Category Archives: grief

Living with brokenness

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… I was given a thorn in my flesh… Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”

Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

(2Cor 12.7-10)

… I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength.

(Phil 4.12&13)

 When I am very weary with hard thought,
And yet the question burns and is not quenched,
My heart grows cool when to remembrance wrought
That thou who know’st the light-born answer sought
Know’st too the dark where the doubt lies entrenched –
Know’st with what seemings I am sore perplexed,
And that with thee I wait, nor needs my soul be vexed.
(George MacDonald: The Diary of an Old Soul, 1905)

Where does it come from, the dangerous and deeply ingrained fallacy which tells us that we are somehow entitled to a life free from pain, disability, mental ill health, relationship stress or breakdown? Any gospel message which tries to convince believers that God intends to make their lives and bodies better in every way on this side of glory, is a lie, and should be robustly challenged. I find the apostle Paul’s experience in this regard extremely encouraging! The great man experienced a very challenging health problem, one which he was convinced God could remove, but instead, God asked Paul to accept this weakness, even to embrace it. And, even as Jesus had done in Gethsemane, Paul said, “not my will, but yours be done”. He models for me what it looks like to come to terms with the particular limitations – of whatever kind – I am called to accept in my life. He accepts, and then chooses to rejoice in the very weakness which he has deplored, because now he sees how God is being glorified through it.

To accept our weaknesses, whatever they are, as God’s appointed calling and then to expect to see him at work through them, is not in any way to deny God’s power to miraculously heal, transform and change any situation. But, it is to come to the proper attitude of submission to a sovereign and almighty God. I am in no position to dictate to God just what is right and best for my life. God is good, all the time and He can deliver his children. When He chooses not to, He is still God and still good, and I am called to trust that he can and will use my weakness, my open wound, for his glory.

I am coming to terms with what I might describe as a faith-wound, a profound weakness which often causes me to stumble and suffer. I have long prayed for deliverance and healing, and what happens is that over and over again, my God strengthens me, and displays his power in my weakness, so that I continue in faith and perseverance, but still wounded.

I want to live with my wounds in humility and acceptance – since God is in NO WAY limited in His work in and through my life by the burdens which He calls me to bear. I am no less equipped for my calling by illness, incapacity, any kind of brokenness, than others who do not share my own particular issues. The glory is all His, because in my weakness, He is strong! If I truly long to exalt God, and to do his will, then I must accept the place and method which he appoints.

Heavenly Father, I praise you because you are good, eternally good, and your love for me is trustworthy. Thank you for helping me to accept the weakness which you call me to bear for your glory. Thank you for all the soul-medicines which you provide to enable me to live with this ailment, and for your faithful keeping of me through pain and turmoil. Thank you that I can offer up my struggles and grief as my sacrifice of praise, and that you use these according to your will and for your glory.

Thank you most of all that I can bear witness that you never leave me alone in my suffering, I am never abandoned to the darkness or imprisoned in silence. In Jesus, I am always in your presence; always gently held; always deeply loved; always completely forgiven. Thank you. Amen

 

 

 

 

When it’s rough…

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Those who trust in the Lord are like Mount Zion, which cannot be shaken but endures for ever. As the mountains surround Jerusalem, so the Lord surrounds his people both now and forevermore… Lord, do good to those who are good, to those who are upright in heart..

(Ps 125.1,2&4)

Restore our fortunes, Lord, like streams in the Negev. Those who sow with tears will reap with songs of joy; those who go out weeping, carrying seed to sow, will return with songs of joy, carrying sheaves with them.

(Ps 126.4-6)

Unless the Lord builds the house, the builders labour in vain.. In vain you rise early and stay up late, toiling for food to eat – for while they sleep he provides for those he loves.

(Ps 127.1-2)

May the Lord bless you from Zion; may you see the prosperity of Jerusalem all the days of your life. May you live to see your children’s children – peace be on Israel.

(Ps 128.5&6)

“A voice is heard in Ramah, mourning and great weeping. Rachel weeping for her children and refusing to be comforted, because they are no more…”

(Jer 31.15& Matt 2.18)

As God’s creation, a woman, I know that I am made in his image – I reflect his nature and character in spite of the many ways in which sin has blighted and contorted that image. My experiences as a woman, as a mother, sister, and daughter are places where I gain insight into the nature of God. Many of my emotions are prompts, by which I am moved to pray according to God’s will for the situations around me. My mother-heart is a pale reflection of the passionate, powerful love which God has for his children – and as such, I believe that my pain is also an insight into what it costs for the Almighty to watch his children suffer, to be rejected by them, to know that their choices will cost them dearly. A father will know the pain perhaps in a different way, and that too is a reflection of our great God in his unfathomable richness and depth. I speak only for myself..

And sometimes, I am Rachel… weeping and lamenting for losses which seem unbearable. I have believing friends whose children are astray from the faith in which they were raised, seemingly immune to the love of Christ and resolute in resisting the Spirit. I have believing friends who have lost adult children and young grandchildren to illness and death, who daily have to choose to keep going in the face of unimaginable grief. I have believing friends whose believing children are facing huge challenges and who are struggling to find courage to persevere.

What do God’s believing people do when their lives are assaulted by such storms – when their lives become the storm and there is no hope of relief or abatement? In these circumstances, the blessings which the psalms call down on the heads of God’s faithful people ring hollow, and we resent their apparently easy assumption that faith brings prosperity in health, family and inheritance. In these circumstances, we return to Job on his ash heap; we sit with him and silently acknowledge that God is sovereign, his ways beyond finding out and that we are but dust before him. We follow the psalmist in lamentation for the very real grief and pain, threat and danger which we are seeing and experiencing. And then we follow the psalmist in preaching to himself, in deliberately choosing to consider the God who has revealed himself to us.

We see a covenant-keeping, self-sacrificing, patient, gracious, merciful, generous, powerful and all-knowing Lord. We see Love written large in the words of the prophets, in the ministry of Jesus and ultimately across the Cross itself. We see reason to hope, when the darkest and bleakest day in history becomes the moment when light triumphs completely and for ever over death, sin and evil. If we cannot find a refuge here, then we are truly astray without any guide in a cold and hostile wilderness, and life has no more purpose or reason to be prolonged.

So let us cling on my friends, because the Cross happened, the Resurrection is true. We have a saviour who knows what it is to be human, and what grief and despair can do to us. We have a God who knows that we are frail, and who invites – no, who begs – that we continue to come to him in all our troubles, for ourselves and for others. He promises, not that it will all suddenly become easy, but that He will NEVER leave us to bear it alone.

O Lord, the mystery of your divine purposes mean that we often fall bewildered and grieving in your presence, unable to understand or bear the pain of life, and struggling to hold on to your promises. When those we love are oppressed – by pain, bereavement, unemployment, illness, and despair – we pray for your deliverance and are disappointed if those prayers appear unanswered. It is not simple.. in so many grievous situations where your believing children suffer, we are overwhelmed by the pain and your ways seem utterly obscured. O Lord, you know our frame and what we can bear – spare us, strengthen us, protect our faith and keep us clinging to you when the waves mount high. Truly, we have no hope apart from you! In Jesus’ precious name, we cry to you.. 

  • Image courtesy of Neil Urquhart – with sincere thanks!

Remembering well….

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When the builders laid the foundation of the temple of the Lord, the priests… took their places to praise the Lord.. :”He is good; his love to Israel endures for ever.” And all the people gave a great shout of praise to the Lord, because the foundation of the house of the Lord was laid. But many of the older priests and Levites and family heads, who had seen the former temple, wept aloud when they saw the foundation of this temple being laid…

(Ez 3.10-12)

‘Who of you is left who saw this house in its former glory? How does it look to you now? Does it not seem to you like nothing? But now be strong, O Zerubbabel,’ declares the Lord. ‘Be strong, O Joshua son of Jehozadak, the high priest. Be strong, all you people of the land,’ declares the Lord, ‘and work. For I am with you,’ declares the Lord Almighty. ‘This is what I covenanted with  you when you came out of Egypt. And my Spirit remains among you. Do not fear…. The glory of this present house will be greater than the glory of the former house,’ says the Lord Almighty. ‘And in this place I will grant peace,’ declares the Lord Almighty.

(Hag 2.3-5,&9)

“Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland…. to give drink to my people, my chosen, the people I formed for myself, that they may proclaim my praise.

(Isa 43.18-21)

As you come to him, the living Stone – rejected by men but chosen by God and precious to him – you also, like living stones, are being built into a spiritual house to be a holy priesthood, offering spiritual sacrifices acceptable to God through Jesus Christ… you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light.

(1 Pet 2.4,5&9)

One of the beaches where I used to swim often had lines of shingle and shells thrown up by the tides, and after spotting one, I began to collect these little yellow shells whenever I visited the beach. Now they sit on my desk as a tangible reminder of a special place and season of my life, times of great happiness and precious friendships.

What do we do with such memories? I believe memory is a gift, one of God’s good things for us to enjoy – and like all his gifts, to accept and use responsibly for our blessing and his glory. Will I choose to use memory as a means of growing in faith and thankfulness? Or will I choose instead to cling to memory as a means of feeding resentment, self-pity and doubt?

Many of the people of Israel who returned from exile to rebuild the temple in Jerusalem could remember the old building; the city as it had been before the Babylonians reduced it to rubble and ruins. When the first celebrations took place around the new altar, with the foundations of the new temple visible, they were overcome with grief for what had been lost, remembering past glories and all the people and way of life which had been swept away. We can understand and sympathise with their feelings – who among us has not experienced such complex and overwhelming sadness on revisiting old haunts where we knew precious people and events?

But God knew the danger of such emotions, if unchallenged, and sent Haggai and Zechariah to speak to the people, to channel memory along different paths. When they looked back, it was to see overwhelming reasons to trust that God would fulfil his promises, and to find confidence and courage to obey him in the task appointed to them. Our God is sovereign over time and history, and his ways are beyond our understanding. His kingdom confounds human expectations, his strength looks like weakness, and his wisdom looks like folly. But, he is at work and the final glory of his house will indeed be so much greater than any of us can imagine!

God would indeed build a new house, a people to glorify his name as has always been his plan – and in every age, his ways will be different. Let us then be thankful, that we are part of this wonderful kingdom building, and while we give thanks for what is past, we do not expect or demand that God return to past glories when what is promised is so much better.

Heavenly Father, I bring to you my grief for good things which are past – people and places which are no longer in my life – and pray that you will keep this wound clean and free of any infection of bitterness. Let me be thankful for your faithfulness, for all the past evidences of your power, your love and provision for me. Let me not resent that you have taken lovely things from me, but rather be thankful that I had them, and be hopeful and expectant for the good things which you will yet give.
When I grieve for the state of your church in our land, remembering past glories, great saints and days of joy, let me not give way to despair, but give thanks for your work in those days. Let me take confidence that you are still working, doing new things that are building your kingdom and bringing glory to your name. Let me be part of this work, part of a people who praise your name, and who look back with thanksgiving and forward in expectation.

To ease the parting..

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But someone may ask, “How are the dead raised? With what kind of body will they come?”… when you sow, you do not plant the body that will be, but just a seed… God gives it a body as he has determined, and to each kind of seed he gives its own body… so it will be with the resurrection of the dead. The body that is sown is perishable, it is raised imperishable; it is sown in dishonour, it is raised in glory; it is sown in weakness, it is raised in power, it is sown a natural body, it is raised a spiritual body.. As was the earthly man, so are those who are of the earth; and as is the man from heaven, so also are those who are of heaven. And just as we have borne the likeness of the earthly man so shall we bear the likeness of the man from heaven.

(1 Cor 15.35,37&38,42-44,48&49)

Brothers, we do not want you to be ignorant about those who fall asleep, or to grieve like the rest of men, who have no hope. We believe that Jesus died and rose again and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him…. and so we will be with the Lord for ever. Therefore encourage each other with these words.

(1Thess 4.13&14,17)

Life is enriched by the people with whom we share it. Each and every single one is equally important in God’s eyes, all of them matter to him and therefore to us. We are made in God’s image to be in relationship, firstly with him and then with one another. Often, we receive God’s gift of love to us through one another; thus also compassion and help, presence and guidance, rebuke and instruction are given from God to his children.

The precious ones, so close that we can’t imagine life without them…

The constant ones, woven closely into our lives and as reliable as the sunrise…

The remote ones, who bring us such joy when we meet – and those meetings are all too rare…

The ones we barely get to know and then have to leave behind, leaving so much unsaid and undiscovered…

The especially gifted, beautiful, able and inspiring ones that we long to know better but can’t…

The ones we haven’t met, but know of – from the past, in the present and the barely glimpsed future…

The words of the scriptures assure all those who trust in God and not in their own goodness, that this longing for connection is not wrong, it is rather an expression of God’s likeness in us. It is part of his great plan of redemption, that all his people should share in his joy by knowing and loving one another. And as those who have been saved through faith in Jesus, we share an amazing future. We can know that we will meet again, never to part, and that when we do, everything will be perfect!

Today I saw a pair of eagles, giving effortless expression of worship, and glorifying God by just being what they are. Their ecstatic soaring was, for me, an illustration of our future, of fearless living with no shadow of imperfection to hold us back, and a supreme contentment in being who and what I am designed to be – fully human, and beloved by God.

God is making all things new, and we are at the centre of his purposes – that we might live with all his people in a perfect world, enjoying it, him and one another as we were always designed to do… with nothing to diminish our joy or inhibit our worship. Our home will be the new earth, where our God dwells with his people as he always planned and laboured through history to achieve.

When I have to part from people now, I don’t need to grieve too much that I may not see them again this side of my mortal body dying… I can rejoice in knowing that we WILL meet and be together again in eternity, sharing the divine life and exalting our Lord together. We will live in this world which we love so dearly and see it made perfect, in bodies that will have been perfected and transformed in ways we can’t begin to imagine, but yet recognisably our unique selves.

This assurance can strengthen us as we persevere in hope, and obedience, and especially it sustains us through loss, bereavement and change. All God’s people will be together – imagine it! All those unfinished conversations, the enjoyment of each unique personality with its gifts and particular ways of reflecting God’s glory. We will have eternity in which to share together, and nothing to make us grieve over parting ever again… thank you Lord, for this great encouragement to us, may we hold fast to you in faith and let the promise be our guiding light.

Travelling light?

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Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my saviour. The sovereign Lord is my strength..

(Hab 3.17-19)

Then Jesus came to them and said;”… And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”

(Matt 28.18&20)

I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings…. Not that I have already obtained all this, or have been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me… But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining towards what is ahead, I press on towards the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenwards in Christ Jesus… 

Rejoice in the Lord always.. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus…. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, … I can do everything through him who gives me strength.

(Phil 3.10,12-14; 4.4-7, 12&13)

How good it is, as a child of God, to know that when He says, “Go, let this place and these people become your past”, that I can trust him for the unknown future. I am so thankful for the people and experiences which have made up my life, but also aware that they are fleeting things, and cannot be carried with me into the next chapter.

I have memories, and a few physical reminders, but am aware of the gift of God in allowing me to let the past go, and not to cart its baggage into tomorrow. I can rest in the relinquishment because it is my loving Father who asks it of me, and he holds so many good things for me to enjoy and thank him for in the future. Ultimately, I have nothing to take with me in the face of advancing years and death, but the assurance that I belong to Jesus and he will keep me safe through all that is permitted. No treasured memories, no relationships, no material belongings, nothing at all can carry me through what lies ahead except Jesus.

When the past threatens to ambush my present, bringing bitterness, regret, an overwhelming sense of loss, I have a choice to make. Will I allow myself to be disabled by the tide, swept into a storm of grief and complaint against God? Or will I choose to pray… to rejoice that I have known so many good gifts from God; that I can trust his wisdom in giving and withdrawing those gifts; that through the experience of his gifts, I have learnt more about God and his faithfulness and love for me?

Paul had learnt to make that choice well, to go for thanksgiving and the prayer which trusts the loving heart of the listener. The Father who made us knows what wrings our hearts and what would weigh us down; he gives us the opportunity to cast that burden back on him, by giving thanks for what is now lost to us, and trusting that in his providence, we are no less loved and cared for than when we enjoyed those most painfully lost gifts – of people, of health, of material prosperity, whatever they are…

Dear friends, your grief and my grief are known to our father, and he waits to see what we will do with it. His spirit moves us towards his loving heart in faith, and invites us to choose trust, to choose not to try to carry all that is past with us into the future but to believe that in our God, in Father, Son and Spirit, we will know all that really matters and be gifted with contentment. May we learn to let the past with all its joys and sorrows be something that is in God’s keeping, and not fret over carrying it ourselves.. may we travel lightly and hopefully towards the glory which is our future with him.

O Lord, such pain..

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Surely the arm of the Lord is not too short to save, nor his ear too dull to hear. But your iniquities have separated you from your God; your sins have hidden his face from you, so that he will not hear. For your hands are stained with blood, your fingers with guilt. Your lips have spoken lies, and your tongue mutters wicked things.

No-one calls for justice; no-one pleads his case with integrity. They rely on empty arguments and speak lies; they conceive trouble and give birth to evil…Their deeds are evil deeds, and acts of violence are in their hands..

The way of peace they do not know; there is no justice in their paths. They have turned them into crooked roads; no-one who walks in them will know peace. So justice is far from us, and righteousness does not reach us. We look for light, but all is darkness:”

(Isa 591-4,6&8-9)

“O Jerusalem, Jerusalem, you who kill the prophets and stone those sent to you, how often I have longed to gather your children together, as a hen gathers her chicks under her wings, but you were not willing. Look, your house is left to you desolate. For I tell you, you will not see me again until you say, ‘Blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord’.”

(Matt 23.37-39)

O Lord, what bitterness and despair come upon us as we consider what is happening today in our world. Nation at war with nation; regimes scheming and manipulating the lives of millions for economic and political ends. Implacable hatreds being fed by rhetoric, biased re-tellings of history, entrenched positions which must be defended and therefore justified at any cost. 

The agony and the anger together scream at us through our phones’ newsfeed, our newspaper headlines, and we cannot blot them out. The intractable and utterly tangled webs of history continue to give birth to pain, cruelty, human brutality and all forms of violence and destruction. 

The narrative of history is made up of the lives of millions of individuals, each one precious and known to you. The great stories of nations are worked out in the details of my life and the lives of people like me around the world – the small, ordinary ones who never pretended to have authority or to understand the trajectories of power. It is the suffering of the small people which rips the guts out of us. We see ourselves in their faces as they search for loved ones under the rubble of bombed buildings; we see our children in the limp bodies carried from battlefields; we see our elders in the frail forms stumbling from pitiful shelter to shelter in an effort to escape the violence.

Fear and hatred are breeding fear and hatred, as they have always done and will continue to do until you return to bring an end to the pain and darkness… how long, O Lord, will it be? The roots of the troubles lie so far back in history, and are so overgrown with all that has happened through the intervening years – with all its partial truth-telling, and inadequately understood motivations – that in many places there seems no hope of any resolution which can bring peace and justice. Where is your perfect judgement, O Lord? Where is your healing peace?

For all those who today are immersed in conflict, violence and fear, who know you as Lord, and call upon Jesus as their saviour, I pray today. May they be given the courage they need to face whatever happens with faith in you. May they be given the moment-by-moment strength to live for you in their own situation, and to point others to their only hope – Jesus. May they shine as lights in the darkness, and testify to your presence. May they not fear death, since it will bring them home to you. May they be given courage as they watch loved ones suffer, and may their faith not fail.

For all those today who are in positions of power – to authorise or restrain violence; to advise for or against destruction; to act in mercy or to act in ruthlessness – I pray, O Lord. In your sovereignty, work out peace, justice and healing so that the suffering will be ended. May those in power be appalled at what they have let loose, and instead bend all their efforts toward peace, seeking to promote the well-being of their people without violence and with justice.

Lord, God of the nations, it is only by your power at work in human hearts that such things can come about. Of ourselves, we are hopeless and helpless to stem this tide of evil. Your people beg that you will have mercy, that your spirit might move to transform darkness to light and bring peace where there is no peace. Your arm, O Lord, is mighty to save; your heart is full of compassion; let us see your kingdom come! 

I believe..

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‘But what about you?’ Jesus asked, ‘Who do you say I am?’ Simon Peter answered, ‘You are the Messiah, the son of the living God.’ Jesus replied, ‘Blessed are you, Simon son of Jonah, for this was not revealed to you by flesh and blood, but by my Father in heaven. And I tell you that you are Peter, and on this rock I will build my church, and the gates of Hades will not overcome it.’

(Matt 16.15-18)

At that time many will turn away from the faith and will betray and hate each other, and many false prophets will appear and deceive many people. Because of the increase of wickedness, the love of most will grow cold, but the one who stands firm to the end will be saved. And this gospel of the kingdom will be preached in the whole world as a testimony to all nations….keep watch, because you do not know on what day your Lord will come.

But understand this: if the owner of the house had known at what time of night the thief was coming, he would have kept watch.. So you also must be ready, because the Son of Man will come at an hour when you do not expect him. Who then is the faithful and wise servant, whom the master has put in charge of the servants of his household..? It will be good for that servant whose master finds him doing so when he returns..

(Matt 2410-14, 42-46)

The Son is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn over all creation. For in him all things were created.. He is before all things, and in him all things hold together. And he is the head of the body, the church; he is the beginning and the firstborn from among the dead, so that in everything he might have the supremacy. For God was pleased to have all his fullness dwell in him, and through him to reconcile to himself all things, whether things on earth or things in heaven, buy making peace through his blood, shed on the cross.

(Col 1.15-20)

I believe that this world, and the universe which holds it, is the handiwork of God, who has revealed himself to the people he made and longs to live harmony with them. I believe that it is only as we accept that revelation, and make God’s truth the basis of our lives, that we can truly live, and enter into the promises which he makes for us.

I believe that God is building his kingdom community even now, that all around the world, people are coming alive as his children every day, and joining that family which calls Jesus Saviour and Lord. I believe that kingdom can be seen, as God’s children live out their love for him in actions of compassion, sacrifice and service; as they put their gifts to work for the sake of his family and to invite others to join the kingdom.

I believe that God will complete this work, regardless of all that human arrogance, pride, skill and wisdom can do to destroy the credibility of his revelation, and that one day I will rest in the glory of a new-made creation, in a resurrection body, and be at home.

As I contemplate the state of the ‘church’ in Scotland today, I still believe these things and I grieve for our nation in its deliberate and determined rejection of the gospel. I grieve that our churches as individual witnessing communities are apparently failing to have any impact on that spiritual darkness. I grieve for my own part in that failure, confessing my cowardice, my pride and fear of giving offence, of being hurt and of failing in my efforts. I grieve for our own particular denomination, where dying churches are being bound onto living ones, in a vain attempt to ‘cover the ground’, and thus crippling those who have the energy and vision to make disciples by requiring them to spend themselves in propping up something which seems to be pointless.

Lord, have mercy! Is this how your servants should be spending these days as we long for your coming? Is this the best use of the vision and courage, the strength and resources which yet remain to us? How can it be right to devote ourselves to pleasing those who won’t change, so that they feel comfortable, when there are so many who need to hear the gospel? What will this process do to the faithful servants who remain? At what cost will this institution be preserved?

I believe that you are building your church around the world today Lord, and I long to see your name glorified in this land. We, your people, deserve judgement, and we need to be purified, revived in zeal, courage and vision. Do not cut us off altogether, but have mercy on your faithful saints and show us your power at work, to build your church in our communities and glorify you through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

a lament for the lost

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“I have surely heard Ephraim’s moaning: ‘you disciplined me like an unruly calf, and I have been disciplined. Restore me and I will return, because you are the Lord my God. After I strayed, I repented; after I came to understand, I beat my breast. I was ashamed and humiliated because I bore the disgrace of my youth.’

Is not Ephraim my dear son, the child in whom I delight? Though I often speak against him, I still remember him. Therefore my heart yearns for him; I have great compassion for him, ” says the Lord

(Jer 31.18-20)

But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

(Rom 5.8)

A mother waits; no word comes. Promises are broken, excuses made and the days of silence become weeks. Love and hope are mute in her heart, only endurance is heard. She is continually braced for bad news, for more pain, another hammer blow to her hope.

A father prays; nothing seems to change. Money flows through the child’s hands to self-destruction, to profligacy and risk, to endanger the lives of others and leave lifelong scars. Disappointment threatens to spill out into words of condemnation and anger.

A child grows into independence, into a self-absorbed and reckless adulthood, where pleasure rules, and anything that hurts is drugged into silence by substances, by adrenaline, by noise and constant activity… anything rather than hear the quiet voice of loving forgiveness, the persistent whisper of regret and shame, or the weeping inner child crying for hope and love and belonging.

Lord, we live in such fear for our lost sheep. Terror shoots through us in the night as we wonder where they are, who are their companions, what is happening to them? Behind the bravado of their words, and the facade of a smiling face, we hear and see the child we loved who is lost to us, seemingly forever. We guess at the risks they take; at the damage they are doing to themselves and – we fear – to others and are convulsed by grief.

You made them beautiful in your image, gifted them with compassion, creativity, energy and insight. You made them loving in your image, destined to give and receive in trust and generosity. So many gifts being squandered in a far country, on worthless things that will not last. So much energy and ability being devoted to finding fulfilment and meaning in created things, instead of the Creator. You made them above all to know and be known by you, finding their identity, security and purpose in being your beloved children. Surely, as we weep over them, your tears fall too?

God of the lost and broken, hear our prayer for our lost sheep. We know that you see them, that their ways are not hidden from your sight, and no matter how far, fast or purposefully they run from you, they cannot outdistance your love. We know that the pain we experience is a mere echo of your loving heart for the lost of this world, so determined in rejection of you and in seeking to assuage their desperate need with other things.

God who sees, who meets the exiles in distant lands, meets the despondent in the wilderness, meets the proudly independent at the peak of their achievements, we are glad to know that you will meet our lost sheep in their chosen places. Those who have quietly walked away from faith; and those who have left a trail of destruction in their going – both are equally in need of your power to restore them to life and hope. They are astute in avoiding your people; adroit in avoiding conversations about faith; resolute in their rejection of Christ who loves them, quoting a multitude of ‘reasons’ which chime with their culture. But your Spirit is not bound, and your voice is not silenced. Speak to them we pray, loudly and clearly, persistently and tenderly. Break down their defences, undermine their arguments, make them profoundly dissatisfied with all that has mattered to them, so that their hunger drives them home to you. 

How long must we wait for them? How much damage must they do before they come to their senses? You see and know and love them, will you not lay hold upon them in power today, and deliver them from the spirits which bind them to darkness, rebellion and unbelief? Your Son died for them, rose to deliver them into your family as redeemed children with a place in glory, shall his labours not bear fruit in these lives?

Lord, have mercy; Christ, have mercy; Lord, have mercy.

When life gets holes in it….

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Lord, God of my rescue, by day I cried out, by night, in you presence. May my prayer come before you. Incline your ear to my song. For I am sated with evils and my life reached the brink of Sheol..

You put me in the nethermost pit, in darkness, in the depths. Your wrath lay hard upon me, and all your breakers you inflicted… My eyes ache from affliction. I called on you, Lord, every day. I stretched out to you my palms..

As for me – to you, Lord, I shouted, and in the morn my prayer would greet you. Why, Lord, do you abandon my life, do you hide your face from me?

(Ps 88.1-3,7,8,10, 14&15)

I know someone who describes their existence since the experience of early widowhood as being like ‘life in black and white’. She is one of the most godly women I have ever known, and her life as a widow has been full of service to others and relative peace and contentment. And yet… all the colour and joy has gone.

Are you mourning today? The death of a spouse, the death of a sibling, the death of a child? The passing of a parent, or a close friend? The loss of health and autonomy? The loss of satisfying employment or a precious relationship? The loss of a dream? The loss of hope for reconciliation and renewal?  What do we do when life seems to be ripped apart by loss, when the reality of our fragile hold on health, well-being and life itself has been forcibly demonstrated and we are weak with grief, dazed with loss, stunned into dumb agony?

Our culture shies away from recognising the incredibly limited control we actually have over our lives, so that it is easy to be lulled into a false sense of security, and any experience of loss becomes un-natural and outrageous.

Dear friend, loss is not only natural but inevitable in our fallen world. The question is not will it come, but rather, how must I prepare myself to respond to it? What does my God require of me, his all-too-frail creature, that I might rightly glorify him and be sustained through this experience. What do I do with my pain?

The topic is far too significant to be addressed in one short conversation, but today I would point you to saints who have shown the way for us, leaving words that we can use, and wisdom that we can learn from. First in this great hymn..

Jesus, lover of my soul, let me to thy bosom fly, while the nearer waters roll, while the tempest still is high.
Hide me, O my Saviour, hide, till the storm of life is past; safe into the haven guide;
Oh, receive my soul at last.

Other refuge have I none, hangs my helpless soul on thee; Leave, ah! leave me not alone, still support and comfort me.
All my trust on  thee is stayed, all my help from thee I bring; cover my defenceless head with the shadow of thy wing.

Wilt Thou not regard my call? Wilt thou not accept my prayer? Lo! I sink, I faint, I fall—
Lo! on thee I cast my care.
Reach me out  thy gracious hand! While I of thy strength receive, hoping against hope I stand, dying, and behold, I live.

(Charles Wesley: 1707-1788)

Wesley invites us to ditch our pride and all pretence of competence – fling yourself upon the Lord, plead recklessly and constantly for his aid in full confidence that he will supply your need.

Then Elisabeth Elliott – twice widowed and thus purified through extreme suffering – says this: offer up your pain to God, to do with it as he will. Make it your offering to him and then give thanks that he can – and will – work in it for your blessing and his glory. For her, widowhood became ‘ a gift, a call and a vocation, not merely a condition to be endured’. Having received it from the Lord, she then offered it up for his use, and chose acceptance and trust. (Eliott, E. The Path of Loneliness, 1988)

None of this takes away pain; it doesn’t replace what is gone: but it may transform our thinking and attitude to the losses which we will inevitably experience. The missionary Amy Carmichael learnt this lesson over many years of suffering, and pressing hard to bring it to God in the darkness of grief. Her poem ‘Nothing in the house’, is a meditation on knowing God in the midst of it. May it speak comfort and encouragement to you today.

Thy servant Lord, hath nothing in the house, not even one small pot of common oil;
For he who never cometh but to spoil hath raided my poor house again, again,
That ruthless strong man armed, whom men call Pain.

I thought that I had courage in the house, and patience to be quiet and endure,
And sometimes happy songs; now I am sure thy servant truly hath not anything,
And see my song-bird hath a broken wing.

My servant, I have come into the house – I who know Pain’s extremity so well
That there never can be the need to tell His power to make the flesh and spirit quail:
Have I not felt the scourge, the thorn, the nail?

And I, his conqueror, am in the house, Let not your heart be troubled: do not fear:
Why shouldest thou, child of mine, if I am here? My touch will heal thy song-bird’s broken wing, and he shall have a braver song to sing.

(Amy Carmichael : 1867-1951)

When everything else has fallen away..

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O Lord, hear my prayer, listen to my cry for mercy; in your faithfulness and righteousness come to my relief…The enemy pursues me, he crushes me to the ground; he makes me dwell in darkness like those long dead. So my spirit grows faint within me; my heart within me is dismayed.

I remember the days of long ago; I meditate on all your works and consider what your hands have done. I spread out my hands to you; my soul thirsts for you like a parched land. Answer me quickly, O Lord, my spirit fails.

Do not hide your face from me or I will be like those who go down to the pit. Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you.

Show me the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul. Rescue me from my enemies, O Lord, for I hide myself in you. Teach me to do your will, for you are my God; may your good Spirit lead me on level ground.

(Ps 143.1, 2-10)

From the sixth hour until the ninth hour darkness came over all the land. about the ninth hour Jesus cried out in a loud voice, “Eloi, Eloi, lama sabachthani?” – which means, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?”

(Matt 27.45&46)

As followers of Jesus, we live with a continual tension between the reality of a broken, and pain-filled world, and the revelation of God’s loving purposes for his creation. This is not the place to unpack the many discussions which can arise, rather I have been considering how we can pray for one another when the crises come. To be a Christian is not a recipe for a protected, pain free existence, and anyone who tries to convince others that the gospel brings health, wealth and happiness is to be rebuked and avoided at all costs. We will face suffering, even as every human being does.

Every trial known to humanity happens to believers too – rape, abuse, violent assault, homelessness, cancer, addiction, debilitating and degenerative diseases, disability, poverty, war, earthquakes and all natural disasters. How may we pray for one another when our lives are shaken to their foundations, when all the walls collapse and in an instant, we are naked to the winds and vulnerable to utter destruction? This is intercession, the ministry of other members of Christ’s body for those who are stunned and reeling, unable to pray for themselves, possibly running away from God, certainly in great agony of spirit.  We may be called to it for hours, days or years, and we may not see the answers we hope for – our own faith may be challenged. Are we willing?

We can pray for protection of their faith – that they will continue to bring all to God, not turn away from him. He is big enough to take all our frantic furious words and his fathomless love refuses to walk away from his hurting children. We can pray that their anger will be poured out before him, so that their spirit may be preserved from the infection of bitterness and the petrifying power of resentment. The psalmists give shape to such lament, as do Job and the prophets.

We can pray for that steadying and grounding which guards against drastic and desperate action, for wisdom to hold through confusion and the turmoil of grief. The presence of compassion and practical support, of burden-sharers, and those who can advise and bring comfort by their presence. Perhaps we ourselves may have a part to play in this. How often Paul speaks in his letters of the comfort which friends brought – by their gifts and their companionship – as God’s support to him in his need.

We can pray for for freedom from paralysing fear as they contemplate a future which they hoped never to see. How many of us deliberately contemplate what life might look like if disaster struck? We don’t, we focus instead on enjoying what we have and easily forget that life can change in an instant. A beloved may walk out of the house, and out of our lives with no warning, and how shall we live without them? A diagnosis may come which shifts life into an endurance event, full of obstacles, and pain. We don’t want to anticipate these things, but they are the stuff of real and daily life. How much we need God’s help in living through those situations, in dealing with the fear of suffering, of loss, of death.

Above all, we pray for mercy from the Omnipotent on the dust-creature whom he loves, and who is at this time flat out in stunned despair and hopelessness. Tomorrow, it could be my turn, or yours. We live, day by day depending entirely on God’s providence, and by grace we cry to him as Father for his presence. We have his love, an eternal inheritance, a daily indwelling strength by his Holy Spirit, and although we may feel abandoned, we can give thanks that we are never truly alone. Because Jesus was forsaken, we are not..

Then Jesus came to them and said, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me…And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”

(Matt 28.18&20)