Out of the depths I cry to you, O Lord: O Lord, hear my voice. Let your ears be attentive to my cry for mercy. If you, O Lord, kept a record of wrongs, O Lord, who could stand? But with you there is forgiveness; therefore you are feared.

I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in his word I put my hope. My soul waits for the Lord more than watchmen wait for the morning…

(Ps 130.1-6)

Answer me quickly, O Lord; my spirit fails. Do not hide your face from me or I will be like those who go down to the pit. Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul.

(Ps 143.7-9)

…he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.

(2 Cor 12.9)

The enemy of God’s children dearly loves to bring them down, to distract and convince them that God doesn’t really mean what he says, and can’t be trusted.. I have to remind myself of this regularly, especially when, after a recent blog post in which I chose to firmly assert the deeply accepting and affirming love of my heavenly Father, I find myself assailed and overwhelmed by feelings of inadequacy, failure and a very strong desire to give up…

I know that our feelings don’t tell the whole story, but, for myself, I find they dominate the narrative very loudly, and it can be hard to live in a godly way with them. The current wave of negativity has become quite overwhelming, and I am having to force myself to find external things to focus on. I am thankful for duties and commitments which require me to listen and engage with others and ignore the internal noise.  I pray and trust that the season will pass soon, but just now, I need to be honest with my Father since only he really sees and understands me, and with him I can share my distress confidently, knowing I am held in love and cherished. The psalms give us a wonderful template for such lamentation, and remind us that God has always invited his precious children to cast their cares upon him – what a blessing!

Father, your child is feeling so fed up of herself and all the ways she falls short of perfection – how ridiculous that sounds, but you understand! She sees wise, learned, godly people, full of grace, serene and confident in you, steady in counsel and always joyful in service… and she sees herself, so far from these things in spite of her years, your grace and the teaching and example of so many saints. Is it alright that she is not ‘that kind of christian’? Remind her of your faithfulness, your mercy and your tender love which delights in her – even when she cannot delight in what you have made her.

Father, your child is appalled by her own indifference and lack of motivation to apply herself to learning, to the disciplines of growing faith, to the business of working in your harvest field. She sees others labouring with energy, praying with passion, and she is ashamed at her own lack of belief in the possibility of changed lives, of kingdom-building. Remind her of your power, which IS at work all around us all the time, whether we see it or not, and of your purpose which will be fulfilled.

Father, your child sees the years ahead and cringes away from the prospect of ageing, of life-narrowing. It all looks so grim and miserable, and she has no appetite for living victoriously in the face of such challenges. She is ashamed of such negativity, ashamed that her story seems always to be that of the fearful pilgrim, expecting the worst, and stepping out so reluctantly. Remind her that you have always been faithful, and that it is your strength which is her security. Remind her that the weakest vessels display your power and grace most marvellously, and that she need not be ashamed or depressed at the prospect of being such a vessel!

Answer me quickly, O Lord; my spirit fails. Do not hide your face from me or I will be like those who go down to the pit. Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul.