Category Archives: confidence in God

A prayer for the new year…

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Then Hannah prayed and said: “My heart rejoices in the Lord; in the Lord my horn is lifted high. My mouth boasts over my enemies, for I delight in your deliverance. There is no-one holy like the Lord; there is no-one besides you’ there is no Rock like our God.”

(1Sam 2.1&2)

Your statutes are wonderful; therefore I obey them. The unfolding of your words gives light; it gives understanding to the simple. I open my mouth and pant, longing for your commands.

Turn to me and have mercy on me, as you always do to those who love your name. Direct my footsteps according to your word; let no sin rule over me. Redeem me from the oppression of men, that I may obey your precepts.

Make your face shine upon your servant and teach me your decrees. Streams of tears flow from my eyes, for your law is not obeyed.

(Ps 119.129-136)

“I am the Lord’s servant, ” Mary answered. “May it be to me as you have said.”

“My soul glorifies the Lord and my spirit rejoices in God my saviour, for he has been mindful of the humble state of his servant.. His mercy extends to those who fear him, from generation to generation..”

(Lk 1.38,46,47&50)

I am a child of God. I am a beloved daughter of the King of Kings, and my place in his love, my inheritance, is assured to me. The death and resurrection of Jesus has broken the power which bound me in rebellion against God, and now I am learning what it is to fulfill my calling, my vocation, as one who – in loving and worshipping God – is able to care for the world which He created for us to cherish, and to love people in his name. I am one in the great kingdom of priests, a divine image-bearer to a lost humanity and bearer of good news – the hope which is ours in Christ Jesus. I am slowly becoming fully human, even as Jesus is!

What an amazing and encouraging way to face a new year, with all its unknowns. I have meaning and purpose, I am absolutely secure in the love of God himself, I am fully known and totally accepted. I echo the words of Hannah and Mary, women who trusted God and praised him, not waiting for the fulfilment of their prayers. My soul rejoices in God, my Saviour; there is no Rock like my God!

Almighty God, rock and refuge of your people down the generations, and our deliverer from all that would keep us in exile, far from you and unable to fulfil our calling, I praise you today. I thank you for the revelation of your nature, of the divine purpose to which we are called, and for your great act of salvation by which we are restored and set free to love  and serve you in your creation.

Lord God, I pray with the psalmist for your mercy, that I might receive your direction for my life and not be swayed by the opinions of those who do not know you. I pray that I might be useful to you, in honouring you and serving your people. Grant me an ever greater love for others, that I might be available to them in your name. Grant me your wisdom in speech, in action, in prayer.

Thank you for those divine encounters, when you have used me to bless others in your name, to be light and hope and help. Lord, in your mercy, grant that I may continue to serve you in this way, not shying away but opening my heart to those in need. Let me trust that a passing word, or smile may be enough, and grant me faith to leave them in your hands as I go.

I pray today for those whom I have left behind in 2023 – those encountered in passing, and also those from whose lives I have been withdrawn – by your will and to my sorrow. Lord God, have mercy on us all in our vulnerability, sustain us through loss and change. I pray for those I will meet in 2024, those who will be encountered in passing, and those into whose lives I will be drawn. Lord God, may I be a blessing, never a curse or a barrier to faith and obedient living. 

Father, I confess my lack of love, my disinclination for hard tasks, my fretfulness and so many things that make me hard to live with. Thank you, that in Jesus I am forgiven. I pray that those who suffer by my faults and neglect might, by your grace, be strengthened and healed. May I meet them with humility and love, seeking to give and not to receive.

Loving Lord Jesus, I pray for those who hurt me. May I meet them with love, may I forgive as often as I remember the hurt, and  so obey your command and live as you lived. Let the hurts which others inflict on me only drive me deeper into your love, and make me ever more tender-hearted.

I am your creation, and re-creation. I am your handiwork, to be used for your glory in any way you choose. Let me accept and rejoice in your directing of my ways, even when I find them painful, or tedious, even when they appear to me pointless. Keep me teachable, humble and responsive, and may I find that in the quiet tasks of daily life, you are present and I can live for you there. 

Let me become more and more like Jesus, more fully human, more worshipful and eager to obey your will and to minister your love. Be glorified in me, through my Lord Jesus Christ. Amen

Beauty amidst the confusion…

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The Lord reigns, let the earth be glad; let the distant shores rejoice. Clouds and thick darkness surround him; righteousness and justice are the foundation of his throne. Fire goes before him and consumes his foes on every side. His lightning lights up the world; the earth sees and trembles. The mountains melt like wax before the Lord, before the Lord of all the earth.

The heavens proclaim his righteousness, and all the peoples see his glory. All who worship images are put to shame, those who boast in idols – worship him, all you gods! Zion hears and rejoices and the villages of Judah are glad because of your judgements, O Lord.

For you, O Lord, are the Most High over all the earth; you are exalted far above all gods. Let those who love the Lord hate evil, for he guards the lives of his faithful ones and delivers them from the hand of the wicked. Light is shed upon the righteous and joy on the upright in heart. Rejoice in the Lord, you who are righteous, and praise his holy name.

(Ps 97)

Praise and honour are due to your name, Lord our God. By your command, all things came into being and are sustained, moment by moment, each in their proper place. Out of your unfathomable wisdom and creative nature, you called forth marvels great and small, and they exist to glorify and exalt you!

Reverence and awe are due to you, Lord our God. In holiness and justice, you reign from eternity to eternity, and there are no shadows in the blaze of your purity, no flaws in your purposes. None can compete with you in perfection and power; nothing rivals your sovereignty and wisdom. 

Of ourselves, we dare not presume upon your favour. Our rebellious hearts have made us unfit for your presence, and deserving only of rejection and judgement – to be banished eternally from the light, from the fullness of life which is in you.

Yet in Jesus, the Almighty-became-mortal one, we find you inviting us into your presence, to live your life with you for ever. As I embrace the offer of transformation, confessing my rebellion and crowning Jesus as my Lord and Saviour, you call me ‘beloved daughter’, and bring me home. Now I may join all creation in praising you and knowing your joy!

Today, I give thanks that I may know you as Father, through Jesus your Son, and am being transformed into his likeness as your Spirit dwells in me. I give thanks that in all the confusion of my life, and of the darkling world around me, I may know your joy and have hope. I give thanks that each day you shower tokens of love upon me, and that in my uncertainty, I can receive these gifts of beauty, of love, of friendship and laughter.

Today, I give thanks that you are indeed sovereign and that you do not make mistakes – no matter how difficult it may be for me, or for wiser heads than mine, to discern the pattern of your purposes in these days and events. My Lord Jesus tells me that you are to be trusted, utterly. His life and death and resurrection are the pattern which guide my own walk of faith, and what made no sense to his followers then, is revealed now to be your great plan of redemption and unveiling of your coming kingdom! 

Today, I pray that your Spirit will continue to work your purposes in me through all that is happening. May I grow more like my Lord, in faithful obedience and quiet trust. May I be given the gift of a cheerful and contented spirit, which refuses to bring anxiety from tomorrow into today. Your gifts to me are so good, let me receive them and be encouraged by them, to trust you.

I cannot see the full picture; I cannot tell what you will do with my small life, let alone with all the millions of lives on our planet. Let me not strive for knowledge which is too great for me, but accept the beauty which I can see, in the world around me, and in the truth of who you are and what you have done. Let me, like my Lord Jesus say, ‘Not my will, but yours be done’, and this I pray now, for your glory and my blessing, Amen.

Slow to learn….

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Come, let us sing for joy to the Lord; let us shout aloud to the Rock of our salvation. Let us come before him with thanksgiving and extol him with music and song.

For the Lord is the great God, the great King above all gods. In his hand are the depths of the earth, and the mountain peaks belong to him. The sea is his, for he made it, and his hands formed the dry land. 

Come, let us bow down in worship, let us kneel before the Lord our Maker; for he is our God and we are the people of his pasture, the flock under his care.

Today, if only you would hear his voice, “Do not harden your hearts as you did at Meribah, as you did that day at Massah in the wilderness, where your ancestors tested me; they tried me, though they had seen what I did.”

(Ps 95.1-9)

Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear… Look at the birds of the air, they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?… pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

(Matt 6.25-27,32-34)

Do everything without grumbling or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a warped and crooked generation. Then you will shine among them like stars in the sky as you hold firmly to the word of life.

(Phil 2.14-16)

Next year’s flowers are already in the making – under the ground, bulbs are putting forth roots and preparing for the right time to send up shoots. Snowdrops, aconites and the early daffodils will come first, bringing hope as they always do, in the midst of cold, dark days. The buds of next spring’s viburnum, rhododendron and azalea are forming on the branches even now – fulfilment of their maker’s plan for them is as sure as the changing of the seasons, they do not suffer doubt when the darkness comes. Indeed, the cold, short days are necessary to prompt the growth! Sadly, I am not so faithful to my maker’s plans and purposes for me, and the darkness and cold of uncertainty, grief and change often spark withdrawal, self-pity and a grumbling resentment.

Have I not learnt anything from all the faithfulness which God has shown to me and to his church? Have I not learnt from the lessons of the saints through the ages, and of those still living around me who testify to the love, power and help of their heavenly Father? Have I learnt nothing from the example of Jesus himself, who in the deepest and darkest time committed himself in faith to the Father, embracing the divine will and surrendering himself to it. After that agonised hour in the garden, Jesus never turned back, never resisted, never bemoaned his lot, but did what was necessary with an obedient and resolute heart.

It would appear that I am a very poor learner… my endurance is not with hope but with grumbling resignation; I am quick to tell my troubles instead of being quick to listen to others and taking my own burdens to God. Instead of responding with earnest and urgent petitions, I am grudging and slow to ask, unwilling to raise my expectations by praying.. God’s promises become a mockery in my ears, because they are not being fulfilled in the ways that I want..

Loving Heavenly Father, I confess today that I am not patient in my waiting, not cheerful in uncertainty, and that I am quick to resent the ways that you choose to deal with me. I confess this sin of presumption, and recognise the folly and arrogance which lies behind it – the desire to be in control.

Deliver me from this mean and petty spirit, from fretting and self-pity. Renew my hope, so that my heart is not sickened as I wait for you. Renew my faith, so that I am not tempted to make excuses or explain away the things that you choose to permit. Help me to believe in each new situation that you are at work, even though I cannot know your plans. You will fulfil your promises in new ways, because your faithfulness is unchanging. Let me be like Jesus, who embraced your will for him, and walked steadily into the darkness and the unknown. Let me honour you and choose to trust.

A patchwork of praise and petition..

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To the lead player, a David psalm.

In You, O Lord, I shelter. Let me never be shamed. In Your bounty, O free me. Incline Your ear to me. Quick, save me.

Be my stronghold of rock, a fort-house to rescue me. For You are my crag and my bastion, and for Your name’s sake guide me and lead me. Get me out of the net that they laid for me, for You are my stronghold.

In Your hand I commend my spirit. You redeemed me, O Lord, God of truth. I hate those who look to vaporous lies. As for me, I trust in the Lord. Let me exult and rejoice in Your kindness, that You saw my affliction, You knew the straits of my life. And You did not yield me to my enemy’s hand, You set my feet in a wide-open place.

Grant me grace, Lord, for I am distressed….. For all my enemies I become a disgrace, just as much to my neighbours, and fear to my friends. Those who see me outside draw back from me. Forgotten from the heart like the dead, I become like a vessel lost…

As for me, I trust in You, O Lord. I say, “You are my God.” My times are in Your hand – O save me from the hand of my enemies, my pursuers. Shine Your face on Your servant, rescue me in Your kindness. Lord, let me not be shamed, for I call You….

How great Your goodness that You hid for those who fear You. You have wrought for those who shelter in You before the eyes of humankind. Conceal them in the hiding-place of Your presence from the crookedness of man……

Love the Lord, all his faithful, steadfastness the Lord keeps … Be strong, and let your heart be firm, all who hope in the Lord.

(Psalm 31.1-12,15-18,20&21,24&25: R. Alter translation*)

A few years ago, I received a new translation of the book of Psalms, by a notable Hebrew scholar, annotated with his own observations on the texts and their meaning. I have dipped into it occasionally since then, and often find that the sparse and fresh expression of texts which in older translations are very familiar, is refreshing and enriching. This particular psalm is introduced with the observation that many of the phrases and images are echoes of other psalms and parts of the bible – the books of Job and Jeremiah. I loved the idea that the author, whoever they were, did not hesitate to take words and ideas from all over their scriptures in order to praise God and to express their prayers.

Jesus makes a very explicit point in teaching his disciples, that prayer is not about the cleverness of one’s words, or the length of one’s sentences, but about honesty and straight-dealing with our God, from whom nothing is hidden. And I think that we should never be ashamed when we find ourselves using the words of others to praise or bring our petitions to God – when someone has found ways to express what we think and feel in powerful ways, we naturally find ourselves using their images and words ourselves!

The danger in using other people’s words comes when we do so unthinking, relying on their clever or powerful language to make our case, instead of truly meaning what we say. I know that some particularly well-beloved hymns are very difficult to sing meaningfully because I know them off by heart and can repeat the words parrot-fashion… that is not worship, or prayer.

In this case, we find the psalmist gathering images which speak powerfully of God’s care, of strength and refuge, of deliverance and reasons to hope – ultimately, hoping in God’s desire that all be done to honour his name and glory… so that His name will be hallowed and exalted as his power, love and justice are witnessed at work on behalf of his people. There is urgency, and passion, and also a deep understanding of God’s faithfulness to those who trust in him alone. As I read these words in a fresh translation, I am stimulated to think about where my trust is, and to make this psalm a true prayer of my own.

Let us rejoice that we have so many sources from which to draw as we come to God in prayer and praise – all the riches of the Hebrew scriptures; all the dynamic and beautiful texts of the gospels and letters; the incredible treasury of texts written by saints through the ages of the church and the hymns and songs which God’s people use in worship. May God keep us sincere and truthful in our prayer and praising, no matter where our words come from, fiull of thankfulness for his goodness to us in every way.

(The Book of Psalms – a translation with commentary: Robert Alter, 2007, WW Norton &Co Ltd London)

Where are you?

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Then the man and his wife heard the sound of the Lord God as he was walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and they hid from the Lord God among the trees of the garden. But the Lord God called to the man, “Where are you?” He answered, “I heard you in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid.”

(Gen 3.8-10)

The angel of the Lord found Hagar near a spring in the desert…. And he said, “Hagar, servant of Sarai, where have you come from, and where are you going?”  “I’m running away from my mistress Sarai,” She answered. then the angel of the Lord told her, “Go back… I will so increase your descendants that they will be too numerous to count.”… She gave this name to the Lord who spoke to her: “You are the God who sees me,”

(Gen 15.7-10&13)

Then a voice said to him: “What are you doing here Elijah?” He replied, “I have been very zealous for the Lord God Almighty. The Israelites have rejected your covenant, broken down your altars, and put your prophets to death with the sword I am the only one left, and now they are trying to kill me too.”… The Lord said to him, “Go back the way you came…. I reserve seven thousand in Israel – all whose knees have not bowed down to Baal”…

(1 Kgs 19.13-15&18)

O Lord, you have searched me and you now me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways..

If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,” even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you.

(Ps 139 1-3,11&12)

Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from the will of your Father. And even the very hairs of your head are numbered. so don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows. 

(Matt 10.29-31)

Does God ever lose people? Have you ever wondered just why, in the story of the garden after Adam and Eve have eaten the forbidden fruit and are hiding, did God ask where they were? Surely He knew?!

One of the most comforting – and challenging – things that we find about God as revealed in the scriptures is his omniscience, or all-knowingness. We are told that there is absolutely nothing – in any realm of creation, and inside our own minds and hearts – which escapes God’s eye and comprehension. There is nowhere, literally in anything that exists, which is not open to God. Think about that for a moment or two.. it means that when we shut up our shame over sin, or harbour grudges for the hurt done to us by another – we are wasting our efforts because God sees it all. It means that when evil, or good, are being conceived and carried out anywhere, by anyone, God sees it and can perfectly judge the true justice of every situation. Thus we can be both reassured – we are never lost to God – and challenged – since He clearly sees all our actions, thoughts and motivations.

So, I return to my question.. why does God ask where Adam and Eve have got to? Is it to gave them the opportunity to respond with the truth, to tell it like it is and acknowledge that they have messed up and are in big trouble? I think we can all agree that if a person is plainly in trouble, but refusing to accept that reality, then they cannot be helped. A person needs to acknowledge – to confess or call by its true name – their situation in order to be delivered from it.

When God says to you, or to me today, “Where are you?” what will be the answer? Am I at sea, amid great rolling breakers of pain or suffering which are like to swamp me? Then the Lord reminds me that he is greater than all that assails me, and his power is able to hold me until the stilling of the storm.

Am I part of a happy family party, celebrating connection, anniversaries, shared life and varied experiences? Then the Lord reminds me that all good things come from him, the Father of all, and that as I celebrate and give thanks, I give glory to him.

Am I astray amid doubts and weariness, or in a far country spending my life’s riches on those things which my culture and popular wisdom tell me will bring happiness? Then the Lord, when he calls, invites me to recognise the barrenness of my real situation, and to confess that I am hungry and thirsty the water of life, for the bread and wine of the covenant, for the only thing which will truly satisfy me – Jesus.

As I hear my Lord’s voice today, calling to ask where I am, let me be honest and by the help of the Holy Spirit, confess the truth and share my need, no matter how ashamed of it I may be. Jesus has made sure that my home is with him, and when he says that I matter to my heavenly Father, I can believe it. There is no need for any of God’s children to face life alone, He knows where they are all the time and is waiting to be invited to join them.

a prayer upon parting

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However, I consider my life worth nothing to me; my only aim is to finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has give me – the task of testifying to the good news of God’s grace… Now I commit you to God and to the word of his grace, which can build you up and give you an inheritance among all those who are sanctified.

(Acts 20.24&32)

Peace to the brothers and sister, and love with faith from God the Father and the Lord Jesus Christ. Grace to all who love our Lord Jesus Christ with undying love.

(Eph 6.23, 24)

Now to him who is able to establish you in accordance with my gospel, the message I proclaim about Jesus Christ, in keeping with the revelation of the mystery hidden for long ages past, but now revealed and made known…by the command of the eternal God, so that all ..might come to the obedience that comes from faith – to the only wise God be glory for ever through Jesus Christ! Amen

(Rom 16.25-27)

Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus. Do not quench the Spirit. Do not treat prophecies with contempt but test them all; hold on to what is good, reject every kind of evil. May God himself, the God of peace, sanctify you through and through. May your whole spirit, soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. The one who calls you is faithful, and he will do it.

(1 Thess 5.16-24)

Now may the God of peace, who through the blood of the eternal covenant brought back from the dead our lord Jesus, that great Shepherd of the sheep, equip you with everything good for doing his will, and may he work in us what is pleasing to him, through Jesus Christ, to whom be glory for ever and ever. Amen.

(Heb 13.20&21)

And so it has come to farewell… the time has dragged, then raced, and all at once the day is here and we are at the parting of the ways. But how wonderful to know that as children of God, we never say goodbye for ever, only farewell, only ’till we meet again!’

It is a good, but humbling lesson, learning over again that other people do not depend upon us for their thriving in life. Our presence in this community has – we trust – been a blessing and a means by which God has worked to build his kingdom, to break down prejudices and to show his love to others. But once we are gone, that work will continue, and we hope it will grow and bear fruit in lives transformed and a growing church! We are entirely at the Lord’s command, and it is by his Spirit that the work is done; we give all the glory to him for the fruit which is produced and give thanks for the privilege of labouring in his name. We also confess to him the mistakes we have made, and pray that they will not hinder his work but prove an opportunity for grace to abound.

The apostle Paul knew all about saying goodbye to his fellow believers, to people with whom he had laboured and suffered, grieved and rejoiced. His prayers for those people are rich in inspiration for us as we have to commit one another to God and walk down different paths. They remind us of what really matters, and of where our true confidence and strength must lie – in Christ, through whom God has given us all things, by whom we now live, and who alone can meet all our needs in this life. It is God’s will that we might live to glorify him and serve him, so surely we can trust him to make this possible, no matter what our circumstances may be?!

We each have a choice when God asks us to let go of a precious gift – either to release it with thankfulness for all that it brought and a prayer that we might have grace to do without it; or to resent God’s command, to let bitterness and self-pity have their way with us and blind us to God’s love, to the possibility of new gifts which are different, and to the reality of his command to trust him in all things to do what is good and right.

Heavenly Father, I worship you today and confess again your sovereignty. All that I have is of you, to give or to take away according to your good purposes in my life and those of others. I thank you for all the joy which this place and community have brought me over these seven years, and pray that I will release the gift back to you with a humble and hopeful spirit. May your work here be strengthened as your people depend on you and step out in faith; may the memory of our time together be an encouragement not a source of regret. May I step out in faith to the future you have assuredly prepared for me, although I do not yet know what it is. Keep my loss free from the infection of bitterness and self-pity; keep me thankful, humble and hopeful, and above all keep me faithfully loving to you, through our Lord Jesus, in whose name all your children are saved. Amen.

30 years is but a moment in time…

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Your love, Lord, reaches to the heavens, your faithfulness to the skies. Your righteousness is like the highest mountains, your justice like the great deep. .. How priceless is your unfailing love, O God!

People take refuge in the shadow of your wings. they feast in the abundance of your house; you give them drink from your river of delights.

For with you is the fountain of life; in your light we see light.

(Ps 36.5-9)

Praise the Lord!

Blessed are those who fear the Lord, who find great delight in his commands. Their children will be mighty in the land; the generation of the upright will be blessed. Wealth and riches are in their houses, and their righteousness endures for ever. 

Even in darkness light dawns for the upright, for those who are gracious and compassionate and righteous. Good will come to those who are generous and lend freely, who conduct their affairs with justice.

Surely the righteous will never be shaken; they will be remembered for ever. They will have no fear of bad news; their hearts are steadfast, trusting in the Lord. Their hearts are secure, they will have no fear; in the end they will look in triumph on their foes. they have freely scattered their gifts to the poor, their righteousness endures for ever; their horn will be lifted high in honour…

(Ps 112.1-9)

This weekend brings the 30th anniversary of the day when I promised to love and cherish my husband till death should part us… I have been married more than half my life, and hold this relationship to be one of God’s most precious gifts to me, in awe of the privilege of sharing life with one person, committing to faithfulness, forgiveness, patience and generosity every moment of every day for the rest of our lives together.

In the days before we married, I had some bad times of doubt, fearful of my untrustworthy feelings, and God in his mercy gave me this assurance… I knew, beyond all shadow of doubt, that I wanted to be good for this man, to see him thrive. If being married to me was part of that thriving, then I wanted to be married! That assurance has never left me, and how I thank God for it. No two marriages are the same, and I have no list of essential good habits, nor of ‘must-avoid’ mistakes, I only have faith that God who decided that marriage is a good idea, who brought us together, who keeps us together, and who has in his grace chosen to bless others through us over the years, will continue to do so as we grow older together.

As we each serve and worship God, putting him first in our lives, and sharing that priority, everything else falls into place and we depend only on him to meet our deepest needs, to be the perfect partner and Lord of our lives. No human being can always get it right, and what comfort it is to know that it is not my job to be ‘the perfect wife’! My task is to love God, and then to love others, my husband first, and to love him as Christ loved me – joyfully, sacrificially, faithfully, patiently, with understanding, grace, forgiveness and humility. It is my privilege to demonstrate Christ’s unconditional love to this human being every day. And how often I fail… But thanks be to God, who helps my husband to forgive me, and helps us both to find the will to go forward together in faith.

Thirty years… it seems barely possible, and yet the lines on my face tell me that those years have indeed passed. The children who were gifted to us are grown, and a grandchild is expected soon. We are becoming older, and please God, will do so with grace, growing in wisdom and contentment, happy that God’s faithfulness is the basis of our lives, and the theme song of our marriage.

Many do not get thirty years; some are never gifted with marriage but rather with a single life, and others experience great grief at the hands of the person whom they trusted above all others… I do not take this gift for granted, I do not elevate it as somehow superior to a single life, and pray that I may never abuse the trust which my husband puts in me, nor take advantage of his vulnerability to me. How does Christ love us? In a selfless, relentless, dependable way.. He always seeks our good, even through hard trials. Let me continue to learn what love looks like in this season of life; I don’t know how many more years I will have, nor what they will bring, but I pray God might be the one who is glorified and honoured by this marriage, as he helps me to be good for my husband.

Out of a full heart…

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Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Saviour and my God. My soul is downcast within me; therefore I will remember you from the land of the Jordan, the heights of Hermon – from Mount Mizar. Deep calls to deep in the roar of your waterfall; all your waves and breakers have swept over me. By day the Lord directs his love, at night his song is with me – a prayer to the God of my life.

(Ps 42.5-8)

For though we walk in the flesh, we are not waging war according to the flesh… We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God and take every thought captive to obey Christ…

(2 Cor 10.3&5)

But since we belong to the day, let us be self-controlled, putting on faith and love as a breastplate, and the hope of salvation as a helmet. For God did not appoint us to suffer wrath but to receive salvation through our Lord Jesus Christ. He died for us so that, whether we are awake or asleep, we may live together with him. Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing…. Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.

(1 Thess 5.8-11,16-18)

In these summer days, my heart is full:-

Joy in the beauty of creation builds in my spirit as I bask in sunshine, swim in crystal clear waters over white sands, watch the growing and maturing plants in my garden and hear the birds calling from every thicket. I see the mountains across the waters, and the trees that cling to the hills like thick green fur; I see the moon rising full and palest yellow as the sun dips briefly below the horizon and the summer night begins.

Praise for the maker of creation rises in my heart as I delight in his power and artistry, and experience the blessing of beauty, light and growing things in satisfying my soul.

Heaviness at the prospect of leaving this place drags at my heart, threatening to drain the joy from each moment of pleasure and to cause the days to fly past.

Love for the friends who have been given to me here fills my heart, all their generosity, their kindness to me and their beauty as God’s children – whether they know and acknowledge him or not.

Grief for my friends here who follow Jesus and feel bereft at our departure; and deeper grief for those who do not know him, and who have not chosen to trust him for their eternity, yet. These griefs well up in my heart, continually pressing on me and clamouring for my attention.

There is a deep longing to be obedient, fruitful, and God-glorifying in all I do, which in these days of uncertainty is quickened to urgency as I seek to find the path, as I have to wait on his direction and perfect timing.

In the midst of all this, I am called to be thankful in everything, in order to fulfil his will for me. How can I do this when I am subject to such a mixture of emotions all the time and every day? Paul gives me instructions, and the means to fulfil them as well, by reminding me that as the Holy Spirit dwells in me, and I follow day by day, I will bear fruit, in Christ-likeness. Part of that fruit is self-control, not a very popular notion, but central to our maturing as believers. By the Spirit, I can choose to recognise, acknowledge and then step away from those emotions which threaten to overwhelm and distract me from obedience and to silence my thanksgiving. Because Christ died for me, and lives in me by his Spirit, I can choose to exercise my will in order to trust. My emotions do not have mastery over my will, my thoughts can and shall be directed by the truth of the gospel which has saved me.

Therefore I will choose thankfulness for God’s compassion for me, his own child and creation. All that is welling up in me, conflicting and disturbing; all the mixture of pain and joy which is the human condition, this is known to him and completely understood. My reactions are not a surprise to him, because he knows how I am made. I can therefore pour it all out before him, full of thankfulness for his acceptance and love, and confident that he can guide and keep me through this season of upheaval and uncertainty.

This cannot change..

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“O afflicted city, lashed by storms and not comforted, I will build you with stones of turquoise, your foundations with sapphires. I will make your battlements of rubies, your gates of sparkling jewels, and all your walls of precious stones. All your sons will be taught by the Lord, and great will be your children’s peace. In righteousness you will be established: tyranny will be far from you; you will have nothing to fear. Terror will be far removed; it will not come near you…. this is the heritage of the servants of the Lord, and this is their righteousness from me, ” declares the Lord.

This is what the Lord says: “Maintain justice and do what is right, for my salvation is close at hand and my righteousness will soon be revealed. Blessed is the man who does this, the man who holds it fast.. and foreigners who bind themselves to the Lord to serve him, to love the name of the Lord, and to worship him, all who keep the sabbath without desecrating it and who hold fast to my covenant – these I will bring to my holy mountain and give them joy in my house of prayer. Their burnt offerings and sacrifices will be accepted on my altar; for my house will be called a house of prayer for all nations.”

(Isa 54.11-14,17;  55.1&2,6&7)

Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? As it is written; “For your sake we face death all day long; we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.” No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

(Rom 8.35-39)

One of the many wonderful gifts that we receive as God’s children when we come to faith and new life in Jesus Christ, is the gift of assurance. When our salvation, forgiveness, new birth as God’s children and future eternal life are all secured for us by Jesus, then we can be absolutely sure of them, can build our lives on them and stand firm on them when doubt assails us, when we mess up (again!) and the devil tries to undermine our confidence.

I am sure because Jesus rose from the dead and thus proved in his body that he had triumphed over all that divided me from God. It is not my capacity to earn or even to retain my salvation by my own efforts which is important, but rather – and most wonderfully – the ability of Christ to hold me fast in the covenant love of the Lord God. I have an inalienable inheritance – it cannot be lost by me, or given to anyone else – which is mine even now, and most fully in the life to come. I am already a child of the King of Kings, of the royal line of Christ, beloved by God and never forgotten or overlooked. I already have a place in his new creation, a home in my name, and a family to belong to. I am rich beyond all imagining, in the things that really matter and that will last, beside which all the glory, wealth and power of this world are as dust.

It is my response to this inheritance for which I take responsibility, but I take no pride in my efforts because again, it is by the power of God in his Spirit within me that I am able to make godly choices, to embrace holiness, to keep on turning to Christ in every circumstance and need. As I consider the amazing generosity of our God, I am refreshed and renewed in desire to love him with all my heart and soul and mind, and to love my neighbour for his sake. As I consider his power and holiness, his mercy and grace, I long more and more to put him at the centre and to orient my life, my thinking, spending and doing around him and his purposes – to be like the priests in the temple, living to serve and glorify the author and finisher of my faith.

As I am enabled and motivated by God’s grace each day to do these things, I will increasingly experience and also exercise the blessings of my salvation, putting myself at his disposal to use as and when he pleases. My inheritance is unchanging and secure, but I can and should aspire to realise it more and more in my daily experience now. As this happens, I can be sure that even death itself will only bring me to a deeper and richer enjoyment of what is already mine – since I dwell already with the Lord and his people, secure within his walls and joyful in the house of prayer. This is my true condition, Heavenly Father let me live it!

I travel in safety..

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On the day the tabernacle, the Tent of the Testimony, was set up, the cloud covered it. From evening till morning the cloud above the tabernacle looked like fire… Whenever the the cloud lifted.. the Israelites set out; wherever the cloud settled, the Israelites encamped. At the Lord’s command the Israelites set out, and at his command they encamped… Whether by day or night, whenever the cloud lifted, they set out. Whether the cloud stayed over the tabernacle for two days or a month or a year, the Israelites would remain in camp and not set out; but when it lifted, they would set out.

(Num 9.15,17-18,22)

But you, O Lord, are a shield about me, my glory, and the lifter of my head.

(Ps 3.3)

But let all who take refuge in you rejoice; let them ever sing for joy, and spread your protection over them, that those who love your name may exult in you. For you bless the righteous, O Lord; you cover him with favour as with a shield.

(Ps 5.11)

Depart, depart, go out from there; touch no unclean thing; go out from the midst of her; purify yourselves, you who bear the vessels of the Lord. For you shall not go out in haste, and you shall not go in flight, for the Lord will go before you, and the God of Israel will be your rear guard.

(Isa 52.11&12)

One of the most powerful images to describe our lives as believers in Jesus, is that of pilgrimage – a journey towards a goal, sometimes in company with like-minded travellers and sometimes alone but always with purpose. The famous book “Pilgrim’s Progress”, written by John Bunyan, is an exposition of our lives as we travel from unbelief to faith and finally to glory, exploring the various trials and challenges we may face along the way. Although the style may seem dated, the subject matter and the truth it describes remain relevant for us today.

We are travellers – either towards home with God in glory; or towards some God-less existence in an eternal self-determined exile. We are travellers going with different speeds, facing different challenges and succumbing to different weaknesses, sometimes we even stop moving, but the path remains, and the call to keep walking along it.

The words quoted from Isaiah are a call to respond to the saving work of God’s great anointed Servant, our Lord Jesus, in repentance (a coming ‘out’ from the world’s way of doing things) and in obedient pilgrimage to our eternal home and heritage as God’s people. The language is a deliberate echoing of the Exodus experience of the people of Israel, reminding Isaiah’s hearers of that journey by faith through troubles and trials, when God was ever present with them to lead and provide. However it also echoes the language of priesthood, calling us to let God’s word purify us as we go, continually letting go of those things which remain of sinfulness in thought, word and deed. An additional motivation to become purer as we travel, comes in the reminder that we now bear the holy things of God as his priests – his voice in the world, those who live for him before other people. We carry the Holy Spirit, we are the bearers of the good news of Jesus, it is for us to live in ways that honour God’s name since it is now our name too.

It is a lot to remember each day as we get out of bed, and it is a huge challenge as we are well aware of our own weakness, and the hostility of the world to the gospel that we bear. But, as we go, we are also assured of God’s presence with and protection of us – those who bear his name and who love him with true sincerity of heart are also under his special care. We are not running in terror of our lives, but walking calmly, committed to holiness and obedience and at peace because God – the Creator, the Sovereign God Almighty is our leader and our guard.

These words were given to me this week by a good friend, and I share them with you as the basis for prayer:-

Christ with me, Christ before me, Christ behind me, Christ in me.

Almighty God, thank you for calling us into pilgrimage from darkness to light, from grief to glory in your house.  Let us live as pilgrims in fellowship, in service, in faith and in readiness to move or stay as you direct.

Thank you for your protection over us, your presence with us and the confidence we can have in you as we look to you each day for what we must do.

As we travel let us go in faith, leaving those we love in Christ’s hands, putting our own hand into His as our guide; and looking to find the work He has prepared for us to do by the strength we receive from His indwelling spirit. In the name and for the sake of Jesus our Lord, Amen.