Category Archives: marriage

To choose one, is to reject all other….

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God said, “It’s not good for the man to be alone; I’ll make him a helper, a companion.”.. God.. presented her to the man. The man said, “Finally! Bone of my bone, flesh of my flesh!..” Therefore a man leaves his father and mother and embraces his wife. They become one flesh.

(Gen 2.18,22&23; the Message)

Find a good spouse, you find a good life – and even more; the favour of God!

Lots of people claim to be loyal and loving, but where on earth can you find one? God-loyal people, living honest lives, make it much easier for their children.

A nagging spouse is like the drip, drip, drip of a leaky tap; you can’t turn it off, and you can’t get away from it. You use steel to sharpen steel, and one friend sharpens another… Just as water mirrors your face, so your face mirrors your heart.

A good woman is hard to find, and worth far more than diamonds. Her husband trusts her without reserve, and never has reason to regret it. Never spiteful, she treats him generously all her life long.

(Prov 18.22, 20.6&7, 27.15-17, 31.10&11; the Message)

Out of respect for Christ, be courteously reverent to one another. Wives, understand and support your husbands in ways that show your support for Christ… Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church – a love marked by giving, not getting… They’re really doing themselves a favour – since they’re already “one” in marriage,

(Eph 5.21&22, 25&27)

A number of things have combined recently to prompt me to think again about the gift and privilege which is marriage – that unique unit created by a man and a woman promising to share life and build family for as long as God grants them breath. A gift ordained from the beginning; a gift designed to maximise our thriving as God’s image bearers and stewards in his creation. A gift sadly abused, scarred, and rejected by so many as a result of what human sin has done in and with it.

The exclusivity of marriage – the fact that in choosing one, I reject all other possibilities – is for my protection, so that in giving myself freely for the good of my spouse, I can trust that I will not be exploited. He too has promised to be faithful to me, rejecting all other possibilities. With God’s help, we continue in loyal love, growing in that mutual dependence and trust which is one of the most beautiful characteristics of mature marriage. With God’s help, I am enabled to seek the good of my husband, I have the privilege of being closer to this human being than anyone else will ever be – and the responsibility of not abusing that privilege.

To love within marriage is to be utterly vulnerable, and I am constantly aware of how easily I could forfeit his trust by careless, thoughtless behaviour and cutting words. I depend on his forgiveness, daily, and thank God for the divine provision of love which helps both of us as rescued sinners to keep on loving one another, to forgive and to forget(as many times as necessary!). I am the custodian of his weaknesses and wounds – will I cherish them privately, pouring the balm of my love and gentleness into his life, or will I choose to expose them and to dishonour him? The enemy of our souls delights to undermine marriage, and tempts us to use all means within our reach to retaliate when we are hurting, but thanks be to God who provides strength and wisdom even in the moment, to resist such temptation. To love as a believer is not to seek vengeance, not to sulk, not to manipulate or plot. It is to speak truth gently, to offer love continually, and to never lose sight of the glorious privilege which I have to be married to this man, for this life.

In the new creation we are told there is no marrying and giving in marriage. I only have this life, this one marriage in which to serve my God by faithful, loving and loyal investing of my best efforts in the good of my husband. That is a sobering thought, as I cannot know how many more days or years remain to me.

Heavenly Father, author of our lives and sustainer of this marriage, I praise and thank you for the privilege of serving you here. I thank you for the honour of loving this one man, and no other. I thank you for the enabling which you provide to us, your children, as we share life, seeking to be obedient to your calling and serving the Kingdom. Lord, help me to continue in faithfulness to my vows; to love him better than anyone else – except you!; to appreciate and cherish all that he is, not boasting of his weakness, but of his strengths, of his character and all the ways that you have gifted and blessed him. Let me do him good, and not harm, all the days which you grant us together. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

Lord, for the years…

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Lord, for the years your love has kept and guided, urged and inspired us, cheered us on our way, sought us and saved us, pardoned and provided, Lord of the years, we bring our thanks today.

Lord, for ourselves, in living power remake us – self on the cross and Christ upon the throne, past put behind us, for the future take us, Lord of our lives, to live for Christ alone,

(T. Dudley Smith, 1926- )

Finally, all of you, be like-minded, be sympathetic, love one another, be compassionate and humble. Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult. On the contrary, repay evil with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing. for,

“Whoever would love life and see good days must keep their tongue from evil and their lips from deceitful speech. They must turn from evil and do good; they must seek peace and pursue it. For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous and his ears are attentive to their prayer, but the face of the Lord is against those who do evil.”..

..in your hearts revere Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect, keeping a clear conscience, so that those who speak maliciously against your good behaviour in Christ may be ashamed of their slander…

(1Pet.3.8-16)

“.. to live for Christ alone..” a motivation for marriage, a purpose for our lives both as individuals and as husband and wife. I believe that when I was called into marriage, it was so that in that context, I might live for my Lord. He had and has work for me to do as a wife, and as a mother – and now a grandmother. Those things are not distractions from my calling as a believer. For me, they are my calling! I have rejoiced to live my life of faith in those places, and could not have fulfilled those tasks without the constant presence and enabling, the love and strength of my Father in heaven.

The journey is not over yet, but as the years pass, the tasks change, and I need fresh anointing of grace, wisdom and strength for the new situations where I serve. As I contemplate another anniversary, I want to give thanks for the years down which – as the opening line of the quoted hymn says – my Lord has kept and guided me. There remain mysteries, unanswered questions about why certain things have happened – or not happened – but my overwhelming sense is of being cared for, provided for, and always conscious of my heavenly Father’s sustaining love.

I give thanks for other marriages which inspire me to persevere in faith; to continue looking for new ways in which to serve my Saviour in the places to which he has brought me. I give thanks for the wisdom of those who have gone before, walking by faith and modelling that gracious dependence on God which teaches me how to live now. I give thanks for those who have let me see that their marriages are not perfect, and yet who know that within that context, they are called to serve one another and to love their Saviour and serve their communities. Yes, there may be a few ideal marriages out there, but most of us are sinners, married to sinners, trying our best to grow in love, forgiveness and patience – and so grateful to God for enabling us to keep going.

We made promises, all those years ago, trusting that God would help us to keep them. And as I consider the years, I see how each fresh resolution to keep on trying, keep on forgiving, keep on asking for forgiveness, has been part of the perseverance which I am called to. I didn’t know when I made those promises, just what the years would bring, but I knew something of the God whom I was trusting to bring me through them. Day-by-day and week-by-week, as I kept walking in obedience, he has walked me down the years, and now there is only a heart full of gratitude for all that he has done – often in spite of me – through this married life.

Thank you, Father, for your faithfulness to us down the years. May we not now neglect the fresh opportunities that you have given us to love and serve you in this new chapter of our lives. Let our lives as husband and wife prove a means of blessing to one another and also to your church and the wider community. May we live for you, in harmonious and fruitful companionship, ever thankful for your presence with us, through Jesus our Lord, Amen.