Tag Archives: Psalm 139

My unruly thoughts..

Leave a reply

O Lord, you have searched me and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O Lord. You hem me in – behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain.

(Ps 139.1-6)

.. no one knows the thoughts of God except the Spirit of God. We have not received the spirit of the world but the Spirit who is from God, that we may understand what God has freely given us… The person without the Spirit does not accept the things that come from the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to them, and they cannot understand them, because they are spiritually discerned… But we have the mind of Christ.

(1 Cor 2.11&12,14&16)

The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.

(2 Cor 10.4&5)

Words matter very much to me – the words I use to express my thoughts, and those which others use to communicate to me. The discipline of writing this blog every week has been of immeasurable value, as I have wrestled with challenges and found words to articulate what I am learning (or trying to learn). However, I am aware that sometimes the words which I say to myself about life, about faith, about myself, are not necessarily the full truth. I am not talking about the times when I try to think better of myself than I ought, but those other times, when the voice in my head is vicious, negative, full of bitter condemnation and a triumphant hopelessness.

The devil knows that words matter to me; the enemy of my soul knows that I desire above all things to love my Lord, to become more like him, and to grow in faith and understanding. And that enemy knows that if I can be got to tell myself untruths, to believe his lies about me, then he can keep me penned up in a pit like the Doubting Castle so graphically described in Bunyan’s Pilgrim’s Progress… This vulnerability to assuming the worst about ourselves is not uncommon, and I think many faithful, conscientious and mature saints share it. A tender conscience, an awareness of the offence of sin in God’s sight, and a fear of thinking too highly of ourselves all combine to create a predisposition to be our own worst critics, and constant detractors. As is so often the case, we take something healthy – an awareness of our own persisting frailty – and turn it into a weapon for the enemy to use against us.

What is the remedy? Firstly, to be given wisdom to recognise that this is what is going on! And I am very thankful for that awareness, but more is needed if I am to break free from the cycle of despair which so readily entraps me. Paul says to the saints in Corinth that believers have the Spirit of God himself within us, the very mind of Christ, so that we may see and understand what is true – what our Almighty God and Father says and does, for and in us. The psalmist meditates on the alarming and encouraging fact that all our thoughts and deeds are known to God – these unruly thoughts of mine which are misrepresenting God just as surely as the serpent did in Eden when tempting Eve – ‘did God say…?’ I need not pretend that God doesn’t know, and can be sure of his love in spite of my unruly thoughts!

So the second step seems to be to bring my thoughts – the words of this inner critic – into the light of what Christ has done for me, and what God says about me.. to see if there is any correlation at all! And when I find that I am believing falsehoods, that my enemy has bound me by lies, then I take the weapons of truth, of God’s word, of Christ’s victory, and – as Paul writes – I wage war against all that has set itself up within me against the true knowledge of God. I can do this in the full assurance that my enemy is already defeated, and that as I am in Christ, so I am victorious over all that would keep me from the fulness of life which is God’s gift and desire for me. Paul doesn’t write – ‘we TRY to take captive every thought’ – he has no doubt that it can be done!

Dear Father, thank you that in Christ, all your children are victors over the enemy of our souls. Thank you that we can know the truth because your Spirit dwells within us, and is transforming us into the likeness of Christ himself. Aid us O Father, as we gradually uncover the lies which we have believed, and enable us to take those thoughts captive – to bring them up against your truth and to reject them. Set us free to live in glad humility as your redeemed people, knowing and living by the truth which is your Son, my Saviour, Jesus Christ. Amen.

Never abandoned or forsaken

Leave a reply

Where can I go from your spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast. If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,” even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you.

(Ps 139.7-12)

“O Nebuchadnezzar, we do not need to defend ourselves before you in this matter. If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to save us from it, and he will rescue us from your hand, O king. But even if he does not, we want you to know, O king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up.”

(Dan 3.16-18)

But now, this is what the Lord says – he who created you, O Jacob, he who formed you, O Israel: “Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze..”

(Isa 43.1&2)

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him… Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? …in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

(Rom 8.25,35,37-39)

I suspect that I have written about this before, but it bears repeating…. as God’s beloved children, those redeemed by his son and alive with his divine life, we are never left alone to face anything that may happen to us… never.

The importance of grasping this was brought home to me again recently during a bible study discussion of the desolation of those who feel that God has shut them out, that there is silence and no sense of his presence with them. That experience is very real indeed, and can be utterly devastating to the confidence of a believer… not only are bad things happening, but the one source of comfort has become mute, and there is no perception of love, or even interest in their plight. What can we do?

God has asked his people throughout history to trust him in the darkness; to trust him for the improbable and the impossible; to trust him and praise him when things go wrong, and never to believe the lies which have been told from the beginning – that God doesn’t really care for our good, that his ways are not loving, and that we must look out for ourselves. God has called his people to believe that there is something worse than all the troubles which life may bring – and that is to choose to live without him, to deny ourselves the hope of glory and eternal joy, to refuse to believe that there can be a life worth dying for.

When, by faith and the blessed strengthening of the Spirit of God within us, we hold on to God’s promises in the face of severe trials, we defy the darkness and the evil; we claim God’s goodness and our inheritance as his children, and affirm that what lies ahead of us is worth infinitely more than anything we may lose here. This is what Stephen the martyr did; this is what Shadrach and his companions did, and what Paul stated as he endured so much suffering; this is the example that Jesus set for us – enduring the cross, utterly focussed on the good things which God had planned for him, trusting God utterly with everything.

All the promises, all the stories, are there to encourage us in the face of divine silence and apparent inaction. We are to learn that when we feel alone and forsaken, it is never true; when everything seems to be going wrong and we can’t see the good outcome we desire, it isn’t the end. God keeps his children safe as they cling to him in spite of silence and desolation; keeps them through devastating troubles and unspeakable pain; and through death itself he brings them into his nearer presence, prepared for glory and unimaginable fullness of life.

Friends, when the silence is deafening, and the darkness void of love’s warmth, let us take courage and stand firm: praying, lamenting, praising and living as though the promises were true, taking God at his word and knowing that we are not alone.

It can be complicated..

2 Replies

You have searched me, Lord, and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue you, Lord, know it completely. You hem me in behind and before, and you lay your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain.

(Ps 139.1-6)

Shout for joy, you heavens; rejoice, you earth; burst into song, you mountains! For the Lord comforts his people and will have compassion on his afflicted ones… 

(Isa 49.13)

I am the good shepherd; I know my sheep and my sheep know me – just as the Father knows me and I know the Father..

(Jn 10.14&15)

Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

(Phil 3.4-7)

Have you ever been totally disconcerted by your own reactions and feelings, finding that what is expected of you, by other people and by yourself, is totally different from the reality? Human beings are so much more complicated than we realise, and it is one of the most comforting things about being a beloved child of God, that our Father knows us better than we do, and He accepts us in all our confusion.

In the past few months, I have moved away from a community, a life, an environment, which I loved. I am living now in a season of uncertainty, with no clarity about the long-term future and hence no capacity to either commit to the place we now live, or to make plans. I have also just become a grand-parent for the first time..

And I am bombarded by messages of congratulation, the expectations that I will be ‘over the moon’ and ‘walking on air’. Nope… There has been overwhelming relief, that all is well and the baby and his parents are beginning to know one another. Thankfulness, for all who are helping to support the new parents in various ways; sadness that we live too far away to be useful in this challenging time; anxiety for the parents as they fight exhaustion, and cope with the unknowns of a new baby. In addition, there is grief over my recent losses, anxiety for our own uncertain future and its consequences for life now, and guilt, since I am not reacting the way others expect and my emotions are continually tripping me up. It’s all very messy!

What a relief then that I am in the safe-keeping of a tender loving Father, who knows me through and through! I am not judged by my Father for my mixed-up emotions, and he invites me to shift their burden onto his shoulders, so that I may rest in his love and strength. All the feelings are valid responses to real events in my life, and each one prompts me to bring my situation to my Father in prayer, to tell him all that I feel and confess where I am fearful and anxious instead of trusting. He accepts me, with all this baggage, and holds me fast, inviting me to embrace the truth of his love and purposes of good for me.

How marvellous to have such a Father, such a companion through life! One who never loses patience with me, or is in a bad mood and unable to make time for me; one who is always loving, gentle, compassionate and firm when I need to be challenged and have my thinking straightened out by his truth. I worship this God, the Creator who knows all and still loves me, I praise and thank him for the safest of safe places where I am held tight in his arms and kept.

Loving Father, I rest in your love for me and in the assurance that you know me through and through. I praise you that I can come as I am, at any time, and unburden myself to you. I praise you that in Christ I am accepted and beloved, and your plans for me are to be trusted. 

As I rest in your love today, I pray that I might be renewed in trust and become steadier to face my circumstances and love those to whom you have called me. Let me hand over my burdens, that I may be free to have compassion on others and to have wisdom in loving them in turn. Thank you for all those who have modelled your love in accepting me with all my confusion. May I in turn love as you have loved me, not judging others in their particular and unique needs, but bringing them to your light and truth and ever-open arms.

p

Where are you?

Leave a reply

Then the man and his wife heard the sound of the Lord God as he was walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and they hid from the Lord God among the trees of the garden. But the Lord God called to the man, “Where are you?” He answered, “I heard you in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid.”

(Gen 3.8-10)

The angel of the Lord found Hagar near a spring in the desert…. And he said, “Hagar, servant of Sarai, where have you come from, and where are you going?”  “I’m running away from my mistress Sarai,” She answered. then the angel of the Lord told her, “Go back… I will so increase your descendants that they will be too numerous to count.”… She gave this name to the Lord who spoke to her: “You are the God who sees me,”

(Gen 15.7-10&13)

Then a voice said to him: “What are you doing here Elijah?” He replied, “I have been very zealous for the Lord God Almighty. The Israelites have rejected your covenant, broken down your altars, and put your prophets to death with the sword I am the only one left, and now they are trying to kill me too.”… The Lord said to him, “Go back the way you came…. I reserve seven thousand in Israel – all whose knees have not bowed down to Baal”…

(1 Kgs 19.13-15&18)

O Lord, you have searched me and you now me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways..

If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,” even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you.

(Ps 139 1-3,11&12)

Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from the will of your Father. And even the very hairs of your head are numbered. so don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows. 

(Matt 10.29-31)

Does God ever lose people? Have you ever wondered just why, in the story of the garden after Adam and Eve have eaten the forbidden fruit and are hiding, did God ask where they were? Surely He knew?!

One of the most comforting – and challenging – things that we find about God as revealed in the scriptures is his omniscience, or all-knowingness. We are told that there is absolutely nothing – in any realm of creation, and inside our own minds and hearts – which escapes God’s eye and comprehension. There is nowhere, literally in anything that exists, which is not open to God. Think about that for a moment or two.. it means that when we shut up our shame over sin, or harbour grudges for the hurt done to us by another – we are wasting our efforts because God sees it all. It means that when evil, or good, are being conceived and carried out anywhere, by anyone, God sees it and can perfectly judge the true justice of every situation. Thus we can be both reassured – we are never lost to God – and challenged – since He clearly sees all our actions, thoughts and motivations.

So, I return to my question.. why does God ask where Adam and Eve have got to? Is it to gave them the opportunity to respond with the truth, to tell it like it is and acknowledge that they have messed up and are in big trouble? I think we can all agree that if a person is plainly in trouble, but refusing to accept that reality, then they cannot be helped. A person needs to acknowledge – to confess or call by its true name – their situation in order to be delivered from it.

When God says to you, or to me today, “Where are you?” what will be the answer? Am I at sea, amid great rolling breakers of pain or suffering which are like to swamp me? Then the Lord reminds me that he is greater than all that assails me, and his power is able to hold me until the stilling of the storm.

Am I part of a happy family party, celebrating connection, anniversaries, shared life and varied experiences? Then the Lord reminds me that all good things come from him, the Father of all, and that as I celebrate and give thanks, I give glory to him.

Am I astray amid doubts and weariness, or in a far country spending my life’s riches on those things which my culture and popular wisdom tell me will bring happiness? Then the Lord, when he calls, invites me to recognise the barrenness of my real situation, and to confess that I am hungry and thirsty the water of life, for the bread and wine of the covenant, for the only thing which will truly satisfy me – Jesus.

As I hear my Lord’s voice today, calling to ask where I am, let me be honest and by the help of the Holy Spirit, confess the truth and share my need, no matter how ashamed of it I may be. Jesus has made sure that my home is with him, and when he says that I matter to my heavenly Father, I can believe it. There is no need for any of God’s children to face life alone, He knows where they are all the time and is waiting to be invited to join them.

On feeling very, very small…

4 Replies

[God] spreads out the northern skies over empty space; he suspends the earth over nothing. He wraps up the waters in his clouds, yet the clouds do not burst under their weight. He covers the face of the full moon, spreading his clouds over it. He marks out the horizon on the face of the waters for a boundary between light and darkness. The pillars of the heavens quake…By his breath the skies became fair;… and these are but the outer fringe of his works; how faint the whisper we hear of him! Who then can understand the thunder of his power?

(Job 26.7-14)

O Lord, you have searched me and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O Lord. You hem me in – behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain…How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them! Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand.

(Ps 139.1-6,17&18) 

Can you spot the boat in the picture? It is almost invisible, lost in the sheer expanse of the horizon as the sea opens beyond the mouth of the loch. Every wise sailor knows that they must go carefully into open waters, the forces arrayed against them are huge and must be reckoned with. How then do we – as tiny craft upon a great ocean of life in this world – venture with confidence?

Many years ago, a dear saint in my congregation gave me a little card, a bookmark and remembrance which I still have, bearing the words, “My boat is small, your sea so vast: Dear Lord protect me.” We do well to be lost in admiration and worship as we consider the scale of God’s creative powers as displayed in our world and the unimagineable reaches of space beyond. We do well to feel how very small and insignificant we are on this little green planet, lost among billions of other human beings, present for a tiny moment in time and then lost to sight and memory, leaving no trace of our passing.

This sense of our transience and irrelevance is one of the things that God uses to call people to seek him – since the eternal likeness to himself which is implanted in every person cries out against it. Somewhere deep within, we believe that we matter, that we have purpose and value, and yet…behold how great the ocean, how unmoved by humanity are the mountains and the great winds. 

This is one of the many blessings we receive in the gospel, as we join God’s covenant family and share in his promises and purposes in the world. We discover that while our sense of inadequacy and smallness remain, we now know that God the creator and sustainer of all things knows and cares intimately for us. We have been brought into a personal, loving relationship with the one who keeps the stars in their courses, who sees and rules the great beasts of the deep and who holds our planet in its life-supporting place in the universe. How marvellous to realise that although we are as dust on the ground, yet we belong to the awesome, holy and good God who made all things. Our frailty no longer defines our future – He does. Our past sins, and present failings no longer define our future – He does. Our tiny efforts to please him, to labour for his glory and the building of the kingdom do not define our future – He does. 

My friends, as we today consider how small we are, how easily lost within the vastness of creation and humanity, let us rejoice that we are never lost to the God who made us, who saved us in love to live for and with him. Let that knowledge bring peace and freedom to venture out with courage into the smooth or turbulent waters that lie ahead, trusting the great navigator to keep us just where we should be, right under his eye and in his hand.

A strong and relentless love..

1 Reply

O Love that will not let me go, I rest my weary soul in Thee. I give Thee back the life I owe, that in Thine ocean depths its flow may richer, fuller be.

O Light that followest all my way, I yield my flick’ring torch to Thee. My heart restores its borrowed ray, that in Thy sunshine’s gaze its day may brighter, fairer be.

O Joy that seekest me through pain, I cannot close my heart to Thee. I trace the rainbow through the rain, and feel the promise is not vain, that morn shall tearless be.

O Cross that liftest up my head,I dare not ask to fly from Thee. I lay in dust, life’s glory dead, and from the ground there blossoms red, life that shall endless be.

(George Matheson, 1842-1906)

There is no one like the God of Jeshurun, who rides across the heavens to help you and on the clouds in his majesty. The eternal God is your refuge, and underneath are the everlasting arms…Blessed are you, Israel! Who is like you, a people saved by the Lord? He is your shield and helper and your glorious sword.

(Deut 33.26,27&29)

Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn and settle on the far side of the sea, even there. Your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast. If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,” even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for the darkness is as light to you.

(Ps 139.7-12)

From this time many of his disciples turned back and no longer followed him. “You do not want to leave too, do you?” Jesus asked the Twelve. Simon Peter answered him, “Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life. We have come to believe and to know that you are the Holy One of God.”

(Jn 6.66-69)

When I am dazzled by the wonders of the world, by its riches and glories, until I nearly forget that they are only a shadow of what is to come, of what you have in store for your chosen ones…O Love, do not let me go.

When I am bewildered by the disintegration of moral order, by the strident voices preaching a gospel of self-determination and individuality at all costs, O Love, do not let me go.

When I am sinking into a rut, losing my zest for the life you daily renew within me; when my appointed tasks seem dull and pointless and I grow weary of persevering, O Love, do not let me go.

When the violence, evil and cruel indifference of the world to the suffering of millions threatens to overwhelm me, and I feel as though the light is going out, O Love, do not let me go.

When the agonies of my family and beloved friends surge up under the feet of faith until I am like to be thrown down into despair and the temptation to abandon my God’s service, O Love, do not let me go.

When my own years of unanswered prayers mock me, when your promises seem empty and vain, when the evil one is lurking close to steal my peace, O Love, do not let me go.

Your love, my God, holds firm through all my storms of anger, fear and disappointment. The tantrums and sulking silences are met equally with the outstretched arms of love that reach from Calvary to measure the immeasurable, to demonstrate the unimagineable depth and breadth of the love of God in Christ Jesus….even for me.

Your love, my God refuses to entertain the idea of abandoning your children. Your grace and mercy absorbs all that we throw at you, and like struggling toddlers, we are held firmly and lovingly while the storm passes. 

O Love, that will not let us go, we rest our weary souls in Thee. We are tired of fighting, we long for peace in the midst of bitter sorrow, fierce temptation, paralysing prosperity, wearisome warfare against the indifference and even hostility of our culture. We give Thee back the lives we owe – bought by the blood of Jesus, saved for a glorious future – that in closer fellowship and deeper dependence, we might live more fully. 

May we walk in the light of Christ, not by our own feeble, imagined illuminations; may we know his joy, in spite of the griefs that dog our steps; and may we never stray far from the cross, where our new lives began, and by which we receive all the treasures of grace.

  

He has an eye for the details..

Leave a reply

O Lord, you have searched me and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways…All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.

(Ps 139.1-3,16)

And Mary said: “My soul glorifies the Lord and my spirit rejoices in God my Saviour, for he has been mindful of the humble state of his servant. From now on all generations will call me blessed, for the Mighty One has done great things for me – holy is his name.”

( Luke 1.46-49)

Brothers, think of what you were when you were called. Not many of you were wise by human standards; not many were influential; not many were of noble birth. But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. He chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things…so that no-one may boast before him. It is because of Him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God – that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption. Therefore, as it is written: “Let him who boasts boast in the Lord.”

(1Cor 1.26-31)

While we do well always to bear in mind the great story of redemption which is God’s plan for our world – to be fulfilled when Jesus returns in glory and all things are made new – it is also good sometimes to get lost in the details. To take time to consider the people whom God chose to use; to look at the details of their lives, and how God was actively making ‘all things’ work together for the good of his people and also his purposes.

These people were not chosen by God because of their holiness, their moral purity or status in society. The story of God’s dealings with his chosen people is littered with deeply flawed human beings – sinning and sinned against – who almost in spite of themselves prove suitable instruments in God’s hand. We are not often meant to look at their stories in order to find a pattern for our lives – but rather to learn that God can and does use the most unlikely people. It is their – and our – unworthiness for the task which allows God’s grace and strength and love to shine through most clearly, so that all the glory for salvation’s work might go to him.

That in itself is a great encouragement to us, as we are daily more aware of our persistent sin and all the ways in which we let God down – he knows and provides for all our mistakes, and is the more exalted and glorious because of our inadequacies. We need not be ashamed, but rather embrace a liberating humility, resting entirely upon God’s love for us, and gracious desire to involve us in his work. It matters not at all that we occupy quiet, unremarkable positions; that our talents and resources are small. In God’s providence, we are just what he desires, and in this we may rest and be satisfied.

I think we should also be encouraged to notice that God is intimately interested in all the details of our lives – we are not merely anonymous (though useful) employees, but beloved children, and everything about us matters to him. The psalmists knew this, that is why they were so bold in bringing their concerns before him. Think too of Job, in all his bitterness of spirit, never doubting that God would bear with his complaint. Consider the childless Hannah – pouring out her desire for a son, and not doubting that God heard and understood – and poor Jeremiah, who held nothing back in giving God all the credit for the sufferings he endured.

The wonderful truth is that the details of God’s children’s lives are what makes up the great narrative of redemption, and he is always interested in them. We need never think that we are beneath his notice, or that our concerns are too trivial and nothing to do with God’s purposes in the world – we are his purpose; being worked out, transformed, and being used in turn to transform others. Let us then rejoice with Mary, boasting in our great God, who has been mindful of us in our helplessness, and is still mindful of us in our weakness, but chooses to work in and through us for his good and great purposes..

The Mighty One has done great things for us – holy is his name!

Lonely or solitary?

Leave a reply

O Lord, you have searched me and you know me.

You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thought from afar.

You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways.  Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O Lord…

Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.

If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast.

If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,” even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you.

(Psalm 139.1-4,7-12)

Do you like being alone? Does the prospect of time without other people present stir up fear, or anticipation? I know that each of us has a natural disposition which will incline us to one or the other, and that is a part of the wonderful variety which makes us all individuals. But I also believe that ultimately none of us need fear being by ourselves… Because as followers of Jesus, we are never truly alone!

The psalmist is well aware of the fact that God sees and knows him through and through, that there is nowhere on the earth that God is not present with him. I am never quite sure whether this is seen as a good or a bad thing! Perhaps there are times when our feelings are in such turmoil, or our consciences so troubled, that we feel we want to hide from God until we get sorted out. But the psalms reveal over and over that the best way to get sorted out, is to be in the presence of God, acknowledging our struggles, our failures, our anger and grief, and allowing the steady, healing and cleansing light of his holiness and love to quieten our spirit. Here is one of many such occasions:

When I said, “My foot is slipping,” your love , O Lord, supported me. When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought joy to my soul.

(Psalm 94. 18 & 19)

This for me is one of the most precious truths of my faith, that in my solitude, I am never alone. I have a perfect companion. I have one who knows my thoughts, who understands my tastes, and who delights to share with me as I experience every moment of life and savour each detail of my days.

I cannot irritate him with my eye for the tiniest details of a leaf or flower; he waits joyfully and patiently while I appreciate the beauties which he has placed for me to enjoy! When my spirit lifts with the majesty of great trees around me, my companion hears my cry of delight and thanksgiving, and rejoices in my pleasure. Did you know that our loving Father loves to be thanked, to see us enjoying what He has made – from the tiniest detail to the most breathtaking panorama? It is one of the greatest pleasures of solitude, to have uninterrupted communion with the one who has made all this beauty, and be able to deliberately share our pleasure with him.

 And in my darkness – whether I have sought it out deliberately, because of weariness or grief; or have been overshadowed by it in spite of my best efforts to remain in the light – I am not alone.. there is nowhere that my Lord cannot reach me, cannot be with me, comforting and holding, his arms ever around me even when mine are too weak to hold on to him.

David spent many days and hours in solitude as a young man – shepherding sheep for his father – and I believe that he learnt then what it was to be loved by a God who was always present. We see from the songs David wrote that he hid nothing from God, whether of grief or joy, frustration and anger, fear and despair, triumph and rejoicing. He knew the presence of God was not simply a special feeling that came and went, but a fact, on which he could rely.

It is a fact on which I rely too, which transforms loneliness into solitude, a precious space shared only with my Lord, where I can be utterly at rest because I am utterly known, accepted and loved. Thanks be to God, who through Jesus his Son, brings us into this most intimate of relationships and gives us peace!

Mother love…

1 Reply

So God created man in his own image,

in the image of God he created him;

male and female he created them.

Genesis 1 v27

These words, coming at the outset of God’s revelation of himself to us in the bible, give us an enormous amount of information about ourselves, not least the easily overlooked idea that it takes both masculinity and femininity to fully express the image of God in human form! The human package simply can’t contain all the necessary characteristics in one unit, and so two were created. Their interaction through life, and union in marriage reflect aspects of God’s character too – the delight that God has within the trinity, and the love which is continually expressed there.

In the same way I believe the bible reveals that human love – in all its forms – reflects aspects of divine love for us. No single human love is rich and complex enough to convey the full treasury of love which God has for us, his beloved creation. Through our experiences of relationship and love, we taste a little of the goodness of divine love in all its variety. Although it is sadly true that many people experience a great deal of pain, and are let down badly by those who should love them, yet the principle remains valid. Through our human loves, we learn about God’s love, and in time learn to receive directly from him all that our hearts need, so that no human failure to love can ultimately destroy us.

I was privileged to have a godly and loving father, who was spared to see my children born, and who – through his faithful loving of and genuine delight in me – showed me so much of the heart of my heavenly Father. Even as I mourned him, I knew what kind of fatherly love was being poured out on me from God, full of comfort and steady as a rock.

What of a mother? A mother just wants to be with you, to share in all the ups and downs, to hear all the little details of your life, because it is a delight to her to watch you living. She has yearned over you for years, laboured to care and equip you for life, borne the tantrums and sulks, the laundry and faddy diets, the bizarre fashion and messy rooms – because she loves you, and her love goes so deep that you are part of her. Your joys are hers, your heart is her heart beating, when you weep, she weeps.

Two years ago this weekend, my mother died, and there is no one now to do these things for me. No one to whom I can safely pour out my mother pride in my own children, or share the little frustrations of life. I cannot get a picture of her life into words, cannot find a way to close the chapter yet, but this I know, that her loving of me was faithful, costly, and a great joy and pride of her life – and that I never said thank you enough!

The bible has very few explicit references to mothering as a quality of God, but when we explore what it actually involves, it is clear that when he made mothers, God put an enormous amount of himself into them! My God delights in my company, in sharing my thoughts and all my activities; remember those lovely words in Psalm 139 v 2& 3

You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways.

He wipes my tears away, and numbers the very hairs on my head; my name is engraved on his hands and he will never forget me. The gift of Christ his son, to be my saviour and lord, to be my very life, means that my heart is his heart, and all that grieves and wounds me, is felt by him. I am and will always be a daughter, even though my mother is dead, because my God mothers me, and I am comforted, nourished and affirmed by that faithful, costly and joyful love, which always puts my needs first.

How can we rightly praise and thank our God for such love? Nothing will ever suffice, but a delighted awareness of our debt, and continuing thankfulness for all that we receive is surely a fitting way to use the gift of life which we have been given. May God enable us more and more to receive and share this love, to his glory and the blessing of the world.