Tag Archives: John Newton

Free indeed….

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For if the blood of goats and bulls and the ashes of a young cow, ….. sanctify for the purification of the flesh, how much more will the blood of Christ, who through the eternal Spirit offered himself without blemish to God, cleanse our consciences from dead works so that we can serve the living God?

For Christ did not enter a sanctuary made with hands.. but into heaven itself, so that he might now appear in the presence of God for us. He did not do this to offer himself many times, as the high priest enters the sanctuary yearly with the blood of another. Otherwise he would have had to suffer many times since the foundation of the world. But now he has appeared one time, at the end of the ages, for the removal of sin by the sacrifice of himself.

(Heb 9.13&14, 24&25)

I am not ashamed of the gospel, because it is the power of God for the salvation of everyone who believes; first for the Jew, then for the Gentile. For in the gospel a righteousness from God is revealed, a righteousness that is by faith from first to last, just as it is written: “The righteous will live by faith.”

(Rom 1.16&17)

It is hard to explain the liberation which comes to a believer as they grow into an ever fuller understanding of what the gospel has actually achieved for them. For some people, there may be dramatic deliverances from addictions or burdens; for others, the changes will be gradual and almost imperceptible.. but all of us can look back with profound thanksgiving and say with John Newton, “I am not what I ought to be, I am not what I want to be, I am not what I hope to be in another world; but still I am not what I once used to be and by the grace of God I am what I am.” (quoted in The Christian Spectator, vol 3, 1821).

The foundation and motive power of this change is Jesus Christ, our Saviour, Redeemer, and great High Priest. It is as the work of Christ in all its multifaceted beauty is worked into our lives by the indwelling of the Spirit that we see change happening. The gospel has the power to overturn all our prejudices; to break down all our barriers; to pour the cleansing flood of forgiveness and love through all our fractured relationships and transform every aspect of our lives. As we catch glimpses of this power at work – observing with wonder and joy how God is changing us deep within – we are further motivated to cling closer, to ask for deeper healing and enabling, to trust and act more boldly in Jesus’ name.

The once-for-all-ness of Jesus’ sacrifice is particularly powerful to me at this time, as I am learning to live free from the power of shame and guilt. This is what Jesus died to do for me – to deliver me from these twin slave-masters who will render believers powerless to love and live for Christ if they get a chance. But because Jesus’ death was a sufficient once-for-all sacrifice, breaking the power of sin (and guilt and death) over me, then I need not be ashamed anymore of sin when it happens. My Lord delights to remind me, whenever I present myself stained and bruised from another bout with the remnant of sin, that he has paid the price and that I do him honour when I come needing his cleansing, encouraging and the embrace of love to set me back on the path of joyful obedience.

His patience with me will never run out; I need never fear that I have been ‘too much’ for the divine temper – even just writing this makes it clear what a ridiculous notion that is. And yet, for how many years has that twisted notion been simmering away in the background of my mind? How many times have I ended up mired in doubt, wallowing in self-pity and needless gloom, when my Lord is beseeching me to come close without fear and be comforted?

What good cause I have as a believer, to boast in Jesus and in the glorious work which God has done through him for all who will accept it! I want to be so proud of the gospel, of my Jesus, that there is no room for shame anymore. My need of the gospel is in itself another cause to glorify God – and not a cause for shame, but for rejoicing in the abundance of divine provision.

Heavenly Father, how marvellous it is to know the power of your redeeming love in Christ Jesus our Lord; to know it day by day as the very breath and power of life in me. How glorious to recognise the power of that gospel at work in my life, setting me free from guilt and shame so that I run to you in my every need, with the childlike confidence which comes from being loved and accepted absolutely.

O let my life continue to be shaped by your patient and loving care; let me be more and more preoccupied with the beauty and power of Jesus, more proud of my Saviour and eager to share him with those around me, so that shame and guilt never again exert any hold over my mind and heart. For his name’s sake, Amen.

Grey hair and laughter lines..

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Show me, O Lord, my life’s end and the number of my days; let me know how fleeting is my life. You have made my days a mere handbreadth; the span of my years is as nothing before you.

(Ps 39.4&5)

Lord, you have been our dwelling-place throughout all generations. Before the mountains were born or you brought forth the earth and the world, from everlasting to everlasting you are God…for a thousand years in your sight are like a day that has just gone by, or like a watch in the night. You sweep men away in the sleep of death; they are like the new grass of the morning – though in the morning it springs up new, by evening it is dry and withered.

(Ps 90.1,2,4-6)

The righteous will flourish like a palm tree..planted in the house of the Lord, they will flourish…they will still bear fruit in old age, they will stay fresh and green, proclaiming, “The Lord is upright; he is my Rock, and there is no wickedness in him.”

(Ps 92.12-15)

Grey hair is a crown of splendour; it is attained by a righteous life.

(Prov. 16.31)

The glory of young men is their strength, grey hair the splendour of the old.

(Prov 20.29)

Listen to me, O house of Jacob, all you who remain of the house of Israel, you whom I have upheld since you were conceived, and have carried since your birth. Even to your old age and grey hairs I am he, I am he who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you;  I will sustain you and I will rescue you.

(Isa 46.3&4)

“I am not what I ought to be, I am not what I want to be, I am not what I hope to be in another world; but still I am not what I once used to be, and by the grace of God I am what I am.”

(John Newton)

One of the temptations to which I most readily succumb is to be disappointed in the apparent lack of difference which my life has made in the world and lives of people around me. When I put it down like this, I can laugh at such arrogance, at the pride which looks for validation on the basis of a list of achievements…and yet the underlying discontent remains.

It is perhaps more pathetic than ridiculous for a middle-aged woman to look back on her life and feel she has somehow missed out on her big mission. I have stopped reading the blogs and magazines which portray others who have ‘found’ themselves and their purpose in life, who are doing big things and giving off an aura of accomplishment and fulfilment – because it only feed my discontent. Is this right thinking for a follower of the Lord Jesus, whose mission was to give his life to serve, to pour himself out in love according to the Father’s will?

I have seen discontent in the lives of others; it is ugly, distorting everything good and beautiful, and destroying peace. I am afraid of growing ugly in that way, instead of beautiful with the crown which belongs to God’s ageing children – the increasing serenity of one who has learnt that she can trust God to meet her needs and has nothing to prove or regret. I want to remain – as the psalmist puts it – green and fruitful in my remaining years, perhaps more fruitful than before since I see so little yet…

The key to this will be accepting the place and role which I have been given; trusting that if God has something new and different for me to do then he can and will make it plain; and above all conquering the shameful pride which in so many ways still seeks to make a name, to make an impact and do something big for God.

I am fully accepted by the Father, delighted in and cherished. I have his assurance that he will carry me into the years ahead – no matter what they may hold – and the promise of eternal life with him. I am free from caring what others think of me, because the only opinion that matters is that of my Father and he calls me his beloved, holy child.

Oh Lord God, I am not what I should be, not what your love spurs me on to desire to be. But what I am, is all by your grace and in itself is cause for great thanksgiving. Let my restless desire to glorify and serve you be channelled increasingly and effectively into those areas of life and service which are mine now, instead of wasted on wondering where I ought to be. Let me be content dear Lord, for the sake of your glory, the blessing of my family and  community and my own peace of spirit, with the life you have given me, and the small things which are my portion. Let the days and years which you have left for me be marked by growing contentment and delight in you, and in doing whatever you give me – regardless of its apparent significance. Let me have the privilege of bearing fruit yet for you, of using all you have given me to the best of my ability in the place you have appointed. And above all let me be content to let you be the judge of the value of my life – not the world’s standards, nor my own, but only you.