Let my thanks be unconditional!

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Speak to one another with psalms, hymns and spiritual songs. Sing and make music in your heart to the Lord, always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.

(Eph 5.19&20)

Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

(Phil 4.4-7)

Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.

(Jas 1.17)

How great is your goodness, which you have stored up for those who fear you, which you bestow in the sight of men on those who take refuge in you….. Love the Lord, all his saints!… Be strong and take heart, all you who hope in the Lord.

(Ps 31.19,23&24)

“I only deepen the wound of a hurting world when I neglect to give thanks.”

(Anne Voskamp: One Thousand Gifts, 2010, Zondervan)

Do you ever catch yourself quietly nit-picking God’s ways with you? That little internal conversation that looks at all the abundance of daily grace and says, ‘yes, that’s all very well but what about….?’

I realised recently that this regrettable and rebellious attitude had become strongly established in my own heart, and I am praying for discernment to recognise, and strength to repent and turn away from it. Faith does not pick holes in God’s goodness – for if what God reveals about himself, in his word and especially in Jesus, is true then there are no holes to be picked! Faith rather acknowledges the struggle and chooses to affirm in the face of doubt that God’s goodness is measureless, and that I will always have reason to give thanks. In  my own griefs and sorrows, I can trust the God who went to the cross for me in order to do me good – such love will never fail to do the right thing, and my lack of understanding can be overcome and quietened when I recall how clearly and completely that costly love is shown.

This inability to be unconditionally grateful goes way back to the beginning – remember that Eve was tempted to believe that God was holding back something really good? The same old story still works doesn’t it? We become determined that unless God gives us what we want – what we think is good – on our own terms, and timings, then we aren’t going to trust him, and all our thankfulness becomes polluted and qualified by criticism and a lack of true faith in his goodness. Who do I think I am to question the ways of the Almighty? – Job would certainly point out to me the folly of thinking along those lines!

Yes, there is a time and a place to bring to my Father all the burdens and questions of my heart – but in an attitude of expectation, not judgment and criticism. There is a time and a place for lamentation when my experience is bitter, when pain persists and there is no healing of the wounds and no resolution to the conflicts. And the psalmists have shown us how those laments are healthily handled – in the presence of the Almighty, in an attitude of openness to hearing his voice and a willingness to be reminded of his faithfulness and also his magnitude, his entire ‘otherness’, his transcendence.

He is God… and I am not. I am the creature of his loving hand, his adopted child, the object of his cosmic saving work, a precious jewel in his heart – can I not learn to trust his ways with greater constancy? I live in a world of wonders – from the intricacy of my own anatomy, to the measureless depths of the universes and galaxies beyond my world; I daily rise to breathe, move, give and receive love, experience beauty, and know joy. I have so much to give thanks for, and when I choose to reject the voice of criticism, to see it for sin and choose instead the loving, exulting acceptance which is proper to a cherished child, then I honour God aright.

Almighty and Loving Father, I confess as sin the ways that I resent and criticise your handling of my life, and of this world. I repent of my rebellion and recognise that you are God and I am not.

I ask the aid of your Spirit to soften my heart and change my thinking, so that my response to all your goodness becomes unconditional and unqualified. Let me choose to believe good of you always, and to trust you more fully when your ways are so far beyond me that I cannot see good in them. Let me remember that I can always give thanks, for I am forever your child, and you are forever faithful, true and good.

I can always rest in the loving presence of my Saviour, who showed me just how much I am loved, and how your power is always at work for good. Thank you that I pray in his name, and am heard for his sake, and for his glory I pray these things, Amen.

Rock solid… I fall, it holds me.

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Hail to the Lord’s anointed; great David’s greater Son!
Hail, in the time appointed, His reign on earth begun!
He comes to break oppression, to set the captive free,
To take away transgressions, and rule in equity.

He comes, with succour* speedy, to those who suffer wrong:
To help the poor and needy, and bid the weak be strong:
To give them songs for sighing, their darkness turned to light,
Whose souls, condemned and dying, were precious in His sight.

O’er every foe victorious, He on His throne shall rest;
From age to age more glorious, all blessing and all-blest.
The tide of time shall never His covenant remove;
His name shall stand for ever His changeless name of love.

(J Montgomery, 1771-1854, * denotes comfort and help)

Hear my cry, O God: listen to my prayer.

From the ends of the earth I call to you, I call as my heart grows faint; lead me to the rock that is higher than I. For you have been my refuge, a strong tower against the foe.

I long to dwell in your tent for ever and take refuge in the shelter of your wings. For you have heard my vows, O God; you have given me the heritage of those who fear your name.

(Ps 61.1-5)

Faith.. is the art of holding on to things your reason has once accepted, in spite of your changing moods…. This rebellion of your moods against your real self is going to come anyway. That is why faith is such a necessary virtue; unless you teach your moods “Where they get off”, you can never be either a sound Christian or even a sound atheist, but just a creature dithering to and fro, with its beliefs really dependent on the weather and the state of its digestion. Consequently one must train the habit of faith.

(CS Lewis, Mere Christianity, Ch 12, 1952: Geoffrey Bles)

I have written before about the challenge of dealing with the gulf between the truth of our state as God’s beloved, rescued and adopted children, and our daily life with all its challenges and the deafening noise of our physical world continually drowning out everything else. Well, these past few days have brought a renewed sense of that divide, to the point where I feel almost like two different people!

On the one hand, there is the person I am when I sit quietly with my bible, or manage to take time to walk and pray, sharing my thoughts and life, my concerns and joys with my Father; then there is the other person, whose self-centred thoughts and preoccupations are entirely fixated on personal matters, as if this life were all there is. The former knows in some small measure, that she matters and that she is loved, and that there is hope and peace in Jesus. The latter knows only that she is continually failing to be the person she ought to be – in relationships and in responsibilities – and every day begins with the dread recitation of what must be done, and the knowledge of her impending failure to do the right things as well as they should and could be done.

As Lewis would observe, I have not mastered the art of mastering my moods!! Instead, they master me, and especially the dominant torment of self-doubt, which takes the truth of my indwelling imperfection and sin, and magnifies it to a crippling burden.

In these painful days, my only sure refuge is the towering shadow of the cross, the sacrificial loving of my Saviour, and his promise to come again and make all things new. I must preach the gospel to myself, and beg for the aid of Christ by his Spirit, to deliver me from this nauseating self-centredness, to see and love others and above all to see and love Jesus more. For this reason, I was recently encouraged as I sang the great hymn which I have quoted in part above – it has nothing to do with my moods, and everything to do with truth, with the unchanging nature of God the Father of our Lord Jesus, and his purposes to make all things new, unifying and perfecting creation and the church. I am a small part of that purpose, and no matter how I may perceive what I do, the reality of what God IS doing does not change. I desperately need to get that truth in the front of my mind day-by-day, in order to master the moods which would otherwise master me.

Almighty God, Father of my Lord Jesus, have mercy on your children as we struggle to hold faithfully to the truth of what you are doing, and have made us. Help us to resist the enemy of our souls and to detect his lies even when they are clothed in piety and dusted with grains of truth. Deliver us and protect us from the evil one, who longs to bind us, powerless and fruitless, in our own dark thoughts and self-pity. Make us more worthy of your name, and more full of Jesus, for His name’s sake and for our blessing, Amen.

On being encouraged…

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It’s in Christ that we find out who we are and what we are living for. Long before we first heard of Christ and got our hopes up, he had his eye on us, had designs on us for glorious living; part of the overall purpose he is working out in everything and everyone.

It’s in Christ that you, once you heard the truth and believed it (this message of your salvation), found yourselves home free – signed, sealed and delivered by the Holy Spirit. This signet from God is the first installment on what’s coming, a reminder that we’ll get everything God has planned for us, a praising and glorious life.

That’s why, when I heard of the solid trust you have in the Master Jesus and your outpouring of love to all the followers of Jesus, I couldn’t stop thanking God for you – every time I prayed, I’d think of you and give thanks. But I do more than thank. I ask – ask the God of our Master, Jesus Christ, the God of glory – to make you intelligent and discerning in knowing him personally, your eyes focused and clear, so that you can see exactly what he is calling you to do, grasp the immensity of this glorious way of life he has for his followers, oh, the utter extravagance of his work in us who trust him – endless energy, boundless strength!

(Eph 1.11-19; The Message translation)

One of the things which gives me great joy as I grow older and look to the generations following me in the life of the church, is to see how faithfully God is growing his people – in particular to see how those with whom I had the privilege of sharing life many years ago when they were just setting out, are going on steadily as mature adults, leading families and serving communities.

My recent trip to England brought me such opportunities, and what a joy it was! When we invested all those years ago into the lives of young believers – in our church, or through shared work like Christian residential events for children – we did so in obedience to God’s command to love one another, to share what we had and to build one another up. And the years come and go, we see one another rarely, and communication is sparse… what a pleasure then to be together again and to see the solid evidence of God’s faithfulness to these precious people as they have grown and walked with him. Life is no less fraught for them as believers than for others – their children face challenges, health and work bring real strains and crises, wider family and societal issues lay a burden upon them. But, in and through it all, there is a day-to-day reliance on the truth of the gospel, and in the faithful love of God. To see those whom we have loved – as children and young adults – now rich in those things which really matter, is an incredible blessing!

I think it is something like this joy which Paul is expressing here, as he opens his letter to the churches in the area around Ephesus, dwelling in his mind on the deep gladness which he experiences as he sees God at work steadily building THE church in that part of the world.

And being Paul, he goes further than merely giving thanks for what God has done, as he launches into one of the most stupendous prayers recorded for us in the bible, interceding and asking for his fellow believers and modelling for us how to pray for one another.

I am challenged by this and prompted to be more diligent in prayer for those whom I have known, and am getting to know now… Our God has given us a treasure beyond all description in Christ, our Lord, and we are continually invited to come deeper, to know him better, to become more and more wrapped up in him, so that our lives will reveal him to everyone around us, and bring glory to him.. This is something we can pray for ourselves and all those whom we love, regardless of what is happening in their lives at any time, for to know God personally, to delight in him, is to be desired above all things, and can be real in all situations.

Almighty God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, and the Maker of all things, we pray today for your people, those whom Jesus died to save, who are sealed and marked out by the presence of your Holy Spirit in our lives: may we learn to know you better, to enjoy living with you from day to day.

May we see in one another the glorious inheritance which you are establishing – a people who know your love and power and who glorify and serve you. Grant us wisdom and discernment to see Christ, and all his ways, and by your Spirit enable us to follow that way with gladness, for his name’s sake we pray, Amen.

Us…. and them!

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I believe in God the Father Almighty, maker of heaven and earth, and in Jesus Christ, his only Son our Lord, who was conceived by the Holy Ghost, born of the Virgin Mary, suffered under Pontius Pilate, was crucified, dead, and buried; he descended into hell. The third day he rose again from the dead, he ascended into heaven, and sitteth on the right hand of God the Father Almighty; from thence he shall come to judge the quick and the dead.

I believe in the Holy Ghost; the holy catholic*church; the communion of saints; the forgiveness of sins; the resurrection of the body; and the life everlasting. Amen

(the Apostles’ creed: *signifies worldwide or universal)

I [therefore], a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.

There is one body and one Spirit – just as you were called to the one hope that belongs to your call – one Lord, one faith, one baptism, one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all.

(Eph 4.1-6)

In the last week, I have worshipped in three very different contexts – a’reformed’ presbyterian church, an Anglican cathedral, and an Anglican church plant in a primary school. Three very different styles of building, of music, of clerical clothing; and in each one I was welcomed, spiritually nourished and refreshed, and glad to lift my voice with my neighbours in praise and in prayer. And then today I had a conversation with a dear friend who was expressing the sense of unease she feels in attending a church belonging to a denomination that appears to embrace and endorse a very wide spectrum of belief about God’s word, and as a result includes people who believe very different things from what she feels to be true. I get it; I am in that same denomination! But we were reflecting on the fact that Jesus never mentioned denominations! They are a human construct, and as such deeply flawed, reflecting humanity’s narrowness, judgemental tendencies, and fondness for defining itself by excluding others. There is no such thing as the perfect church…..

So what are we called to be as members of these flawed institutions? Paul makes it clear that our goal should remain the same – pursuing unity around the completed work of Christ who is our peace with God and with one another through his saving work and the forgiveness which he has achieved for us. We are to unite around the truth revealed in Scripture – that we worship one Lord, and belong to one body; we are animated by one Spirit, and share one faith.

The Apostles’ creed, which I have included in full above, is a tremendous aid to focussing our minds on that one faith – it sets out the core beliefs of the church down the centuries, and reminds us what really matters, and what must be held fast. There will inevitably be things which believers disagree about, but Paul is exhorting his readers to concentrate on the important things, and to sit lightly to the lesser ones. If a church – whether a local one, or an entire denomination – denies these core beliefs, that is a different matter, and must be challenged.

So as a believer in a local church in a messy denomination, where boundaries are unclear, I give thanks that this creed remains core to our identity, and I want to work as a member of my local church to help my fellow believers to grow in confidence in these core truths, and to share them with those who do not yet know Jesus in all his saving love and power. It is not fitting that we should spend all our energies judging and condemning those in other churches for not being like us! Our society is already sick of, and disillusioned by, the multiple divisions which have marred the church down the years, and it is dishonouring to Christ as Lord, and to the unifying energies of the Spirit to promote further division.

God, our Father Almighty, your children confess their judgemental and critical spirit with shame and contrition. We have dishonoured you, and broken the bond of peace which our Lord Jesus, your Son, won for us by his death.

Grant us the humility and gentleness to bear with one another in love; let us be so eager to love our brothers and sisters that we sit lightly to those things which we disagree on, and rejoice in the shared foundations of our faith. May we be slow to judge, and quick to forgive, remembering how you forgive us.

May we walk in a manner worthy of those for whom Jesus died, and rose again, and who will be raised in turn to share his glory – how surprised we will be to meet some people there whom we have dismissed – and how surprised they may be to see us!! In the name of Jesus, to whom we owe it all, Amen.

Is this ok Lord?

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But, because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions –… it is by grace you have been saved, through faith – and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God – not by works, so that no-one can boast. For we are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.

(Eph 2.4, 5&8-10)

Through Jesus, therefore, let us continually offer to God a sacrifice of praise – the fruit of lips that confess his name. And do not forget to do good and to share with others, for with such sacrifices God is pleased.. May the God of peace, who through the blood of the eternal covenant brought back from the dead our Lord Jesus, that great Shepherd of the sheep, equip you with everything good for doing his will, and may he work in us what is pleasing to him, through Jesus Christ, to whom be glory for ever and ever. Amen.

(Heb 13.15,16,20&21)

We are saved to serve, not the other way around – good works are the fruit not the foundation of my salvation. I am on a path to glory, and the very act of walking daily along that way is a part of the means by which I am being changed – the daily choice to read the bible and to pray; the weekly choice to gather with others in worship; the willingness to respond to prompts to show love and care.. every small act of service is forming habits which are shaping attitudes, which – God willing – are resulting in lasting change.   

As believers, we are in the business of life-long learning, and it is God who is in charge of both the curriculum and the means by which it is delivered! Each of his children has their own unique path of learning and individual challenges to go through, each has a particular set of skills, strengths and weaknesses through which God – the ultimate teacher as well as the sovereign over all time and space – is bringing our lives into that pattern by which he works all things together for good, for the final revelation of his kingdom and our glorious future.

Perhaps, like me, you struggle with translating these great truths into the humdrum of daily life, and wonder whether you ought to be embarking upon some course of study/ some new discipline or good work, or pattern of life in order to become more mature in faith. We are all a work in progress, and rightly long to be finished! This is not an easy thing to settle; sometimes we are made uneasy in order to prompt us to change things! But I know for myself, all too often it is because I am comparing myself with other people that I feel this sense of lack, of needing to do/learn/perform in a different way. And I am not so sure that those impulses are from my Father. After all, we are human beings, not doings!

My very purpose in life – as the answer to the old catechism question puts it -is ‘to glorify God and enjoy him for ever’. That covers a great deal of ground, and surely leaves room for each and every unique child of God to be different in their own particular expression! It also leaves space for that expression to change in different seasons of our lives – after all, the busy and sleep deprived parents of young children are unlikely to have the energy and peace for prolonged seasons of intercessory prayer, or in-depth bible study! But they do have the task of parenting, of loving and raising children to know their Father in heaven, and to know what the gospel is and why it matters. Those of us in more peaceful seasons can help them by prayer, baby-sitting, and being involved in other practical ways!

We none of us have to do it all, or even be it all… we love, because he first loved us, and we look to take each day as his gift in which there will be good things prepared for us to do – and those might be as simple as noticing and rejoicing in colour, light and warmth; in the full-body joy of a running dog; or the deep-peace inducing sleep of a curled-up cat…

Dear Father, let us love you and be wise in what that looks like day by day. Deliver us from the curse of comparison, to look to you in delight and to give thanks for the abundance of your goodness to us – this is a good work! Let us rest in your sure work of transformation in us, as we live with you and as you work in us that which is pleasing to you – our likeness to Jesus, in whose name we pray, Amen.

All shall be well…

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This is the message we have heard from [the Word] and declare to you: God is light; in him there is no darkness at all. If we claim to have fellowship with him yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live by the truth. But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin.

If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness..

(1 Jn1.5-9)

Through the love of God our Saviour all will be well;
Free and changeless is his favour, all, all is well:
Precious is the blood that healed us; perfect is the grace that sealed us;
Strong the hand stretched forth to shield us; all must be well.

Though we pass through tribulation, all will be well;
Christ hath purchased full salvation, all, all is well:
Happy still in God confiding, fruitful, if in Christ abiding,
Holy, through the Spirit’s guiding; all must be well.

We expect a bright tomorrow; all will be well;
Faith can sing through days of sorrow, all, all is well:
On our Father’s love relying, Jesus every need supplying,
Then in living or in dying, all must be well.

(Mary Peters, 1813-56)

Sin is inevitable, but all shall be well and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well.

(Revelations of Divine Love, Ch 27 – Julian of Norwich)

“If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves..” I am so comforted by these words from the beloved apostle, John, as he writes to encourage believers in their faith, and in persevering through life’s trials. We DON’T need to pretend that we are perfect, we are invited rather to come as often and as freely to our Father for forgiveness as it takes – for all the days that remain to us. As Julian of Norwich puts it, “sin is inevitable but all shall be well”, and why? Because our God is in the business of grace and mercy; of transformation and re-creation; our God loves us with an irresistible love and He will surely and finally deliver us to dwell forever in the freedom and joy of perfect communion with one another, and above all with Him.

Our sin is met by God’s faithful justice – and because in Christ our sin is paid for, we are forgiven. In justice, God cannot require payment from us for the debt which Christ has paid already. Not only so, but in justice to the complete work of Christ – the defeat of all that had kept us dead in sin – God’s faithfulness and love move him to the work of purification, so that as we walk down the years, we turn more and more often in praise and thankfulness, and less and less often in confession of sin. We are being changed, and will ultimately reflect Christ in all his glory and purity, because that is the work to which God has committed himself. His power is in and for us in this transformation – we do not have to fight against the remnants of sin in our own strength, or face an unequal struggle against the powers of this world. We are enlisted on the Lord’s side, and the victory has already been won – we stand because he fights.

This glorious doubly effective work of God – to forgive AND to purify – is the foundation of our lives as believers, and the basis of our assurance that, whatever comes to us, all will be well. The hymn which I have quoted this week is a beautiful statement of that assurance, and all the more precious as it clearly has nothing to do with my feelings about my life, or the things that are happening around me! It is very, very good for us to have songs and hymns which focus on the character of God, on the completed work of Christ, and on the things which are eternally true. God-orientated songs help us to get a true perspective on our situations, and to realise afresh how great is the power, glory and majesty of the One whom we worship – how beyond worthy of all our praise, and how utterly amazing it is that we should matter to him!

Sisters and brothers, let us encourage one another, because truly, all must be well!

I asked… He answered

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I call with all my heart; answer me, O Lord, and I will obey your decrees.

I call out to you; save me and I will keep your statutes. I rise before dawn and cry for help; I have put my hope in your word. My eyes stay open through the watches of the night, that I may meditate on your promises.

Hear my voice in accordance with your love; preserve my life, O Lord, according to your laws. Those who devise wicked schemes are near, but they are far from your law.

Yet you are near, O Lord, and all your commands are true. Long ago I learned from your statues that you established them to last for ever.

(Ps 119.145-152)

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him.

(Jas 1.2-5)

In facing our trials, we long for wisdom – and it is God’s delight as Father to provide all that we need. His purpose for us is to be mature and complete, as James says, lacking nothing that is required to make us Christ-like in every way. And his purpose is informed by his love, that compassionate, relentless, clear-sighted love which while grieving over our trials, yet rejoices in their effectiveness in shaping us.

When I find myself in a period of trial – and actually we are in this season most of the time in some way or another aren’t we?! – what I desire most is wisdom to know how I ought to be conducting myself, in order that the suffering might be fruitful and honouring to God. I don’t want to waste these things which – when fully surrendered to God – are for my transformation according to his will and for his glory. I want to remain teachable, humble, and hungry for the deep work of the Holy Spirit which will result in maturity of faith and fruitfulness in witness. And so I ask…. Lord, what do you want me to be doing in these days? What should I be thinking, reading, listening to?

I have found, time after time, that it is through his body, the church, that God answers this question most directly. As I share my situation, my fellow pilgrims share the ways that God has comforted and strengthened them; their own ‘go-to’ readings, or perhaps particular talks which  – by the miracles of technology – I may hear for myself many years after they were first delivered. I firmly believe that to deny my fellow believers the truth about my situation is to deny myself many opportunities for God to reach me with healing from his word! We know that our own physical bodies are a miracle of constant inter-communication, so that when all is going as it should, all the right resources are made available to any part in need of healing. Is not the church also a body, meant to function in this practical way? If I deny my need, keep it secret and think I must only tell my Father, then I deny others the opportunity to serve and bless me. I love to help others, why should I not then allow them to help me?!

Once again, it is my testimony that the church is pointing me to the Saviour, to the word, to the truth which alone can anchor and heal me. I need to grow in love, and the best way to do this is to make a choice about what I read, think and listen to – there are good things which of themselves are not helpful just now. In the same way as a patient might pursue a particular diet for a season, in order to aid healing and strength, so also I am required to discipline my actions and the influences to which I am exposed. Last Sunday, the song which concluded the morning service was a modern adaptation of an old favourite, and one which perfectly summed up this discipline. I quote a few lines here, and commend the full version to you!

Turn your eyes upon Jesus
Look full in His wonderful face
And the things of earth will grow strangely dim
In the light of His glory and grace

Jesus, to You we lift our eyes
Jesus, our glory and our prize
We adore You, behold You, our Saviour ever true
Oh Jesus, we turn our eyes to You

Turn your eyes to the heavens
Our King will return for His own
Every knee will bow, every tongue will shout,
‘All glory to Jesus alone!’

(Sovereign Grace Music, 2019)

Honestly…?

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I love the Lord, for he heard my voice; he heard my cry for mercy. Because he turned his ear to me, I will call on him as long as I live. The cords of death entangled me, the anguish of the grave came over me; I was overcome by distress and sorrow. Then I called on the name of the Lord; “Lord, save me!”

The Lord is gracious and righteous; our God is full of compassion. The Lord protects the unwary; when I was brought low, he saved me. Return to your rest, my soul, for the Lord has been good to you.

(Ps 116.1-7)

One of [the Pharisees], an expert in the law, tested him with this question: “Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?”

Jesus replied: “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.” This is the first and greatest commandment.

(Matt 22.36-38)

The aim of our charge is love that issues from a pure heart and a good conscience and a sincere faith.

(1Tim 1:5)

I believe that we are called to be honest with one another as fellow pilgrims, and that by doing so, we actually support one another in our journey of faith through a life which will bring many challenges as well and joys. I know for myself that I desperately need to be honest in my relationships, and that where I feel I cannot share, I also feel I cannot truly love.

In this season, where I am floundering and failing, and unable to make a true judgement of my own thoughts, motives and actions, the opportunity to share, and to receive the loving acceptance and true observation of others is an anchor and a blessed comfort to me. Only my heavenly Father sees my heart, mind and deepest motivations, but my fellow pilgrims can tell me if they see obvious sin, rebellion and can also reassure me as to goodness. If others whom I know to be godly, mature and loving believers are able to recognise something of worth in me, then I may be comforted!

I am therefore so thankful for the blessed acceptance and kindness which I received recently from the fellowship of my bible study group – women who don’t really know me, but whose hearts are full of the love of Christ and who seek him.

I am profoundly thankful that I have the example of the psalmists in praying with complete honesty, in casting themselves completely and consistently upon the care of God – taking him at his word and claiming his love, compassion, provision, protection and all other good and necessary things. My Father knows, absolutely knows me, and longs for my honest surrender and offering up of all my confusion, distress and uncertainty.

I am profoundly relieved to know that I am secure upon the foundation which is Jesus Christ, my Lord and Saviour whose complete saving work for me is the only grounds of my security and hope. I could, and do, wish that after all the years of God’s investment in my life, I were a more worthy testament to his goodness.. instead of a building fit for a king, I remain a mere collection of rubble and bricks, with the faintest outline of a structure and no glory to speak of! But my foundation is Christ, and he will not fail me; I am his precious charge and will never be abandoned.

Oh Father, I don’t know what I need; I can’t trust my own understanding or discern the reality of my heart and motivation. I don’t want to stay stuck in this fruitless, stunted condition, a rebuke to the gospel and cause for shame. But I don’t know what to do. In your mercy, be my help and send me the aid that you know I need – let me recognise and embrace it, finding comfort, courage and growing in godliness.

It is only in being filled with love for you that I have any hope for meaning and purpose and joy in the life which remains to me. My zeal is so feeble, and my love so faint – it seems to have little power to hold me in the darkness, and I seem fruitless. I am afraid to ask to love you more, afraid that you might answer through more trials, through pain and suffering. I am ashamed of this fear, but it is very real.

Have mercy on your fearful child, she trembles to ask great things of you, fearing the cost. Forgive her fear, her doubt, and make her love you more – for Jesus’ sake, Amen.

Staying soft-hearted…

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It is good to praise the Lord and make music to your name, O Most High, to proclaim your love in the morning and your faithfulness at night… For you make me glad by your deeds, O Lord: I sing for joy at the work of your hands.

The righteous will flourish like a palm tree, they will grow like a cedar of Lebanon; planted in the house of the Lord, they will flourish in the courts of our God. They will still bear fruit in old age, they will stay fresh and green, proclaiming, “The Lord is upright; he is my Rock and there is no wickedness in him.”

(Ps 92.1&2,4&5,12-15)

Anna, the daughter of Phanuel.. was very old; she had lived with her husband seven years after her marriage, and then was a widow until she was eighty-four. She never left the temple, but worshipped night and day, fasting and praying. Coming up to [Mary and Joseph, with Jesus] at that very moment, she gave thanks to God and spoke about the child to all who were looking forward to the redemption of Jerusalem.

(Lk 2.36-38)

I, John, your brother and companion in the suffering and kingdom and patient endurance that are ours in Jesus, was on the island of Patmos because of the word of God and the testimony of Jesus. On the Lord’s Day I was in the Spirit, and I heard behind me a loud voice like a trumpet, which said: ”Write….”

(Rev 1.9-11)

What kind of older person am I going to be? I don’t have much control over my future health – beyond the sensible stewardship of my physical body which is my responsibility. I don’t have any control over the circumstances which will unfold around me in the coming years. But I do have the gift of God’s spirit within me, and that enables me to ask for wisdom and strength to make good choices about my mind and attitudes. I was deeply challenged recently by a message at church where the preacher warned against cynicism and caution – the natural fruits of long experience of living in a sin-sick world where we are hurt by those we love and trust; where we are disappointed and frustrated, and seem to be baffled in all our good endeavours. It is understandable that we become reluctant to enthuse, to expect, to hope – we find ourselves saying those faithless words, “we tried that before, it doesn’t work”. We become characterised by a bitter, world-weary quality and have the effect of quashing joy and enthusiasm in others. It is not good, not healthy for the body of the church, and also I believe, not necessarily the inevitable outcome of growing old in the Christian life.

Consider the apostle John, called as a teenager by Jesus, and living on into old age in exile on Patmos. Consider John’s letters, which breathe the love of God so eloquently and tenderly; consider this brief phrase – ‘on the Lord’s day I was in the Spirit..’ : in spite of his years, his long experience of persecution, John continued to walk in hope and faith, to expect great things of God. He was always available, and so God used him to speak to the church.

Consider Anna, long widowed and in that culture, that meant long past her usefulness and significance. Consider her faithfulness and hope, as she remained attentive in worship and devoted in prayer to God. In spite of her plight, she loved and trusted the Lord, and so when the infant Messiah was brought to the temple, she was there – there to praise and worship and to spread the word.

These two saints show us what it looks like to remain free from bitterness and cynicism; to bear fruit and remain green in old age. That is what I want to be like, and I know that means I need to pay attention to the roots of caution and cynicism which are so readily established in my mind and heart.

I think that pride is at the root of our cynical thoughts – we don’t want to get our hopes up again only to see them dashed when God fails to do what we want or expect. But who am I to dictate to the Almighty?! We cloak our cynical disbelief under the cover of ‘wise experience’, but actually it is faithlessness. Who am I to say that God is not at work in a particular place, or through a particular ministry? I may not see it, but that has nothing to do with what I am called to do!

Almighty and merciful Father, thank you for your patience with me and your compassion for my weakness. I confess today my ready recourse to cynical self-protection, and recognise it as sin. I confess that I fear to encounter dashed hopes, to see expectations unfulfilled. But I also confess again that you are sovereign, all-powerful to achieve your purposes, and that I am merely mortal, limited in vision and comprehension and as dust before you, my God.

Cleanse me from the roots of cynicism, soften my heart to remain fresh and hopeful in you, because your promises never fail and you will establish your kingdom. May I age with grace and growing confidence in you, being a blessing and not a hindrance to your people in their walk with you. All this I ask for the sake of my saviour, Jesus, that he might be glorified in me, Amen.

When you feel like… rubbish

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Out of the depths I cry to you, O Lord: O Lord, hear my voice. Let your ears be attentive to my cry for mercy. If you, O Lord, kept a record of wrongs, O Lord, who could stand? But with you there is forgiveness; therefore you are feared.

I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in his word I put my hope. My soul waits for the Lord more than watchmen wait for the morning…

(Ps 130.1-6)

Answer me quickly, O Lord; my spirit fails. Do not hide your face from me or I will be like those who go down to the pit. Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul.

(Ps 143.7-9)

…he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.

(2 Cor 12.9)

The enemy of God’s children dearly loves to bring them down, to distract and convince them that God doesn’t really mean what he says, and can’t be trusted.. I have to remind myself of this regularly, especially when, after a recent blog post in which I chose to firmly assert the deeply accepting and affirming love of my heavenly Father, I find myself assailed and overwhelmed by feelings of inadequacy, failure and a very strong desire to give up…

I know that our feelings don’t tell the whole story, but, for myself, I find they dominate the narrative very loudly, and it can be hard to live in a godly way with them. The current wave of negativity has become quite overwhelming, and I am having to force myself to find external things to focus on. I am thankful for duties and commitments which require me to listen and engage with others and ignore the internal noise.  I pray and trust that the season will pass soon, but just now, I need to be honest with my Father since only he really sees and understands me, and with him I can share my distress confidently, knowing I am held in love and cherished. The psalms give us a wonderful template for such lamentation, and remind us that God has always invited his precious children to cast their cares upon him – what a blessing!

Father, your child is feeling so fed up of herself and all the ways she falls short of perfection – how ridiculous that sounds, but you understand! She sees wise, learned, godly people, full of grace, serene and confident in you, steady in counsel and always joyful in service… and she sees herself, so far from these things in spite of her years, your grace and the teaching and example of so many saints. Is it alright that she is not ‘that kind of christian’? Remind her of your faithfulness, your mercy and your tender love which delights in her – even when she cannot delight in what you have made her.

Father, your child is appalled by her own indifference and lack of motivation to apply herself to learning, to the disciplines of growing faith, to the business of working in your harvest field. She sees others labouring with energy, praying with passion, and she is ashamed at her own lack of belief in the possibility of changed lives, of kingdom-building. Remind her of your power, which IS at work all around us all the time, whether we see it or not, and of your purpose which will be fulfilled.

Father, your child sees the years ahead and cringes away from the prospect of ageing, of life-narrowing. It all looks so grim and miserable, and she has no appetite for living victoriously in the face of such challenges. She is ashamed of such negativity, ashamed that her story seems always to be that of the fearful pilgrim, expecting the worst, and stepping out so reluctantly. Remind her that you have always been faithful, and that it is your strength which is her security. Remind her that the weakest vessels display your power and grace most marvellously, and that she need not be ashamed or depressed at the prospect of being such a vessel!

Answer me quickly, O Lord; my spirit fails. Do not hide your face from me or I will be like those who go down to the pit. Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul.