The Lord spoke to me with his strong hand upon me, warning me not to follow the way of this people. He said… do not fear what they fear, and do not dread it. The Lord Almighty is the one you are to regard as holy, he is the one you are to fear, he is the one you are to dread, and he will be a sanctuary…

(Isa 8.11-13)

But in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect, keeping a clear conscience, so that those who speak maliciously against your good behaviour in Christ may be ashamed of their slander.

(1 Pet 3.15&16)

I am not ashamed of the gospel, because it is the power of God for the salvation of everyone who believes..

(Rom 1.16)

Devote yourselves to prayer, being watchful and thankful. And pray for us, too, that God may open a door for our message, so that we may proclaim the mystery of Christ, for which I am in chains. Pray that I may proclaim it clearly, as I should. Be wise in the way you act towards outsiders, make the most of every opportunity. Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.

(Col 4.2-6)

On so many levels, I am a coward… the story in my family as I grew up was that my first words were, “oh dear!”, doubtless expressing regret over some misdemeanour, and that has been my default setting ever since: to be the first to apologise, to apologise first and then afterwards work out what actually happened, to assume that I am in the wrong. Because so often I am! I have a deep rooted fear of doing the wrong thing, making the wrong choices, following the wrong advice and consequently messing up not only my situation, but the lives and situations of others too….

One might be generous, and call it a tender conscience.. I call it a drawback and a weakness, a hindrance to confident living as a child of God, and a form of disobedience too since it implies doubt over God’s capacity to direct me, and his grace to deal with my shortcomings. It means that I lean on the decisions of others more than I should, to direct me and set the pattern for my life; it means that I am plain terrified of making big life choices and of holding any position of responsibility whatsoever.

I say these things not because I am proud of them, nor because I want pity, but because I am at the moment acutely aware of them, and of their impact on how I am living for God in this place where we have a few short weeks remaining to us. I am the believer who shrinks from talking about the gospel because I am afraid of what the reaction of others will be; I am afraid that I can’t answer the difficult questions; I am afraid to cause offence and somehow drive people further away from Jesus.

It is easy to avoid taking the small openings for faith conversations that come my way, and then justify my failure. But the Lord knows the truth, and sees that my fear of the wrong things is holding me from obedience, faithful witness and the sowing of seeds in his name. Of what possible use is the messenger who baulks at speaking the most important part of the message with which they are entrusted?! Do I not love these folk enough to share the most important things in the world with them – the demonstration of love, the holiness of God and the offer of salvation through Jesus?

I don’t think we can accuse the great apostle Paul of being afraid to speak the truth, yet even he asked his friends to pray for him – for opportunities to speak, and for boldness, wisdom and grace to take and use those opportunities to plant kingdom seeds. So let me follow his example, and recognise the challenge and also the right way of dealing with it…

Almighty God, King above all kings, throned in splendour and light, in holiness and power beyond my imagination; I worship you today and confess my weakness and my fears. Thank you that you understand how I am made, that it is your will and purpose to make me useful in your kingdom, and that therefore you will surely enable me to speak for you when opportunity arises. Set me free from fearing anything except you; set me free to care only about pleasing you, loving those to whom you have sent me and making all that I am available to be useful according to your will. As you transform me, make me ever more Christ-centred, free to live boldly because you are my sanctuary and my glory. In the name of Jesus, my Lord, and for his glory, Amen.