Author Archives: eps992014

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About eps992014

a believer in the Lord Jesus Christ, a mother, wife, sometime runner, singer, gardener, and proud Scot

Words, words, words

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.. we look inside, and what we see is that anyone united with the Messiah gets a fresh start, is created new. The old life is gone; a new life burgeons! Look at it! All this comes from God…

Companions as we are in this work with you, we beg you, please don’t squander one bit of this marvellous life God has given us.. Dear, dear Corinthians, I can’t tell you how much I long for you to enter this wide-open, spacious life. We didn’t fence you in. The smallness you feel comes from within you. Your lives aren’t small, but you’re living them in a small way. I’m speaking as plainly as I can and with great affection. Open up your lives. Live openly and expansively!

(2Cor 5 & 6, extracts: The Message)

The fundamental fact of existence is that this trust in God, this faith, is the firm foundation under everything that makes life worth living. It’s our handle on what we can’t see. The act of faith is what distinguished our ancestors, set them above the crowd. By faith, we see the world called into existence by God’s word, what we see created by what we don’t see….. 

(Heb 11.1-3)

Do you ever find yourself dizzy with words? Driven to distraction by the sense of what seems to be meaningless noise echoing around your head? I love words, I need to articulate my thoughts, but even I can get to the point where I long for some kind of communication which does not include text or speech! The whole of our scripture is about the revelation of the Almighty God to his creation, to his beloved humankind, and much of that revelation is actually by deeds – by the ways in which God deals with people in all their messiness and rebellion. We are encouraged to learn from that recorded history not by memorising the actual words, but by discerning their meaning, the patterns and lessons which they reveal. The glorious exposition of faith-in-action which we find in Hebrews ch 11 is a call to remember, to meditate, to learn from the lives of others – and we can apply that same learning to the lives of those nearer to us in time. I have found so much encouragement from the stories of faith which are shared by more contemporary figures, people like CS Lewis, Elisabeth Elliott, Joni Eareckson Tada, Pete Greig to name but a few.

And yet, over and over I find that until I have wrestled those life lessons into my own words, I have not actually understood them – and as for learning and putting them into practice….well, why do you think this blog is named ‘a forgetful soul’?! On one level, words are meaningless because of themselves, they cannot do anything. And yet on another level, they are powerful because they are the means by which our thinking and understanding is shaped and changed. And so, although I get weary of reading, weary of wrestling with my thoughts to articulate them, weary of chasing first one writer and then another in hopes that their words might somehow communicate to me just what I need to hear – yet still I read, I wrestle, and I investigate. And all the time I am praying that God will take these words and make the truth which they represent real for me – that I will learn to know by experience what the words are trying to portray for me. My constant cry is “What does this look like in real life, in my life today?”

I write today to encourage myself to persevere with words; and to encourage others also as they seek to grow in faith and maturity, in wisdom and love as God leads and directs our lives. The 66 books which we call our bible (which simply means a mini-library of books) are where we start; our lived experience informs much of what we read and must be where we work it out; the lives of others will teach and shape us as we observe God at work in their situations too. And ultimately, it is by the Holy Spirit working within that the truth read becomes the truth lived – we no longer seek to explain faith; we live it. We no longer simply describe the freedom of Christ as it should transform our lives; we exercise and experience it. The bud breaks, and the flower of Christ’s life in us is unfolded day by day, as his power unfurls each glorious petal of our transforming personality.

Merciful and loving Father, hear us today as we thank you for your power in us to transform our lives. We read and learn and ask that you will take the words on our lips and in our minds and make them real in us. May we live by faith in you, trusting in you at every step. May we live expansively, generously, unafraid and great-hearted because you have set us free in Christ. Let our words mean something for eternity; let us embody Christ, the living word of God himself – for your glory and our blessing. Amen.

The power…..

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It’s news I’m most proud to proclaim, this extraordinary Message of God’s powerful plan to rescue everyone who trusts him, starting with Jews and then right on to everyone else!

(Rom 1.16, the Message)

God can do anything you know – far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams!.. glory to God in the church! Glory to God in the Messiah, in Jesus! Glory down all the generations! Glory through all millenia! Oh Yes!

(Eph 3.20-21, the Message)

So, friends, we can now – without hesitation – walk right up to God, into “the Holy Place.” Jesus has cleared the way by the blood of his sacrifice, acting as our priest before God. The “Curtain” into God’s presence is his body. 

So let’s do it – full of belief, confident that we’re presentable inside and out. Let’s keep a firm grip on the promises that keep us going. He always keeps his word. Let’s see how inventive we can be in encouraging love and helping out, not avoiding worshipping together as some do but spurring each other on, especially as we see the big Day approaching.

(Heb 10.19-25, the Message)

“Can I be honest with you? I’m actually not that into prayer, it’s Jesus I’m into, so we talk.

I don’t believe in the power of prayer. I believe in the power of God. So I ask for his help. A lot”

(Pete Greig, May 2019)

One of the drawbacks of growing up in a christian family and culture is that one develops particular habits of vocabulary, which are not always very helpful when thinking about faith in the context of our unbelieving neighbours and the need to witness to and serve them. I grew up thinking that a prayer meeting was a totally normal thing, and that setting aside several hours every Saturday evening was a perfectly reasonable thing to do – that it was action, not inaction; a privilege as well as a responsibility. But here’s the thing that Pete Greig’s words brought home to me… I don’t think that prayer meetings matter because somehow if we screw ourselves up to a pitch of faith then we can make God do stuff. I think they matter because we come to admit to the Sovereign Maker and Sustainer of all created things that we are utterly powerless! And I would hope that I might remember to talk and think about prayer in that way when I talk about it with unbelieving friends – it’s not about me and my faith, or my prayers, it’s all about Jesus and what God has promised to do through him and for him.

We pray because God alone has the power to work ALL THINGS together for his good purposes in this fallen world of ours; we pray because God alone can bring salvation in Jesus’ name to the desperately needy hearts around us; we pray because only the eternal and holy God knows what is the right and proper thing to happen in any and every situation. I am so grateful that God does not ask us to work out what is right before we pray for it to happen – what hope do fallen humans have of every making such decisions?!

We can pray anywhere at anytime; which is an astonishing privilege and a never-ending source of comfort when we are faced by troubling situations (our own, those of dear ones, or the devastatingly widespread suffering of people around the world). But perhaps – like me- you find it helpful to prioritise prayer at times by meeting with others to talk to God about what is going on in his world, with his children; obeying his command to pray that his will might be done, and his kingdom come here on earth as it is always and perfectly done in the heavenly realms. I can bear witness to the fact that when I gather with others to pray, I always benefit; my own faith is strengthened and I am encouraged to persevere in obedience and love; I know that I have obeyed God’s command, and once again lifted the burden for others which He lays on my heart up to his throne for the demonstration of his power and love in deliverance and transformation. I would also bear witness that even when I cannot see the answers which I long for, yet still to pray is to be in the right place – before the Almighty, and worshipping him in Jesus as the only Sovereign God.

Dear friends, let us pray – and wherever possible, let us do it together for our mutual benefit, and for the glory of God and the proclamation of Jesus Christ as Saviour and Lord!

Be it unto me as my Lord decrees..

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O Jesus, I have promised to serve Thee to the end; Be Thou forever near me, my Master and my Friend: I shall not fear the battle if Thou art by my side, nor wander from the pathway if Thou wilt be my Guide.

O let me feel Thee near me: the world is ever near; I see the sights that dazzle, the tempting sounds I hear; my foes are ever near me, around me and within; but, Jesus, draw Thou nearer, and shield my soul from sin.

O let me hear Thee speaking in accents clear and still, above the storms of passion, the murmurs of self-will; O speak to reassure me, to hasten or control; O speak, and make me listen, Thou Guardian of my soul.

O Jesus, Thou hast promised, to all who follow Thee, that where Thou art in glory there shall Thy servant be; and, Jesus, I have promised to serve Thee to the end: O give me grace to follow, my Master and my Friend.

(JE Bode 1816-1874)

These words are engraved on my memory; are part of the soundtrack of my life just as much as the popular music of my teenage years, or the choral music of my adult life. I sang them at the annual Founder’s day event at school, I sang them at church, and the great striding melody which accompanies the words always made me want to march as I sang! They have been true for me for as long as I remember singing them.

And today, I simply want to give thanks and bear witness to the faithfulness of the God who called me into being, who caused me to be raised in a christian home; who imperceptibly birthed faith within me; who led me into adult life and to quiet paths of service and (I trust) fruitfulness. It is all his doing, all His love and compassion and keeping. I want to join with all God’s people in affirming that He is goodness itself, and utterly trustworthy! He has declared me to be his child, delivering me from the ruling power of sin, so that I might be ruled instead by love – the divine passion to which I can fully submit, confident that all that he ordains will be for my good and for his glory.

But thanks be to God that, though you used to be slaves to sin, you have come to obey from your heart the pattern of teaching that has now claimed your allegiance. You have been set free from sin and have become slaves to righteousness…. so now offer yourselves as slaves to righteousness leading to holiness.. now that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves of God, the benefit you reap leads to holiness, and the result is eternal life. 

(Rom 6.17-22)

Today I give thanks, along with all God’s people, that I am now a slave to righteousness and am being shaped day-by-day, through all the travails of life, into the likeness of Jesus my Lord. The commands and duties which shape my life are now all for good, and bear fruit for good, and I am empowered to know and to keep these commands because Jesus has given me his own spirit, his heart, his mind. I am on the road to eternal fullness, to never-ending fruitfulness and joy, to the bliss of being at home and without shame in the presence of holiness. And all this is because of Jesus, my master and friend, my guide and guardian. His ambition for me is outrageous, so far beyond my poor imagination, and it fills me with such a deep ache for my true home that I am increasingly eager to be away and to be with the Lord.

My slave-master is Righteousness himself, and I can surrender myself fully and confidently to his providence, because he died for me. My slave-master is Love incarnate, I need not fear his rod, nor hesitate to obey his word because he died for me. He is shaping me, in love, to become like himself – love and righteousness.. how can I resist?!

O Thou the reflection of whose transcendent glory did once appear unbroken in the face of Jesus Christ, give me today a heart like His – a brave heart, a true heart, a tender heart, a heart with great room in it, a heart fixed on Thyself; for His name’s sake. Amen

(J Baillie: A diary of Private Prayer, 1937)

Discipline – the blessings of duty

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“Do the next thing”… Many a questioning, many a fear, many a doubt hath its quieting here. Moment by moment, let down from heaven, time opportunity, guidance are given. Fear not tomorrows, child of the King, trust them with Jesus, “Do the next thing.”

Do it immediately; do it with prayer; do it reliantly, casting all care; do it with reverence, tracing his hand who placed it before thee with earnest command. Stayed on Omnipotence, safe’neath his wing, leave all resultings, “Do the next thing.”

(author unknown)

Don’t fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God’s wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It’s wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the centre of your life.. Summing it all up, friends, I’d say you’ll do best by filling your ids and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious – the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse…

(Phil 4.6-8; the Message)

Instead of looking at the fashions, walk out into the fields and look at the wildflowers. They never primp or shop, but have you ever seen colour and design quite like it?.. If God gives such attention to the appearance of wildflowers – most of which are never even seen – don’t you think he’ll attend to you, take pride in you, do his best for you? What I’m trying to do here is to get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God’s giving…. Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don’t worry about missing out.

(Matt 5.28-33; the Message)

What do you do when the background noise of your mind becomes overwhelmingly negative? Where do you go with the distressing feelings, and the sense of failing God that accompanies awareness of our sin and weakness? Well, perhaps the apostle Paul would class such things under the heading of ‘worries’, and thus we can look to his advice to shape those worries into prayer, to take the reality of our feelings and bring them into the presence of our loving Father for his comfort and reassurance.

If, like me, you find those ‘worries’ remarkably persistent in spite of prayer, it is good to cultivate the discipline of reminding ourselves that our feelings do not control us. They are strong, sometimes to an overwhelming degree. BUT, God tells us that they are lying if they deny our salvation; if they suggest that somehow Jesus’ sacrifice is not enough for one as hopeless as ourselves. The Cross is truly sufficient for every sinner, even for the feeblest saint who spends rather too much of their time lying face down in the dust, wanting to just die and get it all over with because they are so ashamed and fed up of their own weakness.

Alongside that discipline – which can be extremely hard to practice – comes the blessing of routine chores and the duties which we owe to those around us. I call them blessings because it is as we continue to fulfil our responsibilities – choosing to be faithful, practical, thoughtful for the care of others – that God often brings us relief, not least by distracting us from our own unhappiness! Those duties and responsibilities are what the unknown author of the quoted verses is referring to as ‘the next thing’ – covering every possible task and requirement which we have to face each day. I am so grateful for a home to care for, a garden to tend (there are always a great many ‘next things’ to be done there!); an extended family with whom to communicate and to support; a christian family to join in worship and service; and the never ending task of intercession for a world whose essential beauty and goodness is marred so deeply by the consequences of human sin.

Almighty and Loving Father in heaven, how I thank you for the duties and opportunities of each new day, for the blessing of having many ‘next things’ to keep me from dwelling on my own unhelpful thoughts and feelings. Thank you that the ultimate reality of my place as your beloved child is not threatened by those feelings. Thank you that your Spirit is at work to make me ever more steady and secure in my identity as your precious new-made daughter. Thank you that the well of your grace never runs dry; and even the feeblest, slowest and most easily distracted of your children will one day come home to sweetest rest in glory with you. Help us not to give up, help us to keep on doing ‘the next thing’ until there truly is no more to be done and you call us to yourself. In Jesus’ name and for his glory we pray, Amen.

Letting it go…

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Some.. from Cyprus and Cyrene went to Antioch and began to speak to Greeks also, telling them the good news about the Lord Jesus. The Lord’s hand was with them, and a great number of people believed and turned to the Lord. News of this reached the church in Jerusalem, and they sent Barnabus to Antioch. When he arrived and saw what the grace of God had done, he was glad and encouraged them all to remain true to the Lord with all their hearts.

(Acts 11.19-23)

Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in love. Honour one another above yourselves.

Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervour, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Share with the Lord’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality.

Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position, Do not be conceited. Do not repay anyone evil for evil.

Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone…. Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

(Rom 12.9-21)

If, like me, you grew happily into faith in a christian home and congregation, it may well be that – again like myself – you are especially fond of certain songs and hymns, and find particular styles of service more comfortable than others. This is natural, and the inevitable result of such an up-bringing. Our hearts return to those things which remind us of those who loved and led us, and of precious days which are gone.

Equally, we may look back on previous generations in our churches when the buildings were full, and when society as a whole seemed much more attuned to the principles of the gospel, and in line with God’s commands. How wonderful, we tell ourselves, if such times could return. Our traditions of church life, and the place which faith used to play in national life are not an illusion, and we do right to remember and honour all who have gone before in the Lord’s service in this land.

However, like all good things, these traditions and precious memories can become idols and a means by which we are deceived into making wrong decisions, trapped into time- and energy- sapping distractions from the real work of sharing the good news about Jesus with our neighbours in this day and generation. To build on what has gone before does not necessarily mean repeating the same structures and patterns as our forbears used! To build on their faith should simply mean that we honour their endeavours by seeking what God would have us do with what he has given us now – even as they did in their day.

When Barnabus arrived in Antioch to investigate the first widespread conversion of non-Jewish people to faith in Jesus, he could have insisted on the imposition of all the traditions by which the Jewish converts to Christ were living – the trappings of Judaism. But he did not. He commended them, encouraged them and simply begged them to remain true to the Lord. He imposed no more regulations on them than Paul did when writing earnestly to the church in Rome, where all his exhortations were to do with their conduct and witness as transformed people in their culture. These two men were devout Jews, but they both recognised that it was time for the precious traditions of their past to be set aside, in order for the gospel to spread around the world as God had always intended it should.

I am warned by the example of these two great leaders of the early church that I too must sit as lightly as possible to my own particular tradition. What possible excuse do I have for insisting on any form of worship; the preservation of a building or any other part of the past (no matter how precious to me personally in my faith journey), if it impedes the work of the gospel today, presents a barrier to witness, or drains resources which could be used in other ways? Am I prepared to assert in God’s presence that my own preferences matter more than the eternal destiny of those around me?

Almighty God, whose desire it is that none should perish, but all come to faith in Jesus Christ, deliver me from selfishness in holding onto anything which might be a distraction from the work to which I am called today. Let me sit lightly to the past, and honour all that has gone before by imitating the faith and bold endeavours which your people have undertaken in your name. Amen

Since these things are true…

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The Lord is my strength and my defence; he has become my salvation. He is my God, and I will praise him, my father’s God, and I will exalt him.

(Ex 15.2)

Truly I am your servant, Lord; I serve you just as my mother did; you have freed me from my chains. I will sacrifice a thank offering to you and call on the name of the Lord.

(Ps 116.16&17)

Praise the Lord, all you nations; extol him, all you peoples. For great is his love toward us, and the faithfulness of the Lord endures for ever.

(Ps 117)

Formerly, when you did not know God, you were slaves to those who by nature are not gods. But now that you know God – or rather are known by God – how is it that you are turning back to those weak and miserable forces? Do you wish to be enslaved by them all over again?… It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.

(Gal 4.8&9; 5.1)

I have recently been led to think a great deal about the great theme of Exodus which runs through our whole biblical story – of being led out (of slavery)… led through (the wilderness)… and led into(the promised inheritance). The folk at the wonderful Bible Project have released a video exploring this theme, and also the conversations which informed that video, and I cannot recommend them highly enough. 

The whole point of the Exodus narrative in its original context is that there was nothing that the people of Israel could do to make it happen – everything was God’s initiative, the Almighty power-at-work, and it was ultimately all so that every nation under the sun might be blessed in knowing and glorifying God, the great deliverer. You may recall that Jesus, during his conversation with Moses and Elijah on the Mount of Transfiguration is talking about his ‘exodus, which he was to accomplish at Jerusalem'[Lk 9.31]. The image of divine love responding to the oppression of his children by the enemy of God, coming down in power to meet them in their need, and to do for them what they could not do for themselves, should ring so many bells in our minds as believers! 

Our slavery was not to some human power, but something much worse – sin and death – but our God is greater than these, and the death and resurrection of Jesus marked a once-for-all-time victory. The great oppressor no longer holds sway, and nor do the lesser oppressors which the enemy of our souls loves to use, rendering us inactive in God’s service, keeping us fearful, timid, or hopeless. The gospel is our deliverance from slavery, and we have already received the Spirit as guarantee of our inheritance which is to live hereafter in the near presence of God. We are called to live in the place of rest which is accepting God’s inexplicable (apart from grace) acceptance of us as his children.

Heavenly Father, Almighty and Everlasting God, I praise you today for your great lovingkindness and faithfulness. There is no end to your goodness, and you are utterly trustworthy. I am no longer a slave to sin; the power of death over me has been broken. Thank you that today I live in your love, and that your Spirit is within me to direct all that I do and say and think according to your will. 

Thank you that you have given, and are giving my soul rest – a spacious place of blessing. Let me dwell in that place and cease my anxious questings. You have won the victory for me, over all that would enslave, disable and discourage me – let me live in the reality of that triumphant rest for you, my Lord, have been and always are good to me.

Let me truly accept my own condition, neither wallowing despairingly nor deceiving myself into a false conceit. I am, as all believers are, a sinner who has fallen short; and a redeemed, born-again child of God. No more, no less.

I am no less a recipient of your grace than any other believer; I am no less susceptible to your power of transformation; I am the object of your persevering love and the apple of your eye. O Lord, lead me into the rest which is my inheritance as your child. Deliver me from vain striving to prove myself worthy of that adoption, from the pride which detests failure and short-comings, from the foolishness which expects more from myself than you, my Maker and Redeemer, expect. In the name of my mighty and marvellous Saviour, Jesus Christ your Son I pray, Amen.

That faith might not fail

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I love the Lord, for he heard my voice; he heard my cry for mercy. Because he turned his ear to me, I will call on him as long as I live.. the Lord is gracious and righteous; our God is full of compassion. The Lord protects the unwary; when I was brought low, he saved me. Return to your rest, my soul, for the Lord has been good to you…. I trusted in the Lord when I said “I am greatly afflicted”.. What shall I return to the Lord for all his goodness to me? I will lift up the cup of salvation and call on the name of the Lord. I will fulfill my vows to the Lord in the presence of his people.

(Ps 116.1&2,5-7,10,12-14)

.. we ourselves, who have the first fruits of the Spirit groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption to sonship, the redemption of our bodies.. the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans..

(Rom 8.23&26)

.. ever since I heard about your faith in the Lord Jesus and your love for all God’s people, I have not stopped giving thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers. I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in his holy people, and his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is the same as the mighty strength he exerted when he raised Christ from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms..

(Eph 1.15-20)

“How may I be praying for you?” – is one of the kindest questions we can be asking one another as God’s children and fellow pilgrims on this journey. How would you answer that one today? Although our various individual circumstances will vary enormously, each of us is walking by faith, and I believe that one of the greatest ways we can encourage one another is by praying for that faith to grow stronger, and not fade or fail. If faith grows weak, then our walk is imperilled, and we may stray from God’s path, or fall prey to sore temptations and injure ourselves and others. We can see that happening time and again in the story of God’s people down through history, as they stopped relying on God and took matters into their own hands.

But that story is also the tale of God’s redemption, deliverance and transformation of those same flawed human beings. Because of his loyal love and faithfulness to his own promises, we are offered salvation as a gift, not a reward – we are not earning anything, but are invited to set aside all claims to power, righteousness, strength or endurance, and to lean hard on God. In our weakness, He is strong. In Psalm 116, the word ‘unwary’ refers to a person who has a deep and childlike trust – they walk without being troubled because they are confident in their Father. Faith like this is possible because of who God is, and because in Jesus we are assured of our place in his family.

Faith to face a challenging reality does not mean screwing up one’s nerve, but turning one’s gaze upon Jesus every single day – a discipline, yes, and also the way that we keep going. To come before God in every situation is to trust him with every part of our lives – the psalmist simply cried out a statement of fact about his condition, but behind that lay the conviction that his situation mattered to God, to the Almighty, the Maker of the galaxies. This is trust, faith in action – and as we get to know him better, as Paul prays for the Ephesians, we will deepen our trust, becoming more childlike in simply presenting God with each day and hour and need, fully expecting that he is able to carry us through, to be at work in what is happening, and to keep us close to him through all things. And in Romans, Paul assures his hearers that when words fail us, even then we can be sure that God has heard and understood because the Spirit within us speaks.

Let us then be encouraged to pray for one another, for the God in whom we trust will not fail us, even though we may be more aware of our weakness and failures than anything else. Let us also pray for one another against the spirit of pride, or complacency which is perhaps more dangerous to faith, since it leads us to walk carelessly, presuming on our own wisdom and abilities. May God keep us from that danger, and keep us humble, childlike and trusting in the Father who is always listening, whose arms are always extended, and whose power is always being exercised on our behalf. Let us make this song our prayer for ourselves and one another, to his glory and our blessing!

When I fear my faith will fail, Christ will hold me fast;
When the tempter would prevail, He will hold me fast.
I could never keep my hold through life’s fearful path;
For my love is often cold; He must hold me fast.

He will hold me fast, He will hold me fast;
For my Saviour loves me so, He will hold me fast.

Those He saves are His delight, Christ will hold me fast;
Precious in his holy sight, He will hold me fast.
He’ll not let my soul be lost; His promises shall last;
Bought by Him at such a cost, He will hold me fast.

For my life He bled and died, Christ will hold me fast;
Justice has been satisfied; He will hold me fast.
Raised with Him to endless life, He will hold me fast
‘Till our faith is turned to sight, When He comes at last!

(AR Habershorn 1861-1918, and Keith & Kristen Getty)

Who(se) am I?

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“Who am I?  They often tell me
I stepped from my cell’s confinement
Calmly, cheerfully, firmly,
Like a Squire from his country house.

Who am I? They often tell me
I used to speak to my warders
freely and friendly and clearly,
as though it were mine to command.

Who am I? They also tell me
I bore the days of misfortune
equably, smilingly, proudly,
like one accustomed to win.

Am I then really that which other men tell of?
Or am I only what I myself know of myself?
Restless and longing and sick, like a bird in a cage,
Struggling for breath, as though hands were compressing
My throat, yearning for colours, for flowers, for the voices of birds,
thirsting for words of kindness, for neighbourliness,
tossing in expectation of great events,
powerlessly trembling for friends at an infinite distance,
weary and empty at praying, at thinking, at making,
faint, and ready to say farewell to it all.

Who am I? This or the Other?
Am I one person today and tomorrow another?
Am I both at once? A hypocrite before others,
And before myself a contemptible, woebegone weakling?
Or is something within me like a beaten army
Fleeing in disorder from victory already achieved?

Who am I? They mock me, these lonely questions of mine,
Whoever I am, Thou Knowest, O God, I am thine.”

Dietriech Bonhoeffer (4/02/1906 – 9/04/1945)

I recently came upon a recording of this poem, read by the actor Tom Hanks, in recognition of the 80th anniversary of the death of its author, Dietrich Bonhoeffer, under the German Nazi regime, just months before the end of the war. The poem was written while Bonhoeffer was in prison from April 1943 until the end of his life, some two years later. (This link might help you find that recording for yourself https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kBATNRYIBdc)

Now I have known nothing like the crushing grief, oppression and disempowerment which Bonhoeffer experienced in those last months and years – it is impossible to fully imagine such suffering. But perhaps, like me, you can identify with the profound sense of disconnect which he describes – between his public and private persona – and also the deep and agonised questioning of his true identity.. who am I, if I can behave so very differently at one moment from the next? 

I believe that God is the source of our identity – it is in His naming, shaping, saving and transforming that we find significance and value, and meaning. Before anything else, I am the beloved daughter of the Almighty, redeemed by my Saviour’s blood and therefore eternally precious and secure. With these truths, I am armoured against the assault of the enemy of my soul who would drive me down endless arid roads in quest of ‘my identity’, and I believe that without these truths, humanity is astray without a guide, vulnerable to every fad, philosophy, and addiction. Only my security as one who is known and kept by God, can keep me from losing everything in the attempt to find myself! I don’t need to prove anything, but rather receive the abundant grace of my loving Father and rest in his gift.

And that is why these words of a man of deep faith, profound intelligence and eloquence are so moving to me. In the end, after all is stripped from me – health, freedom, family, achievements – who am I? What is true about me; where can I find rest, when tossed between apparently contradictory behaviours and opinions? 

I find rest in God alone. I rest not in who I am, but in who He is – the Almighty who loved me enough to send his Son to die for me. No matter how deeply conflicted I am, this remains true – Christ died for me, and his death and resurrection are sufficient to bring me home to glory.

Can you sense the relief? Does the weight not lift from your heart? We don’t need to answer all the questions, don’t need to have it all understood and neatly organised – we are beloved, and our path lies in sovereign hands which cannot fail to deliver us to glory.

He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust. (Ps 91.1&2)

I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in his word I put my hope. My soul waits for the Lord more than watchmen wait for the morning… O Israel, put your hope in the Lord, for with the Lord is unfailing love and with him is full redemption. (Ps 130.5-7)

(*photo of “Joan”, sculpted by Benno Schotz, 1891-1984, in the Perth Art Gallery)

Leave her alone!!

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Six days before the Passover, Jesus arrived at Bethany.. Here a dinner was given in Jesus’ honour. Martha served, while Lazarus was among those reclining at the table with him. Then Mary took about a pint of pure nard, an expensive perfume; she poured it on Jesus’ feet and wiped his feet with her hair. And the house was filled with the fragrance of the perfume….. Judas Iscariot objected, “Why wasn’t this perfume sold and the money given to the poor?”… “Leave her alone”, Jesus replied. “It was intended that she should save this perfume for the day of my burial.”

(Jn 12.1-7)

Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death… What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all – will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. Who is he that condemns?

(Rom 8.1&2, 31-33)

Dear Lord, your child so often trembles under the assault of accusing words, of silent judgement and implied criticism, of scorn and derision. Her wounds are known to you and precious; her grief and fear is known to you and pitied; her weariness at failure is known to you and met with your compassion and strength.

Have mercy on your child in her distress, for Lord, you know that often the voice which speaks so bitterly is her own. Lord, have mercy, strengthen your child in your love and hold her tight.

I write this week with some trepidation, because this is very personal to me. And I write almost hoping that most of my readers will not recognise the experiences of which I write because I would not wish anyone to share them! Words, the power of words to heal or to harm; the depth to which they can cut and leave scars which never fade.. and the sad fact that those words may be my own, as I lash out against myself in vicious condemnation. Friends, for some people this is real, and while I pray you may not know it in your own life, perhaps you have family or friends who do, and I pray your compassion for them.

The story of Mary anointing Jesus’ feet with perfume and drying them with her hair is familiar, and yet it was only recently that my attention was drawn to those beautiful words of Jesus as he rebuked Judas – “Leave her alone!” Can you hear the power in his voice? Can you feel the protection which he thus puts around Mary, clothing her shockingly intimate act of worship with glory and denying all others the right to criticise or judge her? And those are the words which Jesus speaks over me too…

The Lord speaks to silence the bullying, vicious voices of condemnation – from outside and from within. And as Paul writes to the believers in Rome, if God refuses to condemn us, then who else may do so?!

Like Mary, I am fully known and utterly loved – Jesus, my defender, my champion, my lord and master rejoices to call me his own, and to reserve to himself alone the right to rebuke me, to discipline and correct my path. No other has authority to speak over my life but the voice of love; no other has the right to do so, because no other has died for my sake, in order to make me pure and clean at last.

Jesus stands between me and my accusers – even when it is my own voice which would condemn. In Jesus, I can be glad and free and proud, knowing that it is only his opinion of me which counts, and he has shown me his love. I have been singing this old hymn all my life, always thrilling to the imagery of the opening words which well express what I have tried to articulate today. May they bless you as they do me!

Jesus, thy blood and righteousness, my beauty are, my glorious dress; Midst flaming worlds in these arrayed, with joy shall I lift up my head.

Bold shall I stand in that great day, for who aught to my charge shall lay? Fully absolved through Thee I am, from sin and fear, from guilt and shame.

When from the dust of death I rise to claim my mansion in the skies, e’en then this shall be all my plea, Jesus hath lived, hath died for me!

(NL von Zinzendorf 1700-60; translated by Jn Wesley 1703-91)

Love so amazing…

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Jesus sat down opposite the place where the offerings were put and watched the crowd putting their money into the temple treasury. Many rich people threw in large amounts. But a poor widow came and put in two very small copper coins, worth only a few cents. Calling his disciples to him, Jesus said, “Truly I tell you, this poor widow has put more into the treasury than all the others. They all gave out of their wealth; but she, out of her poverty, put in everything – all she had to live on.”

(Mk 12.41-44)

Oh, the depth of the riches of the wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable his judgements, and his paths beyond tracing out! “Who has known the mind of the Lord? Or who has been his counsellor? Who has ever given to God, that God should repay them?” For from him and through him and for him are all things. To him be the glory for ever! Amen.

Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and leasing to God – this is your true and proper worship.

(Romans 11.33-12.1)

My sacrifice, O God, is a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart you, God, will not despise.

(Ps 51.17)

The revolutionary work of Jesus in his life, death and resurrection has depths of meaning and significance which humanity has never plumbed, and which will be revealed only in the days of the age to come when all is made new and God dwells with his people for ever in glory. But, it also achieved much that we can, at least partially, grasp, and there is so much to rejoice in and give thanks for as we meditate on all that happened that first Easter.

We know that because of the cross, the power of darkness and evil over humanity has been broken – the door has been opened that the slaves might be free and also that the opposition to God’s purposes in creation might be fulfilled. There is nothing which can stop God’s kingdom from being fully and gloriously established.

We also know that because of the cross, the brokenness and rebellion in our own hearts has been dealt with; God’s holy wrath against sin has been rightly expressed and the penalty paid. We know that as those who accept Jesus’ sacrifice on our behalf, we have nothing now to fear; not only this, but the one who frees us is also seeking to know and love us – he is inviting us into the relationship for which we were always destined and from which sin divided us.

What is our response? We cannot in any way enrich God, all we are and have is his gift to us! But the divine love which has passionately pursued and redeemed us compels a response.. Christ died that I might belong completely to him. Let me then hold nothing back – and let me also never be ashamed of how little there is! A loving and committed heart will always delight the Lord, and whether we come in robust health and worldly riches, or in poverty and illness, we are welcome. It is our intimate trust and acceptance of his love which he desires.

The missionary Amy Carmichael learnt much about bringing her troubles, weaknesses and apparent poverty to the Lord as her worship and offering. This poem beautifully articulates her shame at having not even patience to endure pain – no virtue with which to extol the Lord. But how tenderly her offering of emptiness is received, how gently she is reassured that her Master longs for nothing so much as to be present with her, how strong the promise that there will be songs of praise again.

The Song Bird’s Song

Thy servant, Lord, hath nothing in the house,
Not even one small pot of common oil;
For he who never cometh but to spoil
Hath raided my poor house again, again,
That ruthless strong man armed, who men call
 Pain.

I thought that I had courage in the house,
And patience to be quiet and endure,
And sometimes happy songs; now I am sure
Thy servant truly hath not anything,
And see, my song-bird hath a broken wing.

My servant, I have come into the house —
I who know Pain’s extremity so well
That there can never be the need to tell
His power to make the flesh and spirit quail:
Have I not felt the scourge, the thorn, the nail?
And I, His Conqueror, am in the house,
Let not your heart be troubled: do not fear:
Why shouldst thou, child of Mine, if I am here?
My touch will heal thy song-bird’s broken wing,
And he shall have a braver song to sing.

– Amy Carmichael (1867-1951)