“Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift…

Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life… Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? … But seek first [God’s] kingdom and his righteousness… therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. Do not judge, or you too will be judged.. How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? .. so in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.”

 (Matt 5.23&24; 6.25,27,33-7.2,5&12)

“And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.”

(Mk 11.25)

If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves..

(Phil 2.1-3)

I am very conscious of the privileged life which I lead – the health, strength and financial security which are precious gifts in our troubled and unequal world. I am also thankful that I have been spared the anxious temperament, which in spite of so many blessings tends to dread the future and assume the worst.. I thank God for all those who have modelled trust and obedience for me, helping me in turn to leave my future well being in God’s hands and to await his resources for what He chooses to send me.

But, I do worry, I do get anxious… about relationships! It is these which bring me weeping to the Lord in prayer; which leave me weak with fear over some unresolved issue; full of dread about the future consequences of a present trouble. Does Jesus’ command speak to these things? 

We are created by God to thrive in relationships, his gifts to us and a means of growth, encouragement, discipline and deepening faith as well as joy-givers and love-teachers. But in this broken world, these good gifts are tainted by the polluting effects of human sin, and we will never experience them in their full perfection until our life in the new creation begins. Nonetheless, each day we live is within the context of relationships, and that ever-present quality means they are a valid object of our concern, will and love! We are in them now, and while we can’t control their future development, we can always love well in the present.

What does it look like to love well today? Jesus gave us so many ways to do this, and my frequent prayer is to know for each situation just what love looks like, how it should be expressed! I am called to forgive, and to receive forgiveness; to extend grace and comfort; to be slow to judge, and quick to recognise that the small fault in one person is actually much greater in myself; to speak encouragement or even express hurt and ask for change and better understanding; to resolve disagreement as quickly as is within my power and live at peace with all so far as lies with me. All should spring out of love, with the humility that seeks the good of the other as its primary goal, seeking to love more than to be loved. 

In every day, as I navigate my relationships, I have a choice about whether I will demand from others, or seek to give; to parade my needs or seek to minister to theirs. Will I speak love – in whatever way seems right – or will I not? May God give each of us the courage and wisdom to speak love – to say it with flowers, with hugs, with prayers, with words… just say it!

AND when I am aware that things are still not right, but I can’t see anymore that I can do, then I must not be anxious. This is God’s issue ultimately, and I must not let anything – even the most important relationships in my life aside from him – become bigger in my life, more important to me, than Jesus and his kingdom. 

Our God is sovereign over all things, including the messiness of human relationships, and is at work to be glorified and to see his kingdom realised through this as well as every other aspect of our lives. It is not up to me to fix everyone, and I must be humble enough to accept that – even when the consequences are relationships that remain difficult, fragile and even broken. In this too, his strength will be sufficient for my weakness.

Heavenly Father, Loving Saviour, Indwelling Spirit, grant me the humility to recognise that only you can love perfectly, and that I can trust you to deal with the consequences of my failures to love others, and their failures to love me. Be glorified as you demonstrate your grace, transforming power and sustaining divine love in us. Amen