word and claiming his love, compassion, provision, protection and all other good and necessary things. My Father knows, absolutely knows me, and longs for my honest surrender and offering up of all my confusion, distress and uncertainty.

I am profoundly relieved to know that I am secure upon the foundation which is Jesus Christ, my Lord and Saviour whose complete saving work for me is the only grounds of my security and hope. I could, and do, wish that after all the years of God’s investment in my life, I were a more worthy testament to his goodness.. instead of a building fit for a king, I remain a mere collection of rubble and bricks, with the faintest outline of a structure and no glory to speak of! But my foundation is Christ, and he will not fail me; I am his precious charge and will never be abandoned.

Oh Father, I don’t know what I need; I can’t trust my own understanding or discern the reality of my heart and motivation. I don’t want to stay stuck in this fruitless, stunted condition, a rebuke to the gospel and cause for shame. But I don’t know what to do. In your mercy, be my help and send me the aid that you know I need – let me recognise and embrace it, finding comfort, courage and growing in godliness.

It is only in being filled with love for you that I have any hope for meaning and purpose and joy in the life which remains to me. My zeal is so feeble, and my love so faint – it seems to have little power to hold me in the darkness, and I seem fruitless. I am afraid to ask to love you more, afraid that you might answer through more trials, through pain and suffering. I am ashamed of this fear, but it is very real.

Have mercy on your fearful child, she trembles to ask great things of you, fearing the cost. Forgive her fear, her doubt, and make her love you more – for Jesus’ sake, Amen.

When you feel like… rubbish

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Out of the depths I cry to you, O Lord: O Lord, hear my voice. Let your ears be attentive to my cry for mercy. If you, O Lord, kept a record of wrongs, O Lord, who could stand? But with you there is forgiveness; therefore you are feared.

I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in his word I put my hope. My soul waits for the Lord more than watchmen wait for the morning…

(Ps 130.1-6)

Answer me quickly, O Lord; my spirit fails. Do not hide your face from me or I will be like those who go down to the pit. Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul.

(Ps 143.7-9)

…he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.

(2 Cor 12.9)

The enemy of God’s children dearly loves to bring them down, to distract and convince them that God doesn’t really mean what he says, and can’t be trusted.. I have to remind myself of this regularly, especially when, after a recent blog post in which I chose to firmly assert the deeply accepting and affirming love of my heavenly Father, I find myself assailed and overwhelmed by feelings of inadequacy, failure and a very strong desire to give up…

I know that our feelings don’t tell the whole story, but, for myself, I find they dominate the narrative very loudly, and it can be hard to live in a godly way with them. The current wave of negativity has become quite overwhelming, and I am having to force myself to find external things to focus on. I am thankful for duties and commitments which require me to listen and engage with others and ignore the internal noise.  I pray and trust that the season will pass soon, but just now, I need to be honest with my Father since only he really sees and understands me, and with him I can share my distress confidently, knowing I am held in love and cherished. The psalms give us a wonderful template for such lamentation, and remind us that God has always invited his precious children to cast their cares upon him – what a blessing!

Father, your child is feeling so fed up of herself and all the ways she falls short of perfection – how ridiculous that sounds, but you understand! She sees wise, learned, godly people, full of grace, serene and confident in you, steady in counsel and always joyful in service… and she sees herself, so far from these things in spite of her years, your grace and the teaching and example of so many saints. Is it alright that she is not ‘that kind of christian’? Remind her of your faithfulness, your mercy and your tender love which delights in her – even when she cannot delight in what you have made her.

Father, your child is appalled by her own indifference and lack of motivation to apply herself to learning, to the disciplines of growing faith, to the business of working in your harvest field. She sees others labouring with energy, praying with passion, and she is ashamed at her own lack of belief in the possibility of changed lives, of kingdom-building. Remind her of your power, which IS at work all around us all the time, whether we see it or not, and of your purpose which will be fulfilled.

Father, your child sees the years ahead and cringes away from the prospect of ageing, of life-narrowing. It all looks so grim and miserable, and she has no appetite for living victoriously in the face of such challenges. She is ashamed of such negativity, ashamed that her story seems always to be that of the fearful pilgrim, expecting the worst, and stepping out so reluctantly. Remind her that you have always been faithful, and that it is your strength which is her security. Remind her that the weakest vessels display your power and grace most marvellously, and that she need not be ashamed or depressed at the prospect of being such a vessel!

Answer me quickly, O Lord; my spirit fails. Do not hide your face from me or I will be like those who go down to the pit. Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul.

Do not strive…..

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Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I shall not be shaken. My salvation and my honour depend on God; he is my mighty rock, my refuge. Trust him at all times, O people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge.

(Ps 62.5-8)

This is what the Sovereign Lord, the Holy One of Israel, says: “In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength, yet you would have none of it….. Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you; he rises to show you compassion. For the Lord is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for him!

(Isa 30.15&18)

At that time Jesus said, “I praise you Father, Lord of heaven and earth, because you have hidden these things from the wise and learned, and revealed them to little children. Yes, Father for this is what you were pleased to do….. Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden light.

(Matt 11.25&26,28-30)

Rest… what does that word say to you today? Is it something positive? Or an admission of failure? From what we read in scripture, ‘rest’ should be a good thing, a sign of active trust in and dependence on God – both his provision for our needs, and his faithfulness to his own character, trusting God to BE God and therefore able to take and bear control of all things.

As I grow older, I find myself – like the people whom God rebukes through Isaiah – having ‘none of it’! My anxious thoughts, and fretful attitudes all speak clearly of a lack of trust in God and a failure to rest in him. I want to achieve, to know that I am ticking all the right boxes which are required to be a ‘good ‘christian. I fall easy prey to the comparison trap – looking at the lives of other believers and rebuking myself for not being like them in terms of bible knowledge, wisdom and serenity – and jump for solutions, more things that I ought to be not doing/reading/practising in order to be what God wants me to be. There is an ugly restlessness in my life which robs me of joy and of the rest which comes when I fully accept God’s grace as the only possible grounds of my identity and hope. That restlessness tells me that I am letting the reality of the sin which will cling about me until I die have too much power over me. I am right to be sensitive to it, but wrong to let it colour and distort my understanding of God’s love and acceptance – his actual delight – in me. My Father is not sitting with a clipboard, waiting for me to measure up! He is holding out his arms to me, calling to me to join him in the daily adventure of sharing life with him, joining in his work and enjoying all his good gifts.

Jesus speaks in the prayer which I quoted above, of how his Father has revealed as to little children the mystery of life in the kingdom – the reality which our children know full well… they are loved, they belong, they matter not because they continually strive to be worthy of their place in the family, but because they ARE family! If such security is possible even in the families of flawed human beings, then how much deeper and more secure is the sense of rest which should be mine as a child of the perfectly loving and ever-compassionate God.

Merciful and loving Father, how I long to be at rest in this life to which you call me day by day; to be delivered from fretfulness and to trust and depend on you to be who you say you are – my loving and good God.

Deliver me from the tyranny of performance-measurement and comparison with others; let me learn to accept that each of your children is learning in their own way and time, and that you delight in each one of us equally!

 

Accepting that I am responsible..

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Don’t hoard treasure down here where it gets eaten by moths and corroded by rust or – worse – stolen by burglars. Stockpile treasure in heaven, where it’s safe from moth and rust and burglars. It’s obvious, isn’t it? The place where your treasure is, is the place you will most want to be, and end up being.

(Matt 6.19-21)

Celebrate God all day, every day. I mean, revel in him! Make it as clear as you can to all you meet that you’re on their side, working with them and not against them. Help them see that the Master is about to arrive. He could show up any minute!

Don’t fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God’s wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It’s wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the the centre of your life.

Summing it all up, friends. I’d say you’ll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious – the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse. Put into practice what you learned from me, what you heard and saw and realised. Do that, and God, who makes everything work together, will work you into his most excellent harmonies.

(Phil 4.4-9)

Let me start by making one thing quite clear.. I am NOT in any way advocating salvation by works! I believe that saving faith in Jesus Christ as Lord is the only means by which God has ordained that people should come into his family and kingdom. So what do I mean by the acceptance of responsibility?

Well, I was challenged recently by words spoken in a YouTube video by the author and teacher, Beth Moore, who was exhorting us as believers to take responsibility for ourselves. And by this she referred to the daily realities which we face, of choices about how we spend our time, what our priorities are, and whether or not we choose to continually reorientate ourselves towards our heavenly Father. As a beloved daughter of the King of Kings, forgiven and cherished, I can come with shameless boldness into the throne room, a boldness arising out of the security which Christ’s death has won for me. How shameful it would be if I disregarded the sacrifice of Jesus, and hung back as though something more were needed to make me welcome in my Father’s house!

Taking responsibility for myself then means to recognise that I still have a choice every day, and in every situation. Will I melt into a puddle of self-pity, making myself the victim of circumstances? Or will I recognise that as someone made alive in Christ, released from slavery to sin, I have access to the eternal power of God to transform me and to sustain me in every situation? I stand in a direct and intimate relation to this powerful and loving God, and it is to Him alone that I look for aid – not to any friend, spouse, family member or faith leader. What will I choose to do? I pray for courage and faith to stand on my own feet, putting myself over and over again into God’s hands, and affirming my surrender to His will and purposes.

He is my rescuer, and my master and I am called to be his faithful labourer – neither a spectator nor a passive unthinking slave.  As I discipline myself to live intimately with God – through prayer and growing absorption of the truth revealed to us in the bible – then I am responsibly doing what I can do, in order for God to do what only He can! I make it my business to be in the place where I am surrendered to his work, hearing his voice, and allowing nothing to prevent his word from changing my whole being.

Heavenly Father, thank you for reminding me that I am invited by you into a loving relationship, and that as your daughter, I am at home with you always. I pray that your Spirit would work in me to cleanse me from a readiness toward self-pity, towards blaming others and expecting them to fix me!

Help me to recognise that in you, I am offered transforming power, saving love, and eternal hope – and as I learn the daily habits which keep me turning towards and not away from you, this power is at work. Let me be mature in faith, that maturity which recognises how completely dependent I am on you, and chooses to seek and trust you first in every situation.

Thank you for the sufficiency of the saving work of my Lord Jesus, in whose name I pray, Amen.

When the heart yearns..

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You don’t want to hear Him – but He is calling your name.

You don’t want to follow Him – but your life is in His hands.

Your choices are taking you further and further from the fold – but His love is as strong as ever, and you are precious in His sight.

May you be gifted with restlessness; with hunger for more; with the ability to respond and to recognise your emptiness without Him.

May you be brought home before it is too late.

May you be confronted by Christ, even as you turn away from Him, and have no peace until you make peace with Him.

O, child of my heart, come home!

Who is it that you know for whom this blessing is your prayer? A sibling, a parent, a spouse? A friend, or a beloved child? This grief, borne by so many in the world, is a small echo of the heart of our Father, who yearns over all his children, and desires that none should perish apart from His love. It is a grief which we shy away from, preferring to think about other things, praying about other issues, but actually, the salvation of each and every person is God’s desire – and therefore should also matter to us, should touch us deeply. But how much pain lies in this – as yet- unanswered prayer..

The gift of salvation is one which cannot be inherited from our parents, nor caught by proximity and long exposure to other believers. Each person must come to a living and direct relationship with God, by faith in Jesus, if they are to be assured of eternal life and hope. There is no other way, and so this one greatest gift, which we long to see all our dear ones share, remains one which we cannot give them. 

The bible teaches how God offers his love and grace to all who will respond in repentance and faith; and time and again through the Old Testament, the prophets give voice to God’s lament over the stubborn hearts of his people. Beloved children, who turn away from him and who – knowing the truth – seem immune to the love and saving power of the God who woos them so passionately. Did God fail in his love and care? Is that why the people drifted away from him? Merely writing those words jolts me into recognising that the problem does not lie with God, but with the heart of humankind, which so readily settles for less than God’s best for us, and chooses to believe that in some way we can benefit from God’s care without actually caring about him.

As human parents, friends and family members, we have all had opportunities to share the good news with our dear ones; and we know that we have also failed many times to do so – whether in word or deed. To berate ourselves over lost opportunities is fruitless, and also denies God’s grace and forgiveness. But where does that leave us, as believers grieving over lost sheep? Are we responsible for their absence from the fold? In the parable of the lost sheep, Jesus makes no mention of why one animal had gone so far astray, focussing instead on the loving determination of the shepherd to find and rescue it. That comforts me, because it puts the onus on the rescuer, the divine shepherd, to do for the sheep what only he can do, and what he has done in dying to save them. I am only one of the sheep, not the shepherd! 

I am the good shepherd; I know my sheep and my sheep know me – just as the Father knows me and I know the Father – and I lay down my life for the sheep.

(Jn 10.14&15)

What do you think? If a man owns a hundred sheep, and one of them wanders away, will he not leave the ninety-nine on the hills and go to look for the one that wandered off? And if he finds it, I tell you the truth, he is happier about that one sheep than about the ninety-nine that did not wander off. In the same way your Father in heaven is not willing that any of these little ones should be lost.

(Matt 18.12-14)

I have no ready answers to the question of why those raised in the faith should stray from it, hardening their hearts and seeming deaf to the loving call of their shepherd and saviour. I have no glib assurance that our prayers for their salvation will be readily answered. But I do know that my grief over the straying lamb is something that God wants me to feel fully, to carry willingly and prayerfully day by day. This grief – like other pains which we are called to bear – is a spur to prayerful dependence on my Father, for the fulfilment of his will and the display of his glory. 

Dear Father, your heart knows the grief which comes from watching beloved children straying and living without you at the centre of their lives. Thank you that this grief which I am called to carry is not strange to you, and that even as I ache, your love for me is strong and sure, and you call me to bring this burden too and lay it at your feet. Let me love, and pray and trust you for my straying sheep, for my Lord Jesus died for them, and in his name, I pray for them, Amen.

To choose one, is to reject all other….

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God said, “It’s not good for the man to be alone; I’ll make him a helper, a companion.”.. God.. presented her to the man. The man said, “Finally! Bone of my bone, flesh of my flesh!..” Therefore a man leaves his father and mother and embraces his wife. They become one flesh.

(Gen 2.18,22&23; the Message)

Find a good spouse, you find a good life – and even more; the favour of God!

Lots of people claim to be loyal and loving, but where on earth can you find one? God-loyal people, living honest lives, make it much easier for their children.

A nagging spouse is like the drip, drip, drip of a leaky tap; you can’t turn it off, and you can’t get away from it. You use steel to sharpen steel, and one friend sharpens another… Just as water mirrors your face, so your face mirrors your heart.

A good woman is hard to find, and worth far more than diamonds. Her husband trusts her without reserve, and never has reason to regret it. Never spiteful, she treats him generously all her life long.

(Prov 18.22, 20.6&7, 27.15-17, 31.10&11; the Message)

Out of respect for Christ, be courteously reverent to one another. Wives, understand and support your husbands in ways that show your support for Christ… Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church – a love marked by giving, not getting… They’re really doing themselves a favour – since they’re already “one” in marriage,

(Eph 5.21&22, 25&27)

A number of things have combined recently to prompt me to think again about the gift and privilege which is marriage – that unique unit created by a man and a woman promising to share life and build family for as long as God grants them breath. A gift ordained from the beginning; a gift designed to maximise our thriving as God’s image bearers and stewards in his creation. A gift sadly abused, scarred, and rejected by so many as a result of what human sin has done in and with it.

The exclusivity of marriage – the fact that in choosing one, I reject all other possibilities – is for my protection, so that in giving myself freely for the good of my spouse, I can trust that I will not be exploited. He too has promised to be faithful to me, rejecting all other possibilities. With God’s help, we continue in loyal love, growing in that mutual dependence and trust which is one of the most beautiful characteristics of mature marriage. With God’s help, I am enabled to seek the good of my husband, I have the privilege of being closer to this human being than anyone else will ever be – and the responsibility of not abusing that privilege.

To love within marriage is to be utterly vulnerable, and I am constantly aware of how easily I could forfeit his trust by careless, thoughtless behaviour and cutting words. I depend on his forgiveness, daily, and thank God for the divine provision of love which helps both of us as rescued sinners to keep on loving one another, to forgive and to forget(as many times as necessary!). I am the custodian of his weaknesses and wounds – will I cherish them privately, pouring the balm of my love and gentleness into his life, or will I choose to expose them and to dishonour him? The enemy of our souls delights to undermine marriage, and tempts us to use all means within our reach to retaliate when we are hurting, but thanks be to God who provides strength and wisdom even in the moment, to resist such temptation. To love as a believer is not to seek vengeance, not to sulk, not to manipulate or plot. It is to speak truth gently, to offer love continually, and to never lose sight of the glorious privilege which I have to be married to this man, for this life.

In the new creation we are told there is no marrying and giving in marriage. I only have this life, this one marriage in which to serve my God by faithful, loving and loyal investing of my best efforts in the good of my husband. That is a sobering thought, as I cannot know how many more days or years remain to me.

Heavenly Father, author of our lives and sustainer of this marriage, I praise and thank you for the privilege of serving you here. I thank you for the honour of loving this one man, and no other. I thank you for the enabling which you provide to us, your children, as we share life, seeking to be obedient to your calling and serving the Kingdom. Lord, help me to continue in faithfulness to my vows; to love him better than anyone else – except you!; to appreciate and cherish all that he is, not boasting of his weakness, but of his strengths, of his character and all the ways that you have gifted and blessed him. Let me do him good, and not harm, all the days which you grant us together. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

The power…..

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It’s news I’m most proud to proclaim, this extraordinary Message of God’s powerful plan to rescue everyone who trusts him, starting with Jews and then right on to everyone else!

(Rom 1.16, the Message)

God can do anything you know – far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams!.. glory to God in the church! Glory to God in the Messiah, in Jesus! Glory down all the generations! Glory through all millenia! Oh Yes!

(Eph 3.20-21, the Message)

So, friends, we can now – without hesitation – walk right up to God, into “the Holy Place.” Jesus has cleared the way by the blood of his sacrifice, acting as our priest before God. The “Curtain” into God’s presence is his body. 

So let’s do it – full of belief, confident that we’re presentable inside and out. Let’s keep a firm grip on the promises that keep us going. He always keeps his word. Let’s see how inventive we can be in encouraging love and helping out, not avoiding worshipping together as some do but spurring each other on, especially as we see the big Day approaching.

(Heb 10.19-25, the Message)

“Can I be honest with you? I’m actually not that into prayer, it’s Jesus I’m into, so we talk.

I don’t believe in the power of prayer. I believe in the power of God. So I ask for his help. A lot”

(Pete Greig, May 2019)

One of the drawbacks of growing up in a christian family and culture is that one develops particular habits of vocabulary, which are not always very helpful when thinking about faith in the context of our unbelieving neighbours and the need to witness to and serve them. I grew up thinking that a prayer meeting was a totally normal thing, and that setting aside several hours every Saturday evening was a perfectly reasonable thing to do – that it was action, not inaction; a privilege as well as a responsibility. But here’s the thing that Pete Greig’s words brought home to me… I don’t think that prayer meetings matter because somehow if we screw ourselves up to a pitch of faith then we can make God do stuff. I think they matter because we come to admit to the Sovereign Maker and Sustainer of all created things that we are utterly powerless! And I would hope that I might remember to talk and think about prayer in that way when I talk about it with unbelieving friends – it’s not about me and my faith, or my prayers, it’s all about Jesus and what God has promised to do through him and for him.

We pray because God alone has the power to work ALL THINGS together for his good purposes in this fallen world of ours; we pray because God alone can bring salvation in Jesus’ name to the desperately needy hearts around us; we pray because only the eternal and holy God knows what is the right and proper thing to happen in any and every situation. I am so grateful that God does not ask us to work out what is right before we pray for it to happen – what hope do fallen humans have of every making such decisions?!

We can pray anywhere at anytime; which is an astonishing privilege and a never-ending source of comfort when we are faced by troubling situations (our own, those of dear ones, or the devastatingly widespread suffering of people around the world). But perhaps – like me- you find it helpful to prioritise prayer at times by meeting with others to talk to God about what is going on in his world, with his children; obeying his command to pray that his will might be done, and his kingdom come here on earth as it is always and perfectly done in the heavenly realms. I can bear witness to the fact that when I gather with others to pray, I always benefit; my own faith is strengthened and I am encouraged to persevere in obedience and love; I know that I have obeyed God’s command, and once again lifted the burden for others which He lays on my heart up to his throne for the demonstration of his power and love in deliverance and transformation. I would also bear witness that even when I cannot see the answers which I long for, yet still to pray is to be in the right place – before the Almighty, and worshipping him in Jesus as the only Sovereign God.

Dear friends, let us pray – and wherever possible, let us do it together for our mutual benefit, and for the glory of God and the proclamation of Jesus Christ as Saviour and Lord!

Leave her alone!!

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Six days before the Passover, Jesus arrived at Bethany.. Here a dinner was given in Jesus’ honour. Martha served, while Lazarus was among those reclining at the table with him. Then Mary took about a pint of pure nard, an expensive perfume; she poured it on Jesus’ feet and wiped his feet with her hair. And the house was filled with the fragrance of the perfume….. Judas Iscariot objected, “Why wasn’t this perfume sold and the money given to the poor?”… “Leave her alone”, Jesus replied. “It was intended that she should save this perfume for the day of my burial.”

(Jn 12.1-7)

Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death… What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all – will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. Who is he that condemns?

(Rom 8.1&2, 31-33)

Dear Lord, your child so often trembles under the assault of accusing words, of silent judgement and implied criticism, of scorn and derision. Her wounds are known to you and precious; her grief and fear is known to you and pitied; her weariness at failure is known to you and met with your compassion and strength.

Have mercy on your child in her distress, for Lord, you know that often the voice which speaks so bitterly is her own. Lord, have mercy, strengthen your child in your love and hold her tight.

I write this week with some trepidation, because this is very personal to me. And I write almost hoping that most of my readers will not recognise the experiences of which I write because I would not wish anyone to share them! Words, the power of words to heal or to harm; the depth to which they can cut and leave scars which never fade.. and the sad fact that those words may be my own, as I lash out against myself in vicious condemnation. Friends, for some people this is real, and while I pray you may not know it in your own life, perhaps you have family or friends who do, and I pray your compassion for them.

The story of Mary anointing Jesus’ feet with perfume and drying them with her hair is familiar, and yet it was only recently that my attention was drawn to those beautiful words of Jesus as he rebuked Judas – “Leave her alone!” Can you hear the power in his voice? Can you feel the protection which he thus puts around Mary, clothing her shockingly intimate act of worship with glory and denying all others the right to criticise or judge her? And those are the words which Jesus speaks over me too…

The Lord speaks to silence the bullying, vicious voices of condemnation – from outside and from within. And as Paul writes to the believers in Rome, if God refuses to condemn us, then who else may do so?!

Like Mary, I am fully known and utterly loved – Jesus, my defender, my champion, my lord and master rejoices to call me his own, and to reserve to himself alone the right to rebuke me, to discipline and correct my path. No other has authority to speak over my life but the voice of love; no other has the right to do so, because no other has died for my sake, in order to make me pure and clean at last.

Jesus stands between me and my accusers – even when it is my own voice which would condemn. In Jesus, I can be glad and free and proud, knowing that it is only his opinion of me which counts, and he has shown me his love. I have been singing this old hymn all my life, always thrilling to the imagery of the opening words which well express what I have tried to articulate today. May they bless you as they do me!

Jesus, thy blood and righteousness, my beauty are, my glorious dress; Midst flaming worlds in these arrayed, with joy shall I lift up my head.

Bold shall I stand in that great day, for who aught to my charge shall lay? Fully absolved through Thee I am, from sin and fear, from guilt and shame.

When from the dust of death I rise to claim my mansion in the skies, e’en then this shall be all my plea, Jesus hath lived, hath died for me!

(NL von Zinzendorf 1700-60; translated by Jn Wesley 1703-91)

Where is my security?

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The name of the Lord is a fortified tower; the righteous run to it and are safe.

The wealth of the rich is their fortified city; they imagine it a wall too high to scale.

Before a downfall the heart is haughty, but humility comes before honour.

(Prov 18.10-12)

A good name is more desirable than great riches; to be esteemed is better than silver or gold.

(Prov 22.1)

Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear. For life is more than food, and the body more than clothes.. Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life? Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest?… For the pagan world runs after all such things and your Father knows that you need them. But seek his kingdom and these things will be given to you as well.

(Lk 12.22&23,25&26, 30&31)

I remember singing a children’s song – with actions – based on this verse in Proverbs about the name of the Lord being a strong tower. It was very popular, and our faces would be filled with glee as we waved enthusiastically from our imagined tower, signifying total security and peace. As an adult in a peaceful, law-abiding and prosperous land, reading these words makes me think how readily we behave more like the proverbial rich man, who considers his wealth as a strong and effective barrier to all trouble and grief. Our culture, grounded in an innate confidence in human abilities and a rejection of the possibility of our being entirely in the hands of God, simply throws money at problems in order to make them go away. Wealthy people spend to ensure privacy, peace, security, health and longevity, beauty and … more wealth.

If I were transplanted from my comfortable home, prosperity, health and freedom from physical threat to a land undergoing war.. where then would my security lie? All of a sudden the physical health which I prize so highly, is shown to be as fragile as eggshells, death is an ever present threat – where then is my security? In the end, no human ingenuity can protect us from death – although many would like to think it could. And that is the ultimate threat against which we seek security.

These verses are a strong corrective lesson to me when I have been carried away by the latest diet and exercise advice on prolonging life and delaying ageing; or when I am being tempted to imagine that a top-quality pension plan will ensure a long, happy and healthy retirement. NOTHING that we do as human beings can stand in the way of God’s will for us – and if I am to live till 99, then the Lord in his goodness will provide for me. If I am to die like my father at 69, then again, will I not be humble enough to accept that He knows best and that in his will alone I am secure? Worrying about it will not make a bit of difference to whether I am to live for another 9 or 39 years!

No, my focus and trust need to be continually brought back to God my Father; to his promises and his kingdom. If I am in any way wealthy, let me use the resources of money, time, health and opportunity in serving the kingdom and leave the business of ordaining my life’s future path to the One who alone knows what is best.

Almighty and merciful Father, thank you that you know how frail your creatures are, and that you know how readily we presume upon the riches of your gifts to us – be they health, wealth, peace or any other good thing. Forgive us when we elevate the gifts above the giver, and in doing so place our trust and hope in them. We may lose all these gifts so quickly, and yet never lose your love, your promises, and our place in your family and your kingdom.

Let us hold our riches on open hands, yielding them to you to be used as you desire and not clutching them to our hearts for dear life. Have mercy on those who are poor in this world’s good things – health, wealth, peace and security – and may we in our wealth be part of your merciful provision for them. Make us generous and cheerful givers, and deliver us from the fruitlessness of worrying about ourselves! For Jesus’ sake we pray, Amen.

A season of fruitfulness…?

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Blessed is the one who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked or stand in the way of sinners or sit in the seat of mockers. But their delight is in the law of the Lord, and on it they meditate day and night. They are like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither. Whatever they do prospers.

(Ps 1.1-3)

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things, there is no law. Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires. Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other.

(Gal 5.22-26)

Therefore since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.

(Rom 5.1-5)

As a perfectionist by nature, and one who is preoccupied in any situation of choice by the need to find the ‘right thing’ to do, I do not find it easy to accept my own faults and failings, nor to ‘bear with’ myself, in the prospect of a life which must inevitably be dogged by mistakes until the Lord chooses to take me home! It was therefore very good to be reminded by a friend that the fruit of God’s indwelling of us by his spirit is as natural as that apple trees should bear apples, and chestnut trees, chestnuts.. it just happens!! And what marvellous fruit it is too, how delicious, satisfying, nourishing and generous in the blessing it brings.

The idea, which is expressed beautifully in the opening of the Psalter, is also picked up by Isaiah, in his closing words to the Lord’s people, as he promises that the Lord’s anointed one, the Servant, the Priest King, will proclaim the year of the Lord’s favour and bring comfort, justice and rejoicing to all who trust in him. The Lord’s people will be “called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendour”(Isa 61.3)

It isn’t necessary to push the picture much further to see just how deeply reassuring it is to trust these words of our God, to accept that they are true and can be relied upon as a right way of understanding how he works in us. The point is that it is HIS work, not ours. A tree does not choose where it is planted, it simply puts out roots and takes in the nourishment available, responding to the climate and exposure around it and growing accordingly. We are assured by scripture that those who love the Lord and are loved by him are never carelessly planted, there is always purpose and care and intention for a glorious outcome which will display God’s splendour.

I am made in God’s image, and re-created by faith in the image of Jesus as the Spirit dwells within me and I am made new. I am formed for fruitfulness, and although I may experience traumas, droughts and storms, yet the Lord will take care that His work in me through these things is for his glory and my blessing. I can rest and focus on remaining close to him, on remaining trustful, and accepting what He decrees should come to me. As I do so, as I walk by the Spirit through the path laid before me, so the Lord is working to bring forth fruit – whether I am aware of it or not!

Each unique believer will bear the same Spirit’s fruit; and that fruit will be their own particular expression of the Spirit’s work, testifying to God’s faithfulness and power, and also blessing both the individual believer, but also the community within which they exist. Patience for me may not look the same as it does for others, but it will be God’s fruit in my life, the result of his work in the particular character and circumstances which He has appointed to me.

I don’t mind whether I bear apples, pears, hard nuts or soft peaches… only make me fruitful Lord, and help me to trust that work of your Spirit in me and not to fret or strive as if the work depended upon me!