Category Archives: frailty

How…?

Leave a reply

You might get all the wrong ideas about me from the way I write… My  life in no way resembles this beautiful garden, where colour and shape are all taken into account in an orderly way to create a satisfying and organised result which pleases the senses! A more accurate picture of my life would include the guddle behind the garden shed where things are dumped as ‘they might come in handy’; the dusty corner of the shed where old packets lie under rusty tools, old curtains and plant pots. Then there is the bit where useful things are kept in an unorganised heap, so that everytime I need the secateurs I have to do a major excavation! Oh dear, no my life picture is not pretty…

Am I the only Christian who has heaps of prayer letters that get moved around and glanced at in a guilty way, but never quite prayed through? What about all those bible study notes that I meant to go over again because they were so interesting? And the books and internet articles which are worth reading, not to mention the online sermons to listen to. Then there are the personal commitments to friends and family, to pray for them… How can I work out a way to do this effectively and regularly?

It seems that I am constantly remembering the things I have forgotten to do, and realising that I seem unable to create a structure within which I can pray, study and grow in my faith as I long to do! As human beings we can only really concentrate on one thing at a time, and so my intercessions all too often get lost behind the weekly shop, the imminent need to tidy up, to organise rotas and be in touch with people to make sure things happen.

I think that my loving Father knows this… He is not surprised by my lack of progress in faith, my intermittent intercessions, and my chronic forgetfulness of all those wise things that have been said and which at the time encouraged me so much!!

But I do get weary of this sense of muddle, of not getting the right priorities in my use of time and as a result being profoundly dissatisfied with myself.. What a relief to remember that it is not my organisational abilities, or the efficiency of my prayer life which is the foundation of my hope for the future! It is all secure in Christ, and while I can aspire to become more like him, I do not need to ‘do’anything in order to receive salvation.

 I don’t know if Paul experienced anything like this. His letters breathe a passionate commitment to his Lord and the proclamation of the gospel, which overrides every consideration of health and comfort. He exorts his readers to pursue their calling, to work out their faith and obey no matter what. The writer to the Hebrews puts it very graphically in the great twelfth chapter:

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.

(Hebrews 12.1)

Am I being too ambitious in my desire for a more ordered life, where prayer and bible study can have a higher profile?  Do I need to recognise and remove things that are hindering me – which may be good in themselves, just not the right things for me at this time! There must be a balance to be achieved, a balance which my heavenly Father can see, between my desire for time with him, and my duties to my spouse and family; my friends and community; our church family and events and the hobbies which I believe are part of the way that God nurtures me and gives me joy in living with him every day.

May we all be given wisdom to discern how we may best use the days and strength given to us – not in comparison to anyone else, but according to the leading of God and his will for our lives.

Drop thy still dews of quietness, till all our strivings cease;

Take from our souls the strain and stress, and let our ordered lives confess

The beauty of thy peace.

(John Greenleaf Whittier 1807-82)

So it’s like this Lord…

Leave a reply

If the Lord delights in a man’s way, he makes his steps firm; though he stumble, he will not fall, for the Lord upholds him with his hand.

(Ps 37. 23&24)

As a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him; for he knows how we are formed, he remembers that we are dust. As for man, his days are like grass, he flourishes like a flower of the field; the wind blows over it and it is gone, and its place remembers it no more. But from everlasting to everlasting the Lord’s love is with those who fear him..

(Ps 103.13-17)

There is a heaviness which comes on my body and spirit sometimes, not for any obvious reason that I can trace – that would make it more bearable, and somehow reasonable – which seems to leave me numb to the joy of being loved by God, blind to the beauty of his creation and deaf to his love songs. It leaves me in a dark place, vulnerable to storms of emotion and over-sensitive to the ways that life can wound me.

I have learnt that there is no help in trying to drag myself out of this by reason, or by rebuking myself for my weaknesses. All that happens is an increasing sense of guilt and failure, of being bound in a trap. And that is what I believe is really happening at these times. I am – as we all are – a frail human being, with a body and mind which operate so completely as one unit that physical weariness can depress my mood and stifle positive emotions with devastating effect.

What is the follower of Jesus to do in such situations? I find the passages with which I started today’s blog very comforting when I am flat on my emotional face so to speak! The Lord, the God of all power, holiness and wisdom, is also the God who created me, knit me together and knows better than any scientist ever will, just WHY the human machine operates as it does. This great God sees me in my distress and weakness, and what does he do? He has compassion on me, he is gentle with me, understanding and accepting all my distresses and not scolding me for being upset.

I was on duty in our church creche this morning, helping to care for our smallest people, picking them up when they fell over, sharing their exuberant pleasure in noisy toys and bouncing balls, reading stories and holding pencils and crayons as they scribbled all over the colouring page! We are like those little ones in God’s eyes: we wobble, we fall, we are one moment full of joy and the next heart-broken with grief. And what does he do? Like a father, he has compassion on us. We are gathered up into his arms and held, reassured and comforted, kissed and soothed, until the terrors pass, the shock wears off and we are strong enough to be put back on our feet for the next adventure. These children cannot explain their fears and grief, but a loving presence is enough to restore their joy, and so it is with me.

If I scold myself when distressed, rebuking my lack of faith and joy, then I simply add guilt to a toxic bundle of emotions which are keeping me face down in misery. So what I need to do is look up, lift my hands like a little child to the father who is always with me, for his great loving embrace to take me into safety and comfort. He is unchanging, always good, full of tenderness and mercy to me; and he is so much more patient with me than I am with myself! I desire to become holy all in a hurry, to get it all over and done with; but he knows that it is the work of a lifetime, and that steady progress is much deeper and more fruitful than a rapid, superficial transformation.

Let me sit quiet in his arms, remembering his goodness even though my heart is still numb to joy; let me listen to his voice of love and forgiveness, even though my ears can’t thrill to the music of his song; let me look at his beauty and be at rest, even though my eyes seem colour blind. In time, the joy will return, the music will ring out, and the colours will return to the world. For the moment, I can be at peace, trusting in his unchanging power to keep me safe and to ultimately work all things together for good – Praise to his holy name!

In the arms of his love, I find rest; In the arms of his love there’s sweet quietness, nothing can harm me, no reason to fear, safe in the arms of his love…

(Carl & Leanne Albrecht, 1989)