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About eps992014

a believer in the Lord Jesus Christ, a mother, wife, sometime runner, singer, gardener, and proud Scot

Uncomfortable reading

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“This is what the Lord, the God of Israel, said to me: ‘Take from my hand this cup filled with the wine of my wrath and make all the nations to whom I send you drink it.. Now prophesy all these words against them and say to them: “‘The Lord will roar from on high; he will thunder from his holy dwelling and roar mightily against his land. He will shout like those who tread the grapes, shout against all who live on the earth. The tumult will resound to the ends of the earth, for the Lord will bring charges against the nations; he will bring judgment on all mankind and put the wicked to the sword,'” declares the Lord.

(Jer 25.15,30-31)

The tempter came to [Jesus], and said, “If you are the Son of God, tell these stones to become bread,’ Jesus answered, “It is written: ‘Man does not live on bread alone, but on every mouth that comes from the mouth of God,'”

(Matt.4.3&4)

“You diligently study the scriptures because you think that by them you possess eternal life. These are the scriptures that testify about me, yet you refuse to come to me to have life.

(Jn 5.39&40)

[Jesus] said to them, “How foolish you are, and how slow of heart to believe all that the prophets have spoken! Did not the Christ have to suffer these things and then enter his glory?” And beginning with Moses and all the prophets, he explained to them what was said in all the scriptures concerning himself.

(Lk 24.25-27)

..continue in what you have learned and have become convinced of, because you know those from whom you learned it, and how from infancy you have known the holy scriptures, which are able to make you wise for salvation through faith in Christ Jesus. All scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the servant of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.

(2Tim 3.14-17)

In recent years, I have been privileged to spend time reading and thinking about Job, Isaiah, and Daniel in local bible study groups. These have been occasions of great blessing, but also very challenging as they bring me face to face with some difficult truths about human life, divine sovereignty, the reality of evil and the facts of suffering.

I am aware that over the years, I must have heard many sermons on these themes, and yet every time I come across another difficult, violent passage like the one quoted above from Jeremiah, I find myself wincing away from it, deeply disturbed by the images conjured up. What am I, a 21st century Christian who enjoys health, peace and freedom, to make of the sheer quantity of bloodshed, wrathful speech, grim forebodings of judgement and general gloom which characterise so much of the Old Testament?

I do not subscribe to the notion that our bible – combining as it does the Hebrew scriptures, the gospels and epistles – actual talks about two different deities. I do not believe that there is a vengeful Old Testament God, and a loving New Testament God. For one thing, there is nowhere that Jesus attempts to distance himself from the Hebrew Scriptures and their portrayal of the God of Israel. This was the only scripture which Jesus knew, and the one from which he drew in explaining his mission, calling and identity to his followers! If there were some deep issues with the Old Testament portrayal of God, the heavenly Father who so loved the world that he sent his son to die, then surely Jesus would have dealt with it?

No, my Lord and Saviour regarded the Hebrew scriptures as the word of God, the source of truth, and the place where all the teaching necessary to prepare his people for his coming had been recorded. I must then follow his lead, and begin from a place of acceptance, trust and willingness to learn – and to accept that my own human understanding is limited!

I want to grow in maturity of faith and understanding, I want to be able to handle the word wisely and not to be afraid of the difficult things, and so I invest in resources, I ask questions, I push myself to try and change lazy habits of thinking. Sometimes it feels like my brain is stuck – but I trust that the Holy Spirit can undo the knots and barriers to comprehension, and that as I continue to approach the word humbly, willing to learn and to face hard things, to hold seeming contradictions together, I will indeed be better equipped to serve my Lord, wherever he may call me.

What am I afraid of?

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The fear of the Lord is pure, enduring for ever.

(Ps 19.9)

The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, all who follow his precepts have good understanding. To him belongs eternal praise.

(Ps 111.10)

In the year that King Uzziah died, I saw the Lord seated on a throne, high and exalted, and the train of his robe filled the temple. Above him were seraphs,… and they were calling to one another: “Holy, holy, holy is the Lord Almighty; the whole earth is full of his glory.” At the sound of their voices the doorposts and thresholds shook and the temple was filled with smoke. “Woe to me!” I cried. “I am ruined! For I am a man of unclean lips, and I live among a people of unclean lips, and my eyes have seen the King, the Lord Almighty.”

(Isa 6.1-5)

“Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather, be afraid of the One who can destroy both soul and body in hell. Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from the will of your Father. And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don’t be afraid: you are worth more than many sparrows.”

(Matt10.28-31)

Since, then, we know what it is to fear the Lord, we try to persuade men.. For Christ’s love compels us, because we are convinced that one died for all, and therefore all died… we implore you on Christ’s behalf: Be reconciled to God.

(2Cor 5.11,14&20)

What is it to fear? Why is it that on one hand, we have so many exhortations to ‘fear God’, and on the other, so many instances where God encourages and reassures his children that they are not to be afraid? I think that – like the word ‘love’ – the word ‘fear’, has a range of meanings, and that the idea of a healthy, even liberating fear has got lost for many people – especially as applied to their spiritual lives and relationship to God.

It is a complex topic, too large for a short conversation, but I want to tease out one or two things – if I can! Since the word of God to us includes such a strong message that to fear him is to enter into wisdom, to know freedom and peace, then it must be more than dreading the infliction of pain or loss, because our God is holy, loving, gracious and good – we see in Jesus a generosity of compassion which takes our breath away – why should we be afraid of that?

Paul’s fear of the Lord propelled his mission, driving him on to spread the good news of the salvation and transformation which Jesus offers to all who will accept him – and Paul was no craven, trembling slave of a forbidding divinity, but an exultant apostle, shouting for joy about the love of God! If that is what ‘the fear of the Lord’ can do, then we need not be ashamed of it, but rather pursue it!

As fallen humanity, we dread the approach of purity, light and love, because we have rebelled against it, and shut it out – to have such light shine on us is unbearable as it shows up our poverty and filth, shows how we have squandered our potential on ashes. But, as God’s redeemed children, we approach that purity, worship that power and glory, and tremble to think of grieving the heart of Love – we rightly ‘fear’ to dishonour and disappoint him, to fail to use all we are and have for his glory. This kind of fear is indeed the beginning of wisdom, the beginning of knowing what it is to be fully human!

When, through faith in Jesus, I am restored to my true calling or vocation – to be God’s image bearer in his creation – I am what I am made to be, and need fear nothing else. My hearing is obedience waiting to spring into action, and nothing has any power to daunt me, because I am utterly secure in my identity as God’s beloved child. I may fear to offend, not because I dread punishment, but because the heart of Love is tender, and I long to honour and imitate it. And even here, I need not ‘fear’ when I fail, because my Lord has forgiven me, accepted me, and my mistakes cannot derail his purposes.

I will not fully live without unhealthy fear until I am made new, but I rejoice to know that God is at work to change me, to loosen the hold of lies on my thinking, and set me free to take courage for each day. He cares for me, what need I care for anything more than delighting to do his will and enjoying what he sends me? As I wrote this blog, the words of this old hymn based on Psalm 34 came to mind, and I share them with you as encouragement today.

Through all the changing scenes of life, in trouble and in joy, the praises of my God shall still my heart and tongue employ.

O, make but trial of his love, experience will decide, how blest are they, and only they, who in his truth confide.

Fear him, ye saints, and you will then have nothing else to fear; make his service your delight, your wants shall be his care.

(Nahum Tate: 1652-1715)

Just say it….

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“Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift…

Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life… Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? … But seek first [God’s] kingdom and his righteousness… therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. Do not judge, or you too will be judged.. How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? .. so in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.”

 (Matt 5.23&24; 6.25,27,33-7.2,5&12)

“And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.”

(Mk 11.25)

If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves..

(Phil 2.1-3)

 

I am very conscious of the privileged life which I lead – the health, strength and financial security which are precious gifts in our troubled and unequal world. I am also thankful that I have been spared the anxious temperament, which in spite of so many blessings tends to dread the future and assume the worst.. I thank God for all those who have modelled trust and obedience for me, helping me in turn to leave my future well being in God’s hands and to await his resources for what He chooses to send me.

But, I do worry, I do get anxious… about relationships! It is these which bring me weeping to the Lord in prayer; which leave me weak with fear over some unresolved issue; full of dread about the future consequences of a present trouble. Does Jesus’ command speak to these things? 

We are created by God to thrive in relationships, his gifts to us and a means of growth, encouragement, discipline and deepening faith as well as joy-givers and love-teachers. But in this broken world, these good gifts are tainted by the polluting effects of human sin, and we will never experience them in their full perfection until our life in the new creation begins. Nonetheless, each day we live is within the context of relationships, and that ever-present quality means they are a valid object of our concern, will and love! We are in them now, and while we can’t control their future development, we can always love well in the present.

What does it look like to love well today? Jesus gave us so many ways to do this, and my frequent prayer is to know for each situation just what love looks like, how it should be expressed! I am called to forgive, and to receive forgiveness; to extend grace and comfort; to be slow to judge, and quick to recognise that the small fault in one person is actually much greater in myself; to speak encouragement or even express hurt and ask for change and better understanding; to resolve disagreement as quickly as is within my power and live at peace with all so far as lies with me. All should spring out of love, with the humility that seeks the good of the other as its primary goal, seeking to love more than to be loved. 

In every day, as I navigate my relationships, I have a choice about whether I will demand from others, or seek to give; to parade my needs or seek to minister to theirs. Will I speak love – in whatever way seems right – or will I not? May God give each of us the courage and wisdom to speak love – to say it with flowers, with hugs, with prayers, with words… just say it!

AND when I am aware that things are still not right, but I can’t see anymore that I can do, then I must not be anxious. This is God’s issue ultimately, and I must not let anything – even the most important relationships in my life aside from him – become bigger in my life, more important to me, than Jesus and his kingdom. 

Our God is sovereign over all things, including the messiness of human relationships, and is at work to be glorified and to see his kingdom realised through this as well as every other aspect of our lives. It is not up to me to fix everyone, and I must be humble enough to accept that – even when the consequences are relationships that remain difficult, fragile and even broken. In this too, his strength will be sufficient for my weakness.

Heavenly Father, Loving Saviour, Indwelling Spirit, grant me the humility to recognise that only you can love perfectly, and that I can trust you to deal with the consequences of my failures to love others, and their failures to love me. Be glorified as you demonstrate your grace, transforming power and sustaining divine love in us. Amen

To ease the parting..

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But someone may ask, “How are the dead raised? With what kind of body will they come?”… when you sow, you do not plant the body that will be, but just a seed… God gives it a body as he has determined, and to each kind of seed he gives its own body… so it will be with the resurrection of the dead. The body that is sown is perishable, it is raised imperishable; it is sown in dishonour, it is raised in glory; it is sown in weakness, it is raised in power, it is sown a natural body, it is raised a spiritual body.. As was the earthly man, so are those who are of the earth; and as is the man from heaven, so also are those who are of heaven. And just as we have borne the likeness of the earthly man so shall we bear the likeness of the man from heaven.

(1 Cor 15.35,37&38,42-44,48&49)

Brothers, we do not want you to be ignorant about those who fall asleep, or to grieve like the rest of men, who have no hope. We believe that Jesus died and rose again and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him…. and so we will be with the Lord for ever. Therefore encourage each other with these words.

(1Thess 4.13&14,17)

Life is enriched by the people with whom we share it. Each and every single one is equally important in God’s eyes, all of them matter to him and therefore to us. We are made in God’s image to be in relationship, firstly with him and then with one another. Often, we receive God’s gift of love to us through one another; thus also compassion and help, presence and guidance, rebuke and instruction are given from God to his children.

The precious ones, so close that we can’t imagine life without them…

The constant ones, woven closely into our lives and as reliable as the sunrise…

The remote ones, who bring us such joy when we meet – and those meetings are all too rare…

The ones we barely get to know and then have to leave behind, leaving so much unsaid and undiscovered…

The especially gifted, beautiful, able and inspiring ones that we long to know better but can’t…

The ones we haven’t met, but know of – from the past, in the present and the barely glimpsed future…

The words of the scriptures assure all those who trust in God and not in their own goodness, that this longing for connection is not wrong, it is rather an expression of God’s likeness in us. It is part of his great plan of redemption, that all his people should share in his joy by knowing and loving one another. And as those who have been saved through faith in Jesus, we share an amazing future. We can know that we will meet again, never to part, and that when we do, everything will be perfect!

Today I saw a pair of eagles, giving effortless expression of worship, and glorifying God by just being what they are. Their ecstatic soaring was, for me, an illustration of our future, of fearless living with no shadow of imperfection to hold us back, and a supreme contentment in being who and what I am designed to be – fully human, and beloved by God.

God is making all things new, and we are at the centre of his purposes – that we might live with all his people in a perfect world, enjoying it, him and one another as we were always designed to do… with nothing to diminish our joy or inhibit our worship. Our home will be the new earth, where our God dwells with his people as he always planned and laboured through history to achieve.

When I have to part from people now, I don’t need to grieve too much that I may not see them again this side of my mortal body dying… I can rejoice in knowing that we WILL meet and be together again in eternity, sharing the divine life and exalting our Lord together. We will live in this world which we love so dearly and see it made perfect, in bodies that will have been perfected and transformed in ways we can’t begin to imagine, but yet recognisably our unique selves.

This assurance can strengthen us as we persevere in hope, and obedience, and especially it sustains us through loss, bereavement and change. All God’s people will be together – imagine it! All those unfinished conversations, the enjoyment of each unique personality with its gifts and particular ways of reflecting God’s glory. We will have eternity in which to share together, and nothing to make us grieve over parting ever again… thank you Lord, for this great encouragement to us, may we hold fast to you in faith and let the promise be our guiding light.

A prayer for the new year…

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Then Hannah prayed and said: “My heart rejoices in the Lord; in the Lord my horn is lifted high. My mouth boasts over my enemies, for I delight in your deliverance. There is no-one holy like the Lord; there is no-one besides you’ there is no Rock like our God.”

(1Sam 2.1&2)

Your statutes are wonderful; therefore I obey them. The unfolding of your words gives light; it gives understanding to the simple. I open my mouth and pant, longing for your commands.

Turn to me and have mercy on me, as you always do to those who love your name. Direct my footsteps according to your word; let no sin rule over me. Redeem me from the oppression of men, that I may obey your precepts.

Make your face shine upon your servant and teach me your decrees. Streams of tears flow from my eyes, for your law is not obeyed.

(Ps 119.129-136)

“I am the Lord’s servant, ” Mary answered. “May it be to me as you have said.”

“My soul glorifies the Lord and my spirit rejoices in God my saviour, for he has been mindful of the humble state of his servant.. His mercy extends to those who fear him, from generation to generation..”

(Lk 1.38,46,47&50)

I am a child of God. I am a beloved daughter of the King of Kings, and my place in his love, my inheritance, is assured to me. The death and resurrection of Jesus has broken the power which bound me in rebellion against God, and now I am learning what it is to fulfill my calling, my vocation, as one who – in loving and worshipping God – is able to care for the world which He created for us to cherish, and to love people in his name. I am one in the great kingdom of priests, a divine image-bearer to a lost humanity and bearer of good news – the hope which is ours in Christ Jesus. I am slowly becoming fully human, even as Jesus is!

What an amazing and encouraging way to face a new year, with all its unknowns. I have meaning and purpose, I am absolutely secure in the love of God himself, I am fully known and totally accepted. I echo the words of Hannah and Mary, women who trusted God and praised him, not waiting for the fulfilment of their prayers. My soul rejoices in God, my Saviour; there is no Rock like my God!

Almighty God, rock and refuge of your people down the generations, and our deliverer from all that would keep us in exile, far from you and unable to fulfil our calling, I praise you today. I thank you for the revelation of your nature, of the divine purpose to which we are called, and for your great act of salvation by which we are restored and set free to love  and serve you in your creation.

Lord God, I pray with the psalmist for your mercy, that I might receive your direction for my life and not be swayed by the opinions of those who do not know you. I pray that I might be useful to you, in honouring you and serving your people. Grant me an ever greater love for others, that I might be available to them in your name. Grant me your wisdom in speech, in action, in prayer.

Thank you for those divine encounters, when you have used me to bless others in your name, to be light and hope and help. Lord, in your mercy, grant that I may continue to serve you in this way, not shying away but opening my heart to those in need. Let me trust that a passing word, or smile may be enough, and grant me faith to leave them in your hands as I go.

I pray today for those whom I have left behind in 2023 – those encountered in passing, and also those from whose lives I have been withdrawn – by your will and to my sorrow. Lord God, have mercy on us all in our vulnerability, sustain us through loss and change. I pray for those I will meet in 2024, those who will be encountered in passing, and those into whose lives I will be drawn. Lord God, may I be a blessing, never a curse or a barrier to faith and obedient living. 

Father, I confess my lack of love, my disinclination for hard tasks, my fretfulness and so many things that make me hard to live with. Thank you, that in Jesus I am forgiven. I pray that those who suffer by my faults and neglect might, by your grace, be strengthened and healed. May I meet them with humility and love, seeking to give and not to receive.

Loving Lord Jesus, I pray for those who hurt me. May I meet them with love, may I forgive as often as I remember the hurt, and  so obey your command and live as you lived. Let the hurts which others inflict on me only drive me deeper into your love, and make me ever more tender-hearted.

I am your creation, and re-creation. I am your handiwork, to be used for your glory in any way you choose. Let me accept and rejoice in your directing of my ways, even when I find them painful, or tedious, even when they appear to me pointless. Keep me teachable, humble and responsive, and may I find that in the quiet tasks of daily life, you are present and I can live for you there. 

Let me become more and more like Jesus, more fully human, more worshipful and eager to obey your will and to minister your love. Be glorified in me, through my Lord Jesus Christ. Amen

When it’s far from merry and bright

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The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me, because the Lord has anointed me to preach good news to the poor.

He has sent me to bind up the broken-hearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favour and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn and provide for those who grieve in Zion – to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair.

They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendour…. and you will be called priests of the Lord, you will be named ministers of our God..

Instead of their shame my people will receive a double portion, and instead of disgrace they will rejoice in their inheritance; and so they will inherit a double portion in their land, and everlasting joy will be theirs.

(Isa 61.1-3,6&7)

“And you, my child, will be called a prophet of the Most High; for you will go on before the Lord to prepare the way for him, to give his people the knowledge of salvation through the forgiveness of their sins, because of the tender mercy of our God, by which the rising sun will come to us from heaven to shine on those living in darkness and in the shadow of death, to guide our feet into the path of peace.”

(Lk 1.76-79)

The story at the heart of our celebration of Christmas is not about families round a table, or about friends enjoying a night out. The story is not about comfort and plenty, about noise and colour, making merry and eating fine food. The story is not about prosperity and wealth, or about privilege and ease. The media creates unbearable expectations around Christmas, piling image upon image, until we are swamped by the false story they are selling and telling us. For many, those false and unrealistic stories are creating an agony of isolation, driving people to despair as they see the difference between their lives, and the media’s stories.

I sometimes wish that I could rule the airwaves, and the internet for a day, to give the truth about Christ’s coming a chance to be heard! But each of us in our own lives and communities has the opportunity to do that – to share the message and to be the voice which – like John the Baptist – tells others of the rising sun, the one who comes to shine light in our darkness and to guide our feet into the path of peace.

When you are alone, in pain; when hope is hard to find and the future is bleak – the message of Christmas comes for you to say that you are never alone, that the Lord God who made all things loves you and chose to take on human flesh to show that love.

When you are tasting a bitter cup of disappointed hope, failures and broken dreams – the message of Christmas comes for you to say that the Lord God has plans for you, eternal life in his kingdom where you will know and be known by him. He has glorious things in store for you to know and do and be, and your deepest longings will be satisfied as you commit yourself to him.

When family is a bad word, when your wounds are raw and deep, and there is no sign of reconciliation or flourishing; when those whom you loved best are gone and life is a daily struggle with the effects of their absence, rubbing salt into the already aching places – the message of Christmas comes for you to say that the Lord God has brought you into his family, into a place of love and belonging where you are accepted and welcome as you are. His tenderness is powerful to heal you, and his spirit is strong to change you, and he waits to be there for you in all the places where you most grieve those who are gone…

The heart of the message of Christmas is of God breaking into human darkness; of God’s love refusing to leave us in our lost condition. It is a message of hope for the bleakest situation if we will only receive it, and it is a message we can all share.

O Lord of the lost and lonely, Lord of the broken and despairing, Lord of those whose lives appear perfect but are in fact hollow and bitter: grant your people courage to speak the true message of Christmas, of hope and help and light and love; of stability and of lasting worth given to those in deepest need. May we have strength to resist the media’s message, and discernment to know when and how to share the truth. Thank you, for sending light and healing to our darkness, thank you for Jesus!

when looking down….

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He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young.. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord renew their strength. They will soar like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not faint.

“For I am the Lord, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you. Do not be afraid, O worm Jacob, O little Israel, for I myself will help you,” declares the Lord, your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel.

” Here is my servant, who I uphold, my chosen one in whom I delight.. A bruised reed he will not break, and a smouldering wick he will not snuff out.”

(Isa 40.11, 29-31; 41.13&14; 42.1&3)

Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my saviour and my God. My soul is downcast within me; therefore I will remember you… By day the Lord directs his love, at night his song is with me – a prayer to the God of my life..

(Ps 42.5-8)

Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take [the thorn in the flesh] away from me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses…. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

(2Cor 12.8-10)

Sometimes, we find ourselves walking as if in the shadow of a great hill which is hiding the light from our path, and we are weary of stumbling in the dark, of hurting ourselves on things we cannot see, of straining for the way ahead. The hill could be difficult problems posed by health issues for ourselves, or our loved ones; challenges in our work or church communities which are making everyone tense and unhappy; difficult relationships with those who are close to us, where we seem unable to resolve issues, and consequently our lives are overshadowed, everything is muted and joy seems fled for good.

In such seasons, I take great comfort in going to the words of the psalmists, of Job and the many prophets who spoke truth and suffered for it at the hands of God’s people. There I find a depth of lament which gives relief to my burdened spirit, and helps me to bring all to the Lord as my ‘sacrifice’ of prayer. If all I have seems to be hard and sore, then let me bring it in faith and say, “Lord, this is my offering, use it as you choose for your glory!”

There too, I find the precious encouragement to keep on hoping, to go on believing that God is good, that I am beloved, redeemed and accepted, no matter how difficult my circumstances and the ways that others may make me feel. To know myself held in my shepherd’s arms; to picture myself as the guttering candle which he shields with his hands so that it may burn on; to remember that he knows why I feel like a worm, and understands all that has gone to make it so. This is to know a deep and strengthening comfort and a reviving tenderness indeed!

Often when I am looking down, watching my feet to avoid falling, I see something beautiful which comes like a call from my Lord – ‘Look! here is a gift to remind you that I am present, and I know, utterly understand, your sorrow.’ It helps me to lift my head and find renewed faith, believing that as I come to him in weakness, not trusting myself or anyone else, then I am enabled to go on.

Beloved Father, whose tenderness and kindness melts my heart again and again, I praise and thank you for understanding all that is overshadowing me today. I rest in your love, and rejoice to know that you hold me fast.

Saving Lord, precious Jesus, whose life and death has secured eternal life for me, I thank you that you have known sorrow, weariness, and the deep shadows which are cast over human lives. I rest in your love, and rejoice to know that you will never forsake me.

Reviving Spirit, divine in-dweller of my being, I worship and thank you today because by your power and presence, I am kept safe and secure as a child of God, and you will not abandon the work which has begun in me.

Today, even as I walk in shadow, let me be renewed in hope, courage and faithfulness. Let me not be silenced by the shadows, but rather enabled to praise you in them – for your glory, and my blessing. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

Beauty amidst the confusion…

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The Lord reigns, let the earth be glad; let the distant shores rejoice. Clouds and thick darkness surround him; righteousness and justice are the foundation of his throne. Fire goes before him and consumes his foes on every side. His lightning lights up the world; the earth sees and trembles. The mountains melt like wax before the Lord, before the Lord of all the earth.

The heavens proclaim his righteousness, and all the peoples see his glory. All who worship images are put to shame, those who boast in idols – worship him, all you gods! Zion hears and rejoices and the villages of Judah are glad because of your judgements, O Lord.

For you, O Lord, are the Most High over all the earth; you are exalted far above all gods. Let those who love the Lord hate evil, for he guards the lives of his faithful ones and delivers them from the hand of the wicked. Light is shed upon the righteous and joy on the upright in heart. Rejoice in the Lord, you who are righteous, and praise his holy name.

(Ps 97)

Praise and honour are due to your name, Lord our God. By your command, all things came into being and are sustained, moment by moment, each in their proper place. Out of your unfathomable wisdom and creative nature, you called forth marvels great and small, and they exist to glorify and exalt you!

Reverence and awe are due to you, Lord our God. In holiness and justice, you reign from eternity to eternity, and there are no shadows in the blaze of your purity, no flaws in your purposes. None can compete with you in perfection and power; nothing rivals your sovereignty and wisdom. 

Of ourselves, we dare not presume upon your favour. Our rebellious hearts have made us unfit for your presence, and deserving only of rejection and judgement – to be banished eternally from the light, from the fullness of life which is in you.

Yet in Jesus, the Almighty-became-mortal one, we find you inviting us into your presence, to live your life with you for ever. As I embrace the offer of transformation, confessing my rebellion and crowning Jesus as my Lord and Saviour, you call me ‘beloved daughter’, and bring me home. Now I may join all creation in praising you and knowing your joy!

Today, I give thanks that I may know you as Father, through Jesus your Son, and am being transformed into his likeness as your Spirit dwells in me. I give thanks that in all the confusion of my life, and of the darkling world around me, I may know your joy and have hope. I give thanks that each day you shower tokens of love upon me, and that in my uncertainty, I can receive these gifts of beauty, of love, of friendship and laughter.

Today, I give thanks that you are indeed sovereign and that you do not make mistakes – no matter how difficult it may be for me, or for wiser heads than mine, to discern the pattern of your purposes in these days and events. My Lord Jesus tells me that you are to be trusted, utterly. His life and death and resurrection are the pattern which guide my own walk of faith, and what made no sense to his followers then, is revealed now to be your great plan of redemption and unveiling of your coming kingdom! 

Today, I pray that your Spirit will continue to work your purposes in me through all that is happening. May I grow more like my Lord, in faithful obedience and quiet trust. May I be given the gift of a cheerful and contented spirit, which refuses to bring anxiety from tomorrow into today. Your gifts to me are so good, let me receive them and be encouraged by them, to trust you.

I cannot see the full picture; I cannot tell what you will do with my small life, let alone with all the millions of lives on our planet. Let me not strive for knowledge which is too great for me, but accept the beauty which I can see, in the world around me, and in the truth of who you are and what you have done. Let me, like my Lord Jesus say, ‘Not my will, but yours be done’, and this I pray now, for your glory and my blessing, Amen.

Slow to learn….

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Come, let us sing for joy to the Lord; let us shout aloud to the Rock of our salvation. Let us come before him with thanksgiving and extol him with music and song.

For the Lord is the great God, the great King above all gods. In his hand are the depths of the earth, and the mountain peaks belong to him. The sea is his, for he made it, and his hands formed the dry land. 

Come, let us bow down in worship, let us kneel before the Lord our Maker; for he is our God and we are the people of his pasture, the flock under his care.

Today, if only you would hear his voice, “Do not harden your hearts as you did at Meribah, as you did that day at Massah in the wilderness, where your ancestors tested me; they tried me, though they had seen what I did.”

(Ps 95.1-9)

Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear… Look at the birds of the air, they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?… pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

(Matt 6.25-27,32-34)

Do everything without grumbling or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a warped and crooked generation. Then you will shine among them like stars in the sky as you hold firmly to the word of life.

(Phil 2.14-16)

Next year’s flowers are already in the making – under the ground, bulbs are putting forth roots and preparing for the right time to send up shoots. Snowdrops, aconites and the early daffodils will come first, bringing hope as they always do, in the midst of cold, dark days. The buds of next spring’s viburnum, rhododendron and azalea are forming on the branches even now – fulfilment of their maker’s plan for them is as sure as the changing of the seasons, they do not suffer doubt when the darkness comes. Indeed, the cold, short days are necessary to prompt the growth! Sadly, I am not so faithful to my maker’s plans and purposes for me, and the darkness and cold of uncertainty, grief and change often spark withdrawal, self-pity and a grumbling resentment.

Have I not learnt anything from all the faithfulness which God has shown to me and to his church? Have I not learnt from the lessons of the saints through the ages, and of those still living around me who testify to the love, power and help of their heavenly Father? Have I learnt nothing from the example of Jesus himself, who in the deepest and darkest time committed himself in faith to the Father, embracing the divine will and surrendering himself to it. After that agonised hour in the garden, Jesus never turned back, never resisted, never bemoaned his lot, but did what was necessary with an obedient and resolute heart.

It would appear that I am a very poor learner… my endurance is not with hope but with grumbling resignation; I am quick to tell my troubles instead of being quick to listen to others and taking my own burdens to God. Instead of responding with earnest and urgent petitions, I am grudging and slow to ask, unwilling to raise my expectations by praying.. God’s promises become a mockery in my ears, because they are not being fulfilled in the ways that I want..

Loving Heavenly Father, I confess today that I am not patient in my waiting, not cheerful in uncertainty, and that I am quick to resent the ways that you choose to deal with me. I confess this sin of presumption, and recognise the folly and arrogance which lies behind it – the desire to be in control.

Deliver me from this mean and petty spirit, from fretting and self-pity. Renew my hope, so that my heart is not sickened as I wait for you. Renew my faith, so that I am not tempted to make excuses or explain away the things that you choose to permit. Help me to believe in each new situation that you are at work, even though I cannot know your plans. You will fulfil your promises in new ways, because your faithfulness is unchanging. Let me be like Jesus, who embraced your will for him, and walked steadily into the darkness and the unknown. Let me honour you and choose to trust.

So much more than the bare necessities..

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The Lord said to Moses, “I have heard the grumbling of the Israelites. Tell them, ‘At twilight you will eat meat, and in the morning you will be filled with bread. Then you will know that I am the Lord your God…. “

(Ex 17.11&12)

The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul….. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever.

(Ps 23.1-3,5-6)

The tempter came to him and said, “If you are the Son of God, tell these stones to become bread.” Jesus answered, “It is written: ‘Man does not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.'”

(Matt 5.3&4)

Jesus declared, “I am the bread of life. He who comes to me will never go hungry, and he who believes in me will never be thirsty….No-one has seen the Father except the one who is from God; only he has seen the Father. I tell you the truth, he who believes has everlasting life. I am the bread of life. Your forefathers ate the manna in the desert, yet they died. But here is the bread that comes down from heaven, which a man may eat and not die. I am the living bread that came down from heaven. If anyone eats of this bread, he will live for ever.”

(Jn 6.35,46-51)

I have never known the terror of starvation, of not knowing where my children and livestock can get food, of fearing the worst. I have lived in a time and a land of plenty, and have enjoyed the luxury of choice in ways that many people in the world today cannot imagine. I am not proud of that, but deeply aware that it is a privilege, and one which means that I should be slow to judge the people of Israel when, in the desert, they panicked and mobbed Moses, furious with fear for their children and livestock, and well aware of danger. Not once, but several times, the Lord intervened to provide what was needed, and exhorted the people to trust him for each fresh need as it arose, so that instead of panic, they would pray and ask in faith. They were being invited to believe in God’s goodness and readiness to deliver them, to acknowledge their own helplessness.

This image of God providing food for their bodies is also meant to make us think on a deeper level, as we find through the rest of scripture.  God’s word, his life-giving communication with us, his character and glory are shown as the food that we need for a fully human life, a life where we thrive in the relationship for which we are designed – God’s beloved children. We are invited to think of feasting on these things, of feeding our minds and being sustained by them. In our helplessness, He has provided abundantly and effectively for our need – through the life-giving, atoning sacrifice of Jesus, we receive forgiveness, transformation and enter into a new existence.

We eat in order to stay alive – and for this, a very basic diet will suffice. We eat in order to remain healthy and strong for life’s activities – and for this, some variety is necessary. We eat for pleasure, rejoicing in the flavours, textures, colours and satisfaction of enjoying food, one of God’s good gifts to us and designed to bring us joy and move us to thankfulness.

When I think of God’s provision for us, I like to think of these three different things. We need Christ in order to live… without him, we die in our sin and never know the life for which God has intended us. We need Christ in order to thrive as healthy children of God – growing in our strength and wisdom, thriving as we grasp more and more of the breadth and depth of what Jesus has done for us, and of who he is. We feast on Christ, rejoicing more and more as we learn how abundantly, gloriously he meets all our needs, and how beautiful and worthy of our adoration he is in himself, as the Lord of Lords and King of Kings.

Heavenly Father, even as I thank you each day for the physical food which nourishes my body, let me grow in gratitude for the food which you supply so abundantly for my life as your child.

I belong in your kingdom, your life is in me because I am your child, and that life is sustained, strengthened and enriched as I take time to think about you, as Jesus has revealed you to us and as we meet you in the bible.

Thank you for the more than adequate nourishment you give us, for the banquet which is ours to enjoy, and which will only be surpassed when we enter into the new creation, in our transformed bodies, and join with all your children at the wedding feast of Christ with his bride. Let me glorify you and enjoy all you give me today, and trust in your faithful provision for my future, in Jesus’ name, Amen.