Category Archives: writing

My unruly thoughts..

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O Lord, you have searched me and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O Lord. You hem me in – behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain.

(Ps 139.1-6)

.. no one knows the thoughts of God except the Spirit of God. We have not received the spirit of the world but the Spirit who is from God, that we may understand what God has freely given us… The person without the Spirit does not accept the things that come from the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to them, and they cannot understand them, because they are spiritually discerned… But we have the mind of Christ.

(1 Cor 2.11&12,14&16)

The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.

(2 Cor 10.4&5)

Words matter very much to me – the words I use to express my thoughts, and those which others use to communicate to me. The discipline of writing this blog every week has been of immeasurable value, as I have wrestled with challenges and found words to articulate what I am learning (or trying to learn). However, I am aware that sometimes the words which I say to myself about life, about faith, about myself, are not necessarily the full truth. I am not talking about the times when I try to think better of myself than I ought, but those other times, when the voice in my head is vicious, negative, full of bitter condemnation and a triumphant hopelessness.

The devil knows that words matter to me; the enemy of my soul knows that I desire above all things to love my Lord, to become more like him, and to grow in faith and understanding. And that enemy knows that if I can be got to tell myself untruths, to believe his lies about me, then he can keep me penned up in a pit like the Doubting Castle so graphically described in Bunyan’s Pilgrim’s Progress… This vulnerability to assuming the worst about ourselves is not uncommon, and I think many faithful, conscientious and mature saints share it. A tender conscience, an awareness of the offence of sin in God’s sight, and a fear of thinking too highly of ourselves all combine to create a predisposition to be our own worst critics, and constant detractors. As is so often the case, we take something healthy – an awareness of our own persisting frailty – and turn it into a weapon for the enemy to use against us.

What is the remedy? Firstly, to be given wisdom to recognise that this is what is going on! And I am very thankful for that awareness, but more is needed if I am to break free from the cycle of despair which so readily entraps me. Paul says to the saints in Corinth that believers have the Spirit of God himself within us, the very mind of Christ, so that we may see and understand what is true – what our Almighty God and Father says and does, for and in us. The psalmist meditates on the alarming and encouraging fact that all our thoughts and deeds are known to God – these unruly thoughts of mine which are misrepresenting God just as surely as the serpent did in Eden when tempting Eve – ‘did God say…?’ I need not pretend that God doesn’t know, and can be sure of his love in spite of my unruly thoughts!

So the second step seems to be to bring my thoughts – the words of this inner critic – into the light of what Christ has done for me, and what God says about me.. to see if there is any correlation at all! And when I find that I am believing falsehoods, that my enemy has bound me by lies, then I take the weapons of truth, of God’s word, of Christ’s victory, and – as Paul writes – I wage war against all that has set itself up within me against the true knowledge of God. I can do this in the full assurance that my enemy is already defeated, and that as I am in Christ, so I am victorious over all that would keep me from the fulness of life which is God’s gift and desire for me. Paul doesn’t write – ‘we TRY to take captive every thought’ – he has no doubt that it can be done!

Dear Father, thank you that in Christ, all your children are victors over the enemy of our souls. Thank you that we can know the truth because your Spirit dwells within us, and is transforming us into the likeness of Christ himself. Aid us O Father, as we gradually uncover the lies which we have believed, and enable us to take those thoughts captive – to bring them up against your truth and to reject them. Set us free to live in glad humility as your redeemed people, knowing and living by the truth which is your Son, my Saviour, Jesus Christ. Amen.

Why do I write?

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A voice says, “Cry out.” And I said, “What shall I cry?”

“All people are like grass, and all their faithfulness is like the flowers of the field. The grass withers and the flowers fall, because the breath of the Lord blows on them. Surely the people are grass. The grass withers and the flowers fall, but the word of our God endures for ever.”

(Isa 40.6-8)

Ten years ago, I began to write. I found my voice, as a follower of Jesus and one whose delight it is to know and learn to know him better. I found that writing each week helped me to grasp the truth, as I wrestled with words and found relief in articulating what was encouraging or troubling me. The discipline of weekly writing has been an unmitigated blessing to me, and by God’s providence and grace, has proved a blessing to others too. It seems that often my words help others in turn to find their voices – how I thank God for this manifestation of the ministry of all believers, as the gifts of each one finds a place in serving others!

The years have seen changes, in my family and in my circumstances, and the world has known great griefs and upheavals. But through it all, the word of our God stands, and there I place my hope. I have proved the sweet faithfulness of my Saviour, the greatness of my Father’s heart, the reviving power of the Spirit. I have not learnt and put into practice everything that I have written – sadly it seems that very little has changed in my essential nature – but I believe that the process of writing and sharing week by week has been nourishing and correcting, a means by which God has spoken to me and sustained me through these ten years. For the moment then, I commit myself to continuing to write, and trust that as I ask, seek and knock, my gracious and generous God will answer, will direct and will open the doors according to his good purposes for my life within his great and growing kingdom.

These are the words with which this endeavour began. They remain a true statement of my desires in writing, and I share them again with you today. All glory to God, who in Jesus has set us free to know and love him, and to live ever more in his presence!

August 31st, 2014….

So what do I forget, all too often? I forget who I am, and forget what is true about the world I live in and the One who made and sustains it.

I forget that in the end, all human achievement and glory will count for nothing, and that the praise and admiration of men is not where true peace and satisfaction come from.

I forget that it is not my own busy-ness which dictates my worth as a person, and my possessions are not the source of my identity and security.

I need to take time to remember the truth, the truth that sets me free to live in the light of eternity.

I accept my insignificance and transience, because the word of my God stands for ever, and that word tells me that I am a beloved daughter, one for whose freedom a great price has been paid, and who can never be torn from her Father’s side.

I take time to remember that the glory of the grass and flowers is the faintest echo of the glory that awaits God’s beloved children in the future he has prepared for us.

I remember that all my longings and desires are known to Him who loves me more than I will ever truly understand, and that He knows best how to fulfill those desires.

In remembering, may we find rest for our souls. May they be anchored in the truth of the word, so that no dazzle or distraction can take our peace away. In Christ, we are now and always, beloved, accepted and sustained. Let us walk the days with him.

Slow..to the point of immobility!

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Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off every thing that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.

Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. 

Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.

(Hebrews 12.1-3)

If my life were to be pictured as a race, what kind would it look like? A sprint? – fast, strong, utterly focussed? Or a steeple-chase, with obstacles over which I leap gracefully, recovering my stride and moving smoothly onwards? Or even a marathon – not very fast, but nonetheless dogged and relentless, without swerving from the allotted course?

Alas, my life as a race would resemble the progress of a blindfold athlete, who had forgotten to put on the proper clothes, and who was carrying most of their belongings on their back in a pack. My progress would be uncertain, without direction, with frequent periods when I simply sat down wherever I happened to be and cried for a while out of sheer frustration and self-pity.

At the beginning of a new year, we often make promises to ourselves about a new start, fresh commitments. I have been here often enough to know that is a recipe for despair and self-loathing by the end of January at the very latest! Instead it seems to me healthier to focus for a time on the ways which God has kept me through the previous year, to see more clearly his provision and all the ways he has brought good for me- and perhaps others – out of times of pain, and difficulty. But, in racing terms, that only counts as a breather! And I am called – as a follower of Jesus – to follow, which implies movement, forwards in a given direction..

So how can I realistically face this new twelve-month, knowing that I have no way of preparing for the unknown events ahead; that I may not even live to see the end of it? Paul’s exhortation to the readers of this letter are like the encouraging – and bracing – words of our coach and mentor..

“Look who is watching, who has completed this race before you! They are witnesses to God’s power to keep you and transform you and be glorified through even such frail creatures as we are. You can do this, because God is with you!”

On the one hand, I remember those heroes of the faith who were commended in chapter 11, all of whom were frail and sinning people like me – and God, through the writer of this letter, calls them his faithful servants. If they can be commended, after trying and messing it up, then I can too!

Seeing this, I can take courage to commit myself to the ongoing effort to become more like Christ – letting him dominate my sight and thought, recognising and letting go (or cutting out), those things which distract me from him, and distort his image in me. This is God’s work in my life – but I know I can choose to hinder it, so I pray for a submissive heart and willing attitude to co-ooperate with that work, knowing that God can and will complete what he plans.

I am a slow learner in this following life; I never know what to say when asked earnestly, “So,what is the Lord trying to teach you at the moment?”. I think God knows what he is doing, and I prefer not to look too closely for myself – but rather to do as Paul exhorts his readers…to fix my eyes on Jesus, to consider him and let nothing else get in my way.

This I know, that if my heart is fixed on obedience to Christ; and my desire is to become more like him, then whatever else happens in 2017, I will be given grace to persevere, and to glorify God in it. I may not see any progress, but He will, and that will be sufficient.

Let the beauty of Jesus be seen in me, all his wonderful passion and purity.

May his spirit divine all my being refine, Let the beauty of Jesus be seen in me.

(Tom M. Jones)