Category Archives: acceptance & rest

Discipline – the blessings of duty

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“Do the next thing”… Many a questioning, many a fear, many a doubt hath its quieting here. Moment by moment, let down from heaven, time opportunity, guidance are given. Fear not tomorrows, child of the King, trust them with Jesus, “Do the next thing.”

Do it immediately; do it with prayer; do it reliantly, casting all care; do it with reverence, tracing his hand who placed it before thee with earnest command. Stayed on Omnipotence, safe’neath his wing, leave all resultings, “Do the next thing.”

(author unknown)

Don’t fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God’s wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It’s wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the centre of your life.. Summing it all up, friends, I’d say you’ll do best by filling your ids and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious – the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse…

(Phil 4.6-8; the Message)

Instead of looking at the fashions, walk out into the fields and look at the wildflowers. They never primp or shop, but have you ever seen colour and design quite like it?.. If God gives such attention to the appearance of wildflowers – most of which are never even seen – don’t you think he’ll attend to you, take pride in you, do his best for you? What I’m trying to do here is to get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God’s giving…. Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don’t worry about missing out.

(Matt 5.28-33; the Message)

What do you do when the background noise of your mind becomes overwhelmingly negative? Where do you go with the distressing feelings, and the sense of failing God that accompanies awareness of our sin and weakness? Well, perhaps the apostle Paul would class such things under the heading of ‘worries’, and thus we can look to his advice to shape those worries into prayer, to take the reality of our feelings and bring them into the presence of our loving Father for his comfort and reassurance.

If, like me, you find those ‘worries’ remarkably persistent in spite of prayer, it is good to cultivate the discipline of reminding ourselves that our feelings do not control us. They are strong, sometimes to an overwhelming degree. BUT, God tells us that they are lying if they deny our salvation; if they suggest that somehow Jesus’ sacrifice is not enough for one as hopeless as ourselves. The Cross is truly sufficient for every sinner, even for the feeblest saint who spends rather too much of their time lying face down in the dust, wanting to just die and get it all over with because they are so ashamed and fed up of their own weakness.

Alongside that discipline – which can be extremely hard to practice – comes the blessing of routine chores and the duties which we owe to those around us. I call them blessings because it is as we continue to fulfil our responsibilities – choosing to be faithful, practical, thoughtful for the care of others – that God often brings us relief, not least by distracting us from our own unhappiness! Those duties and responsibilities are what the unknown author of the quoted verses is referring to as ‘the next thing’ – covering every possible task and requirement which we have to face each day. I am so grateful for a home to care for, a garden to tend (there are always a great many ‘next things’ to be done there!); an extended family with whom to communicate and to support; a christian family to join in worship and service; and the never ending task of intercession for a world whose essential beauty and goodness is marred so deeply by the consequences of human sin.

Almighty and Loving Father in heaven, how I thank you for the duties and opportunities of each new day, for the blessing of having many ‘next things’ to keep me from dwelling on my own unhelpful thoughts and feelings. Thank you that the ultimate reality of my place as your beloved child is not threatened by those feelings. Thank you that your Spirit is at work to make me ever more steady and secure in my identity as your precious new-made daughter. Thank you that the well of your grace never runs dry; and even the feeblest, slowest and most easily distracted of your children will one day come home to sweetest rest in glory with you. Help us not to give up, help us to keep on doing ‘the next thing’ until there truly is no more to be done and you call us to yourself. In Jesus’ name and for his glory we pray, Amen.

A richer life..

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Lord, how numerous are my enemies! Many attack me.

Many say about me, “God will not deliver him”. But you, Lord, are a shield that protects me; you are my glory and the one who restores me.

To the Lord I cried out, and he answered me from his holy hill. I rested and slept; I awoke, for the Lord protects me.

(Ps 3.15)

Loved with everlasting love, led by grace that love to know, Spirit, breathing from above, thou hast taught me it is so. O this full and perfect peace! O this transport all divine! In a love which cannot cease, I am his and he is mine.

Heaven above is softer blue, earth around is sweeter green; something lives in every hue Christless eyes have never seen; birds with gladder songs o’erflow, flowers with deeper beauties shine, since I know, as now I know, I am his and he is mine.

Things that once were wild alarms cannot now disturb my rest; closed in everlasting arms, pillowed on the loving breast. Oh, to lie forever here, doubt and care and self resign, while he whispers in my ear, I am his and he is mine.

His forever, only his; who the Lord and me shall part? Ah, with what a rest of bliss Christ can fill the loving heart! Heaven and earth may fade and flee, first-born light in gloom decline, but while God and I shall be, I am his and he is mine.

(George Wade Robinson, 1838-77)

Yes, it’s another old song… and yes, the language is a bit dated, but indulge me and just read it – or even better, dig out a soundtrack on the internet and sing it! (The tune I know is called ‘Everlasting Love’, by J Mountain) These words have long been precious to me, expressing something which is good to remember as we walk through this sin-weary world, aware of pain and feeling our limitations. Like the psalmist, we can see threat on every side, and are aware of our mortality, the fear of pain, and of suffering. But, like the psalmist, we can look beyond the immediate, to the ultimate and real – to what Almighty God has revealed about himself, and his promises through Jesus Christ to all who trust in him for salvation. There I can put my assurance, and live with confidence through the trials that may come.

We do not merely inhabit a material universe, we live in the handiwork of an omnipotent, eternal and loving God, whose beloved children we are. As believers, we are encouraged to see all things as communicating truth about God to us – there truly is so much more to life than meets our eyes! There is an element of the sacral in all of life – that is, it can speak to us when we are willing to listen, of divine things. In the same way that the sacrament or celebration of the Lord’s supper speaks of eternal realities, so also can our experience of this life, our generous God’s gift to us, and his invitation to enter his joy.

To have faith, is to have a wholly richer life. I live in the present with my hope firm for the future; but I also have a view of the present that looks past the clamour of the immediate to invisible realities. To have faith is to believe that what God says is true – I can absolutely rely upon it. I live in a larger, deeper, more meaningful world than I can ever truly comprehend, glimpsing through it the love, power, creativity, artistry, mercy, justice and eternal nature of God. My joys are greater, because I know the one whose handiwork I am, and thus I know that I am of eternal significance.

Thank you my Father, for revealing yourself to me. Thank you for Jesus, my Lord, Saviour and friend by whose death my salvation is won, and in whose kingdom I now belong. Thank you for the many and varied ways in which you reveal your goodness, love, power and beauty to me each day as I live in this, your world. Thank you that sin has not been able to wipe your fingerprints off our beautiful world, or remove your signature from the galaxies. Thank you for the boundless refreshment which we, your children, receive as we recognise your sustaining power at work in this world, and delight in the beauty, power, and abundance of your gift. May I live ever more consciously in your presence, sharing all my joys and sorrows with you, and resting deeply in your everlasting arms. in the name of my beloved Jesus, Amen.

Being realistic, not afraid..

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Strengthen the feeble hands, steady the knees that give way; say to those with fearful hearts, “Be strong, do not fear; your God will come… he will come to save you.”.. And a highway will be there; it will be called the Way of Holiness; it will be for those who walk on that Way… But only the redeemed will walk there, and those the Lord has rescued will return. They will enter Zion with singing; everlasting joy will crown their heads. Gladness and joy will overtake them, and sorrow and sighing will flee away.

(Isa 35.3&4, 8&10)

Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith…  Consider him who endured from sinners such hostility against himself, so that you may not grow weary or faint-hearted… It is for discipline that you have to endure. God is treating you as his children…. he disciplines us for our good, that we may share his holiness. For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.  Therefore lift your drooping hands and strengthen your weak knees, and make straight paths for your feet, so that what is lame may not be put out of joint but rather be healed.

(Heb 12.1-3,7,10-13)

“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world”.

(Jn 16.33)

He never said it would be easy….. but how quickly we react against our Lord when life presents us with painful and challenging situations. Being a follower of Jesus does not somehow exempt us from the experience of humanity – our bodies are mortal, subject to injury, disease, disability of every kind. We are as likely as anyone else to suffer from flu, cancer, unemployment, depression, untimely bereavement, and every other woe which afflicts our species on this beautiful but broken planet. It is absolutely crucial for our perseverance in faith that we understand and accept this truth – accepting it over and over as each new struggle or challenge presents itself. It can be very hard to do, but the bible is quite clear that for as long as we resist and resent God’s providence, we will fail to derive from it the blessings which He has prepared for us – depriving both ourselves and those around us as a result.

“If life’s adversities, and God’s use of them in discipline produce in the end both inward peace and moral uprightness, we cannot possibly have suffered in vain.” (Brown p235, Christ Above All – The Message of Hebrews. IVP 1982)

Please, please believe that I do not mean in any way to minimise or disregard the depth of pain, loss and weariness which some experiences can produce. I do not wish to imply in writing this that it is easy to persevere in faith when life has been blighted – it is not. BUT, I do think it is worth reminding myself of this truth regularly, when small difficulties arise, so that when the big things happen, I have some understanding of God’s ways and am accustomed to turning first to him for help. It is also good to remember this when we pray for others who are facing life-changing, irreversible trials – that they in turn will be given grace to accept and mercy when they doubt, and persevere in faith.

God calls his children to persevere when their families have been shattered by broken relationships, or by illness and disability; when their own lives have become severely limited or their employment prospects permanently blighted. These “weights” are cripplingly heavy, and only Christ can ease their burden upon us and enable us to keep walking in his ways. It is in this continual turning, dependance, humble acceptance and valiant expectation that God is with us, working for our good and his glory THROUGH what is happening, that we find ourselves journeying each day nearer to the glorious city where all sorrow is ended. As we walk thus, we can be free from fear of what may come to us in the days ahead, because we are always in the care of our loving Heavenly Father, whose purposes for us cannot fail to be fulfilled.

Dear Lord, take all of this life’s adversities and use them for our blessing and your glory – enable us to accept them from your hand. We are called to live with all the evils which beset this broken world, and it is only with your help that we can do so in ways which honour you. Lord, lead us by springs of fresh water, and sustain us on the journey, that we might not faint by the way…

It’s not a performance, it’s a gift…

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Still the night, holy the night! Sleeps the world; hid from sight, Mary and Joseph in stable bare watch o’er the child beloved and fair, sleeping in heavenly rest…..

Still the night, holy the night! Shepherds first saw the light, heard resounding clear and long, far and near, the angel-song, ‘Christ the Redeemer is here!’….

Still the night, holy the night! Son of God, O how bright love is smiling from thy face! Strikes for us now the hour of grace, Saviour since thou art born!’

( Mohr, 1792-1848, translated by S.A. Brooke, 1832-1916)

But now that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves to God, the benefit you reap leads to holiness, and the result is eternal life. For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.

(Rom 6.22-23)

But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions – it is by grace you have been saved… For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith – and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God – not by works, so that no-one can boast. 

(2Cor 2.4,5,8&9)

As a Jesus-believer, I look forward to celebrating his birth into our world, remembering with awe and thankfulness the magnitude of that step from unimagineable glory, to the tiny compass, and total helplessness of a human infant. I am grateful that our culture provides time to focus on the story, pondering what it meant, and means, for all humanity that God became one who lived and lives among us.

BUT…. I am aware that for many believers, there is an expectation, a pressure that every year they should achieve a state of heightened spiritual awareness, a transcendent calm and detachment from the busy-ness and daily uncertainties which comprise our lives. Perhaps some people do manage, every year, to reach this condition of super-spirituality, and to pass the season in serene contemplation and worship. Personally, I do not.. and I believe it can be a dangerous expectation to entertain, a foothold by which the enemy of our souls will undermine and condemn us as lacking true faith and spirituality, when we just plod on with the challenges of each day, not feeling very joyful, or serene.

Did God say that we must achieve this super-spiritual state every Christmas and Easter season? Does it say anywhere in our scriptures that we are to generate a particular group of feelings? No! The glorious and grounding reality is not in any way related to our feelings, but is based in facts, in truths which are as immutable as God himself, and as different from human fallibility and fickleness as can be imagined! If we let ourselves believe the lie that somehow every real Christian ‘gets’ Christmas in some transcendent ways, then we are letting ourselves in for serious trouble – as lies usually do. But it is not necessary to screw ourselves up to some heightened emotions in order to properly give thanks, to worship and sit for a little in awed silence before Mary’s infant son.

If our lives in any given advent season do lend themselves to giving extra time to meditating on the truth, soaking up the music and letting God speak to our hearts in an unhurried way, that’s marvellous! But it is also quite acceptable for believers to sincerely celebrate and worship without that luxury, to experience no particularly intense joys, and yet still be blessed and nourished as they share when they can in singing and retelling the story. We are not being judged on our ‘performance’ as believers in that sense, and our best response to the gift of God in Jesus is humble, quiet and relieved acceptance. We can add nothing to what he has done for us, and the grace poured out in Christ by God covers all our needs.

Father, loving and tender-hearted refuge of my aching soul, hear your daughter this night. She is weary, shot through with bitter griefs and the beauty of Christmas music brings floods of tears. She is not serene, or calm but often sad and uncertain. Thank you that her salvation is still secure because it is not dependent on her feeling the right sensations, or striving to enter a particular state of mental tranquility!

The hour of grace has struck for her, for all the weary ones for whom the season brings such mixed feelings of gladness and sadness, hope and grief. Grace is ours now because Christ is born, and there is our true peace, one which lies deep beneath the stormy waves and cannot be taken from us. Thank you..

The precious gift of contentment

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The Lord said to Moses, “Tell Aaron and his sons, ‘This is how you are to bless the Israelites. Say to them: “The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make his face shine on you and be gracious to you; the Lord turn his face toward you and give you peace.” So they will put my name on the Israelites and I will bless them.”

(Num6.22-27)

Make your face shine on your servant and teach me your decrees.. I call with all my heart; answer me, Lord, and I will obey your decrees. I call out to you; save me and I will keep your statutes. I rise before dawn and cry for help; I have put my hope in your word.. Hear my voice in accordance with your love; preserve my life, Lord, according to your laws. Those who devise wicked schemes are near, but they are far from your law. Yet you are near, Lord, and all your commands are true.

(Ps 119.135,145-147,149-151)

The past weeks and months have seen great upheavals in my life, and it has been a season of change, challenge and distress; of grieving for the loss of many good things, even as I strove to give thanks that I had enjoyed them for a time. The Lord has been patient, faithful and so kind to me. Through bible reading, by the simple passage of time, through the ministry of many friends – in prayer and in person – I am come to a more spacious place and there is a deep sense of freedom and acceptance, for which I give profound thanks! There has been assurance from many different places, that I am not being called to a new labour, but rather to continue simply being present for new people in a new place – being available to listen, to share, to welcome and to walk with others. I am the home-maker, the garden-tender, and those are not ministries to be despised. I have time, God’s gift to me each day, to be available for others and to make good things to share with them. What a wonderful calling!

So this week as I write, I simply want to celebrate the ways that God cares for us, his children, and to acknowledge the trustworthiness of his word for us.

You, O Lord, are the source of all good things. You made us to receive your blessings, and we are those who bear your name – what an honour and privilege, what a responsibility to bear it well! Your word shapes us – that is one of your blessings to us – and it shows us who you are, and what you are like, it shows us Jesus. What riches are ours in this word! This Jesus brings us into a relationship with you, and because of him, you are transforming us, preparing us for eternal life in your presence. Truly, we live in the warmth of your smile and are blessed.

You are near to us, O Lord, and you hear and answer us. We never speak to deafness or indifference, but as your children are heard and cherished. How marvellous to know your comforting presence and attentive ear. Thank you for your power at work in us, to renew, re-create, comfort, correct and guide. Because you dwell within us, we are being made into the likeness of Jesus, made both willing and able to be and to do what you desire. Your word tells me that you have set your covenant love upon me – therefore I will trust your word, and live as one beloved of the Most High, secure and fearless in the world.

Thank you my Father, for the peace and contentment which is your gift to me in these days, as you help me to make this new place my home and the location of my ministry in your kingdom. Thank you for reminding me in so many ways, that I have nothing to prove, no one to compete against, and that my place and calling do not need to earn anyone’s approval – except yours. Let me be content then, to enjoy all the good things you give me in such a way that I bless your people and glorify my Father in heaven; sharing the love of Jesus and praising you for the encouragement of those around me. O Father, may I bear your name well, for Jesus’ sake, Amen.

The joy of simple things

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Lord, you have been our dwelling-place throughout all generations. Before the mountains were born or you brought forth the earth and the world, from everlasting to everlasting you are God…. For a thousand years in your sight are like a day that has just gone by, or like a watch in the night. You sweep men away in the sleep of death; they are like the new grass of the morning- though in the morning it springs up new, by evening it is dry and withered….

Teach us to number our days aright, that we may gain a heart of wisdom… Satisfy us in the morning with your unfailing love, that we may sing for joy and be glad all our days..

May your deeds be shown to your servants, your splendour to their children. May the favour of the Lord our God rest upon us; establish the work of our hands for us – yes, establish the work of our hands.

(Ps 90.1&2,4-6,12,14,16&17)

What sweet relief comes to a struggling believer when they are gently reminded of the absolute and unshakeable goodness of God; of his power and eternal being. While we may founder amid doubt, weariness and even despair both over our own condition and the grievous state of our world, yet when we turn to the Almighty, we find a mighty, unruffled serenity and a resolute peace. Here is no agonised doubting, no indecisiveness, no fickleness. Here is pure light, justice, fathomless grace and committed and faithful love. Here is a safe place – THE safe place- where we may cast ourselves down in utter trust and surrender, and know that all shall be well, because our God is on the throne and nothing can prevent the fulfilment of his purposes and the full realisation of his glorious plans.

In this place of total security, I sit with my grief and loss; I share with my Father the burdens of my heart and am  comforted to know that I am heard and tenderly enveloped in his love. In this place of safety, I share my small joys, and know that they are a gift of his love to me, and I give thanks  – I know that when I take pleasure in what He gives, then I am honouring His love for me. In this place, where his eternal nature is revealed and my own smallness made so clear, I rest in his adoption of me as his child, and surrender to that keeping.

As I recognise that I am grieving, with all the weariness and confusion which that brings, I am glad to find peace and pleasure in small tasks – the baking of bread; the sharing of hospitality; and today, the preparation of some pots of colour to grace our garden as the autumn approaches. To handle soil, to gently embed the tiny plants, to let my eye feast on the variety of textures and colours, to anticipate in my imagination how they will flourish – these are gifts which soothe my spirit and I give thanks tonight for the opportunity and means to enjoy them. To be in the open air, with the sunshine on my back and the sound of the birds having a lively discussion in the neighbour’s thickets – these are gifts which refresh me and I give thanks tonight for my senses by which to appreciate them.

The Lord IS my dwelling place, and there I find both nurture and peace, and therefore I praise and let another day pass..

O Lord, I am as nothing in the face of your eternal glory and light, a passing shadow and a fleeting thought. Yet you have declared yourself to be my God, my Maker, my Sovereign. It is your naming which gives me value, and your promise which gives me hope. So few days are given to me, Lord let me be wise to use them well in your service; let your love be the foundation of my hope, my source of joy and pride and my satisfaction.

Have compassion on your servant, that she may see your hand at work and rejoice; let your glory be her motivation in living. By your grace and power, let her labours be fruitful in your kingdom, the only place where lasting value can be found. And Lord, let her children receive and walk in your covenant love; let them grow in faith and joy to glorify and serve you; may they see your works and worship you, together with all your saints. In Jesus’ precious name and for your glory, Amen.

When I feel so useless..

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Declare what is to be, present it – let them take counsel together. Who foretold this long ago, who declared it from the distant past? Was it not I, the Lord? And there is no God apart from me, a righteous God and a Saviour; there is none but me…

“Listen to me, O house of Jacob, all you who remain of the house of Israel, you whom I have upheld since you were conceived, and  carried since your birth. Even to your old age and grey hairs I am he, I am he who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you. 

I am God, and there is no other; I am God and there is none like me. I make known the end from the beginning, from ancient times, what is still to come. I say: My purpose will stand, and I will do all that I please… What I have said, that will I bring about; what I have planned, that will I do… I will grant salvation to Zion, my splendour to Israel.

(Is 45.21; 46.3&4,9&10,13)

“When [our plans] are interrupted, his are not. His plans are proceeding exactly as scheduled, moving us always (including those minutes or hours or years which seem most useless, or wasted, or unendurable).” (Elisabeth Elliot; 1926-2015)

The sun is splitting the skies, the birds are singing and there is a tangible excitement as spring dances on the edge of our days, with so much light and colour and the promise of more to come.

And I am unwell; confined to the house; moving stiff and carefully; sleeping badly and feeling as though my world has contracted to a tiny space. What will I do with this challenge? Last week, I wrote that our speech and actions should not be determined by our circumstances… and now I am labouring to prove the strength of the Lord in pursuing patience, gentleness and acceptance of his plan for these days.

Such situations are always a good exercise in recognising how our ego likes to continually add up ‘worth-points’, totting up every activity on some invisible register which somehow makes me significant or valued by God. It is humbling when – as now – there is nothing to add up! Will I accept that for the moment, my Lord asks me to embrace inactivity, weakness and discomfort, and in and through those things, to find ways to praise him? There is so much to be thankful for; will I poison those good things by resenting what God has chosen to withhold? And surely that would show clearly that I value the gifts much more than their giver..

So often in these situations, I go to Elisabeth Elliot’s strong spiritual sense – she never pretended to anyone that being a Christian would be a bed of roses, and her uncompromising words brace me, showing me the truth – that my furious rejection of this season of illness is simply a tantrum of self, and a refusal to trust that God is good, and has a right to do as he pleases with his creation. I am not indispensable, and I am loved, saved and accepted not because of what I do, but because of Jesus’ love and death for me.

I have been brought into relationship with the God of creation, the Almighty and eternal One in order that I might share in his great purposes for the kingdom of Jesus. Do I believe that He will complete what He has begun? If I do, then my own part – anything which I can do is a privilege and not a means of earning my place – is entirely up to God to direct, and certainly not up to me to dictate! Pride and self-importance have no place in this relationship, all comes to me as God’s free and loving gift. The challenging and austere words of William Law show me how I can truly glorify the Lord in the trials of this time.. and also show me how very far I am from that state of highest faith and deepest trust.. may the Lord have mercy and sustain me to glorify him in whatever he may decree should lie ahead.

“Receive every inward and outward trouble, every disappointment, pain, uneasiness, temptation, darkness and desolation, with both thy hands, as a true opportunity and a blessed occasion of dying to self, and entering into a fuller relationship with thy self-denying and suffering saviour.

Look at no inward or outward trouble in any other view, reject every other thought about it: and then every kind of trial and distress will become the blessed day of thy prosperity. That state is best, which exerciseth the highest faith in, and fullest resignation to God.” (William Law; 1686-1761)

It can be complicated..

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You have searched me, Lord, and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue you, Lord, know it completely. You hem me in behind and before, and you lay your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain.

(Ps 139.1-6)

Shout for joy, you heavens; rejoice, you earth; burst into song, you mountains! For the Lord comforts his people and will have compassion on his afflicted ones… 

(Isa 49.13)

I am the good shepherd; I know my sheep and my sheep know me – just as the Father knows me and I know the Father..

(Jn 10.14&15)

Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

(Phil 3.4-7)

Have you ever been totally disconcerted by your own reactions and feelings, finding that what is expected of you, by other people and by yourself, is totally different from the reality? Human beings are so much more complicated than we realise, and it is one of the most comforting things about being a beloved child of God, that our Father knows us better than we do, and He accepts us in all our confusion.

In the past few months, I have moved away from a community, a life, an environment, which I loved. I am living now in a season of uncertainty, with no clarity about the long-term future and hence no capacity to either commit to the place we now live, or to make plans. I have also just become a grand-parent for the first time..

And I am bombarded by messages of congratulation, the expectations that I will be ‘over the moon’ and ‘walking on air’. Nope… There has been overwhelming relief, that all is well and the baby and his parents are beginning to know one another. Thankfulness, for all who are helping to support the new parents in various ways; sadness that we live too far away to be useful in this challenging time; anxiety for the parents as they fight exhaustion, and cope with the unknowns of a new baby. In addition, there is grief over my recent losses, anxiety for our own uncertain future and its consequences for life now, and guilt, since I am not reacting the way others expect and my emotions are continually tripping me up. It’s all very messy!

What a relief then that I am in the safe-keeping of a tender loving Father, who knows me through and through! I am not judged by my Father for my mixed-up emotions, and he invites me to shift their burden onto his shoulders, so that I may rest in his love and strength. All the feelings are valid responses to real events in my life, and each one prompts me to bring my situation to my Father in prayer, to tell him all that I feel and confess where I am fearful and anxious instead of trusting. He accepts me, with all this baggage, and holds me fast, inviting me to embrace the truth of his love and purposes of good for me.

How marvellous to have such a Father, such a companion through life! One who never loses patience with me, or is in a bad mood and unable to make time for me; one who is always loving, gentle, compassionate and firm when I need to be challenged and have my thinking straightened out by his truth. I worship this God, the Creator who knows all and still loves me, I praise and thank him for the safest of safe places where I am held tight in his arms and kept.

Loving Father, I rest in your love for me and in the assurance that you know me through and through. I praise you that I can come as I am, at any time, and unburden myself to you. I praise you that in Christ I am accepted and beloved, and your plans for me are to be trusted. 

As I rest in your love today, I pray that I might be renewed in trust and become steadier to face my circumstances and love those to whom you have called me. Let me hand over my burdens, that I may be free to have compassion on others and to have wisdom in loving them in turn. Thank you for all those who have modelled your love in accepting me with all my confusion. May I in turn love as you have loved me, not judging others in their particular and unique needs, but bringing them to your light and truth and ever-open arms.

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I have today…

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“Look at the birds, free and unfettered, not tied down to a job description, careless in the care of God. And you count far more to him than birds. Has anyone by fussing in front of the mirror ever gotten taller by so much as an inch? All this time and money wasted on fashion – do you think it makes that much difference? Instead of looking at the fashions, walk out into the fields and look at the wildflowers…. If God gives such attention to the appearance of wildflowers.. don’t you think he’ll attend to you, take pride in you, do his best for you?….

Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don’t worry about missing out. You’ll find all your everyday human concerns will be met. Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don’t get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes.

(Matt 6.26-34, the Message translation)

And now I have a word for you who brashly announce, “Today – at the latest, tomorrow – we’re off to such and such a city for the year. We’re going to start a business and make a lot of money.” You don’t know the first thing about tomorrow. You’re nothing but a wisp of fog, catching a brief bit of sun before disappearing. Instead, make it a habit to say, “If the Master wills it and we’re still alive, we’ll do this or that.”

(Jas 4.13-15, the Message translation)

How convenient it is to just forget that we have nothing guaranteed to us in life. As we look ahead to the days of 2023, we may see plans for holidays, weddings and graduations, for new homes and special activities for which bookings are already made. Or we may be making plans to pursue new interests, change our exercise habits, get involved with new intitiatives in our church and community. All this is perfectly natural, and in one sense quite wise – as creatures, we thrive on anticipation, looking ahead, making and fulfilling plans. In another sense however, it is rather delusional, since we cannot know from day-to-day just what will happen to us. Our lives can change in an instant – accidents, redundancies, bereavements, fractured relationships are all things which we cannot always see coming and prepare for, and the statistics assure us that we are just as likely as anyone else to suffer from all of them. As believers, we are not somehow immune to the weaknesses of our bodies, and the impact of other people’s choices on our lives.

Let me therefore look out to the new year with wisdom, by all means with plans but also with a very profound sense of my own frailty, and ignorance. My courage must rest not in my organisational skills, physical or mental strength, financial resources or even my family, but solely in the God in whom I trust. I cannot know what he may permit in my life in the days to come, but I can choose to turn towards him every day and pray to be joyful in the present, in the day that is given, in the opportunity to serve which is within my reach at this moment.

It is not right that I should live in fear of loss, regretting in advance those things which may not be mine for all my days – how foolish is such an attitude?! Rather, I pray God will give me wisdom to dive into deep gratitude for their continued presence in my life for as long as they are there. I pray to be fully present in the days he gives, not curled up behind closed curtains, mourning in advance because I will not always have them. I pray to rightly thank the giver of all good gifts by appreciating each one to the hilt, and living where he has placed me with all my strength.

Merciful Father, who knows my frame and frailty and has compassion on my weakness, I pray for strength to honour you with today. I pray that I might not squander it in selfishness, but spend it with you in gladness. Light up my thoughts by your love, let me notice every good gift you will prepare for me today, so that in worship and thankfulness if in nothing else, I might spend the day well.

Let not the possibility of change and loss pollute the joy of today, but rather as I thank you, my good Father for all your gifts, let my trust in you grow.  So may I can face change with steadfast heart, knowing you have different, and still good things, to give me in new ways and different places. For your glory, and my blessing, Amen.

Outlook; cloudy, with bright spells

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Keep your eyes on Jesus, who both began and finished this race we’re in. Study how he did it. Because he never lost sight of where he was headed – that exhilarating finish in and with God – he could put up with anything along the way: cross, shame whatever. And now he’s there, in the place of honour, right alongside God. When you find yourselves flagging in your faith, go over that story again, item by item, that long litany of hostility he ploughed through. That will shoot adrenaline into your souls!

In this all-out match against sin, others have suffered far worse than you, to say nothing of what Jesus went through – all that bloodshed! So don’t feel sorry for yourselves. Or have you forgotten how good parents treat children and that God regards you as his children?

My dear child, don’t shrug off God’s discipline, but don’t be crushed by it either. It’s the child he loves that he disciplines; the child he embraces, he also corrects.

God is educating you; that’s why you must never drop out. He’s treating you as dear children. This trouble that you’re in isn’t punishment, it’s training, the normal experience of children. Only irresponsible parents leave children to fend for themselves. Would you prefer an irresponsible God? …. [he] is training us to live God’s holy best. At the time, discipline isn’t much fun. It always feels like it’s going against the grain. Later of course, it pays off handsomely, for it’s the well-trained who find themselves mature in their relationship with God.

(Heb 12.2-11, The Message)

Father, this is your child. I am weary, disheartened and ashamed by my failure to live for you by faith.

Father, this is your daughter. I am full of tears, a great heaviness which is flowing out at the slightest opportunity.

Father, this is your redeemed, beloved, adopted one. I am filled with longing for the end to come, and yet dreading it because so many whom I love are in rebellion against you.

This week, I have given up fighting the tide. There is so much grief around, so much fear and pain. The tide of human evil is running high, and so the tidal wave of human suffering rears up to obscure the light. It feels as though faith is futile, and prayer pointless. All the comforts of the great story of God’s work in history, the narrative of redemption and transformation for eternal joy seem infinitely far removed from the raw pain and deadening burden of each day. They bring me no help, no strength for the day.

Where is wisdom in this situation for the believer who – in spite of floods of doubt and weariness – in her heart yet longs to be faithful to her Saviour, to glorify him, to learn whatever lessons he has for her in this time? Where is the light breaking through the clouds?

I choose to sit with my Father; to pour out my heart in shame and find that his arm holds me close and his voice speaks comfort and reassurance. I choose to recognise and resist the wiles of the enemy of my soul, who longs to bind me fast in darkness and immobility, prayerless and hopeless, numbed by pain into silence. I choose to emulate the psalmists who time and again bring lamentation and loss before the Lord, and in so doing, worship him in spirit and in truth. What good will it do me to lie and pretend to my Father that all is well?!! He alone sees and truly understands my situation; he knows why the burdens of this season are weighing so heavily on my nature because he made it.

Almighty God and Father, your beloved child creeps into your arms and cries tonight. In her weariness, be merciful and lift the burden for a time so that she may rest. Speak to her of your love and power to save the lost over whom she agonises; of your work around the world through your servants bringing aid and hope; of your work through those who do not recognise you, to achieve your purposes. Show her the light!

Gently remind her that her Lord Jesus himself endured great trials in order to save her and, that he will strengthen her too as she – like him- fixes her sight on your glory and promises. Deliver her from false guilt, that she might accept her weakness in humility, and thus depend so much more on you. 

To be mature in faith, humble in service, loving at all times, and to glorify God in every circumstance. This is my earnest desire. Hear and answer, in Jesus’ name, Amen.