Made for beauty, made for belonging..

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God saw all that he had made, and it was very good, and there was evening, and there was morning – the sixth day.

(Gen 1. 31)

The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of his hands. Day after day they pour forth speech; night after night they reveal knowledge. They have no speech, they use no words; no sound is heard from them. Yet their voice goes out into all the earth, their words to the ends of the world.

(Ps 19.1-4)

I will extol the Lord at all times; his praise will always be on my lips… I sought the Lord and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears… Taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the one who takes refuge in him.

(Ps 34.1,4&8)

Praise the Lord. Praise the Lord from the heavens; praise him in the heights above. Praise him, all his angels; praise him, all his heavenly hosts. Praise him, sun and moon; praise him, all you shining stars. Praise him, you highest heavens and you waters above the skies. Let them praise the name of the Lord, for at his command they were created, and he established them for ever and ever – he issued a decree that will never pass away.

(Ps 148.1-7)

He has made everything beautiful in its time. He also has planted eternity in men’s hearts and minds [a divinely implanted sense of a purpose working through the ages which nothing under the sun but God alone can satisfy], yet so that men cannot find out what God has done from the beginning to the end.

(Ecc 3.11, Amplified Bible)

For here we do not have an enduring city, but we are looking for the city that is to come.

(Heb 13.14)

Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away…..”Look! God’s dwelling-place is now among the people, and he will dwell with them..

(Rev 21.1&3)

Home… what does that word mean to you? I expect that a great deal depends on your experience of life in terms of family, settled living, security and health. I have been thankful to live under law and order; to know health and a nurturing family and community; to have reason to hope for security in worldly means. I have good reason to respond strongly and positively to the word ‘home’. 

The place where we have lived for these last 7 years has become home to me – a community where I am loved and useful; a place of such astonishing beauty that my spirit is continually overwhelmed; a settled and powerful sense of belonging and identity. I am deeply thankful for these good gifts…. and therefore deeply grieved at the prospect of leaving them behind.

As I wrestle with this prospect of loss, I resist self-pity, which achieves nothing except to divert me from thankful dependence on God and bind me in bitterness and resentment. I choose thankfulness, I choose praise, I choose to delight up to the last moment in this place. I choose to face each day with eyes wide open, a heart eager to receive and respond to the love-gifts of my Father.

When I am gone, the beauty will remain – undiminished by my departure, and awaiting my return. I may never again call it home, identifying myself with this beloved place, but it has played a huge part in my life and I will give thanks and be glad for that. The Lord has given me such joy here – and surely his power to do so will be unaltered by his removal of me to another place of his choosing?!

Golden barley ripened fields; dark green forest-bristling hills; purple heather-hued slopes; brilliant velvet-cropped fields; statuesque trees amid emerald pastures; blue skies with mountainous backlit clouds, silver grey and pearl; burns tumbling brown and foamy down rocky slopes; lochs like sheet mirrors; broad streams like silver ribbons..

All these words are a feeble attempt to capture the beauty, but my response in exultant worship is beyond description. This land is my home, my place and though I leave it for a season, I believe that one day, in the new creation, I will see it again – transformed. No longer a shadowy image of true beauty as it exists in the Creator’s mind, but the real thing – the lasting, eternal thing, where I will truly be at home for ever and all that is beloved here and now will be more real, more beautiful, more wonderful than I can imagine.

 Thank you Father, that you made me able to respond to beauty, and also to long to be at home. Thank you, that one day I will live with you in the beauty of which this world is merely a suggestion. Thank you that one day, I will know that for which my heart longs – I am made for belonging, made for beauty, made to live with you in perfect love in the place you designed for me to thrive and to delight. Keep me faithful until I see it, keep me obedient, trusting and loving. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

(the author acknowledges her debt to CS Lewis for much of the imagery and thinking of this piece)

A fresh air blowing…

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Faith opens all the windows to God’s wind….

(G Macdonald – 1824-1905: Diary of an Old Soul)

Then the Lord God formed a man from the dust of the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living being.

(Gen 2.7)

I saw a great many bones on the floor of the valley, bones that were very dry. He asked me, “Son of man, can these bones live?” I said,  “O Sovereign Lord, you alone know.” Then he said to me, “Prophesy to these bones and say to them, ‘Dry bones, hear the word of the Lord!… I will make breath enter you and you will come to life… Then you will know that I am the Lord.'”

“This is what the Sovereign Lord says: Come from the four winds, O breath, and breathe into these slain, that they may live.'” So I prophesied as he commanded me, and breath entered them; they came to life and stood up on their feet..

(Ezek 37. 3-6,9&10)

“Flesh gives birth to flesh, but the Spirit gives birth to spirit. You should not be surprised at my saying, ‘You must be born again.’ The wind blows wherever it pleases. You hear its sound, but you cannot tell where it comes from or where it is going. So it is with everyone born of the Spirit.”

(Jn 3.6-8)

The God who made the world and everything in it is the Lord of heaven and earth and does not live in temples built by human hands. And he is not served by human hands, as if he needed anything. Rather, he himself gives everyone life and breath and everything else… God did this so that they would seek him and perhaps reach out for him and find him, though he is not far from any one of us. ‘For in him we live and move and have our being.’

(Acts 17.24-28)

As I sit to write today, the windows are open all over the house, and there is a steady sound of wind and sea blowing in, it makes my heart dance to hear it and to smell the fresh air wherever I go. We instinctively know that it is not good for us to live in sealed boxes, that we need air and the refreshing power of wind to invigorate our senses.

The wind itself gives us a powerful picture of God’s spirit at work in the world; Jesus’ words point out that we cannot see either one, and yet we clearly see their impact as they pass! I believe that ever since I was first able to acknowledge Jesus as Lord of my life, this Spirit has been a constant presence, a power of transformation as God makes me new and more Christ-like day by day. I also believe that I can and should reflect on the work of the Spirit – in the way that we go from room to room in our houses and decide where the air is stale and where there is danger of mould setting in!

The breath of life is God at work to make dead bones live, to bring humanity out of the sin-death in which it is bound and to revive it for a glorious future in the new creation. The breath of life is also God at work in his children, like a diligent housekeeper, seeking those places where transformation is yet to be realised, those rooms which have been closed against Him thus far, or where the dust has been allowed to accumulate and the air to grow stale.

Bear with me, the picture is a little flippant, but the point is valid… as I reflect on my life, I ask the Lord to show me where I am resisting the work of that Spirit of life and transformation; I ask to recognise those things which I am keeping out of his reach, in case I should be asked to do something about them!

I ask the Lord to show me those things which are lurking like mouldy newspapers, in a corner of my life, so much rubbish but also potentially dangerous to my faith if I neglect to deal with them.

I ask the Lord to breathe transforming power into my vision of him, so that as I see the love, power and beauty of Christ, my courage is renewed, my hope strengthened, and my desire to serve him revived, so that I cannot rest until I am active in sharing the gospel.

 O Lord Jesus, let me throw the windows wide. Blow through me with life and vigour and stir me up to fresh zeal and eagerness to serve you and glorify you and to delight in you. Breath of life itself, permeate all my inner chambers and fill them with the clean and wholesome airs of your truth, power and faithfulness. Make my house sing!

Bearing the maker’s mark

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I will cleanse you from all your impurities… I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh. And I will put my Spirit in you and move you to follow my decrees…

(Ezek 36.25-27)

And we all, who with unveiled faces contemplate the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into his image with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.

..if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come. The old has gone, the new is here!.. God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.

(2Cor 3.18, 4.17&21)

As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.. You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness..

And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.

(Eph 4.1-3,22-24,30-5.2)

We are accustomed to the idea of an artist signing their work, indicating pride of workmanship, and also origin; we know that hallmarked silver tells us about the quality of the metal and authenticates the genuine nature of the material. In the same way, we can think about believers being ‘sealed’ by the Holy Spirit, being marked by God in some distinctive way which has consequences for us.

The bible tells us that God makes people new when they come to faith in Jesus; in Ezekiel it is described as receiving a new heart, a disposition to respond in loving delight to God, and to obey all that he asks of us. Paul talks about a new creation, a person who is right with God and no longer under condemnation, because by faith they have received the forgiveness which Jesus achieved for them and they now live in communion with God and enter his presence with confidence, fearing nothing but to grieve their heavenly father.

The Holy Spirit is the authentication, the increasingly visible sign of that transformation taking effect in our lives. We live by faith in Jesus, whose spirit lives in us to move us towards ever greater likeness to Jesus, as our thinking changes according to God’s word and our actions flow from love for God and one another. It is helpful to remember that a hallmark is a sign of authenticity, that it tells a person about the quality of the material, the origin of the workmanship. The lives of believers need increasingly to conform to what our hallmark says is true about us, which is not merely a matter of a set of private theories of religion, but a personal relationship with the author of creation, our maker, and the one who has dealt with our sin forever.

Does my life speak of a love beyond all others, a love which compels me to bring all I do to the bar of Christ’s approval? Do my choices and actions speak of a loyalty beyond question to my Saviour, and an awareness that I bear his glorious name in this dark world as an ambassador for his love and as an invitation to come and meet him? I am aware that I fall short of this ideal, but nonetheless strive and pray towards it, so that I may not bear my Lord’s mark in vain but rather in fruitfulness and honour towards him.

I bear the hallmark of Christ; I am authenticated as a child of God. Let me therefore live to be worthy of his mark – it is my new nature and purpose to live in kindness, to love and seek the good of others for their blessing and his glory. It is my calling to grow up in my thinking to maturity, and the adherence to truth which will keep me faithful in my life and witness. Let me be of the true metal, bearing witness to the power of my maker and fulfilling the purposes for which he has made me new. So be it Lord Jesus, by your power and presence within me, Amen.

A lasting impression…

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Let my song of prayer come before You, Lord. As befits Your word, give me insight.

Let my supplication come before You, as befits Your utterance, save me.

Let my lips utter praise, for You taught me Your statutes.

Let my tongue speak out Your utterance, for all Your commands are just.

May Your hand become my help, for Your decrees I have chosen.

I desired Your rescue, O Lord, and Your teaching is my delight.

Let my being live on and praise You, and may Your laws help me.

I have wandered like a lost sheep. Seek Your servant, for Your commands I did not forget.

(Ps 119.169-176, R Alter translation)

John pointed [Jesus] out and called, “This is the One! The One I told you was coming after me but in fact was ahead of me…. Here he is, God’s Passover lamb! He forgives the sins of the world!… my task has been to get Israel ready to recognise him as the God-revealer… I’m telling you, there’s no question about it: This is the Son of God.”

(Jn 1.15,29&34, the Message)

In the Messiah, in Christ, God leads us from place to place in one perpetual victory parade. Through us, he brings knowledge of Christ. Everywhere we go, people breathe in the exquisite fragrance. Because of Christ, we give off a sweet scent rising to God, which is recognised by those on the way of salvation – an aroma redolent with life. But those on the way to destruction treat us more like the stench from a rotting corpse.

(2 Cor.2.14-16, the Message)

Will I trust God to do what he has promised? That is a question which lies behind so many of the challenges which I struggle with in life, because I want to see and know what he is doing, what he will do, and that is not faith  but doubt and unbelief… The apostle Paul writes to assure the young church that since God gave us his only son in order to save us, we can surely not doubt that our welfare matters to him, and that all else that we could need will be supplied in the right way and the right time. And faith is the assurance of those things hoped for, the lived-out conviction that what God says, is true, is a foundation on which to build and depend.

So, as I am tempted to look at my situation and to despair, seeing little evidence of having done anything useful in God’s service, I take myself to task and preach this gospel truth to myself again.. It is for me to obey, to love and serve the Lord as he gives me strength, ability and opportunity. It is for God to bring fruit from my labours, in whatever time and manner is according to his perfect will for each individual involved and also within his eternal and glorious plan for a new creation and a fully realised kingdom. It is not for me to evaluate my performance, but rather to keep offering up what he gives me to do and to know that I am loved not because I obey, but rather I obey because I am loved. Let my awareness of that love grow, so that my faith-filled and trusting obedience can also grow and become steadier, more consistent and glorifying to the one in whose word I trust.

Let me become like John the baptiser, whose joy it was to point others to the Christ, and to deflect their attention from himself to the source of hope and light for all humanity. Let me trust that as I obey the Lord in the places to which he takes me season by season, through all the various experiences and communities which make up my small life, in obedience, I may be useful to my God and not be a barrier to the gospel. Let me be content, as John was, to fulfill my task and not to envy the jobs of others, nor to be ashamed of the lowliness of my particular service in the kingdom.

Lord God, let me be a sweet aroma of Christ in going about my community, let me leave an impression of love and hope which makes others want to find the source of all love and hope. Let my impact on the lives of others be for their blessing and your glory – I do not need to see it to give thanks that with you even such things are possible, and I can rejoice to be a means of blessing in your hands.

Let there be no doubt that it is Christ who matters, and that all is done in and through and for him, and that He is Lord of my life. As I leave these people behind, I know that you will use their impression of Christ as I pointed them to him, and I am content. Amen, so let it be.

I believe..

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‘But what about you?’ Jesus asked, ‘Who do you say I am?’ Simon Peter answered, ‘You are the Messiah, the son of the living God.’ Jesus replied, ‘Blessed are you, Simon son of Jonah, for this was not revealed to you by flesh and blood, but by my Father in heaven. And I tell you that you are Peter, and on this rock I will build my church, and the gates of Hades will not overcome it.’

(Matt 16.15-18)

At that time many will turn away from the faith and will betray and hate each other, and many false prophets will appear and deceive many people. Because of the increase of wickedness, the love of most will grow cold, but the one who stands firm to the end will be saved. And this gospel of the kingdom will be preached in the whole world as a testimony to all nations….keep watch, because you do not know on what day your Lord will come.

But understand this: if the owner of the house had known at what time of night the thief was coming, he would have kept watch.. So you also must be ready, because the Son of Man will come at an hour when you do not expect him. Who then is the faithful and wise servant, whom the master has put in charge of the servants of his household..? It will be good for that servant whose master finds him doing so when he returns..

(Matt 2410-14, 42-46)

The Son is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn over all creation. For in him all things were created.. He is before all things, and in him all things hold together. And he is the head of the body, the church; he is the beginning and the firstborn from among the dead, so that in everything he might have the supremacy. For God was pleased to have all his fullness dwell in him, and through him to reconcile to himself all things, whether things on earth or things in heaven, buy making peace through his blood, shed on the cross.

(Col 1.15-20)

I believe that this world, and the universe which holds it, is the handiwork of God, who has revealed himself to the people he made and longs to live harmony with them. I believe that it is only as we accept that revelation, and make God’s truth the basis of our lives, that we can truly live, and enter into the promises which he makes for us.

I believe that God is building his kingdom community even now, that all around the world, people are coming alive as his children every day, and joining that family which calls Jesus Saviour and Lord. I believe that kingdom can be seen, as God’s children live out their love for him in actions of compassion, sacrifice and service; as they put their gifts to work for the sake of his family and to invite others to join the kingdom.

I believe that God will complete this work, regardless of all that human arrogance, pride, skill and wisdom can do to destroy the credibility of his revelation, and that one day I will rest in the glory of a new-made creation, in a resurrection body, and be at home.

As I contemplate the state of the ‘church’ in Scotland today, I still believe these things and I grieve for our nation in its deliberate and determined rejection of the gospel. I grieve that our churches as individual witnessing communities are apparently failing to have any impact on that spiritual darkness. I grieve for my own part in that failure, confessing my cowardice, my pride and fear of giving offence, of being hurt and of failing in my efforts. I grieve for our own particular denomination, where dying churches are being bound onto living ones, in a vain attempt to ‘cover the ground’, and thus crippling those who have the energy and vision to make disciples by requiring them to spend themselves in propping up something which seems to be pointless.

Lord, have mercy! Is this how your servants should be spending these days as we long for your coming? Is this the best use of the vision and courage, the strength and resources which yet remain to us? How can it be right to devote ourselves to pleasing those who won’t change, so that they feel comfortable, when there are so many who need to hear the gospel? What will this process do to the faithful servants who remain? At what cost will this institution be preserved?

I believe that you are building your church around the world today Lord, and I long to see your name glorified in this land. We, your people, deserve judgement, and we need to be purified, revived in zeal, courage and vision. Do not cut us off altogether, but have mercy on your faithful saints and show us your power at work, to build your church in our communities and glorify you through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

30 years is but a moment in time…

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Your love, Lord, reaches to the heavens, your faithfulness to the skies. Your righteousness is like the highest mountains, your justice like the great deep. .. How priceless is your unfailing love, O God!

People take refuge in the shadow of your wings. they feast in the abundance of your house; you give them drink from your river of delights.

For with you is the fountain of life; in your light we see light.

(Ps 36.5-9)

Praise the Lord!

Blessed are those who fear the Lord, who find great delight in his commands. Their children will be mighty in the land; the generation of the upright will be blessed. Wealth and riches are in their houses, and their righteousness endures for ever. 

Even in darkness light dawns for the upright, for those who are gracious and compassionate and righteous. Good will come to those who are generous and lend freely, who conduct their affairs with justice.

Surely the righteous will never be shaken; they will be remembered for ever. They will have no fear of bad news; their hearts are steadfast, trusting in the Lord. Their hearts are secure, they will have no fear; in the end they will look in triumph on their foes. they have freely scattered their gifts to the poor, their righteousness endures for ever; their horn will be lifted high in honour…

(Ps 112.1-9)

This weekend brings the 30th anniversary of the day when I promised to love and cherish my husband till death should part us… I have been married more than half my life, and hold this relationship to be one of God’s most precious gifts to me, in awe of the privilege of sharing life with one person, committing to faithfulness, forgiveness, patience and generosity every moment of every day for the rest of our lives together.

In the days before we married, I had some bad times of doubt, fearful of my untrustworthy feelings, and God in his mercy gave me this assurance… I knew, beyond all shadow of doubt, that I wanted to be good for this man, to see him thrive. If being married to me was part of that thriving, then I wanted to be married! That assurance has never left me, and how I thank God for it. No two marriages are the same, and I have no list of essential good habits, nor of ‘must-avoid’ mistakes, I only have faith that God who decided that marriage is a good idea, who brought us together, who keeps us together, and who has in his grace chosen to bless others through us over the years, will continue to do so as we grow older together.

As we each serve and worship God, putting him first in our lives, and sharing that priority, everything else falls into place and we depend only on him to meet our deepest needs, to be the perfect partner and Lord of our lives. No human being can always get it right, and what comfort it is to know that it is not my job to be ‘the perfect wife’! My task is to love God, and then to love others, my husband first, and to love him as Christ loved me – joyfully, sacrificially, faithfully, patiently, with understanding, grace, forgiveness and humility. It is my privilege to demonstrate Christ’s unconditional love to this human being every day. And how often I fail… But thanks be to God, who helps my husband to forgive me, and helps us both to find the will to go forward together in faith.

Thirty years… it seems barely possible, and yet the lines on my face tell me that those years have indeed passed. The children who were gifted to us are grown, and a grandchild is expected soon. We are becoming older, and please God, will do so with grace, growing in wisdom and contentment, happy that God’s faithfulness is the basis of our lives, and the theme song of our marriage.

Many do not get thirty years; some are never gifted with marriage but rather with a single life, and others experience great grief at the hands of the person whom they trusted above all others… I do not take this gift for granted, I do not elevate it as somehow superior to a single life, and pray that I may never abuse the trust which my husband puts in me, nor take advantage of his vulnerability to me. How does Christ love us? In a selfless, relentless, dependable way.. He always seeks our good, even through hard trials. Let me continue to learn what love looks like in this season of life; I don’t know how many more years I will have, nor what they will bring, but I pray God might be the one who is glorified and honoured by this marriage, as he helps me to be good for my husband.

And why do you worry?

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“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they. Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?

“And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labour or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendour was dressed like one of these… So do not worry, saying, ‘what shall we eat?’ or ‘what shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

(Matt 6.25-34)

..and because I’d heard that you are loyal and faithful to Jesus the master, and that you show love to all God’s holy people, I never stop giving thanks for you as I remember you in my prayers.

I pray that the God of King Jesus our Lord, the father of glory, would give you, in your spirit, the gift of being wise, of seeing things people can’t normally see, because you are coming to know him and to have the eyes of your inmost self opened to God’s light.

Then you will know exactly what the hope is that goes with God’s call; you will know the wealth of the glory of his inheritance in his holy people; and you will know the outstanding greatness of his power towards us who are loyal to him in faith, according to the working of his strength and power.

(Eph 1.15-19, translated by NT Wright)

Father, it’s like there is a disconnect in my brain; what you tell me to be true, what I know to be true, somehow doesn’t reach or influence the places where worry lives, where anxiety hangs out, where all my night-sweat fears lurk until they can jump out and cause my heart to beat like a great drum, bursting out of my chest.

I know, I KNOW, that you see me, you love me, you will never let me go from your loving hands. And I know that in this season of transition, of uncertainty, you go with me, indeed you go before me to prepare good works for me to do and things to enjoy with you! So why can I not control these feelings? 

Thank you for reminding me that my feelings are not the basis for my actions, for my decisions, and certainly not the basis on which my faith exists! Thank you, that it is as your beloved one in Christ that I experience your power and love, that I rest in your grace as one forgiven and restored to closest fellowship with my loving Father. It is all that Christ is and has done, and is doing even now that is the basis for my salvation and therefore the sure ground for my faith.

Thank you that in your abundant kindness, you are growing wisdom in me, the wisdom to see truth, to see what really matters; to see Christ in all his glory and to know that nothing can stop you from working in power to transform me, along with all the rest of the church, into his likeness.

Why, then, are you cast down my soul? I will yet delight in the Lord, my God and King! Bring all these troubles to your Father in heaven, who in his infinite power and goodness has provided for each need even before you recognise it. Delight to cast yourself with these burdens at his feet, and to exalt him by trusting him to deal with them in ways that will exceed all you can think or imagine. Remember that the power which is turned to work in the world for the glory of God, to glorify Christ in his church – is for you and all those who confess him as Lord. That power which raised Christ from the dead, is even now working through you and for you, all to the purpose of God, to the exaltation of Jesus and the making-right of all that is wrong.

Father, your daughter comes to you in her weakness – her frame is known to you, and the power which uncertainty, anxiety and change have to affect her in so many ways. Deliver her from false guilt about these feelings; give her wisdom to cling to you in response to them and to continually preach the truth to herself, so that the feelings are not the loudest voice in her mind, but rather the story of your power and love at work for eternal glory and a secure inheritance for all your beloved children.

On being a coward…

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The Lord spoke to me with his strong hand upon me, warning me not to follow the way of this people. He said… do not fear what they fear, and do not dread it. The Lord Almighty is the one you are to regard as holy, he is the one you are to fear, he is the one you are to dread, and he will be a sanctuary…

(Isa 8.11-13)

But in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect, keeping a clear conscience, so that those who speak maliciously against your good behaviour in Christ may be ashamed of their slander.

(1 Pet 3.15&16)

I am not ashamed of the gospel, because it is the power of God for the salvation of everyone who believes..

(Rom 1.16)

Devote yourselves to prayer, being watchful and thankful. And pray for us, too, that God may open a door for our message, so that we may proclaim the mystery of Christ, for which I am in chains. Pray that I may proclaim it clearly, as I should. Be wise in the way you act towards outsiders, make the most of every opportunity. Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.

(Col 4.2-6)

On so many levels, I am a coward… the story in my family as I grew up was that my first words were, “oh dear!”, doubtless expressing regret over some misdemeanour, and that has been my default setting ever since: to be the first to apologise, to apologise first and then afterwards work out what actually happened, to assume that I am in the wrong. Because so often I am! I have a deep rooted fear of doing the wrong thing, making the wrong choices, following the wrong advice and consequently messing up not only my situation, but the lives and situations of others too….

One might be generous, and call it a tender conscience.. I call it a drawback and a weakness, a hindrance to confident living as a child of God, and a form of disobedience too since it implies doubt over God’s capacity to direct me, and his grace to deal with my shortcomings. It means that I lean on the decisions of others more than I should, to direct me and set the pattern for my life; it means that I am plain terrified of making big life choices and of holding any position of responsibility whatsoever.

I say these things not because I am proud of them, nor because I want pity, but because I am at the moment acutely aware of them, and of their impact on how I am living for God in this place where we have a few short weeks remaining to us. I am the believer who shrinks from talking about the gospel because I am afraid of what the reaction of others will be; I am afraid that I can’t answer the difficult questions; I am afraid to cause offence and somehow drive people further away from Jesus.

It is easy to avoid taking the small openings for faith conversations that come my way, and then justify my failure. But the Lord knows the truth, and sees that my fear of the wrong things is holding me from obedience, faithful witness and the sowing of seeds in his name. Of what possible use is the messenger who baulks at speaking the most important part of the message with which they are entrusted?! Do I not love these folk enough to share the most important things in the world with them – the demonstration of love, the holiness of God and the offer of salvation through Jesus?

I don’t think we can accuse the great apostle Paul of being afraid to speak the truth, yet even he asked his friends to pray for him – for opportunities to speak, and for boldness, wisdom and grace to take and use those opportunities to plant kingdom seeds. So let me follow his example, and recognise the challenge and also the right way of dealing with it…

Almighty God, King above all kings, throned in splendour and light, in holiness and power beyond my imagination; I worship you today and confess my weakness and my fears. Thank you that you understand how I am made, that it is your will and purpose to make me useful in your kingdom, and that therefore you will surely enable me to speak for you when opportunity arises. Set me free from fearing anything except you; set me free to care only about pleasing you, loving those to whom you have sent me and making all that I am available to be useful according to your will. As you transform me, make me ever more Christ-centred, free to live boldly because you are my sanctuary and my glory. In the name of Jesus, my Lord, and for his glory, Amen.

Praying in the face of disintegration

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O Lord, hear my prayer, listen to my cry for mercy; in your faithfulness and righteousness come to my relief. Do not bring your servant into judgement, for no-one living is righteous before you.

The enemy pursues me, he crushes me to the ground; he makes me dwell in darkness like those long dead. So my spirit grows faint within me; my heart within me is dismayed.

I remember the days of long ago; I meditate on all your works and consider what your hands have done. I spread out my hands to you; my soul thirsts for you like a parched land.

Answer me quickly, O Lord; my spirit fails. Do not hide your face from me or I will be like those who go down to the pit. 

Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul. Rescue me from my enemies, O Lord, for I hide myself in you. Teach me to do your will, for you are my God; may your good Spirit lead me on level ground. 

For your name’s sake, O Lord, preserve my life; in your righteousness, bring me out of trouble. In your unfailing love, silence my enemies; destroy all my foes, for I am your servant.

(Ps 143)

Lord God, how far we have fallen short of your ways and your standards. Your people are weak from compromise with the values of a fallen world; tainted from acceptance of the lies of the deceiver; ashamed by our failure to live for you, to speak the truth about you, to be willing to suffer rejection for your sake.

For your name’s sake O Lord, preserve our lives, purify us and restore our zeal.

Lord God, how far the evil one has managed to entice us away from faithfulness, from unity, from the fierce love which fears nothing for the sake of the lost.

In your unfailing love, O Lord, silence our enemy in all his many forms, and lead us back into fearing only you, longing to please only you.

Lord God, how far we are buried in our shame, far from the confidence which belongs to the  beloved children of the Creator of all things and deep into the darkness of hiding from you as we let self-pity rule, instead of running back to you in repentance and exulting in forgiveness.

In your mercy O Lord, hear our cry from the darkness, and come to our relief. We deserve only judgement; in Christ, we receive grace and by him are restored to our place in your presence. Establish us firmly, keep us loyal and humble, and lead us according to your will for we trust in you.

I was privileged last week to spend some time with others in our particular denomination of the global church, time to share stories of encouragement and time to pray and together unburden ourselves to God. Our organisation is in a time of ‘re-structuring’, resulting from declining resources – it resembles more the implosion of a controlled demolition, and sadly is causing a great deal more mess and grief than those spectacles usually do… As faithful servants within a collapsing organisation, we are presented with a gloomy prospect, and it is very, very easy to become despondent.

But the organisers took time to bring us stories of God at work, of leaders being trained and visions of new work being realised; of churches where a mission-orientated church family is seeing lives transformed and a community illuminated by the love of Christ. And crucially, we were reminded that our hope for the future of the church of Christ in Scotland does not depend upon the right strategies, or even the ‘right’ personalities, but upon the good Spirit of our good God, working through his people to share the good news.

And our God is not weakened by modern culture, his arm is not thwarted by secular belief or aggressive aetheist philosophies. God remains on the throne, remains all-powerful, all-knowing, merciful and loving, unwilling that any should perish.

What should we then do in these days? We follow the example of the psalmist, and get to prayer – remembering God’s faithfulness and his promises as the basis for our confidence in asking for his work among us today and tomorrow. To “Keep it real, keep it simple, keep it going” in our praying, and not to give up; to believe that even if God chooses to let his church in this land become a tiny remnant, yet that he is still working out his purposes and will be glorified in his good time.

While we have breath to speak, and freedom to share the good news, let us be about his kingdom work, praying as we go and trusting that the Lord will daily encourage us with word of his unfailing love, guiding our steps, and teaching us to do his will as becomes his servants. It is ours to obey, and his to do everything else.

Thankfulness is not boasting…

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Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.

(1Thess 5.16-18)

Praise the Lord. I will extol the Lord with all my heart in the council of the upright and in the assembly. Great are the works of the Lord; they are pondered by all who delight in them. Glorious and majestic are his deeds, and his righteousness endures for ever. He has caused his wonders to be remembered; the Lord is gracious and compassionate….

The works of his hands are faithful and just; all his precepts are trustworthy. they are steadfast for ever and ever, done in faithfulness and uprightness. He provided redemption for his people; he ordained his covenant for ever – holy and awesome is his name. The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom; all who follow his precepts have good understanding. To him belongs eternal praise.

(Ps 111.1-4,7-10)

Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.

(Rom 12.15)

Job.. fell to the ground in worship and said: “Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked I shall depart. The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; may the name of the Lord be praised….. Shall we accept good from God and not trouble?” In all this, Job did not sin in what he said.

(Job 1.20&21; 2.10)

I am in a season of abundance, shall I fail then to give thanks to the giver of every good and perfect gift? I am acutely aware that many of those near and dear to me are walking in shadows, living with open wounds of grief and clouded prospects of despair – but that should surely not diminish my desire to praise and thank the Lord for what he has allotted to me in these days. It is good and right that the greatest cause for our thanksgiving should always be our salvation, by the great redeeming work of God through Jesus Christ, but surely we should also recognise and fully appreciate the many other good things which we receive?!

I have known grief and trouble, I shall know them again. I have known fear and doubt, I shall know them again. I have known dryness of spirit and weariness of soul, I shall know them again. BUT…. today, when my life is overflowing with good things, today I should be as whole-hearted in my rejoicing as I am in lament when life is painful. My Father God knows my frame, and knows my heart, and delights to show his love to me – I will therefore not despise these gifts and this season of abundance, but rather boast in the love which he bears for me, and ascribe all the glory to him.

All that he gives, I will choose to receive with thankfulness. When it is loss or struggle, I thank him for his unfailing presence with me, his provision for and good purposes in me through the trials. When it is abundance, I thank him for the refreshment of spirit, the ease of mind, the upwelling of gladness which come to me by the gifts; and I pray that I might not take credit for them but lift each one up in thankfulness to honour him as the giver, and not myself as in anyway deserving or earning them. I make this wonderful and familiar psalm my own song and prayer in these days:-

The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want.

In grass meadows He makes me lie down, by quiet waters guides me.

My life He brings back. He leads me on pathways of justice for His name’s sake.

Though I walk in the vale of death’s shadow, I fear no harm, for You are with me. Your rod and Your staff – it is they that console me.

You set out a table before me in the face of my foes. You moisten my head with oil, my cup overflows.

Let but goodness and kindness pursue me all the days of my life. And I shall dwell in the house of the LORD for many long days.

(Psalm 23, R Alter translation)

Father God, as I survey the many wonderful ways in which I am blessed in this season of life, may I receive each one as your gift, and hold it ready to offer up again to you, for your purposes and your glory. My health, my strength and opportunities; my marriage and my children; my abilities, friendships and resources – all these are yours to give and to withdraw, and in all circumstances, I would choose to praise you and to give thanks for you as my God, the one whom alone I fear and worship, and who does all things well. Keep me thankful, humble and make me fruitful, for Jesus’ sake, Amen.