Category Archives: frailty

Travelling light?

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Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my saviour. The sovereign Lord is my strength..

(Hab 3.17-19)

Then Jesus came to them and said;”… And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”

(Matt 28.18&20)

I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings…. Not that I have already obtained all this, or have been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me… But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining towards what is ahead, I press on towards the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenwards in Christ Jesus… 

Rejoice in the Lord always.. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus…. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, … I can do everything through him who gives me strength.

(Phil 3.10,12-14; 4.4-7, 12&13)

How good it is, as a child of God, to know that when He says, “Go, let this place and these people become your past”, that I can trust him for the unknown future. I am so thankful for the people and experiences which have made up my life, but also aware that they are fleeting things, and cannot be carried with me into the next chapter.

I have memories, and a few physical reminders, but am aware of the gift of God in allowing me to let the past go, and not to cart its baggage into tomorrow. I can rest in the relinquishment because it is my loving Father who asks it of me, and he holds so many good things for me to enjoy and thank him for in the future. Ultimately, I have nothing to take with me in the face of advancing years and death, but the assurance that I belong to Jesus and he will keep me safe through all that is permitted. No treasured memories, no relationships, no material belongings, nothing at all can carry me through what lies ahead except Jesus.

When the past threatens to ambush my present, bringing bitterness, regret, an overwhelming sense of loss, I have a choice to make. Will I allow myself to be disabled by the tide, swept into a storm of grief and complaint against God? Or will I choose to pray… to rejoice that I have known so many good gifts from God; that I can trust his wisdom in giving and withdrawing those gifts; that through the experience of his gifts, I have learnt more about God and his faithfulness and love for me?

Paul had learnt to make that choice well, to go for thanksgiving and the prayer which trusts the loving heart of the listener. The Father who made us knows what wrings our hearts and what would weigh us down; he gives us the opportunity to cast that burden back on him, by giving thanks for what is now lost to us, and trusting that in his providence, we are no less loved and cared for than when we enjoyed those most painfully lost gifts – of people, of health, of material prosperity, whatever they are…

Dear friends, your grief and my grief are known to our father, and he waits to see what we will do with it. His spirit moves us towards his loving heart in faith, and invites us to choose trust, to choose not to try to carry all that is past with us into the future but to believe that in our God, in Father, Son and Spirit, we will know all that really matters and be gifted with contentment. May we learn to let the past with all its joys and sorrows be something that is in God’s keeping, and not fret over carrying it ourselves.. may we travel lightly and hopefully towards the glory which is our future with him.

Where are you?

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Then the man and his wife heard the sound of the Lord God as he was walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and they hid from the Lord God among the trees of the garden. But the Lord God called to the man, “Where are you?” He answered, “I heard you in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid.”

(Gen 3.8-10)

The angel of the Lord found Hagar near a spring in the desert…. And he said, “Hagar, servant of Sarai, where have you come from, and where are you going?”  “I’m running away from my mistress Sarai,” She answered. then the angel of the Lord told her, “Go back… I will so increase your descendants that they will be too numerous to count.”… She gave this name to the Lord who spoke to her: “You are the God who sees me,”

(Gen 15.7-10&13)

Then a voice said to him: “What are you doing here Elijah?” He replied, “I have been very zealous for the Lord God Almighty. The Israelites have rejected your covenant, broken down your altars, and put your prophets to death with the sword I am the only one left, and now they are trying to kill me too.”… The Lord said to him, “Go back the way you came…. I reserve seven thousand in Israel – all whose knees have not bowed down to Baal”…

(1 Kgs 19.13-15&18)

O Lord, you have searched me and you now me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways..

If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,” even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you.

(Ps 139 1-3,11&12)

Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from the will of your Father. And even the very hairs of your head are numbered. so don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows. 

(Matt 10.29-31)

Does God ever lose people? Have you ever wondered just why, in the story of the garden after Adam and Eve have eaten the forbidden fruit and are hiding, did God ask where they were? Surely He knew?!

One of the most comforting – and challenging – things that we find about God as revealed in the scriptures is his omniscience, or all-knowingness. We are told that there is absolutely nothing – in any realm of creation, and inside our own minds and hearts – which escapes God’s eye and comprehension. There is nowhere, literally in anything that exists, which is not open to God. Think about that for a moment or two.. it means that when we shut up our shame over sin, or harbour grudges for the hurt done to us by another – we are wasting our efforts because God sees it all. It means that when evil, or good, are being conceived and carried out anywhere, by anyone, God sees it and can perfectly judge the true justice of every situation. Thus we can be both reassured – we are never lost to God – and challenged – since He clearly sees all our actions, thoughts and motivations.

So, I return to my question.. why does God ask where Adam and Eve have got to? Is it to gave them the opportunity to respond with the truth, to tell it like it is and acknowledge that they have messed up and are in big trouble? I think we can all agree that if a person is plainly in trouble, but refusing to accept that reality, then they cannot be helped. A person needs to acknowledge – to confess or call by its true name – their situation in order to be delivered from it.

When God says to you, or to me today, “Where are you?” what will be the answer? Am I at sea, amid great rolling breakers of pain or suffering which are like to swamp me? Then the Lord reminds me that he is greater than all that assails me, and his power is able to hold me until the stilling of the storm.

Am I part of a happy family party, celebrating connection, anniversaries, shared life and varied experiences? Then the Lord reminds me that all good things come from him, the Father of all, and that as I celebrate and give thanks, I give glory to him.

Am I astray amid doubts and weariness, or in a far country spending my life’s riches on those things which my culture and popular wisdom tell me will bring happiness? Then the Lord, when he calls, invites me to recognise the barrenness of my real situation, and to confess that I am hungry and thirsty the water of life, for the bread and wine of the covenant, for the only thing which will truly satisfy me – Jesus.

As I hear my Lord’s voice today, calling to ask where I am, let me be honest and by the help of the Holy Spirit, confess the truth and share my need, no matter how ashamed of it I may be. Jesus has made sure that my home is with him, and when he says that I matter to my heavenly Father, I can believe it. There is no need for any of God’s children to face life alone, He knows where they are all the time and is waiting to be invited to join them.

And why do you worry?

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“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they. Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?

“And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labour or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendour was dressed like one of these… So do not worry, saying, ‘what shall we eat?’ or ‘what shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

(Matt 6.25-34)

..and because I’d heard that you are loyal and faithful to Jesus the master, and that you show love to all God’s holy people, I never stop giving thanks for you as I remember you in my prayers.

I pray that the God of King Jesus our Lord, the father of glory, would give you, in your spirit, the gift of being wise, of seeing things people can’t normally see, because you are coming to know him and to have the eyes of your inmost self opened to God’s light.

Then you will know exactly what the hope is that goes with God’s call; you will know the wealth of the glory of his inheritance in his holy people; and you will know the outstanding greatness of his power towards us who are loyal to him in faith, according to the working of his strength and power.

(Eph 1.15-19, translated by NT Wright)

Father, it’s like there is a disconnect in my brain; what you tell me to be true, what I know to be true, somehow doesn’t reach or influence the places where worry lives, where anxiety hangs out, where all my night-sweat fears lurk until they can jump out and cause my heart to beat like a great drum, bursting out of my chest.

I know, I KNOW, that you see me, you love me, you will never let me go from your loving hands. And I know that in this season of transition, of uncertainty, you go with me, indeed you go before me to prepare good works for me to do and things to enjoy with you! So why can I not control these feelings? 

Thank you for reminding me that my feelings are not the basis for my actions, for my decisions, and certainly not the basis on which my faith exists! Thank you, that it is as your beloved one in Christ that I experience your power and love, that I rest in your grace as one forgiven and restored to closest fellowship with my loving Father. It is all that Christ is and has done, and is doing even now that is the basis for my salvation and therefore the sure ground for my faith.

Thank you that in your abundant kindness, you are growing wisdom in me, the wisdom to see truth, to see what really matters; to see Christ in all his glory and to know that nothing can stop you from working in power to transform me, along with all the rest of the church, into his likeness.

Why, then, are you cast down my soul? I will yet delight in the Lord, my God and King! Bring all these troubles to your Father in heaven, who in his infinite power and goodness has provided for each need even before you recognise it. Delight to cast yourself with these burdens at his feet, and to exalt him by trusting him to deal with them in ways that will exceed all you can think or imagine. Remember that the power which is turned to work in the world for the glory of God, to glorify Christ in his church – is for you and all those who confess him as Lord. That power which raised Christ from the dead, is even now working through you and for you, all to the purpose of God, to the exaltation of Jesus and the making-right of all that is wrong.

Father, your daughter comes to you in her weakness – her frame is known to you, and the power which uncertainty, anxiety and change have to affect her in so many ways. Deliver her from false guilt about these feelings; give her wisdom to cling to you in response to them and to continually preach the truth to herself, so that the feelings are not the loudest voice in her mind, but rather the story of your power and love at work for eternal glory and a secure inheritance for all your beloved children.

Praying in the face of disintegration

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O Lord, hear my prayer, listen to my cry for mercy; in your faithfulness and righteousness come to my relief. Do not bring your servant into judgement, for no-one living is righteous before you.

The enemy pursues me, he crushes me to the ground; he makes me dwell in darkness like those long dead. So my spirit grows faint within me; my heart within me is dismayed.

I remember the days of long ago; I meditate on all your works and consider what your hands have done. I spread out my hands to you; my soul thirsts for you like a parched land.

Answer me quickly, O Lord; my spirit fails. Do not hide your face from me or I will be like those who go down to the pit. 

Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul. Rescue me from my enemies, O Lord, for I hide myself in you. Teach me to do your will, for you are my God; may your good Spirit lead me on level ground. 

For your name’s sake, O Lord, preserve my life; in your righteousness, bring me out of trouble. In your unfailing love, silence my enemies; destroy all my foes, for I am your servant.

(Ps 143)

Lord God, how far we have fallen short of your ways and your standards. Your people are weak from compromise with the values of a fallen world; tainted from acceptance of the lies of the deceiver; ashamed by our failure to live for you, to speak the truth about you, to be willing to suffer rejection for your sake.

For your name’s sake O Lord, preserve our lives, purify us and restore our zeal.

Lord God, how far the evil one has managed to entice us away from faithfulness, from unity, from the fierce love which fears nothing for the sake of the lost.

In your unfailing love, O Lord, silence our enemy in all his many forms, and lead us back into fearing only you, longing to please only you.

Lord God, how far we are buried in our shame, far from the confidence which belongs to the  beloved children of the Creator of all things and deep into the darkness of hiding from you as we let self-pity rule, instead of running back to you in repentance and exulting in forgiveness.

In your mercy O Lord, hear our cry from the darkness, and come to our relief. We deserve only judgement; in Christ, we receive grace and by him are restored to our place in your presence. Establish us firmly, keep us loyal and humble, and lead us according to your will for we trust in you.

I was privileged last week to spend some time with others in our particular denomination of the global church, time to share stories of encouragement and time to pray and together unburden ourselves to God. Our organisation is in a time of ‘re-structuring’, resulting from declining resources – it resembles more the implosion of a controlled demolition, and sadly is causing a great deal more mess and grief than those spectacles usually do… As faithful servants within a collapsing organisation, we are presented with a gloomy prospect, and it is very, very easy to become despondent.

But the organisers took time to bring us stories of God at work, of leaders being trained and visions of new work being realised; of churches where a mission-orientated church family is seeing lives transformed and a community illuminated by the love of Christ. And crucially, we were reminded that our hope for the future of the church of Christ in Scotland does not depend upon the right strategies, or even the ‘right’ personalities, but upon the good Spirit of our good God, working through his people to share the good news.

And our God is not weakened by modern culture, his arm is not thwarted by secular belief or aggressive aetheist philosophies. God remains on the throne, remains all-powerful, all-knowing, merciful and loving, unwilling that any should perish.

What should we then do in these days? We follow the example of the psalmist, and get to prayer – remembering God’s faithfulness and his promises as the basis for our confidence in asking for his work among us today and tomorrow. To “Keep it real, keep it simple, keep it going” in our praying, and not to give up; to believe that even if God chooses to let his church in this land become a tiny remnant, yet that he is still working out his purposes and will be glorified in his good time.

While we have breath to speak, and freedom to share the good news, let us be about his kingdom work, praying as we go and trusting that the Lord will daily encourage us with word of his unfailing love, guiding our steps, and teaching us to do his will as becomes his servants. It is ours to obey, and his to do everything else.

Thankfulness is not boasting…

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Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.

(1Thess 5.16-18)

Praise the Lord. I will extol the Lord with all my heart in the council of the upright and in the assembly. Great are the works of the Lord; they are pondered by all who delight in them. Glorious and majestic are his deeds, and his righteousness endures for ever. He has caused his wonders to be remembered; the Lord is gracious and compassionate….

The works of his hands are faithful and just; all his precepts are trustworthy. they are steadfast for ever and ever, done in faithfulness and uprightness. He provided redemption for his people; he ordained his covenant for ever – holy and awesome is his name. The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom; all who follow his precepts have good understanding. To him belongs eternal praise.

(Ps 111.1-4,7-10)

Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.

(Rom 12.15)

Job.. fell to the ground in worship and said: “Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked I shall depart. The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; may the name of the Lord be praised….. Shall we accept good from God and not trouble?” In all this, Job did not sin in what he said.

(Job 1.20&21; 2.10)

I am in a season of abundance, shall I fail then to give thanks to the giver of every good and perfect gift? I am acutely aware that many of those near and dear to me are walking in shadows, living with open wounds of grief and clouded prospects of despair – but that should surely not diminish my desire to praise and thank the Lord for what he has allotted to me in these days. It is good and right that the greatest cause for our thanksgiving should always be our salvation, by the great redeeming work of God through Jesus Christ, but surely we should also recognise and fully appreciate the many other good things which we receive?!

I have known grief and trouble, I shall know them again. I have known fear and doubt, I shall know them again. I have known dryness of spirit and weariness of soul, I shall know them again. BUT…. today, when my life is overflowing with good things, today I should be as whole-hearted in my rejoicing as I am in lament when life is painful. My Father God knows my frame, and knows my heart, and delights to show his love to me – I will therefore not despise these gifts and this season of abundance, but rather boast in the love which he bears for me, and ascribe all the glory to him.

All that he gives, I will choose to receive with thankfulness. When it is loss or struggle, I thank him for his unfailing presence with me, his provision for and good purposes in me through the trials. When it is abundance, I thank him for the refreshment of spirit, the ease of mind, the upwelling of gladness which come to me by the gifts; and I pray that I might not take credit for them but lift each one up in thankfulness to honour him as the giver, and not myself as in anyway deserving or earning them. I make this wonderful and familiar psalm my own song and prayer in these days:-

The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want.

In grass meadows He makes me lie down, by quiet waters guides me.

My life He brings back. He leads me on pathways of justice for His name’s sake.

Though I walk in the vale of death’s shadow, I fear no harm, for You are with me. Your rod and Your staff – it is they that console me.

You set out a table before me in the face of my foes. You moisten my head with oil, my cup overflows.

Let but goodness and kindness pursue me all the days of my life. And I shall dwell in the house of the LORD for many long days.

(Psalm 23, R Alter translation)

Father God, as I survey the many wonderful ways in which I am blessed in this season of life, may I receive each one as your gift, and hold it ready to offer up again to you, for your purposes and your glory. My health, my strength and opportunities; my marriage and my children; my abilities, friendships and resources – all these are yours to give and to withdraw, and in all circumstances, I would choose to praise you and to give thanks for you as my God, the one whom alone I fear and worship, and who does all things well. Keep me thankful, humble and make me fruitful, for Jesus’ sake, Amen.

Unchanging but never unfeeling…

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Your love, O Lord, reaches to the heavens, your faithfulness to the skies. Your righteousness is like the mighty mountains, your justice like the great deep…How priceless is your unfailing love!

(Ps 36.5-7)

“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”

(Jn 13.34&35)

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails.

(1 Cor 13.4-8)

As human beings, we are prone to allow our moods to colour our interactions with others. If we are tired, worried or upset, it so often comes out in short-tempered interactions with others who have nothing to do with the problem! and if we realise later what happened, and go to apologise, it can be hard to restore the relationship which was damaged – because the other person is as flawed and sinful as ourselves, struggling to forgive and unable to forget. Our fluctuating moods can have serious and permanent consequences.

What a relief then to turn to the most faithful friend we have, to Jesus, who in his perfect love and insight into our hearts and minds can always see the root cause of our behaviour, and in his compassion, forgive us when we repent and return to him in sorrow. I may start the day distracted, sad, frustrated and even angry with God as I wrestle with unanswered prayers, disappointments and grief. But he meets me every morning with fresh supplies of love, and is never too busy or preoccupied to share those first moments.

My moods do not deter my faithful friend, and he waits patiently until I sit still long enough to hear his loving voice and know that all is well with my soul because he has it in safe-keeping. His love revives my spirit if I will only sit with him and let him speak to me, soaking away the bitterness of my troubles and inviting me to load them onto his strong back instead of trying to carry them alone.

While the issues may remain, the answers not yet come, still I am comforted, cleansed and restored as the Lord ministers to me, and I gratefully recognise that I need bring nothing in return. He has chosen to love me, and that is enough – the best thanks I can give is a daily joyful and humble embracing of that love and continual praise of the giver. His gift to me then becomes my gift in his name and for his sake to others. His perfect love and constant presence so abundantly meet my need that I am free to pour into the lives of others what they need. Thus I may, in small measure, be a channel of his peace and love, a source of blessing and help, a scent of Christ in my home and community. This pouring out of what I have received is a fitting expression of thanksgiving and praise, a fitting act of worship to God, who is love eternal.

I don’t have to generate some spiritual feelings before I come to my Lord’s side for comfort; I don’t need to add up some piety points before I may be bold to pray. What sweet and utter relief in knowing that he calls me in love to come – broken, tired, feeling ugly and out of sorts with everyone and especially myself, sick with disappointment and raw with grief. Anyhow, and any way, he calls me to come and to receive what he has in abundance to give me. Lord, I come….

Just as I am, though tossed about with many a conflict, many a doubt, fightings and fears within, without, O Lamb of God, I come, I come.

Just as I am, thou wilt receive, wilt welcome, pardon, cleanse, relieve; because thy promise I believe, O Lamb of God, I come, I come.

(C Elliott, 1823-1871)

Choosing…

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In that day you will say: “I will praise you, O Lord. Although you were angry with me, your anger has turned away and you have comforted me. Surely God is my salvation; I will trust and not be afraid. The Lord, the Lord, is my strength and my song, he has become my salvation.” With joy you will draw water from the wells of salvation.  

In that day you will say: “Give thanks to the Lord, call on his name; make known among the nations what he has done, and proclaim that his name is exalted. Sing to the Lord, for he has done glorious things; let this be known to all the world. Shout aloud and sing for joy, people of Zion, for great is the Holy One of Israel among you.”

(Isa 12)

Meanwhile, we’ve got our hands full continually thanking God for you, our good friends – so loved by God! God picked you out as his from the very start. Think of it: included in God’s original plan of salvation by the bond of faith in the living truth. This is the life of the spirit he invited you to through the message we delivered, in which you get in on the glory of our master, Jesus Christ.

So, friends, take a firm stand, feet on the ground and head high. Keep a tight grip on what you were taught, whether in personal conversation or by our letter. May Jesus himself and God our Father, who reached out in love and surprised you with gifts of unending help and confidence, put a fresh heart in you, invigorate your work, enliven your speech…. Because of the master, we have great confidence in you. We know you’re doing everything we told you and will continue doing it. May the master take you by the hand and lead you along the path of God’s love and Christ’s endurance.

(2 Thess 2.13-17; 3.4-5)

Against my fears, my doubts, my ignorance, I trust in thee, O father of my Lord!

The world went on in this same broken dance when, worn and mocked, He trusted and adored:

I too will trust, and gather my poor best to face the truth-faced false. So, in his nest I shall awake at length, a little scarred and scored.

(from: Diary of an Old Soul, by George Macdonald, 1905)

What will I do when my culture, my friends and some of those closest to me reject my faith and think me deluded? What will I do when the revelation on which my faith rests makes absolutely no sense in the thinking of my society – and in my heart I recognise how utterly alien it is? What will I do when my most earnest prayers, for God to glorify himself and transform lives, go unanswered?

I look over the brink at unbelief and tremble; I listen to assumptions of those who reckon it will all be ok, and wonder at how they get there. I turn again to the good news of Jesus, and find that he too faced mockery and unbelief, and yet held firm to his task, trusting absolutely in his Father’s love, power and purpose in and through his suffering and death.

I choose to hold fast – God helping me – to what I can know of Jesus; to what he told me about himself and his task; to what he told me about the character of my Creator and the place which is prepared for me in the age to come. It may seem nonsense to some, but it makes more sense to me than anything else has ever done.

I choose to believe, especially where I cannot understand and in spite of the mockery which such belief provokes in this sceptical age, that the God revealed to me through the Hebrew Scriptures, and affirmed as Father by my Lord Jesus, is absolutely just, loving, powerful and sovereign, and that when all things temporal are wound up and we enter into life eternal in glory, we will have no doubts left about him.

I choose to give thanks, for what I can know, can see, can experience here and now of all the good things which are poured into my life and which bring daily tokens of love from my Father’s heart. I give thanks for the revelation which I have in the bible, those parts which comfort as well as those parts which leave me baffled and uncomfortable – God forbid that I should ever think myself fully comprehending the mystery of his character, power and eternal nature! I give thanks for the global church, witnessing in so many places to lives transformed by Jesus’ love and sacrifice, which strengthens and encourages me to persevere in faith.

Master, take us by the hand and lead us along the path of the Father’s love and Christ’s endurance, by your Spirit at work within us day by day. May we glorify you, growing in faith and quiet trust, bearing fruit for Jesus, in whose name we pray, Amen.

The reality gap ..

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God spoke strongly to me, grabbed me with both hands and warned me not to go along with this people. He said: “Don’t be like this people, always afraid somebody is plotting against them. Don’t fear what they fear. Don’t take on their worries. If you’re going to worry, worry about the Holy,

Fear God-of-the-angel-armies. The Holy can either be a hiding place or a boulder blocking your way….”

I will wait for God as long as he remains in hiding, while I wait and hope for him. I stand my ground and hope…

(Isa 8.11-14&17, the Message)

God wants the combination of his steady, constant calling and warm, personal counsel in Scripture to come to characterise us, keeping us alert for whatever he will do next. May our dependably steady and warmly personal God develop maturity in you … and May the God of green hope fill you up with joy, fill you up with peace, so that your believing lives, filled with the life-giving energy of the Holy Spirit, will brim over with hope!

(Rom 15.4&5,13)

Forgive me Father, for my faith is weak and small; a poor thing too dependent on outward supports and habits and starved of real vitality. Your child is easily frightened, and all her prayers and entreaties just now seem empty and faithless, the hope is drying up in her veins. Her labours seem pointless, her life fruitless and shallow – a thing of show and hypocrisy.

 Jesus said: Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

Forgive me Father, for every touch of your love in creation and the kindness of others lets loose a storm of weeping instead of thankful songs. My heart is weary and heavy and has forgotten the taste of real joy, numb to the warmth of your presence and yet desperate to be away from this dreariness and at home with you. I am appalled at my own lack of faith, filled with shame at my unfounded good opinion of myself, and conscious of dishonouring and failing you and those to whom you have given me.

Jesus said: Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.

Father, your child has seen once again what a poor thing she is; how undeserving the grace she has received and the continuing daily gifts of forgiveness and love which she receives. She has nothing of value to bring you, since all she has comes from your hand. Her worship is weak and her faith frail; her abilities limited and her tendency to stray after other comforts so dreadfully pronounced. Why do you bear with this one? She has no hope apart from you, and yet she cannot bear seeing the truth of her state – a lifetime of following Jesus, and yet so little to show for it.

Jesus said: Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth.

Father, you see and know and love your child. Her heart lies open to you in all its poverty and hunger that she might be other than she is. Oh, to be at peace, to be daily filled with joy in your presence! To be trusting you because of your character and promises, instead of doubting you because my prayers are not answered the way I want. Oh, to love you for who you are, not for what you give me, so that my peace and hope are not at the mercy of my circumstances but founded securely in you.

Father God, you know that the gap between where I want to be as your child – one honoured to bear your name in the world – and where I actually am, is so big. You know the shame that fills me as I see the gap, as I sense the aridity of my spirit and the numbness which dulls me to the glory and power of your truth, and the salvation which is mine in Christ. Lord God, have mercy on me and by your Spirit at work in me, restore life and hope and joy that I might glorify you and daily testify to your goodness.

Jesus said: Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled.

Bless me today, merciful God, for the sake of your Son my Saviour, Amen

Frail as summer’s flowers…

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Bless, O my being, the Lord, and everything in me, His holy name. Bless, O my being, the Lord, and do not forget all his generous acts… As a father has compassion for his children, the Lord has compassion for those who fear him. For He knows our devisings, recalls that we are dust. Man’s days are like grass, like the bloom of the field, thus he blooms- when the wind passes by him, he is gone and his place will no longer know him. But the Lord’s kindness is forever and ever over those who fear Him and His bounty to the sons of sons, for the keepers of His pact and those who recall His precepts to do them.

(Ps 103. 1&13-18. R Alter translation)

“When Israel was a child, I loved him, and out of Egypt I called my son. But the more I called Israel, the further they went from me… It was I who taught Ephraim to walk, taking by the arms; but they did not realise it was I who healed them. I led them with cords of human kindness, with ties of love…. My people are determined to turn from me….. How can I give you up, Ephraim? How can I hand you over, Israel?  

(Hos 11.1-4,7&8)

Our human affections, as God’s image bearers, can teach us so much about the character and love of the Creator, and I have been considering how my experience as a parent has led me to a much deeper appreciation of all the rich metaphors in the scripture which speak of God as a mother or father.

Do you have any memories of your first encounter with a new-born child, of the sense of wonder and awe which is engendered as you see the beauty, fragility and intricacy of this tiny being? This is an echo of the delighted wonder with which our God greets each and every new life – He never grows tired of the miracle of unique human identity, but values each one just as they are. Frail we are indeed, and yet He lavishes upon us so much love and care, not willing that any should perish without coming into relationship with him. My challenge is to love those around me with this same open-eyed wonder and delight, to see them as He sees me each day, and to love them as He has loved me.

I have watched friends and family live through the trauma of miscarriage, stillbirth, infant death, teenage suicide and extreme, prolonged physical and mental illness, and through their traumas have glimpsed the acute and debilitating pain which such losses bring to loving parents and extended families. Does this pain not also reflect the depths of the love which existed? The more we love, the greater we can hurt when our loved ones are threatened, and how much it hurts only the secrets of the heart, the night agonies, the deadening, hopeless dragging days can tell. Our capacity to love and suffer with our children in this way is surely another echo of the heart of God for his own beloved children – we are told again and again, that because of Jesus, our pain is known, is affirmed and given its full significance before God’s throne. None of that suffering is wasted, or unnoticed – the Lord in heaven sees and feels the weight of whatever is crushing you as your young ones suffer.

And when these beloved children, nestled in our hearts and yet free to choose for themselves, walk away from the faith into which they were born, oh then how great is our agony.. The one thing which above all we covet for them, is the one thing we cannot in any way force them to receive. And then our ability to identify with God in his depth of agonies over the unfaithfulness of Israel is really established. Only when I began to feel it for myself, with a degree of desperation and fear, did I appreciate the passion and pain that lies behind God’s wrestling over the disobedience which took Israel to worship idols and reject their covenant-keeping God.

In our frailty, we find the burden of love almost too much to bear when it brings with it so much pain. And yet, we too are God’s beloved children; our pain matters to him too, and he knows our weakness. In his unbounded compassion, he invites us to take advantage of his loving heart in the same way that we welcome our children’s suffering as part of the privilege of being their parent. And here we find just how great is our God, how faithful, how good, how loving. We are never rejected or dismissed as too weak, too fearful, too anxious. We are heard and loved and grounded in order to go on, loving like our Father in heaven because of the ways He loves us.

Father, in our weakness, be strong that we might love well; in our grief, be comforting and giving hope that we might bear witness to your goodness; in our failings, pour out your grace to bring blessing to us and to those whom we love as best we can, in the name of the Son whom you love perfectly, Amen.

Seeking substance and significance…

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Lord, you have been our dwelling-place throughout all generations. Before the mountains were born or you brought forth the earth and the world, from everlasting to everlasting you are God.

You turn people back to dust, saying, “Return to dust, O children.” For a thousand years in your sight are like a day that has just gone by, or like a watch in the night. You sweep people away in the sleep of death; they are like the new grass of the morning – though in the morning it springs up new, by evening it is dry and withered.

We are consumed by your anger and terrified by your indignation. You have set our iniquities before you, our secret sins in the light of your presence. All our days pass away under your wrath; we finish our years with a moan. The length of our days is seventy years – or eighty if we have the strength; yet their span is but trouble and sorrow, for they quickly pass, and we fly away.

Who knows the power of your anger? For your wrath is as great as the fear that is due to you. Teach us to number our days aright, that we may gain a heart of wisdom. 

Relent, O Lord! How long will it be? Have compassion on your servants. Satisfy us in the morning with your unfailing love, that we may sing for joy and be glad all our days. Make us glad for as many days as you have afflicted us, for as many years as we have seen trouble. May your deeds be shown to your servants, your splendour to their children.

May the favour, the beauty, of the Lord our God rest upon us; establish the work of our hands for us – yes, establish the work of our hands.

(Ps 90)

If you haven’t done so, may I suggest that you read this psalm aloud to yourself now; read it slowly, perhaps several times, noticing different phrases and how they speak to you today, in the times which are currently your circumstances.

Are you full of plans and hopes for the future, confident and expectant for what lies ahead? Then perhaps the reminder of the fleeting day which is humanity’s lot is not welcome to you. Ultimately, none of us knows what tomorrow may brings, none can be sure that our plans will be realised, and it does us good to remember this, to humble ourselves before the one in whose hands all our days lie, for good or ill.

Are you weary with the situation in which you find yourself, seeking purpose and significance and yet finding only vanity and emptiness with nothing to show for your labour? Then take heart from the psalmist’s closing prayer – he knows exactly how you feel, and shares your sense that all is futile unless the Lord bless and give it substance. It is true that as the beloved, redeemed children of the Everlasting Father, we have no need to earn his acceptance by our labour – we receive all we need and abundantly more than that, by his grace through Jesus our Lord. BUT, since he is our maker as well as our Father, he surely knows and has placed in us that desire for significance, the hunger to leave our mark on history in some way.

The honesty and longing of this psalm are powerful in expressing the turmoil of our lives in the face of our short time on earth, and the limitations imposed on us by health, opportunities etc. We are in a relationship with eternity, and yet feel our temporality so acutely. What do we have to offer the one who birthed universes? What does the dust have to offer the author of the constellations?

We cannot enrich our God in any way; but we can respond to the love which he has lavished upon us by living in glad, trusting obedience, and bringing all our concerns to his feet – all the time, for everything that makes up our lives, and everyone who shares them. His love for us makes us significant; his joy in our obedience gives all our labour purpose and our endurance meaning. In everything we do, think and are, we have daily opportunities to respond to his love and to know that in so doing, we offer up a sacrifice of praise, an entirely appropriate and meaningful way of living which is of eternal significance.

The world around may write us off as cranks who live on a delusion; our lives may be limited (in the eyes of unbelievers) by illness, poverty, lack of the right education or skills. But in the eyes of God, who is from everlasting to everlasting – and therefore more significant than anyone who ever lived a human life – we matter, matter enough to be died for, matter enough to be transformed into the image of Christ and prepared for a new life in a new earth.  There our eternal significance will finally become fully clear to us, because we will be made of the stuff of eternity, we will have come home to be with our Lord for ever, sharing his life, his love and his family.